How To Heal From a Heartbreak: A Conversation Between Two Friends

The latest conversation between 2 friends on how to heal from a heartbreak and apps that may help. 

Aditi: Nowadays the best way to get over a man is to get on Tinder. 

Kaveri: Tinder makes it easy for us to move on doesn't it? 
Aditi: Tell me about it! Practically every other person on Tinder has broken up recently. It has a sub club for broken hearts!
Kaveri: It does?!

Aditi: Nah I’m kidding. But it is about people who have broken up from someone and want to move on. I think it's important to meet and greet new people. Memories of your broken past are the most painful! And, very difficult, nay, impossible to get away from. You crave distraction. Anything, just anything to stop thinking about your ex. Kaveri: Ya.

Aditi: A broken hearted soul needs the comfort of friends, family. Somehow to push them to get out of the house, put some effort in dressing up, play sports. You just can't get yourself to do it on your own. You just want to lay in bed, eat chips, drink coke/alcohol, watch TV cos sleep eludes you and you don't remember what your life was about before it all. Or that you even had a life.

Kaveri: Heartbreak happens when one person in the relationship moves on and the other still believes they can work it out.

Aditi: When you start dating again, you slowly realise how abundant the universe is. How, if you make the slightest effort, it'll offer you countless opportunities.

Kaveri: When both move on it’s called a passage of time

Aditi: Not necessarily. It happens when one person wants to move on and the other isn't there yet. When you want to make it work, there's hope in your mind.

Kaveri: When one moves on, it just leaves the other one behind, drowning in what happened and how this investment left them empty, broken. Whether it was worth it.

Aditi: If only we realise that everything is worth it and it’s better than being with someone who stopped loving you. Then no matter how much you try, you’ll never get that person back. Because he’s already gone. He’s mentally miles away from you. And you’re just wasting your time.

Kaveri: So we should just pick up the pieces of ourselves and give them to someone else? Like Tinder asks us to do?
Aditi: No. But just keep them to yourself for some time while taking pieces from others. Their happiness, their laughter, their compliments. God knows your ego will need it for a bit.
Kaveri: For how long?
Aditi: For at least a few months. That’s how you heal from a heartbreak. And heal you will. Believe in that. And then you'll find someone, even on Tinder and they'll be the one. And you'll become exclusive and believe in love again. 

My Prediction for 87th Academy Awards

The ‪#‎Oscars‬ are upon us. The only day in the year when I wake up at 5:30 in the morning to see an event I dreamed being a part of ever since I was a kid. Here is what I think is going to happen on Monday 23rd Feb.

Best Picture: Birdman or Boyhood though I feel The Grand Budapest Hotel was better than both.

Best Director: Linklater for Boyhood bcos it took him 12 yrs to make one film Dammit! But Innaritu has the jury in his hands...

Best Actor: Eddie Redmayne for The Theory of Everything bcos he's won everything so far as Stephen Hawking

Best Actress: Julianne Moore for Still Alice though I think Reese Witherspoon deserves it more. I mean it's abt acting. Not just leading in a good story.

Supporting Actor: J.K Simmons for Whiplash. Have you seen the movie? Wow!

Supporting Actress: Patricia Arquette for Boyhood. I mean to be an actress in the same movie for 12 years is kinda like being a slave to your profession for a long time.

Best Writing: The Grand Budapest Hotel. Bcos it's so brilliantly written. And so brilliantly shot and superbly sublime and funny. 

I feel Birdman is going to take away a lot of Oscars and everyone will then go watch it and say hey that's an awesome movie without even understanding it. But that's how it is in cinema. 

I hope people are inspired by the end of it. After all it's not abt winning or losing but making great art. Have a great Monday. ‪#‎87thAcademyAwards‬

10 Things You Didn't Know Women Liked About Sex

Disclaimer: This is graphic. If you’re not 18, turn the page! If you’re married, this is compulsory reading like your MBA exam!

Women aren’t always vocal about what they like in bed. They go along because they don’t want to hurt your ego. But they’re not always having an orgasm. No they might not be faking it, but you can tell they’re not happy in their daily behaviour. Crankiness, nagging, cribbing are all forms of them not having good sex. Give them what they like and you’ll never have a bad relationship in your life!

Toys R Fun – Dildos that help you find the g -spot should be a must buy in your life. You can find these online but if you’re traveling abroad make sure you Google a store in your location that can give you this.  It’s far more essential than that bottle of whiskey! Start with the vibrating ring on the condom. Don’t laugh. Sexual games are serious. The more you’re both into them the better will be her orgasm. Tip: A vibrator is different from a dildo or a vibrating dildo. Touch the vibrating tip over the clit and nature will do the rest. The vibrating cock ring is available in India.  Waterproof mini massager by Dr Laura Berman is a fun toy to give your mate.

Say My Name – Women like dirty talk. They may not like it in Hindi (you can get to that later) but they like you being a little rough and rowdy in bed sometimes. This is after you’ve been sweet and cuddly with them as well. They need to see that wild side too. Calling her a sexy little b**** and salivating for her and telling her you want to tear her clothes off does excite women. Tip: Establish a foundation first. You can’t do this on your first date. That’s just a bit scary for the girl.

Rub-Slap-Repeat – So you can try the doggy style and here’s when you can get a little kinky if you’re into it. You can easily rub her bum a little before you give her a little slap. It warms it up. Trying new things is important. Missionary will make you bored very easily. Tip: You need to ask her if she wants to play the submissive in a role and try different things. Tell her this has nothing to do with respect. It’s simply fun for her too.  

G-Whaaa? – There is a G Spot. It’s not a mythical creature from the Lord of the Rings. You should know where it is by now. The g-spot is stimulated when you do the doggy style as long as you know you’re supposed to hump upwards. The g- spot gets rubbed when the woman is on top. The g- spot can be found when you slip one/two fingers into her vagina and curve the fingers. Like you’re taking out ghee from a long jar. Tip: Cut your nails. Keep them clean. Also let her be on top as long as she wants.

Come to Bed Clooney – Role playing is important. Send her a naughty message from work asking her to meet you at a bar in a dress with no panties on. Have drinks with her and flirt a little. Pretend you’re George Clooney. Then take her home and let her take the lead if she wants. Get creative – do it in the balcony at night, buy her a French maid outfit and tell her to pretend to clean the house wearing that while you’re in your robe. Enact a scene from Dirty Dancing. Tell her to buy a stripper or naughty school girl outfit. Surprise you one day. Tip: Try, try again if things fail. Sometimes women need a little push into doing things because they’re shy.

Spill the Beans - Ask her whether she likes the touch you are giving or she wants it differently. Don’t be offended when she gives instructions. Learn from the woman. Wouldn’t you be taking notes in a class to pass a test? Wouldn’t you be making excel sheets when your boss gives you numbers? Same way learn and ask questions so you can become the CEO of the bedroom. Tip: Don’t say I know you’ll like my cock better and give up when she tells you what to do. No. She wants the fingers and the vibrator and the role play sometimes. Make the foreplay last.

Yeh Public Hai – While not many people are into PDA, all women are into Chinese whispers. That means in a public space you can lean in to whisper how you find her cleavage very sexy or how you’re dying to suck her nipples. Lean in and let your cheek rub against her face and neck, gently blowing into her ear after you whisper. Tease her senses. Look at her deeply from across the room before you go back to a conversation with other people. Make the anticipation worthwhile. Let her desire you. Gently touch her back as if you’re helping her when she walks in front of you. Tip : Don’t snap her bra. You’re not in 6^th grade.

Don’t Diss the Porn – Some women don’t like to watch porn so you need to build it up for them. Play a soft porn movie and start the action while you’re watching it. Tell her you can do better. Tell her she’s better than the pornstar. Gently get her into trying new positions. Order soya wax candles and use wax on her body. A gentle drop on her back, or cleavage and rub it lightly. Don’t use ordinary candles. Tip: Check the video before you watch it together. Don’t go for the XXX rated the first time you show her porn.

Treasure Hunts – You know she’s going to be home at a particular time so you can leave little clues and chits for her to follow. Kitchen – Go to the bathroom and find a box. Bathroom – Open box and wear perfume. Go to closet. Closet – Chit on a coat. Wear nothing but the coat. Go downstairs to parking lot. Parking lot – Cab. Get into cab and come to hotel. Hotel – At reception ask for room 121. So it’s a little chase for her and for you. Tip: The best erogenous zone in a woman’s body is her mind. Titillate that!

Don’t fall asleep after coitus – MOST IMPORTANT. Cuddle. Lie in bed. Chat. Women still love that. Unless she wants to get up, don’t hop off and order a pizza. She really doesn't care if the sheets are dirty. Not this time. Tip: Treat every time as your first with the woman and maybe the last time because you don’t know if she’ll give it to you again. That’s how important it should be.

How to Hook Up At a Party

Look like Ryan Gosling – You know why girls swoon over Ryan Gosling? Because he looks good. Now it doesn’t matter if you’re not as fit or as wealthy, you can still try to bathe, wear deo, trim your beard, gel your hair and put on some fresh ironed clothes. If you’re confused about what to wear, a woman always loves a crisp white shirt and well-fitted jeans on a man. If it’s a formal event, wear a jacket. Oh…a jacket would make you win half the battle.

Speak like Mark Zuckerberg – No not the guy who played him in the movie, the real man. He is intelligent, philanthropic and wears a nice smile. He is appealing. He speaks when spoken to. He’s not bragging about his work, money or life. He’s down to earth. Be cool, comfortable, easy going. Mingle with a group and speak to all women at the party. Thin you deserve to be there. Know that women are interested in you when you smile sincerely and not lecherously.

Think like James Bond – You’re charismatic, suave, sexy, mind blowing. Feel it. And then speak to a woman who you like, or the woman who has come over. Be intelligent. Don’t ogle at her breasts. Be interested in her. “If I had to take you on a date, which movie would you like to see?” Ask her what she likes to do. Give her the spotlight but don’t be creepy. Too many personal questions will make her think you’re stalking her. Smile and nod your head as if you really care. Be mysterious.

Charm like Shah Rukh Khan – Women love SRK. Not because he’s a great actor, but because when he looks at you, you’re the only one he’s thinking of. Give her undivided attention. Ask her for a dance if there’s a dance floor. Seclude her to another area where you can hear her better – the terrace, a corridor, etc. Ask her if she would like to smoke. This way you can spend some more time dazzling her. Talk about your hobbies and your work. Don’t be overconfident. Stay humble and shift focus back to her.

Friendly like Chandler – Before Monica and Chandler hooked up she always thought of him as a friend. At a party you don’t want a woman to think of you as someone she can confide in. As soon as she feels comfortable with you, she won’t sleep with you. If she mentions she has a boyfriend, say you’re not interested in breaking anything up and thank her and walk away. If she still chooses to spend time with you, then you’ve got her hooked. If she says you can become good friends, then you must immediately say you’re too enamoured to remain friends and again walk away. Let her make the choice to come to you. Or you can go the Chandler way and become friends until you confess you have feelings for her one fine day in the future.

Spend like Mr. Big – Women have watched Sex and the City, a TV show where the male protagonists had lots of money. A woman likes the fact that her man can afford her high maintenance life. If you can buy her a drink, offer to take her out for dinner and even say you will get her a new dress if you rip her current one off, it shows you can afford expensive things in life. Women are attracted to men who are doing well in life as compared to men who are still struggling.

Sing like Sinatra – Women love a man who can sing or/and play an instrument. It’s something about the lyrics or the melody in his voice that will make a woman instantly attracted to him. So at a party if there’s karaoke, do sing a song. And if there isn’t say that you would like to sing two lines of a song that you’re reminded of when she speaks. Practice any song at home before you get to the party. Always sing the same song that you’re most confident in. Don’t sing the whole song till you’re prompted by her.

Funny like Farhan Akhtar – This man has been called the thinking woman’s ideal man. He’s witty and sharp and he may not have the best body or greatest dress sense but he’s sincere, puns a lot, comes up with great stories and is the master of many trades. That could be you. You don’t always need to pretend to be someone you’re not. You can just laugh at yourself and tell her an anecdote about your past that was humiliating and yet here you are hoping that the most beautiful woman in the room might like you more than that cool man over there in the corner. Endearing men always score!

Aloof like Mr Darcy – Women like brooding, aloof, powerful, dominant men. They like a bad boy they can tame. First you must find a woman who is also eyeing you as much as you are eyeing her. Then walk over to her and pay her a compliment. “I couldn’t help but admire your eyes from all the way across the room and I just needed to get a closer look.” If she’s with friends say “Enjoy your evening” and walk away, a distance where she can still see you. Smile at her if she’s still sitting with friends. Don’t start chatting with other people. Sit separately with your drink. Let her come to you.

Be You – If you like a girl, tell her. Compliment her on her eyes, her smile and the way she carries her dress. Talk to her about yourself. If you had a Twitter bio what would it say? Ask her. Play twenty questions about the person she is. Does she like parties or quiet dinners at home? Tell her what your future plans her. “I’m planning to take a cooking class to make a quiet dinner for someone in the near future.” Make her laugh.

Some women might hook up and some women even after everything you do just won’t. They came to the party to have a good time and not hook up. Don’t take it personally. In the end, have a wonderful time at the party. The more you go out to just have fun, the more you’ll have a great holiday season. 

From my Maxim Column December 2014 issue. 

Broken is Beautiful. Kintsugi

"Most people would like damages to their broken items to be concealed and hidden by repair making the object look like new. But the Japanese art of Kintsugi follows a different philosophy. Rather than disguising the breakage, kintsugi restores the broken item incorporating the damage into the aesthetic of the restored item, making it part of the object’s history."

In life aren't we all broken? Broken relationships. Broken friendships. Broken houses. Broken jobs. We try to leave the past behind. Not dwell on it. Focus on the future. Be positive.
But what if the broken pieces are truly beautiful when mended. Shouldn't we give credit to that? The healing. The mending. The chipped fragments of our life that we put together. Instead of discarding it shouldn't we embrace it? Be proud of it? Wear it like a badge of honour rather than hide it away as a past, a regret, a choice we don't want to think about.
We mend our life with "gold"
For me that gold signifies courage, strength, intelligence, positivity. We might be this wonderful pottery that God made. That was broken with life and healed with gold.
Kintsugi.
An art...of living life with honour.

10 Sex Questions From Men - Uncensored

1) I have fantasized about making love in the kitchen but my girlfriend doesn’t believe in experimenting. How do I convince her?

I’m glad that you’re trying to spice things up. However, you must realise that most women have an orgasm in the missionary position on a bed rather than being tangled in strange postures in various rooms. Therefore, you must tell your girlfriend that maybe the sex in the kitchen or anywhere else is not just about an orgasm. It’s about the adventure and the memories you’re creating together.

Then there are two ways to do this correctly. One when you’re having foreplay, coax her into the kitchen and find a comfortable spot. You must have got the kitchen cleaned first. You can’t have dirty dishes lying around. Nothing distracts a woman more than wanting to scream at her maid for not clearing up!! Make sure the lights are dimmed or have a candle lit. Draw the curtains if your girlfriend is shy. She might not like voyeuristic sex.

The second way is to start experimenting in other areas like the drawing room on a sofa or the bathroom and then move to the kitchen. Maybe the cold marble slab is not appealing to her. As Ma Sarita, the tantric sex expert claims “Women's needs from sex revolve around love, companionship and intimacy whereas a man seeks excitation, orgasm and ejaculation.” Be sure to give her plenty of love before you initiate the excitement. All the best!

2) In all the relationships that I’ve had, it’s been a tough task to decode what turned her on. What are a major turn on for a woman?

The scent of a man is very important. If you smell good, you’ve already won half the battle. Then the usual qualities would work – how you treat a woman, making her feel important, giving undivided attention, being funny, be smart, not arrogant or too cool, and never jump to have sex. Don’t talk about past relationships or hope for her to meet your parents on the first date, support her dreams, and be interested in her ideas. When you’ve succeeded in winning her attention, be gentle and firm in bed. Know when to lead and when to let her take over. In a Cosmopolitan survey of what women wanted from men, how a man looked or what he earned was lower than how he made her feel. Always remember that. Good luck!

3) I am in my late 20s and been in a relationship for the last 4 years. But for the past 1 and a half years my girlfriend has been pressurizing me to be a “man”. We have an amazing sex life and a smooth relationship, so I don’t understand what she mean? Help!

It takes time for a man to open up to a woman about his life and his problems. And women are always pressurizing men to “share more.” But when they do, women don’t really want to hear it on a daily basis! Have you been unloading all your problems to her too often? Maybe she needs a little more listening from your side and less cribbing? Don’t hunt for a mother in her. Make sure the bathroom is clean and you put away your own ironed clothes if you’re living with her. Nurture her by taking her out on dates. She needs to feel protected. Drop her home if she’s working late. Take charge of both your goals and dreams and make decisions. If she has a wish, fulfil it. If she is upset, angry, or hurt, listen to her. Give advice only when she asks for it and stop whining in return about how you’re hurt or upset too. Wear a little less pink! Keep an unshaven look for a few days and try something new in bed.  You’ll be man enough for her to never look at another male species.

4) I have just got into a relationship with a lovely, funny woman. She doesn’t like the idea of going out and it is too soon to take her home. I really like her and want her. What should I do?

Indian women are sometimes shy and conservative. So start by taking her in a group of friends or a double date – her girl friend and another guy with both of you. Do something casual like watching a movie or going for coffee. Once you get to know her better then plan an outing doing what she likes – trekking, going to the bookstore, walk in the park, etc. Ask her if she would like to do it with just you. Remember the more conversation you have with her, the closer you will get. Making yourself vulnerable, open and staying honest will always go a long way in love.  

5) My girlfriend is on good terms with my best friend and she talks a lot about him. I recently spotted them together in a bar. They said it was a coincidence. Am I being too possessive or is it time to confront her?

It’s time to confront her. There are no coincidences.

6) My girlfriend complains that there isn’t enough foreplay. Tips?

Here are a few tips of foreplay:

• Don’t rush to undress.
• Kiss a little longer.
• Play with her hair, ears, neck.
• Whisper sweet nothings in her ear – you’re so beautiful, your hair is so luscious, you’re the best kisser ever...
• Gently rub your hands down her back with the tips of your fingers.
• Move hands slowly over breasts.
• Gently suck on nipples.
• Keep a surprise element when you go down on her. Don’t rush it.   
• Use props if you need to. Silk scarves, ties, blindfold...
• Take your time before actual coitus.

7) I have been in a relationship for 3 and half years and it feels like she is the boss in the bed. It was fun but I’m a little unsatisfied of late. Any moves I can use?

Maybe she takes charge in bed because she feels she needs to. If you show her how you can please her, she won’t be so dominating. Here are a few tips:

• Experiment with role play. Tell her to wear your office shirt and nothing underneath and come into the room where you’re in bed. Or something that fuels your imagination and hers with household props.
• Don’t ask too many questions. “Do you want me to turn off the lights? Is the ac ok? Are you comfortable? Do you want to eat something first?” Stop it!
• Tell her what you want. “I want you to take your clothes off.” “I want you to sit on that chair.” “I want you to loosen your hair.” Don’t take her opinion on it. Be firm.
• Speak dirty. Ask her how she’s feeling. “Tell me how much you like it.” “Moan for me.”
• Be bold in touching her, not aggressive and rough, but firm and confident.
• Spend time in all her erogenous zones instead of just going to only one or two.
• Change positions. You don’t need to have sex in just one way. It’s not just about the orgasm. It’s about having fun and experimenting in weird ways that makes you connect with each other better.
• Compliment her for her work, choices, managing home, etc. Some women feel they need to be aggressive in bed to prove a point that they are superwoman. You must converse with her enough to make her feel she’s great in whatever she does. 
• Remind yourself that you’re a powerful personality too. Not just in bed but every day. When that confidence shines through, you’ll conquer anything!

8) I am 30 but older woman of 50 really turn me on. I really want to get with one of them. Shall I?

Try your luck but older women always come with baggage. They’re not going to marry you, have your children or meet your parents. If it’s fun with no emotional attachment that you seek, go for it. Otherwise, stick to women your own age who can develop the relationship further if you fall in love.

9) My girlfriend gets randy while kissing, it’s almost like she is chewing me. It does turn me on but she needs to slow down a bit. How can I tell her without pissing her off?

First you need to appreciate the fact that the woman loves kissing you. Tell her that you would be even more turned on if it was done slower. Tell her there’s no hurry, you’re not going anywhere and you want to please her as well. Probably she’s seen this in movies and is displaying it in real life. Show her how to kiss better. Sometimes gentle criticism and soft encouragement to improve could help in keeping your lips intact.

10) I’ve been married for 10 years, tried all kinds of positions and places. It doesn’t feel as good in bed as it used to. Any tips on how I can spice things up?

The India Today Sex Survey of 2012 showed that 35 per cent woman admit to reading or watching pornography, as opposed to 13 per cent a decade ago. You can start with watching a great porn movie together! Then move on to planning a hotel night where she’s not worried about the household problems. If you have children keep a relative/ nanny at home while you’re away for the night. Plan a longer vacation without children that could spice up the relationship. You can also try to be romantic. Send her some negligee with a note that she would look wonderful wearing it. Plan a spa day for her so she’s relaxed.

Maybe even have some time away from each other so that when you meet, the craving and passion comes back. Passion always comes from the mind. The body only follows. If you believe that you’re with the most beautiful woman in the world like you did when you married her, feel it, accept it, prove it!

The Importance of Loneliness

A friend told me recently: It’s been a year since my divorce. Maybe I should find a man. I’m so lonely.

And that got me thinking.

What is wrong with loneliness?

It’s the most powerful emotion to have.

It’s not from happiness, peace or ambition that we grow. It’s from loneliness. So many couples think that marriage and being with another human being is supposed to fill a void. But no one realizes that even if you’re with someone that void is a gift. 

Loneliness is powerful. 

It gives you a sense of what you’re lacking. And that lack is not just time with your spouse. It’s a lack of more energy in your life. It’s the universe’s way of telling you are so much more. What more do you want to do. Besides this person in your life, what else can you be? And only from loneliness will your soul grow. 

It’s sad when you see couples just being together all the time. Doing the same things. Feeling the same way having common emotions and values and hooping for the same dreams of bigger houses better cars good education for kids. And then partying together, spending every minute either together or in filling their time with people and work. 

So often we shun loneliness thinking that it is negative. It makes us depressed. Not being able to understand that it is highly under rated. We must embrace it. And from there we will grow. Enjoy your time alone. Enjoy your space. And reflect on yourself. Be lonely. It’s worth it.