1) I have fantasized about making love in the kitchen but my girlfriend doesn’t believe in experimenting. How do I convince her?
I’m glad that you’re trying to spice things up. However, you must realise that most women have an orgasm in the missionary position on a bed rather than being tangled in strange postures in various rooms. Therefore, you must tell your girlfriend that maybe the sex in the kitchen or anywhere else is not just about an orgasm. It’s about the adventure and the memories you’re creating together.
Then there are two ways to do this correctly. One when you’re having foreplay, coax her into the kitchen and find a comfortable spot. You must have got the kitchen cleaned first. You can’t have dirty dishes lying around. Nothing distracts a woman more than wanting to scream at her maid for not clearing up!! Make sure the lights are dimmed or have a candle lit. Draw the curtains if your girlfriend is shy. She might not like voyeuristic sex.
The second way is to start experimenting in other areas like the drawing room on a sofa or the bathroom and then move to the kitchen. Maybe the cold marble slab is not appealing to her. As Ma Sarita, the tantric sex expert claims “Women's needs from sex revolve around love, companionship and intimacy whereas a man seeks excitation, orgasm and ejaculation.” Be sure to give her plenty of love before you initiate the excitement. All the best!
2) In all the relationships that I’ve had, it’s been a tough task to decode what turned her on. What are a major turn on for a woman?
The scent of a man is very important. If you smell good, you’ve already won half the battle. Then the usual qualities would work – how you treat a woman, making her feel important, giving undivided attention, being funny, be smart, not arrogant or too cool, and never jump to have sex. Don’t talk about past relationships or hope for her to meet your parents on the first date, support her dreams, and be interested in her ideas. When you’ve succeeded in winning her attention, be gentle and firm in bed. Know when to lead and when to let her take over. In a Cosmopolitan survey of what women wanted from men, how a man looked or what he earned was lower than how he made her feel. Always remember that. Good luck!
3) I am in my late 20s and been in a relationship for the last 4 years. But for the past 1 and a half years my girlfriend has been pressurizing me to be a “man”. We have an amazing sex life and a smooth relationship, so I don’t understand what she mean? Help!
It takes time for a man to open up to a woman about his life and his problems. And women are always pressurizing men to “share more.” But when they do, women don’t really want to hear it on a daily basis! Have you been unloading all your problems to her too often? Maybe she needs a little more listening from your side and less cribbing? Don’t hunt for a mother in her. Make sure the bathroom is clean and you put away your own ironed clothes if you’re living with her. Nurture her by taking her out on dates. She needs to feel protected. Drop her home if she’s working late. Take charge of both your goals and dreams and make decisions. If she has a wish, fulfil it. If she is upset, angry, or hurt, listen to her. Give advice only when she asks for it and stop whining in return about how you’re hurt or upset too. Wear a little less pink! Keep an unshaven look for a few days and try something new in bed. You’ll be man enough for her to never look at another male species.
4) I have just got into a relationship with a lovely, funny woman. She doesn’t like the idea of going out and it is too soon to take her home. I really like her and want her. What should I do?
Indian women are sometimes shy and conservative. So start by taking her in a group of friends or a double date – her girl friend and another guy with both of you. Do something casual like watching a movie or going for coffee. Once you get to know her better then plan an outing doing what she likes – trekking, going to the bookstore, walk in the park, etc. Ask her if she would like to do it with just you. Remember the more conversation you have with her, the closer you will get. Making yourself vulnerable, open and staying honest will always go a long way in love.
5) My girlfriend is on good terms with my best friend and she talks a lot about him. I recently spotted them together in a bar. They said it was a coincidence. Am I being too possessive or is it time to confront her?
It’s time to confront her. There are no coincidences.
6) My girlfriend complains that there isn’t enough foreplay. Tips?
Here are a few tips of foreplay:
- Don’t rush to undress.
- Kiss a little longer.
- Play with her hair, ears, neck.
- Whisper sweet nothings in her ear – you’re so beautiful, your hair is so luscious, you’re the best kisser ever...
- Gently rub your hands down her back with the tips of your fingers.
- Move hands slowly over breasts.
- Gently suck on nipples.
- Keep a surprise element when you go down on her. Don’t rush it.
- Use props if you need to. Silk scarves, ties, blindfold...
- Take your time before actual coitus.
7) I have been in a relationship for 3 and half years and it feels like she is the boss in the bed. It was fun but I’m a little unsatisfied of late. Any moves I can use?
Maybe she takes charge in bed because she feels she needs to. If you show her how you can please her, she won’t be so dominating. Here are a few tips:
- Experiment with role play. Tell her to wear your office shirt and nothing underneath and come into the room where you’re in bed. Or something that fuels your imagination and hers with household props.
- Don’t ask too many questions. “Do you want me to turn off the lights? Is the ac ok? Are you comfortable? Do you want to eat something first?” Stop it!
- Tell her what you want. “I want you to take your clothes off.” “I want you to sit on that chair.” “I want you to loosen your hair.” Don’t take her opinion on it. Be firm.
- Speak dirty. Ask her how she’s feeling. “Tell me how much you like it.” “Moan for me.”
- Be bold in touching her, not aggressive and rough, but firm and confident.
- Spend time in all her erogenous zones instead of just going to only one or two.
- Change positions. You don’t need to have sex in just one way. It’s not just about the orgasm. It’s about having fun and experimenting in weird ways that makes you connect with each other better.
- Compliment her for her work, choices, managing home, etc. Some women feel they need to be aggressive in bed to prove a point that they are superwoman. You must converse with her enough to make her feel she’s great in whatever she does.
- Remind yourself that you’re a powerful personality too. Not just in bed but every day. When that confidence shines through, you’ll conquer anything!
8) I am 30 but older woman of 50 really turn me on. I really want to get with one of them. Shall I?
Try your luck but older women always come with baggage. They’re not going to marry you, have your children or meet your parents. If it’s fun with no emotional attachment that you seek, go for it. Otherwise, stick to women your own age who can develop the relationship further if you fall in love.
9) My girlfriend gets randy while kissing, it’s almost like she is chewing me. It does turn me on but she needs to slow down a bit. How can I tell her without pissing her off?
First you need to appreciate the fact that the woman loves kissing you. Tell her that you would be even more turned on if it was done slower. Tell her there’s no hurry, you’re not going anywhere and you want to please her as well. Probably she’s seen this in movies and is displaying it in real life. Show her how to kiss better. Sometimes gentle criticism and soft encouragement to improve could help in keeping your lips intact.
10) I’ve been married for 10 years, tried all kinds of positions and places. It doesn’t feel as good in bed as it used to. Any tips on how I can spice things up?
The India Today Sex Survey of 2012 showed that 35 per cent woman admit to reading or watching pornography, as opposed to 13 per cent a decade ago. You can start with watching a great porn movie together! Then move on to planning a hotel night where she’s not worried about the household problems. If you have children keep a relative/ nanny at home while you’re away for the night. Plan a longer vacation without children that could spice up the relationship. You can also try to be romantic. Send her some negligee with a note that she would look wonderful wearing it. Plan a spa day for her so she’s relaxed.
Maybe even have some time away from each other so that when you meet, the craving and passion comes back. Passion always comes from the mind. The body only follows. If you believe that you’re with the most beautiful woman in the world like you did when you married her, feel it, accept it, prove it!