A Father's Motto

“The more you give, the more you’ll get back.”

That was my Dad’s motto in life. My mother would give him only a daily allowance since he spent everything in his wallet every day on as mom called it on “nothing.”

One day my father picked me up from school and we were walking back home when I wanted to have an ice cream. So he went to a nearby store and bought ten ice creams, spending all his money. He gave me one cone and then he distributed the rest among all the street children who were playing close by. They were so thrilled to have a cold, chocolate cone in the blazing heat. I understood immediately how lucky I was to always get what I wanted. And I realised that Dad had no money left in his wallet, exactly as Mom had predicted. But there was this glow around him because he was grinning ear to ear watching all the children eat!

These days, every few months, I do spring cleaning of my house. My child & I go donate clothes, toys books to street children. I then open my wallet, and spend all my money on ice cream for them.  And I invariably grin.

You’re right Dad, what an amazing motto, the more I give, the more happiness I get! 

5 Rules to be a Great Parent

From Soul Space magazine

It is a misconception that as soon as you have a child, you’ll become great parents. Just because you can provide for your child and keep him safe and fed, doesn’t mean you’re the best parent in the world. I’ve heard from my friends “He’ll grow up anyway. Look at us. We turned out ok.” We forget that earlier times were simpler. I don't know everything about parenting. I learn as the days go by. But this is what I know so far:

1.     Have A Routine – Contrary to what you think, children do better when they’re in a routine than when they’re left to themselves. During school days, they must have a schedule which they should follow. Set a time for your child to wake up in the morning, eat, play, study, go to school, read, bathe, sleep. You must find a balance as well. And with each activity allow ten minutes for the child to get into it instead of forcing him to stick to the exact time. In between if, they want to watch an hour of TV or do something that’s different, allow them to do so. But only for an hour. And on non school days and vacations, let them enjoy themselves completely and not have a routine. They’ll appreciate the value of structure then when they grow up.

 

2.     Don’t Give In to Everything They Say – By buying your child everything he wants, or taking him to destinations across the world or letting him only enjoy high class restaurant food, you’re depriving your child of experiences from life. If he doesn’t get something from you now, he will deal with disappointment and it won’t affect him when he’s older. If he has only seen airports, he’ll never enjoy train travel and understand the concept completely. If you buy your child every toy then his expectation level in life rises and he’ll never be able to take rejection later.

 

3.     Listen & Give A Choice – Once a child turns 5 he has opinions, ideas and suggestions. Treat him like an individual. Consider them as a friend. Give them choices. “Would you like to sleep now so you can wake up early and have a shower? Or would you like to take a shower now so you can sleep in longer tomorrow morning?” Once you give your child choices they’ll understand that you’re respecting them. Listen to his suggestions. Implement them in front of him to see the results. Let them learn by showing them that their ideas could work or not. Be aware about his feelings. If he’s unhappy, figure out why and turn it around. You don’t need to always protect him, but understand he’s still a child and needs your support.

 

4.     Be Honest- Children remember everything. This is a hard lesson I learnt as I asked my 6 year old if her mama has done anything that Ana didn’t want. And she replied, “Yes, when I was three years old…”All I could do was roll my eyes and swear to myself that from now on I would be honest with her. Tell your children who you’re meeting, where you’re going, what work you do and sometimes even how you feel. You don’t need to break down in front of your children but you can easily say, “I’m sad today because my boss screamed at me. But I know I did something wrong so I’m going to work extra hard to make it right. Because I’m strong, like you!” You don’t need to go into details but you need to tell the truth so that when you ask them something, they’ll feel they can tell you the truth as well.

 

5.     Forcing Them to Be Someone They’re Not – So many times we ask our children, “Say hello to uncle.” Or we ask, “Be polite, go play with your friends.” Or even, “All the other children can do it, why can’t you try it as well?” We feel we want to make them stronger, tougher, confident, and ready for the world. When in fact, we’re doing just the opposite. Why are you forcing your child to play with someone he doesn’t want to play with? Just because you’re friends with the child’s parents doesn’t mean you should subject your child to be friends too. And if you’ve told your child not to talk to strangers, then he’s just listening to you by not talking to uncles and aunts he doesn’t know. Don’t send out mixed signals. Explain to him that he can say hello to your friends if he chooses. And if he still doesn’t speak to them, don’t be embarrassed by him and say, “He’s a shy child.” You can be proud of him and declare, “I’m sorry he doesn’t feel like talking because I’m sure he has something more important going on in his head.” And when you defend your child in front of people, he knows you’re on his side. And that’s the bond you want to create with your children. That’s being a responsible parent.

This article was printed in the Soul Space magazine in Indore by Tavleen Foundation.

Indoor Activities that kept my 4 yr old busy!

I have a 4 year old child who has endless energy. It's not easy to keep her entertained. And buying toys is extremely expensive. So I thought of 30 different ways to keep her occupied for some time so she wouldn't sit in front of the Tv.
With certain games I reward her with some strawberry ice cream. And with others the crafts she makes is a reward in itself.
All these activites are indoor ideas. I firmly believe that free play outside for many hours is the best activity for a child. But with monsoons on the way parents shouldn't fret about what to do with their kids inside. Here are a few things I did with my child. Hope a few ideas work for you too.

My 30-Day Special Planner:

Activities with Ariaana:

1.       Collage – take old photos and put them together on a large black chart paper. Ariaana’s Family & Friends

2.       Take 2 white chart papers, stick them together and draw out her outline. Trace out her skirt and shirt and tell her to colour it in with paint.

3.       Stencil – colour in a stencil. You can get these from the Hobby Store.

4.       Food colours – chop up bhindi, aloo, pyaz, and a few more vegetables and dip them in pain and make a painting using imagination with different fruits and vegetables. You only need to use a slice of it and not the whole vegetable.

5.       Styrofoam cups – Give her Styrofoam cups, paint and a few brushes. She’ll colour them in the way she wants.

6.       Puzzles – make new puzzles with her taking a picture she likes of a cartoon or family. Stick it on a thermocol and cut them into pieces for her to put back together. Fun to make and fun to put together.

7.       Cutting photos from magazines and sticking them with scotch tape on a chart paper. Make a story out of it or general things she likes. Let her cut with a child friendly scissor and not adult scissor. They have blunt ends.

8.       Doll house – find things from the house to make a doll house. Make a small tent for her with pillows and tell her to find things from the house that she will need including kitchen utensils, cushions, sheets, towels etc. This way she figures out where things are kept in the house.

9.       Print out a colouring page from www.pbskids.org and give her a new box of crayons to colour with.

10.   Make a mask – Cut out a round shape from a paper or take a paper plate. Cut out two holes for the eyes. Tell her to colour in a mask they way she wants. Attach a rubber band with staples at the back and make a mask she has made for herself.

11.   Maths games – Take a large piece of chart paper and write the numbers 1 -50 in rows and columns. Then play “Mama says/ nanu says” with a piece of object. So you give her things to put on numbers you say. Like – Put a glass on the number 9. Put a glass on the number 29.

12.   Vegetables and fruits – Shopping day. Take her shopping for fruits and vegetables and come home and cook that vegetable with her. So “lets make it a red day.” red fruit – red vegetable – red juice – pomegranate – bell pepper – tomato juice. Etc. Do the same with different colours.

13.   Fabric painting – get a plain shirt her size from a cheapie place. Get some fabric paints and stencils. Make an outline of a cartoon and let her paint inside and tehn she can wear the shirt

14.   Sidewalk chalk – many hours of this on the sidewalk colouring and painting in according to design

15.   Making granitas – In a bowl let her put some orange juice/ juice + sugar + one lemon ka juice and heat it up. Mix it and put it on an ice tray. Once frozen, crush them in a blender and scrape out in a small glass for her to have slowly. Not too much bcos she’ll catch a cold.

16.   Dance – Her fav playlist.

17.   Treasure hunt – hide small éclairs in different parts of the house and do a treasure hunt with her giving her clues.

18.   Make movies – record movies of dancing or singing and them play them back for her. Also record things that she likes on a walk and play them back once you come home.

19.   Nature walk around a park or lake – Pick things from the park or lake and click photos of different things that she can identify once you come home. Repeat it the next day after showing her what you need to spot with her. Try it with a letter – everything that is “green” – spot it.

20.   Pasta maker – get 2-3 different bags of pasta – example – fussili, penne, macaroni. Put them in 3 different dishes and put some food colouring in each dish. So you have red, blue and green. Then give her some glue and paper and tell her to stick different coloured pasta on the paper making a new design. If you don’t have food colouring, you can do this with different types of chola, rajma, lobia, and other coloured things around the kitchen.

21.   Puppets - Print out a few characters from a few of her favourite films Madagascar, Toy Story etc. Cut out the character and paste it on a orange bar type stick with a little hanging out. Tell her to colour or play with her puppets making up a story.

22.   Face painting – Give her makeup and ask her to paint her face as if she’s going for a party, as a pirate, as her fav cartoon character.

23.   Building blocks and lego – She has a princess lego and some other blocks. She can combine things to make new designs.

24.   Kitchen Set – Give her a water bottle half full and let her make things with her bartan set and vegetable set.

25.   Gardening – Give her a scooper and a bucket (She has a beach bucket) Let her play in the grass/mud putting seeds into the soil and watering the plant. It’s a little messy but tell her different types of flowers  etc while gardening with her. Make sure she wears a hat if she’s doing this in the sun with lots of sun block.

26.   Hand painting – chart paper, different colours and she can use her fingers to make a painting.

27.   Ribbons – give her a ribbon with some scotch tape and tell her to tape it onto thins that are easy to find around the house. “Tape it on a red cushion.” “Tape it on the fridge” “tape it on the tv.” “Tape the ribbon to the washing machine.” Shoes, mirror, computer, toaster, main door, toilet seat,etc. Do it with objects, colours – something green, etc.

28.   Window painting – washable paints and let her paint a window.

29.   Cardboard box – Multiple uses of a cardboard box – painting, making it into a vehicle where she sits and with some rope is dragged by another friend, becomes a tent, etc.

30.   Reading a book. – Simple. Always.

Child Sexual Abuse : A video & 15 Tips for Parents

Child Sexual Abuse is a grave matter. Being a parent myself, I find that my one mission in life is to save my child from pedophiles. While all parents understand this, they may not know what to do about it. Aamir Khan the actor had an episode on his new show Satyamev Jayate on this subject. With this telecast many parents and children became aware of the dangers of child sexual abuse. Hopefully a law will come out to punish the perpetrators and parents will become more protective.

I can sincerely pray that no child is subjected to such torture ever. In the meantime, all I can do is make a video to support the cause, spread awareness and speak as much as I can to all parents about it. The link is given below. (It was done on skype so pl excuse any bad lighting.)

There is far more than I can comprehend about this subject but the basics are the following:

Things that parents can do:

1.       Be vigilant. Try not to leave kids alone with 1 person, no matter how close he or she is. Not at home, not on a vacation. Never.

2.       Do not insist that the kid hugs or kisses an elder even if the elder has given a present to the child. A simple “Thank you” from the child should suffice as good manners.

3.       Explain to the child that while it’s ok to respect elders, it needs to be earned. They don’t need to “obey” everyone or “be nice” to people.

4.       Explain the concept of strangers. They are not allowed to talk to or take candy from strangers. They are not allowed to go off without telling you.

5.       Trust the child. They came from you. They have your genes. You need to love them first.

6.       Explain to them about the bad touch and bad looks from people. Do this every few months. Teach the names of the body parts.

7.       Teach them to defend themselves. Scream if scared. Hit if angry. It’s ok to do so on an elder who has touched the body part.

8.       Create a bond. Be their friend. Tell them to tell you everything. Talk to them on a daily basis about people they like and don’t like. Ask them why.

9.       Check the school, play ground and day care regularly. Get to know the people interacting with your child. Don’t blindly trust anyone.

10.   If a child is in his pre-teens or teens, explain the concept of rape, date drugs, HIV, pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Tell him not to be fooled by anyone’s advances.

11.   Do not post pictures on any social networking sites of your child with no clothes on. The internet is a dangerous place and the first place predators look. Do not put location next to the picture either!

12.   If such a thing has occurred, do not panic. Eliminate the person from both your lives immediately. Do this in front of the child if possible. Say to the person, “You are no longer welcome here. Come near my child again and I will file a report against you.” Then take the child to a counselor and go for collective sessions.

13.   Don’t leave the child alone to manage or handle it by herself/himself. Make sure you’re there most of the time for them.

14.   Give him time to heal. Give yourself time as well. Don’t beat yourself  as well. Be proactive in solving it.

15.   Make sure you give enough love to the child and not make them feel bad if anything has happened. Remind them that they’re “not bad people” and it’s not their fault. Be supportive.

The video of me talking about a few of the pointers above:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLpcCZhzQhM