Flashback. Mumbai Mirror Article

My destiny was set when I was six months old.

At my annaprashan ceremony, I sat on my father’s lap and reached out for the one object that would define me today. A pen. Later, when I was trying my hand at filmmaking, my father reminded me that I was wasting my talent and my future was already fixed. How I embraced it, and where I went from there, was my choice.

The annaprashan ceremony or `mukhe bhaat’ that we Bengalis call it, is the first time a child is fed rice. The six month old sits on an elder’s lap, is first blessed and then fed solid food like kheer. It’s followed by a game where the child has to touch one of the symbolic objects placed on a silver plate. The plate has books – symbolizing he’s going to be a philosopher or a very learned man, jewels or coins representing he’ll be a businessman, a pen – signifying wisdom through writing, and grass or soil indicating he’ll be one with the people or a politician. The plate is held up for the child. And his profession is determined by what he touches. 

I didn’t know it at six months, but what kept me sane throughout my life was a diary I penned every night for twenty years. I wrote poems and articles in spiral bound notebooks, my pen being my precious possession. But, I was too inhibited to publish anything. When I finally embraced my destiny, I wrote my debut novel Losing My Virginity And Other Dumb Ideas. The opening chapter I wrote with a pen, sitting in a café and understanding that this is what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

There are some Indian traditions that need to be passed from one generation to another. I’m glad my daughter touched the book at her annaprashan ceremony. I’ll remind her to be wise later!

Mumbai Mirror & Ahmedabad Mirror carry Article on Relationships with my take on it!

Happily ever after?

A recent study suggests that reading too many romance novels could ruin your chances of developing a real relationship.Chicklit writers and experts debate the claim

By Namrata Bhawnani

Posted On Friday, June 17, 2011

On rainy days like these, it is a guilty pleasure for women to curl up with a good romance novel where the sex is as steamy and hot as the cuppa coffee they might be relishing. As the perfect, fabulously rich hero sets the heroine's loins on fire, the readers enjoy a vicarious thrill.

And when the hero and heroine climax simultaneously every time they unite in bliss, the female readers may heave a sigh or two themselves. The glamour and sheen of the fantasy world, unfortunately, rarely translates into real life. So much for Mr Darcy.
Dissatisfied?

So how do bonkbusters, chicklit and romance novels affect a woman's perception of a real romance? Recently, an article on www.ksl.com stirred up a debate when Mormon life coach Kimberly Sayer-Giles suggested: Men are addicted to pornography as it produces a euphoric drug in the body.
While women are stimulated more by romance than sex, so when they read romantic stories they feel the same addictive chemical release that men do. According to psychologist Dr Juli Slattery, whom she has quoted, many women who read these novels show dissatisfaction with their marriages or relationships.

So do the expectations from a real relationship take a turn for the unreal? Psychologist Deepti Makhija agrees, "Romance novels affect the way you perceive relationships as there is no logical reasoning behind them. Women expect that 'He should love me, no matter what. The relationship must be perfect.' It's not functional or pragmatic. Both partners need to take equal responsibility and make adjustments in the relationship."

Emotional turbulence

"Given how conditioned we are to believe in '... and they lived happily after', women subconsciously think that everything must go according to a perfect script," explains Makhija. "And when your partner deviates from that perfect script, it creates an emotional disturbance in the relationship."

Since this problem is easy to dismiss by saying that no one takes chicklit seriously, think about the assault of influences on a daily basis whether it's Bollywood's love stories, or Danielle Steel's studs, the subliminal message about 'true love' can be damaging. Makhija says, "The key is to remember that there is no such person who is perfect, and to not catastrophise by thinking, 'How could this happen to me? It's the end of the world.' This can be seen as women who cling to the notion of Prince Charming and tend to ignore potentially great prospects that come their way.

Happy endings?

So can this damaging idea of perfection extend to a couple's sex life? Our sexpert Dr Watsa finds the notion amusing. He says, "Mainly women read it so that they can fantasise and be happy. A woman can share the fantasy with their partner and they can play it out together. Even if he's not that good, the fantasy gives her a better high. As it is, she's dreaming of the other guy while in bed."

If a woman can get past the tame Mills and Boons and enjoy erotica, Dr Watsa says that their fantasy maybe translated into reality.
Chickwit

The publishing boom has seen a rise in the number of desi chicklits churned out. So how do authors feel about the claim?

 Anuja Chauhan, Author of the Zoya Factor
I read a lot of romance novels. In fact, I think we should be more demanding. It's good to have healthy levels of hygiene and respect, and you should ask for that. Don't share a bathroom, there goes your romance. Instead of reading all those novels, prioritise your romance.

 Madhuri Banerjee, 
Author of Losing My Virginity and other dumb ideas
I don't think readers are looking for a perfect man. I've been married for eight years and my husband is no way close to that! You have to be happy with what you get. Women who are educated read because it simply gets them out their boring lives. I'd say it's the men who have unreal expectations!

 Meenakshi Reddy Madhavan, Author of You are Here

I think women have the sense to distinguish between fact and fiction. As Indians, we have grown up seeing our parents make arranged marriages work, we are willing to make compromises. 97 per cent of my friends talk about having a great sex life! Either they're incredibly lucky or maybe they feel it isn't right to talk about it openly.

Mumbai Mirror : STRICTLY FOR SINGLES - My article.

http://www.mumbaimirror.com/article/9/201105242011052404180843476f43960/Strictly-for-Singles--.html

Strictly for Singles

Madhuri Banerjee, author of the book Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas, lists the top 10 things a girl should do before she finds a man 

Date Blindly

Go on an online dating site and register yourself. Blind dates are fun. They are a great reminder to why you waited. You don't need to lose your virginity to any of those men. Ask your friends to fix you up with people.

The more you're out there with different folks, the more your confidence increases. When the time comes to lose your virginity, you will know it is for the right reason with the right man. Invest in variety and choose wisely.Travel wisely

Be it alone or with your girlfriends, travel to a place you’ve never been to, but always desired to visit. Let the place be tourist friendly, safe, and filled with men who can speak your language and find you `exotic’.

There’s nothing like a foreign man who has a crush on you to make you feel divine. A good book or the photos, which you’ve taken, will make for good conversation starters.Fall Madly

Try an adventure sport like bungee jumping or river rafting. The scare and the confidence later will help when it’s time to lose your virginity. Nothing could be that bad, that exhilarating, or that memorable. The big moment becomes a piece of cake!

Shop Profusely

Don’t go off and buy things that you "need" and things that are "useful" like towels and soap dispensers. You need to go shopping for that sexy lingerie, satin nighties, plunging dresses, and high heels.

To get into the correct mood, you need to feel it. Every day. Wear the lingerie at night, even if you have no one in your life. Strut around in your dresses and heels in the day. You need to feel sexy. Once you know you’re in the groove, things will be effortless.House Sensibly

You need to stay with a roommate or alone. You need to come home to a painting you bought and hung up, to a cook who has made food that you craved for and not to a mother who asks how your day was.

While parents are perfectly fine as caregivers, they’re not going to approve of you losing your virginity. Moreover, if you plan to do it in their house, it becomes even shadier. Is that what you really want to remember, because you will remember it! Advice: If you build it, it will happen.

Converse Sexily

Memorising the morning papers, surfing the net for quantum physics and speaking the language of the geek is not going to help. While you might love to be an intellectual person, understand the nuances of the superficial topics as well.

Conversation might not always be about nano technology and you need to be prepared for a lighter question like "Were you scared while watching Ragini MMS?" Instead of "Is Apple finlly ending the dominance of Microsoft ?"

Be hygeinic regularly

Get your teeth done. Check for fresh breath. Most of the time, people forget basic things in life. If you smoke, or do not floss regularly, it is best to get your teeth a makeover. Shiny white teeth are a turn on. Bathing regularly and wearing fresh clothes are ‘bare’ necessities.

Turn on body language

Stand up straight,  tummy in, feel taller. If you’re going to slouch and run around looking sweaty, you’re not going to get laid anytime soon. Learn how to make eye contact, toss your hair, twirl the curls, perfect the softest smile, and cross your legs demurely.

Now not all this will probably lead to the exact moment, but if you’re interested in a person, it might help in the future.

Gaze besottedly

Learn to switch off from alternative lives (read: social networks) and have meaningful conversations with the person in front of you. If you don’t know how to laugh at another person’s joke without looking at your mobile, or secretly pray the evening will end so you can upload the photo of yourself on Facebook, you are in serious trouble.

It is the age of technology but a human being in front of you who is interested in you is a rare find. That person has taken time out to spend it with you and if both of you are on a mobile, it would be better if you went home and “bbm’d” him.

Harvard psychologist Zick Rubin began recording the amount of time lovers spent staring at each other and discovered that those deeply in love look at each other 75 percent of the time when talking and are slower to look away when someone else intrudes.

Larning to look at someone instead of being distracted helps in connecting with another person. Tweet another day!

Speak positively
You need to be a positive person first. Look at life with rose-tinted glasses instead of those sharp, horn- rimmed, sceptical ones. Stop being critical, gossipy and cantankerous. Instead, be more bright, bubbly and cheerful.

Being a whiner about your stress issues is not going to help bring in the man or get him turned on. People like being around happy people. Positive is sexy.