Friday, November 23, 2012

5 Hilarious Mistakes We Make About Sex

There has been tremendous controversy with my new book Mistakes Like Love And Sex. People are continuously asking me “how can sex be a mistake?” Read on to find out what I think are the mistakes people make in and about sex.

5 Mistakes About Sex:

1.       Not Getting Enough - Honestly sometimes, you need to schedule the sex in. There will always be work, children, deadlines, commitments, etc. You need to put some time away and say “Saturday we’re doing it!” Otherwise, it’s never going to happen and you won’t be able to remember whether it was circa 90s that you had sex or was it in the new millennium. A man/woman needs sex as much as they need food. Set a date with your partner. Keep the children busy or better yet, drop them off at a friend’s place. If you don’t have kids, you really don’t have an excuse. Switch off your phones while you make love. Nothing more annoying than a Watsapp ping! Besides penciled in sex, quickies are a good way to enforce that scheduled sex need not be the norm. All men wake up most days with ample “eagerness.” Make use of it. At night, women should try to wear sexy lingerie rather than those comfy, ugly pajamas. Find the opportunity. The mood will happen.

2.       Too Much Communication - You know when people say it’s great to talk to each other because you bond really well? In bed, it’s not a great idea! Men should really shut up with the dirty talk. We all know how big you are. You don’t need to keep repeating it. And women should seriously stop worrying about household chores and rattling off `to do lists’ while they’re having sex. Communication should be what you want, where you want it and appreciating your partner for giving it. The only sounds you both should be making are moans, groans and shouting out “yeah baby!” Screaming an ex’s name or chatting about your mom is a huge turn off.

3.       The Circus Act – So you read the Kamasutra, your hard drive has the latest porn collection and you’ve memorized the latest issue of Cosmo. Let’s remember that your partner is not Sunny Leone. Trying to do the various positions and expecting your spouse to be in the mood is just asking for too much. We are not a nimble generation. The fact that we have done yoga a total of 7 times in our life is enough to make us feel great about our bodies. We still cannot bend in that manner. Missionary position is always the best. But don’t get lazy with all the stuff you need to do before. Foreplay is most important. A big mistake is to avoid it and expect a happy ending. Give each other control occasionally. Show your partner how you like it. When you’re up for experimenting, try only one new thing at a time. You could lose a limb in that pose!

4.       Taking it too seriously – Mistakes happen in bed. Your nose bumps, your hand gets stuck in her hair, she accidentally slaps your balls. Stuff. Don’t think it’s the end of the act. You are not Michael Douglas in Basic Instinct. You are just two human beings enjoying the act and each other. Smile. Laugh. Kiss. And then get on with the stuff. Don’t take yourself too seriously. And if the mood is gone off slightly, bring it back on. Women need to take the initiative. Don’t lie back and think it’s all a man’s job. Moreover, men need to figure out how to enjoy caressing and kissing a little more. Erogenous zones need to be stroked as much as our egos. Get to it. Be spontaneous. You don’t need to always do it in the bedroom. Move around and find new places. By this, I mean in the house. Not the Ferris wheel at the county fair.

5.       Before And After – You might think that your natural body odour turns people on but it doesn’t. Post a gym workout, you might feel like Hercules, but you don’t smell like him. Be hygienic. Take a shower or wash up before an act. Dab a bit of perfume that’s not overwhelming. Wash. Trim. Wipe. Then proceed. Also post coitus, you don’t need to jump off and take a hot shower immediately or strip the sheets the moment it’s over to clean them. Take a moment. Nothing bad is going to happen if you lie there and get your breath back. And while you’re at it, do not ask questions to each other like “Was it good for you”, “What does this mean?” and “So when do we get married.” It’s just not done. Sex is supposed to be a fun act and you’re supposed to enjoy it. Don’t fake it. Don’t make more of it. And don’t dismiss it. Each individual needs it. Get used to it!


Anonymous said...

Very well said .. :)

nadeem said...

hi Madhuri,
Amazing stuff.. and completely agree with your comments. Way to go Madhuri.. :)

yogesh said...

Loves the way you describing it.....

Madhuri Banerjee said...

Thanks so much!
I honestly think we shd laugh a little more in life and in bed!
Hope to put a smile on everyone's face :)


Sujendra said...

its gud to hear someone s talkin abt sex so openly...
and i really liked the way u presenetd it before us....its good...congo

Hemant said...

Hi Madhuri Ma'am !!

So we have established that things do need some 'SPELLING OUT' ... however, presentation here is the charm... Kudos !!

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