A Mother’s Angst

From My Personal Diary:

25th January 2012

I've been leaving my child behind with the maid more often nowadays. I don't know if it’s a good thing or not. For the last 3 and a half years, I've been there for my child every single day of her life for most of her waking hours. Now I go home past her suppertime.
It’s killing me. I know I have no option bcos I need to work and I love what I do. And it makes me provide for her better. The logic is always there. But sometimes the heart is unwilling.
The problem is not really that I leave her so much as I leave her with a maid. There aren't grandparents around who can manage her growth or a sibling that she can play with or even fantastic friends for her to hang out with in the evening. She has no one except an old maid who doesn't know how to read, write, or put on a movie for her. So they play with bartans. Or watch cartoons. Or go down in the lawn where my child sits with the maid since they're no kids her age in the building.
I think of all this when I'm stuck in traffic. The long commute home when time is being wasted instead of me being with her.
So I try to do more with her when I'm at home. Play, sing, dance, colour, whatever. Anything to make her happy and take her away from the tv that's slowly becoming her best friend. I try and make breakfast for her and give her a bath every morning and drop her to school before I leave so I don’t miss out on her growing up.
And when she sleeps, I finish my work for the next day. And a whole day starts again. I hardly get time for movies, or tv or books, or spas or meeting friends. But I know there’ll be a day when she won’t need me anymore and there'll be plenty of time for all that. I fear the day is just around the corner.
So I make sure the first thing she hears in the morning and the last thing she sees at night is me holding her tight and saying I love you.
Because she's my world. And she completes me.

Comments

Gaurav Dhamija said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bhargavi said…
aww.. that's such a sweet post.The working mother is always torn between her passion for her work and her need to spend quality time with her child. Take care.
I was 6 and ma brother was 1 when ma mom suddenly got a job as a teacher and she grabbed it for ovbious reason, she loved her proffesion.
being a girl and the eldest evry1 considered me as matured child out of us two. mom was not worried for me. it was ma brother for whome she searched for maids!
hell it was! i know the pain of "not having ma maid".
dad can't stay with us coz he also had office. mom after sending me to school, giving me another bunch of keys for the home, herself leaves for school locing ma 1-1.5 yr old brother inside!
i used to come back from school at around 11-12pm. when i unlock the main door i sometimed used to found him sleeping on the floor or playing with tha toy cars, or doing evry possible things wih ma mom's make up kits! evevn he drew some beautiful "super man" kind of brawings with lips stick and kajal, on floor or on mirror.i need to mention here that in those days(yr 1991-1992) we had TV but all he cartoon channels were not that popular. neways we had only DD1 connection.
i was a kid but i used to cry when i used to see him after school.
thank to ma helpful neighbours, who occasionally took care of ma brother :)
after one 3 months of mom's new job we got a maid, finally, who was wth us for next 15yhrs, and who got married from our home only :)
nice experiences.
but i have to admit, i missed ma mom in dos days lyk hell! i think ma brother too.
Kasturi - Your mom left you and your brother locked up at home alone?????OMG!
Madhuri- ya if i think now all dis its "OMG" only :D
more than me ma brother used to get locked inside home.

poor guy :) thank god right now he doesn't even have a single memory of those days :)
those 3 moths were horrible for whole of ma family members!
i know ma mom used to suffer the most :)
Anonymous said…
That's heartbreaking & I know how it feels. But I'm sure there won't be a single day when she won't need you :) You're a superwoman & a fantastic mom.
arnuld said…
> Director. Producer.
> Script Writer.
> National Award Winner.
> Poet

So many awards and badges on you. Still can't get time to love your loved ones. Usual story of everyone's life.

Ever heard of Four Hour Work Week or Tim Ferriss Experiments in Lifestyle design .
Meetee said…
I always love your post, Madhuri. Keep inspiring and influencing! :)
Arnuld - I think you misinterpreted the post. I said that all I do is spend time with my child. I would never want to miss out on her growing up years. Everything else takes a back seat. But if I have been able to achieve even a miniscule amount of success, it's because I love being more than a mom. I love being Director, Writer, Producer, National Award Winner, Poet, Author and Comedian!
Who we are is not all what we do. It's what we make others feel as well.
:)
Meetee
Thanks so much. Muah!
A Kumar said…
This is something straight from the heart. Loved it.

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