Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Love Guru Advice: Intimacy After Kids

Dear Love Guru,
I’ve been married for five years and after our child was born, our sex life has gone down the drain. Our child sleeps between us at night and I am exhausted looking after him during the day. My husband grumbles that he is forced into celibacy. How can I change this?

Dear Samira,
Indian families suffer from “the child in bed” syndrome for many years. When you can finally kick the first child out to his own room, another child occupies his space in the bed. There are two ways to rectify this. First, make time for your husband. Leave your child in the good care of a grandparent, maid, neighbour (who you can give presents to later), creche, etc and have a lovely dinner date with your husband. Do not bring up any topic about your child. It kills the mood. After this, try and find time for intimacy at home, a hotel, or a friend’s place that is empty. Yes, sex is important in a marriage. Don’t think it’s just great communication. You must not feel guilty that you have left your child for so long. He will live without you for a few hours! Make this a regular feature until you train your child to sleep in his own bed/room. Second, ask your husband to help you with the child so that you’re not exhausted.
Lastly, after you put your child to sleep, find other spaces in the room to cuddle and connect with your spouse, even if you don’t have sex.Go from celibacy to celebrating love!



Naina Gupta said...

You're such a great agony aunt.

Even though I am not married and don't have children, I think it is so important to have that space.
I know that this is a bad example, but one Indian soap has a new mother, and in every scene she is seen cradling her child. Here in the UK we are of the belief that a child needs to spend time away from their parents otherwise they will become too clingy, and that is bad for parent and baby. It could be through spending time with someone else, or just being able to crawl around on the floor.
People need to understand that a child does not need to be around the parents 24/7. The child will not be traumatised if you leave it alone for a while.

That can be applied here as well. The mother needs to be able to balance between the three; time for baby, husband and, importantly, time for herself.

vivek said...

i want to know how to talk to a girl
is she is a stranger to me how to approach her..plz

deeps said...

where there is a will there is a way...

we can modify this one you see :P

Madhuri Banerjee said...

Naina - you're always right!

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