Love Guru Advice: Traditional Woman vs Modern man

Dear Love Guru,
I’m 35 years old. I’ve been in a relationship for the last 3 years with a very sweet man who loves me dearly. The problem is that I am a traditional Indian woman. I want to get married, have children, and look after a house. The man wants me to have a career, be economically independent and doesn’t want to be the sole provider for the relationship. What do I do?

Dear Radha,
A large percentage of men in India still desire a traditional role for a woman. Unfortunately you went and fell in love with the opposite percentage. The man has a point. Women today do need to work and feel self satisfied with their lives otherwise they will depend only on the man or their children for their economic well being and emotional stability. You may not want a career, but you need to have a hobby that keeps you preoccupied enough to be somewhat independent. Alternatively, you need to make him understand that opposites can make it work! If he doesn’t get it, take a one month break from each other where you promise to be celibate and faithful to decide whether you truly need each other. This entails as little communication. Write down what you feel with and without each other. Taking the entire month off is very necessary since a few days won’t give you an entire perspective. It will be hard but it will give clarity! In the end, it is ok to be alone than be in a marriage where you had history, but have no future.


Anonymous said…
Dear love guru
i am 22 years old i love a man he likes me too but he says that he cant love me because he love a girl befor i met him.but that girl cheat with him. Now he is a sad man n can't forget her. Dear love guru plz plz plz advice me that how can i fall him in love with me plz dear plz advice me i shel b thankful to u plz
You know it's sad really that he doesn't love you and is using you. You are obviously very infatuated by him. Please ask yourself why you need him in your life. You cannot be a crutch to anyone. They need to sort out their own baggage. Wouldn't it be better if you told him to figure out his feelings and then come back to you instead of helping him right now, wasting months of your life only to have him go back to her or move to someone else?
Be strong. Be friends with him but don't invest too much of yourself.
All the best
Anonymous said…
Hi Madhuri,

I am a 25 years old guy from lucknow. I shifted to mumbai around 6 months back. since then I am struggling for like minded friends. Thought I had a gf in lcknw who broke since i left lcknw. Even I hv accptd her as a past nw. but nw i want to hv a gf in mum & give it a new beginning but could nt find any. I am too loner here. pls pls pls pls pls suggest hw can i hv a gf in mum.

Dear Rajesh,
Welcome to Mumbai where rent's a life sucking leech and friends are hard to find. You're not going to get a gf if you're going to be so desperate. You need to first get a job, mingle with co-workers, do well with your boss and then when you finally have time, you can try and go out with people, join a gym, book club, watch theatre and do things that you like where you can meet a like minded woman who might want to be your girlfriend. It's a long road my friend but I'm sure it will make you toughen up and understand yourself much better. Once you learn to love yourself compltely and have great confidence, women will flock to you.
Till then, work, work, work. And enjoy the Bombay night life. Singledom has advantages in this city!
Anonymous said…
Hi Madhuri,

Thanks for your wonderful suggestion.

Can you put some light on Bombay Night life. Thought I work in an MNC for last 6 months still I havent came across bombay's night life. Which places can I stroll to enjoy my singledom?
Where in Mumbai are you living? Do try to go to it has great suggestions.
Anonymous said…
Hi Madhuri,

I am 24 years old, working girl, have been dating s guy from past 2 years. He wants to get married to me, but i am scared of marriages, i don't want to get married to anyone for that matter at least for few years, though he an d my family have no issues in waiting but i am not able to justify if he is the guy?people tell me when you are in a relation you just know when you want to get married to hat guy, but i haven't got that feeling may be because of my fear or may be i think he is not the right but i am not able to decide which feeling or thought is right..i don't want to loose him because he is really nice but also don't know that even after few years i would want to marry him or not..kindly help
Never get married unless you're 100% sure. Never. Age has nothing to do with it.

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