Sunday, March 25, 2012

From my personal diary: A thought on Friendships

Today I was noticing how I haven’t partied with my girl friends for so long. Then I got to thinking, maybe I didn’t have as many girl friends as I thought. I looked around and saw so many of my friends have been partying with their girl friends but not with me. It made me feel like I was missing out. Where have all my girl friends gone?
A friend went to Delhi and landed when my event was there but she didn’t come to see me, even though it was important to me. She went with her friends to Big Chill to eat and drink.
Chanda didn't come for my first event cos she didn't want to upset her other friends who she invited but couldn’t come so she decided not to either. Then she has a whole gang of friends in Delhi who she meets regularly.
Naina told me recently she did a girl vacation with two of her other friends/ colleagues and they went on a spa vacation. But her old best friend has been cut off her list forever.
Do friends come to us according to our needs? When we need them? Or do we cultivate them so that they can be there when we need them?
If we cultivate our friends and invest in them, then why do so many friendships break up even after years of being friends whereas new friends seem closer to you than family?
It’s a strange universe of fickle friendships. At one point I felt I had so many friends that I could barely keep up with them. People who I could have coffees with surrounded every day. I could spend time with a new female for breakfast, lunch and dinner, chatting and catching up.
Then work stopped. Friends moved on. New people through twitter came into my life. They were tweeple. They weren’t friends. Old friends found new friends. Then I was alone. I wondered if I had “invested” enough? Hadn’t I done what was needed to rely on them? Or was it another expectation from life that was being tested for me to understand that one cannot have ANY expectation. That maybe “friends” are like the weather. You can’t predict when they’ll be sunny and when they’ll be moody.
My mother though seems to have several women friends from work, from the couple gang that she and my father have and even from 40 years ago. Is she doing something different that our generation hasn’t understood?
We have come into an era where friends are there according to what we need from them. So friends from work will be thick since they share common environments, moms with kids will bond since they have a common topic to speak about, and women in yoga classes will speak since they can philosophies together. And married women will crib over their husbands and this bonds them as friends. We are all aware that these relationships might not last forever. But we also know that we grow as individuals and it’s probably for the best to have some friendships dissolve.
There is no need nowadays to "invest" for the long term. We all don't have time to give so much of ourselves. With extremely busy lives, we're just happy to have a few hours with people who are free at that time. That constitutes friendship nowadays.
Can we count the number of friends who have known us for more than ten years and we still rely on? Probably on our left hand. Out of those, can we say we still have something in common with them? The number becomes less. But when you’re sure of that number, those are the people who will attend everything that’s important to you, those are the people who will love you even if you change and become completely different from them. That number will always stick. And that friendship will be far more important than any family you’ve ever had.
The world is opening up so many social platforms for us to make friends. The truth is we are all still alone.


Purvesh Gada said...

Totally agree. We all have grown socially, yet we are all alone.

Deb said...

Well written. This is the age when friends belong to sets and subsets, like a Venn diagram. Career friends (office is too restrictive a term) I feel are the best of the lot. The best part about them is they get my jokes since we belong to the same field :) Just my opinion. I cant seem to talk to my school pals for more than 10 mins after the hi how are you I am fine bit :)).

jigar said...

completely agree. Friends change just like weather and not all friendships are forever..

i guess the graduation/p.g friends stay thick friends for longest.
They know you inside out and they grow along with you.

Though there are many friendships that break, we don't stress on it as much as a break-up in love. Irony.

Shachi said...

I tend not to measure the quantity of time I have been with someone but the quality of time. With my children so young where they need most of my time, and a full time job, time is a scarce commodity.

Lifelong friends, as you said, are far and few. It used to bug me, now it does not. What can I do about it anyway? I just live in the moment, true to myself, and take it as it comes.

A beautiful thought provoking post! {came here from Preeti Shenoy's blog)

janaki nagaraj said...

Agree with you Madhuri. I have more online friends than real friends. Life has become so, home and career takes precedence. People would like to move out with friends who are in close proximity, cos' it does save a lot of time. But, I do have a few friends from my school days...and it isn't a lie that I am the only one who is keeping all of them connected. One is surrounded by people and yet, we are all alone...and lonely too.

Madhuri Banerjee said...

Thanks for all your comments.
Thanks to Preeti for giving me few new readers. Grateful Shachi that you liked it.
I hope, even if we're all alone, we can use this space to befriend each other and never feel lonely!

Anonymous said...

I am one of those faithless friends who walk in and out of your life depending on their time, their convenience, their need and their interest. For a select few, I am also the friend who is always there, totally giving, expecting nothing in return, just a darn good friend. But there is only a few people who I can be that true friend. What can I do?

Anu said...

Very thought provoking post..Got the link from Preeti's blog...I am going through this friendship analysis phase and I am kind of confused with lot of things thats happening...These days I really think twice before investing my time in any friendship for the just fear of getting hurt..Because of that I think at the moment I don't have any real good friends whom I can rely on anytime...Its tough to be like that but I feel I guess its my choice too .Life has really taught me a lesson

Ajan said...

I feel it depends from person to person. I still manage and juggle between my gangs of friends, I have my twitter friends, I have school friends, College friends, ex-workplace friends, my own gang of friends.. Its hard to juggle, but I still do and I meet up either one group or the other in this month or the next..
If we think we are alone, we are.. otherwise, we are caught up with one group or the other..

Afshan said...

with ever emerging social platforms what u told is true! its a prob almost all are facing these days (from teens to youngsters). People feel it convenient to poke on FB or to tweet to all but to meet in person is a big deal . They need a master plan for it. There are so many categories of frnds but to those few who are special and present always to hear frm U "U SHUDNT LOSE THEM"- as told by u..Jumped to this post frm preetis blog. Now following it.. and I read "LOSING MY VIRGINITY And other dumb ideas"-- Just finished yesterday...I liked few things a lot in the book...would be glad if I could drop U a mail...:)
Thank U

Madhuri Banerjee said...

Thanks Afshan. Write it all here. We're all open minded individuals :)

Anand Singh said...

Hey Madhuri,
I read your book & i really liked it, specially the part when Kaveri & Arjun get separated first time. Giving words to all those in-depth emotions & feelings must be a challenging job, but you did it well.
I would wait for such good work from you again. All the best & keep doing well.

Madhuri Banerjee said...

Thanks Anand.
My next book will release end this year. Will look forward to reading your comments on it as well.

Gaurav Dhamija said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bhawana said...

Dear Madhuri, I came across your blog via Preeti Shenoy's blog. It feels amazing to see my feelings on other's blog :). I am loving your blog too and started reading it from starting. True, instead of getting in trap just move on. I am loving to see you and Preeti who you both are today.

Madhuri Banerjee said...

Dear Bhawana,
Thank you for liking my blog.
Hope you like my books as well :)

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