Madhuri Banerjee: Relationship Expert for Revlon's New Campaign "Choices" !




Choices & Relationships

Every woman’s life is the sum of all her choices, and Revlon India is here to support that. Choices by Revlon is a platform that will allow every woman to express her opinions and make her choices freely. This month, Revlon talks about Relationships. This is one of the many articles that aim to inspire women all over India in their choices about relationships. Start making a choice today. 

Are you married?


Oh you’re single?
Are you in a relationship?
How’s your love life?
Do you want to have kids?
Are you living with your parents?
We are asked questions on relationships every day. We are also judged by the relationships we have. Our society places emphasis on men’s success at work and women’s success in relationships. Is she a good wife? Is she a good mother? Does she look after her in laws well? Women need to understand what the important relationships in their life are, and how they can make them better.
It is a well-known fact that a stable relationship makes a healthy mind and body. People suffering from heartbreaks, conflicts and confusion are often distracted at work and tired in their personal lives. All they want to do is just fix it or move on so their lives will be “normal” again. Women read several magazines and talk to other woman so that they can improve on the relationships in their life. Today, every woman has one relationship problem; be it with a parent, in law, spouse, lover, friend or even their house help. Every day we tackle these issues to understand ourselves better. Because at the core of how we tackle our relationships lies who we are.
Men:
I read a quote on a social media site recently. It said “A lot of men think they doing women a favour by asking for her hand in marriage, but lets think about this: she changes her name, changes her home, leaves her family, moves in with you, builds a home with you, gets pregnant for you, pregnancy change her body, she gets fat, almost gives up in the labor room due to the unbearable pains of child birth, and even the kids she delivers bear your name. Till the day she dies, everything she does benefits you. So who is really doing whom a favour? Dear men appreciate your wife today, it is not easy to be a woman.”
While this is a powerful statement and one that we should make every man understand, we must also look at it another way.
A woman does go through several things for the sake of a man. But these are all her CHOICES as well. She chooses to fall in love. She chooses to give up her name. She chooses to have a child. Instead of demanding that men start respecting us for the choices we make for them. Let’s start teaching them how to respect us for the choices we make for ourselves.
Suppose we don’t want to get married but have a live in relationship. Let’s stand by our choice to parents, society and the man and proclaim that commitment, dedication and love have nothing to do with a legal paper.  
If we don’t choose to have a child in our child bearing age and are constantly hearing “time is running out,” let’s stick by our choice to live a free life for ourselves and our partners instead of giving it up for children whom we don’t understand.
So find a man who not only loves you but respects you for your choices. That’s the partner who you can grow old with. He is the man who will embrace your individuality, instead of asking you to mould for society.
Friends & Lovers:
Let’s choose our relationships wisely. It’s what makes us who we are. We are a sum of the five people we spend most time with. Let those five people be the ones who stimulate you, support you, love you, understand you, inspire you and most important who don’t judge you for your choices.  
I’ve realised that most relationships in our life are ephemeral. People enter our lives for a reason. They are a symbol of what we need at that time. They enhance our lives and we reciprocate by enriching theirs. Some associations come into our lives to help us find our inner strength. There are toxic relationships that make us value and appreciate the people who come into our lives and change us for the people we need to become. Sometimes women become so comfortably numb in their current scenarios that they never take the step to do something more with their lives. There are people who enter our lives and become a cataclysm for us to believe in ourselves and change it. They help us identify what we are capable of and what we are missing. The beauty of all this is that it may be transient. The person might be there in your life forever but not in the capacity that he she will be for that moment. Or that man might exit your life forever but leave behind memories that you will always treasure. Appreciate the transient nature of relationships. It will always help you cherish the people more.
So don’t hold on to a person when it’s time to let go. Heartbreaks won’t affect you as much when you recognize that the best thing in your life is not what’s gone away, but what’s coming up next.
Families:
Families will not understand or support us all the time. It is wrong for us to expect them to. Give each other space when dialogues get over whelming.
We are not perfect. Our lives are not Photoshopped. We make mistakes. We get angry. We have regrets. We lose friends. We suffer from heartbreaks. We quit jobs. We hate situations. We are tired from the roles we play. We must learn to take a step back and understand that we are beautiful and loved. It doesn’t matter if we’re short or tall, fat or thin, homemakers or businesswomen. We are all in the same boat. We must learn to be kind to others and to ourselves. We must find peace in our choices and harmony with our families.
Ourselves:
Often women give too much of themselves in relationships. Between balancing their career and homes, they find themselves unable to find time for themselves. They are obliged to attend office functions, socialize with their contacts, take children for birthday parties, meet relatives for gatherings, be a shoulder to cry on for friends, and help sort out lives for several people. They always want to be available for people, in the hope that they are seen as good human beings and great in the roles they play.
We don’t always have to be available for everyone. We can choose to say “No” and be guilt free. Our first priority must always be us. Only then we can give freely and help better. When we deplete our energies in giving too much, we feel neglected and unappreciated. We must stop doing everything for everyone else. Only then will we find happiness in the relationships that are important to us.
We’ve often heard, “She’s a good friend. She came and helped me when I was feeling low.”
“She’s a good mother. She gives her child everything.”
“She’s an amazing wife. Look at the dinner parties she throws!”
We are judged by the actions we take. The roles we play. But rarely on the people we are. Our choices should also reflect the time we spend on ourselves. We must choose to ignore the people around us who judge us. And truly start living for ourselves.
It’s okay not to be perfect. It’s okay if we screw up our roles. Our choices need not always be right. But we must always try and learn from them. That’s what makes women wonderful.
The choices we make must enhance our soul. Our relationships are a reflection of us. Laugh, live, love with all your heart and you’ve done a good job with your life!
What kind of a person are you in a relationship? Go find out here and let me know!  https://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?fbid=543304465755970&set=a.346128485473570.82174.143756885710732&type=1&theater

Today I'm a Sensible Darling! But tomorrow's another day ;)

Comments

Soumya Mohapatra said…
Terrific read, Madhuri! And I really needed it at this juncture of my life. A week to go before I hit 35 and life seems to have turned out perfect in some ways but incomplete and unfulfilled in others. I attach too too much importance to every small and big relationship in my life, most of all friendships regardless of whether they are old or brand new. Your article promises to help me sort out ny thoughts and priorities at least on the emotional plane and thats saying a lot for a woman's complicated heart :-). All the best to you and looking forward to hearing more of your seemingly simple but amazingly helpful 'tips' :-).
Dear Soumya,
Thank you so much for your words of praise.
I am so happy that the article could help. It lifts my mood to know you are better because of it.
Yes we do place a lot of importance on relationships.Shall be posting more on this blog about relationships, beauty and women. You can also check out the previous posts through the Relationship label on my blog.

Happy Birthday. May your 35th year be all about you!

Love
Madhuri
Vandana said…
Dear Madhuri
I totally agree with your view point that we have a tendency of overdoing in a relationship may it be of a friend or our families in this process we tend to neglect our own self which actually should be main priority of our lives. We all abide by the fact that you can not please everyone but still we try doing the same everytime. Me time is what I am gonna look for in the new year.
Thanks and keep writing awesome and inspiring stuff...:-)
Very well:-), and also it takes something to be able to keep everyone else above our own needs, at the same time, as you said, when we identify what we are doing is 'Our Choice', it gives us space to think whether or no, to get a reality check based upon how emotionally/physically available are we to offer ourselves and hence refrain if not or to go ahead being happy. If only we could make people around a little aware of the selfless efforts. It is important is what I feel. Good luck to you expert:-)
Thank you so much Vandana and Pranava.

Shall keep on writing and hope you'll write back as well.
kiran landge said…
Hey madhu....tht waz relly inspirin.l juz wana add tht woman tend to get so involved in managin thr relationships and loved ones..tht thy completly forgt tht they should also love themsleves and njoy life at th same time..instead of juz worryin.And do make mistakes as well smetims ..bcoz thy teach us a lot
Shivangi Ramsay said…
You are a rockstar Madhuri!! Last night
I finished your debut novel in one sitting. You are even better than Carrie Bradshaw. ;) :) Kaveri aptly represents the modern Indian woman who isn't afraid to stand by her choices in life. I just placed an order for your othet two books on amazon. Can't wait to read them. Don't ever stop writing. Please please please.
Shivangi Ramsay said…
Hello Madhuri. I just finished your debut novel. You are a rockstar!!! Can't wait to read your other two books. Please don't ever stop writing. You are way better than Carrie Bradshaw. ;) :)

Thank you Kiran and Shivangi.
Am glad you liked the post and my books.
Don't worry. I'm not going to stop writing.
My next novel Scandalous Housewives will be out in July.

Till then enjoy Advantage Love and tell me what you think.

Love
Madhuri

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