Money = Power in Relationships

Relationships are not always about Love. Most times, they are about money. Whoever has the Money has the Power. It is the reason why mothers raised their sons to think that they need to earn to “provide” for their family while with their daughters they were more lenient as they assumed the daughters would be like them, homemakers. Subconsciously it is also the reason why mothers wanted their sons to have the power in a relationship rather than someone else who might take it away from them.
Money and power are also the reason why women work. Yes, it gives them satisfaction. Yes, it makes them more than a housewife or a mother or a daughter and whatever other labels that society chooses to force on them. But most importantly, when they work they feel powerful. Money gives them independence. Independence gives them an opportunity to be in or out of a relationship, if at all.
Times of India front page on July 27th stated that divorce in Mumbai has risen to 86% in the last 10 years with a spike of over 13% in the last one year.
The lower rate of divorce in Indian societies ten years back as compared to Western societies was not because the Indian woman loved the man any more than the western woman loved her husband; it was only because they had no option to leave. When they had no money, they had no choice. Where would they go? How would they support themselves? Therefore, they stayed in marriages because their husbands looked them after monetarily.
However, today things have changed. Most women have a job. They can earn their own income and with it comes the power to choose. They can now choose whom to love.
Men need to be on board with this. It works for them at two levels.
One, if the woman if treated as an equal to work, earn and even go higher than him in her respective career; she will eventually give back to the man. He needs to respect her and communicate with her about her dreams and her life while simultaneously managing his career. Once she learns that she does not need to fight the system of proving herself and trying to be an equal in the relationship, her “nurture self” comes out to find a balance.
Two, it makes a relationship uniform since the burden of providing for a family need not only lie with a man. Having eased off the pressure of a “bread winner” the man is free to pursue other activities and devote more time to the home and hearth. If the woman is working and playing homemaker, it is only reasonable to assume the man does so as well. Subconsciously, it benefits the man tremendously to be able to do so.
Relationships are precarious but understanding them is easy. It is easy to say, “We have nothing in common anymore.” Or “He doesn’t understand me.” It is far more difficult to find the balance to stay in a marriage or a relationship. The play between love and money needs to be like the steering of a ship. It takes very slight movements to go in a particular direction otherwise the wrong equilibrium could sink it.
This does not mean that the man should not pressurize the woman to work. It only means he needs to respect the decision she chooses for her profession even if it is a stay at home mom, which is a full time job.
Money, power, love, and respect are the harmonious elements of a successful relationship. You need to give some, to get any.

Comments

babyasumee said…
Money is the Basic pillar of Love Now a days.Yes! Money gives more space for love by taking care of life burden . More Money = More Space+ More Love. your are right. Thks
Sumedh
Writer/Director
MULTIPLE CLOUD
Phoenix said…
A very well written article.

Thankfully I have been surrounded by people, men who have been extremely supportive about my career choices, erratic work hours and subsequent burn outs... I think it all stemmed from the fact that I was raised without any biases and the men I have had around me are very secure about who they are but that is hardly a majority. No wonder a woman has to go back home and do chores while the husband gets to relax... glad to see more men waking up to the need of the hour and helping out at home...
Thanks Sumedh. I just see many women around me who are in dead relationships but unable to do anything about it. Got me thinking...

Phoenix - I'm happy you got the right kind of upbringing. I really hope the situation changes for so many others as well.
Who rules in any relationship it depends to whom we allow to rule on our relation. no matter what it is, give space but do not overrule others freedom.
Yes Chandrakant but what of so many people who think that they can rule their wives because they bring home the bread? A majority of our middle class homes are like that.
Achi said…
Yes! Its a materialistic world! Can money buy love?
babyasumee said…
Irony is that I'm not in relationship? All these entire psychological unpredictable scary tension welcoming things force me to think twice and put a big Q? Will I loose my FREEDOM? Yep! This all I experiences through my two Short Committed Honest Crushes. Now only destiny will answer: will I ever been in any relation & When? Yes I'm open .Soon will work-out? Sorry it’s too personal but just feels to Share. DON'T MIND
Sumedh
Writer/Director
MULTIPLE CLOUD
babyasumee said…
Irony is that I'm not in relationship? All these entire psychological unpredictable scary tension welcoming things force me to think twice and put a big Q? Will I loose my FREEDOM? Yep! This all I experiences through my two Short Committed Honest Crushes. Now only destiny will answer: will I ever been in any relation & When? Yes I'm open .Soon will work-out? Sorry it’s too personal but just feels to Share. DON'T MIND
Writer/Director
MULTIPLE CLOUD
mesushovan said…
Yet another good read from you! But, I think, you missed out on a very important aspect of a marriage / relationship. That IS 'control' : where this aspect is used more often than not in order to control the other in partnership instead of controlling self. Apparently it might feel that this 'control' is just a manifestation of power earned by money or position, but in reality, it's NOT. In a marriage / relationship, this 'control' also stems from 'emotional manipulations' with functional or physical expressions and exploitations. And, make no mistake, those manipulations affect n effect no less than what money does, or, for that matter, any power play does. Actually, what I feel a marriage / relationship goes for a toss because a way too much is put in, in testing n examining that marriage / relationship. Thereby, when a house is needed to be a home, it turns into a pathological lab or hospital… thanks to so much of tests, dissections and postmortems. You know what, the fish lives - not just survives somehow, lavishly or poorly - in the water rather gladly because it's the last one on earth to test and examine the water, wherein it lives, all the time. :)
A Kumar said…
There is also other side to the coin. Money brings in intolerance. Earlier, both the partners used to be more tolerant to each others need. But now since both have become more independent, lack of tolerance is infact getting people apart.
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