TOP (ABSURD) EXCUSES TO BREAK UP:

In a fast track world, it is easy to be in and out of relationships. However, the excuses for breaking up are getting old. It is no longer “I need space,” or “It’s not you, it’s me” that are doled out anymore. The excuses need to be creative, modern, and semi believable! The top ways of breaking up are:
1.       The Astrologer Told Me –In ancient times, parents checked horoscopes of the couple to see if they matched. If the `kundalis’ didn’t match, it could be ominous. In modern day scenario, men have learnt to use this to their advantage. Instead of waiting for the last minute to get their astrological charts checked, they claim to their girlfriends they have already got it checked! This they will announce after a few dates once they’ve realized that this girl is not working for them. The woman has no choice therefore. No woman would want to go through a relationship where if something went wrong, he would blame her by saying,”See, I told you! My horoscope said I need space!”

2.       You Saw The Movie Without Me –Most couples love watching films together. It is a date that they enjoy while believing it is time well spent towards building a future. When there is a particular movie that is eagerly awaited for a long period, it is understood that the couple will go together. The plan has been made weeks in advance. At the time of release, a sudden incident in the life of a partner has left the plans in the lurch. One partner is at home. He is busy with work and will not be able to watch the film with you for another week or ten days. Your best friend buys an extra ticket. So you think, “I can see this film again when he’s free!” Wrong! The partner now has a fabulous excuse to break up with you. You have broken the pact! It was sacrosanct that you watch this film with him. He is hurt and angry. It was like a test God gave for your relationship in which you failed. The man now has the right to say, “We need to break up because you saw the movie without me!”

3.       I’m Travelling – No one knows where this person is going or when he is coming. He seems to be “travelling” all the time. From day trips to Delhi to longer stays in Bangalore. Urgent meetings in Hyderabad to pacifying clients over weekends in Pune, the man is travelling. And when one’s boyfriend is travelling, the phone is off, the messages aren’t delivered, and there is a high chance that you will be hearing a prerecorded woman who becomes your best friend. It is the new way of saying “I need space.” The space needs to be the air 30,000 feet above the ground. Men are using this excuse perpetually but saying with their sweetest tone, “Baby, I would love to meet, but I’m not in town!”

4.       I Have To Focus On My Career – Now this has been tried and tested and can never get old. The career trick in the book lets the man be in office until late, go out with clients, and even unwind with the boys because his job is getting stressful. Whether he is up for promotion or needs to prove himself, the man will use his career to avoid the woman in his life like the plague. This is a double-edged sword since the woman wants to support his career but would like more time with him. So instead of breaking up with her since it is too `delicate’ a matter to be done so bluntly, he leaves her with a choice. His parting words, “I really need to figure out where my career is going and I won’t have time for us. I’m just letting you know now!”

5.       It’s in my Genes– Commitment phobia is not new to women. However, men have started using it differently. With parents who may or may not have separated, the man claims that he’s seen his parents fight and believes that it’s in his blood to do so as well. While most women are not daunted by this idea, it does leave a bit of a dent if after some time the man starts repeating it. He also starts speaking about how his idols are Hugh Grant and George Clooney. The act continues right up to the point when he walks out one night and does not call for a few days. When he does return, he says, “Darling, I didn’t mean to, but you see… it’s in my genes!”

Comments

meghana said…
Simply Bang on I must say!

But more than attacking it from a man to woman point of view, I would still keep this general.. to both sexes... because women can be career-oriented too and might want some space there! and there are men who don't get that and can't deal with a career oriented woman in their life!

Such is my experience, thought I'd share...

But I've become a great lover of your writing, I must say... You slice and steal a bit of my life each day it seems like! :)
mesushovan said…
Hi,

Read it. Nice! Impressed to know that a guy has all the fun of breaking-up! Leaving his girl to break down. Helplessly n haplessly.

Now, don't you think, after those 5 points that you have already taken care of, these points might also do!! Such as "I'm feeling insecure"; "You are not ambitious enough"; "I can't leave my mom n dad"; "Oh your mother / father is so tacky"; "As the maid didn't turn up, I'm going too"... and so on.

I'm sure you know it much, much better than all of us those points apply to whom. :P

Nevertheless, good piece! :)

Cheers and regards,

Sushovan
Sushovan
That's hilarious. Have these been used on you? I want to write on excuses women give to break up but no man is willing to tell me! :)
Thank you Meghana.
I really appreciate it. Gives me encouragement to keep writing :)
mesushovan said…
Madhuri,

Like charity, excuses begin at home too!

Hope I gave the answer to ur question. ;)

Next time onwards whenever u are up to writing n need a man talking to give u insights for ur piece, u can trust me. :P

Provided my answers satisfy u.

Cheers and regards,

Sushovan
Naina Gupta said…
I like the horoscope excuse, have you heard anyone use it?

I have known of people getting dumped by the last three.
I've heard of people getting dumped by all 5. Not the same person though, thank God! :)
Naina Gupta said…
Someone actually broke up with someone because of the movie thing? Wow! To base an entire relationship on one day? They must have done other stuff surely?
Pesto Sauce said…
There are many more actually...my generaion is break-up gen and not some GenX
Anonymous said…
Excuse number 4...thats what happened to me. Irony is, I am doing the same...trying to figure my career out. So I beg, tell him that I'll be around...wait for him to sort his life out - BIG MISTAKE. I could see my value diminish in his eyes :(
Dear Anonymous,
I think asking someone to wait till you figure your career out is a good reason. But you should also give a deadline with that. So if you're not able to by then, it gives him a chance to make up his mind.
You did not make a mistake.
Love is a choice. If it isn't good this time, it will be next time!
Hope you find your soul mate soon :)
Love,
Madhuri

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