Asian Age Column : To have a kid or not?

Dear Love Guru,

My husband travels a lot for work and we stay alone. Everyone is now pressurizing me to have children. I have just turned 30. I feel I will probably be raising this kid on my own if I decide to have it. On the other hand, I might be too old once things settle down. What should I do?

Confused,

Saira

Dear Saira,

30 is young! Please stop letting people get to you! Motherhood is a wonderful experience but balancing work and motherhood can be tough if you have to do it alone. Once you get pregnant, you’ll need to hire a full time nanny who can look after the baby even if your husband stops traveling. Ask your mom/mother in law if they can help once you deliver. Figure out your finances for medical expenses & your work situation. Do a medical check up to see if you and your partner are healthy. Then take the time to think if you really want it or you’re doing it to make someone happy. Ideally 30 or before is great to have children since your body recovers faster and you have enough energy to run after the kids. But there’s nothing that says you can’t have your kid at 35 or even 40 if your body allows it. It just gets a little tougher. Your husband might always travel and not “settle” down. Be prepared to be the main caregiver for the baby for the rest of your life. Then enjoy trying to make a baby!

Mistakes Like Love And Sex : The blurb is out!

Just got my copy of the Penguin catalogue that discusses the releases from July to December 2012. So happy to see this large photo of me on page 64. Penguin and I are still grappling with what the cover should look like. But the sequel to Losing My Virginity And Other Dumb Ideas is called Mistakes Like Love And Sex and it's slated for an October 3rd release.

I hope it won't coincide with other big authors like Sidin, Amitav Ghosh, Meenakshi and a few Penguin writer friends. Like they say in the movies, "the film needs a clean run" which means at least one week without any other release to become a box office hit.

It also needs word of mouth to sell. With so many books just from Penguin releasing this year, a word of mouth will only help make one book a best seller and another an average sales. I pray every day that my book lives up to the expectations and makes it to the best seller list over and over again. It's been a tumultuous year in more ways than one. I'm hoping the sequel will be the bright light at the end of the tunnel.

My Interview in the Femina magazine: June Issue.

Love Guru Advice : Wedding Night Jitters

Dear Love Guru,

I’m getting married next week and I’m having the wedding jitters. I’m still a virgin and don’t know how to approach my husband. What if he laughs at me? Pl help.

Truly Nervous,

Bindiya

Dear Bindiya

It is normal to be nervous and anxious about your wedding night. But you should stop being afraid of the act. First, tell your husband that you’re a virgin and to be gentle. Second, get into the mood of the act. Buy some lubricants for yourself. Light some candles around the room. Wear a soft, satin negligee. If you can think that you’re going to have fun, you probably will. Third, don’t do any stunts that you may have seen in movies, videos or read about. Let him take the lead for now. Be comfortable with your husband. Start with lots of foreplay – kissing, cuddling, touching, necking, stroking. Don’t be afraid to explore his body and let him explore yours. Ease into the act. Don’t tense up. Preferably, don’t have people swarming around your bedroom door! Let them all go away before you begin. Remember the first time will be a little difficult and there may be some discomfort. Try again till you get into a rhythm and let your body go with the flow. Sex is a great way to connect with your husband and you’ll soon love it! P.S – Even if he does laugh, laugh with him. It’s supposed to be fun and the first time is awkward for everyone!

Losing My Virginity And Other Dumb Ideas in Harper's Bazaar



Harper's Bazaar June 2012

http://wonderwoman.intoday.in/story/its-a-womans-world/1/100551.html

A female scholar once said, "I already know what men think. I'm more interested in reading books by women." It is perhaps keeping this in mind that today's broad literary canvas is exploring a plethora of subjects that deal with the issues of the modern Indian woman. From interpersonal, romantic, and familial issues and personal life journeys, to themes concerning careers and marital and sexual woes, subjects that were earlier relegated to lower shelves are now steadily making it to the bestseller lists. All cosmopolitan stories set in the Indian context and written in a tone that's fun and breezy, these works of fiction point towards a rising audience interest in several issues that pervade society.

Even more striking is the fact that the authors are all mostly first-timers. Though these writers may not be charting new territory per se, they are certainly emphasising the difference in the way women today experience the world. Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas (Penguin India) by debutante Madhuri Banerjee delves into the debate of lust vs. love. A light read, the book taps into the fears of young women who find themselves without partners and are pressurised into matches for the sake of convention. "I relate to Kaveri, the protagonist, because she really sets out to find herself in the unknown, even as forces bigger than herself try to mould her," says Banerjee on what makes her protagonist appealing to today's women. Coupled with an empathetic tone, it becomes clear how the book has become a new bestseller.

Love Guru Advice: Not in the mood for love.

Dear Love Guru,

I’ve been married for a few years and have one child. My husband wants to get intimate with me but I’m just not in the mood anymore. What do I do?

Sincerely,
Vandana

Dear Vandana,

Intimacy is one of the most important things in a happy marriage. But if you don’t connect mentally, you can’t connect physically. Try a few things. First, bring the romance back into your relationship. Spend a few evenings going out for a romantic dinner where both of you talk about yourselves. Leave the child at home with a responsible adult. You need to start connecting with your husband again. Talk about yourself, your dreams, his plans and the special memories when you liked being intimate. It might stir a few feelings. Begin slowly. Touch each other’s hands and enjoy cuddling. Gradually increase the contact. Make sure you tell your husband that you are trying and need time. Don’t give up if he is impatient. Second, you should try to indulge yourself. Go shopping for some racy lingerie, a new dress, and get a relaxing massage. Do things that will make you feel sexy again. If you were adventurous before you had your child, do something that made you feel “alive” before pregnancy. Invest in yourself. You deserve some pampering. Lastly, don’t be afraid. Conquer the mental fear. Get lubricants and take it slowly. Your husband loves you and wants to bond only with you. Tell him how to help you. You’ll do great!

http://www.deccanchronicle.com/channels/lifestyle/relationship/you-deserve-pampering-980

Love Guru Advice: Younger Man - Older Woman Relationship

Dear Love Guru

I'm in love with a man 10 years younger to me. All my friends mock me and say it won’t last. But I feel so happy with him. Should I give him up to save face with family and friends?

Yours
Shibani

Dear Shibani,

Even though women are independent and self sufficient, we are all looking for a person who can understand us and share a part of our lives. When a person comes along and he “gets” us, we hardly care if he is younger, older, thinner, poorer, and famous or not. We bask in the glory of Love. Honestly, it doesn’t matter what people say as long as you are happy. Those people may have done what they think is right for society and may even be extremely miserable in their lives. Who’s to say a younger man can’t give you intellectual stimulation, spiritual growth or be plain fantastic in bed and make you terribly ecstatic? You don’t need to justify it but if you want, you can say, “I get 100% satisfaction in my relationship. How much do you get?” Be aware though that maybe there will come a time when he wants a family and you might not. Currently he is nurturing your soul and you don’t need anything else. When both of you start wanting more, age will play a role. Communicate your wants, desires, fears and grow with each other constantly. Nothing should stop both of you from being together forever. Don’t listen to people. Listen to your heart.

http://www.deccanchronicle.com/tabloid/others/%E2%80%98listen-your-heart%E2%80%99-365