5 Reasons Married Women Have Affairs

Kavita. 36. Warm. Friendly. Highly accomplished. Doctor. Mother. Married.

After ten years of marriage, three vacations and one child Kavita realised that she needed more in life. She went away on solo vacations, took up yoga, found herself in meditation and still needed more. She had that much energy. That much love to give. And at 36 she could not waste it by sitting at home and waiting for her husband to figure out what she needed. That’s when David entered her life and she started having a rocking affair.

Why are so many married women having affairs? Here are 5 reasons!

1.      Loneliness – You’re at home with your husband and he’s watching TV and you’re trying desperately to make conversation. On a weekend you want to go on a date and he takes you to the movies all the while he is on the phone checking his emails and chatting with someone else. And if half the time he’s travelling or comes home late at night, a woman is bound to feel lonely. She feels there’s no connection! She will reach for the closest man in her life – a childhood friend, the funny colleague, her brother’s best friend. It all starts with the thought, “I’m so lonely. I just want to be appreciated.” Husbands need to engage with their wives, not just fulfil their duty. They need to bring back some romance and not take their wives for granted.

2.      Lust – All women have body issues. No one is completely happy with who they are. So if a woman has gone to a party and a man has paid her a compliment sincerely and had a great conversation with her engaging her mind, you can be sure she will be lusting for him. He may not be very handsome or ideal for long term but he’s great for a good conversation and a shag maybe. Starts with the thought, “I need someone to be attracted to me.” Husbands need to have a passionate weekend/evening with their wives occasionally where the focus is on her and trying new things in bed to show how much they lust after her.

3.      Nurturing – All women need attention and if there’s a man who’s giving her some attention and cares about her feelings, the affair is bound to happen. All it takes is for a man to ask her, “Have you eaten? Are you ok?” Women are born nurturers and do a lot in the day that husbands take for granted. If a man takes control of looking after her, he will have her heart. Husbands can truly care for their wives by helping with children, taking the wives out for dinners when she doesn’t feel like cooking, checking if she’s okay intermittently through the day.

4.      Intellectual High – There are so many women who have affairs within their office or with men in creative fields. It’s because they’re attracted to intelligence, wit and creativity. Most husbands refuse to share what’s happening at their work place, or talk about how they’re feeling and choose to let themselves lounge around at home saying they’re “tired.” It becomes boring for the woman who ultimately will seek out interesting new men. And if this man finds her interesting too, then she feels she’s matched to his creative energy and an affair happens. No matter how dull the day was it’s important for a husband to share it with his wife and always listen to her positively about her day as well.

5.      Money & Power – Several men like being in middle management. They are comfortable with going to work, earning enough and coming back on time. Without any hobbies, interests or ambition, a man can wither away and take his relationship down the drain as well. A woman is attracted to a man with plans, who wants to earn more, who is driven and wants to go further with his life. She is even more excited when this man asks her for her opinion and follows through with it. If he is already in a position of power, she feels an adrenaline rush if an important man thinks she’s attractive! Husbands should remember why their wives chose them in the first place and bring back that drive and ambition. 

Forbidden Desires

Review of my latest book in HT CITY today.

Am always excited when people read my books. It's the greatest high for an author! Hope you'll order and like it too.

Order it here: http://goo.gl/W9p7TS

Speed Dating. 7 Questions for 7 Minutes.

Who has the time to date anymore? First you have to look for the right person, then you have to travel to a coffee shop or bar to meet the person and then you end up spending money on the date that you didn’t really like. You might as well stay at home and watch Netflix!

That’s why Speed Dating helps.

But it’s all scary. What do you ask? What do you say? Here are 7 questions that could get you into the groove:

1.     Tell Me About Yourself – When your date asks you that, keep it simple. Say your name, where you stay, whether you’re studying or working, if you live with your parents, siblings, have a pet and have a hobby! Ask them the same question back.

2.     Talk about the hobby – Hobbies could vary from reading and writing to adventure sports and travel to listening to music. Ask about that and share what you love. Never interrupt. Hear them out. If they talk too much without asking you back you know the person is self-absorbed.

3.   Books or movies? – Follow this up by asking favourite books or movies. What did you like most about it? If you know any interesting facts, gossip about the subject share that so you can build on that and you don’t need to go on to other questions!

4.    What do you do for fitness – What are his physical goals? If the man/ woman is constantly working out, chances are they won’t be available to meet or have a conversation as often as you’d like. Or if they’re not into fitness, they might crash your diet regime. There needs to be a balance.

5.    How long ago were you in a relationship? – Exes keep popping up into people’s lives and rebound relationships could mean you’re going to be taken for a ride. If the person has been single for a while, it’s good to save their number. But if they’ve recently broken up, rest assured you’re going to be a crying shoulder! The depth of the relationship is directly proportional to the time spent in it and will take half that time to move on from it!

6.    Future plans – Do you plan to work? Where do you see yourself going in the company? Do you have a bad boss? How do you deal with pressure? What picture do you have on your screensaver? Fun questions about work could show if he’s a clown or a serious worker or has any ambition at all.

7.   Romance Is? - What would we do on our second date? A romantic date for you means? It’s important to talk about romance because most women will always want it. If the man is uninterested and practical he should know if the woman is also a no nonsense person. If she would like to go hiking and not talk on a date, he need not bring flowers!

Ask. Understand. Reciprocate. Smile. Move on! Speed Dating is fun!

Also published at Guest Blogger for Truly Madly: http://blog.trulymadly.com/speed-dating-7-questions-for-7-minutes/

The thin line between being truthful and tactless

Recently award winning poet Javed Akhtar was invited for a poetry discussion. When the session had completed its mandatory one hour, the young organiser from the side told him to hurry up!

The audience requested for one last poem and he obliged. He said he would make it a short one and began reciting a verse.

Just then the emcee came on stage, cut him off and said, “I’m sorry but we’re out of time and we need the podium for the next speaker who’s already waiting.”

Tactlessness is the knack of being impolite and insensitive even when you don’t need to be!

It would not have made a difference if everyone waited 5 extra minutes for the next session. It would have made Javed Akhtar feel special and the audience happy! 

But the emcee didn’t even know she had done something wrong.

A friend of mine who has been married for ten years with two kids has been having some problems with her marriage. She is working and is highly educated. Recently when she came to visit her in laws, who live with their divorced daughter, in a moment of exasperation she told them, “If your son doesn’t clean up his act you’re going to have two divorced children to deal with!”

Tactless.

There’s a thin line between truth and tactlessness, between honesty and bluntness, between diplomacy and impoliteness.

The former is something that will benefit all. The latter is something that will benefit only you.

Why are there so many people who believe it’s okay to say what they want, do as they feel and be who they are even if it means hurting other’s sentiments? 

Why is rudeness and honesty taken as such virtues?

“I’m just saying how I feel,” is the common thought across the world.

But what about how others feel?

We are raising a generation to ape the west and believe that it doesn’t matter what is right or wrong as long as you’re confident enough to say it!

Throughout my childhood I was told, “Aisey bolte nahin hain!” (We don’t say these things!)

And I would ask, “But why? It’s the truth.”

And I was told by my mother and grandmother, “Because it’s your truth. Not theirs. What you say hurts someone. And it’s never right to hurt someone, not just physically but emotionally as well.”

“But what do I care? How is it going to benefit me?”

And my mother would remind me, “It makes people feel bad and that energy comes back to you!”

We don’t care if we’re perceived as kind people. We care if we’re seen as successful people.

We live in a time where we’re told to be blunt. To be truthful. It is the time where crass sells. Not kindness. An age where insulting people is funny. Not complimenting them. An era of careless comments, not judicious thoughts.

So we don’t care what we say or what we do as long as we’re recognised, appreciated and liked. Leaving dents on others’ hearts and damages to our souls.

Understanding how to be tactful can happen at any age. It’s a matter of holding your tongue when you’re angry or you’re upset or you feel it’s okay to be honest right now!

Tact comes when in the moment you want to say something “truthful” you think about what the other person will feel.

And if you care enough to not hurt their soul, you’ll find yourself saying something considerate, giving that person extra time to speak, knowing that what you say will bring some happiness in their life and goodness to yours. 

(This was also written for my CNN-IBN blog: http://www.ibnlive.com/blogs/buzz/madhuri-banerjee/the-thin-line-between-truthful-and-tactless-14274-1188718.html )

A Poem for Housewives.

Oh Woman.
Thou has fire.
Go find yourself.
Earn. Live better.
We try.
Over and over.
Smiling. Believing.
Somewhere. We feel
Like our life is a revolving door. Same people. Same meetings. Milky coffee.
Stale smile.
No money. Never any money.
Decade after decade.
Until there's no option but to hide in relationships.
In comforts of a man earning.
In raising children.
Dying embers of ambition.

Media Trends in 2016

We all love stories!

The last few years has seen a major shift in storytelling. The trends and themes that have dominated the silver screen have been big blockbusters with heroes and large budgets that require larger returns to break even. The 100 crore film was made popular. If you weren’t a 100 crore Actor/ Director no one paid attention to you. The stories didn’t matter and there was no logic in the screenplay!

And then suddenly we had films like Dum Laga Ke Haisha, Hate Story 2, Talvar, Mary Kom and even Tanu Weds Manu and the equation changed.

Storytelling was back! Scripts were back. And great quality cinema was given a push.

In 2016 we will see many more women oriented stories where the heroines aren’t just there for item numbers or the heroes’ love interest. Bollywood will be ruled by dramas, biopics and thrillers. While the big blockbusters may remain, the trend will be towards smaller budget films with good quality content. The success of a film will lie in the timing. The mood of the generation will also help or hinder the film’s box office. The producers however will still bank on the larger pictures and new directors might not have so much support.

With ads we saw a shift from ads reaching out to the middle class, to a younger generation that had the power to spend. The stories became about family and transformation. Ads that tugged at the heart strings. Ads that had bigger budgets to show who we were and what we should be.

In 2016 we will see more ads with stories. The trend of 2015 will continue but it will be more celeb oriented unfortunately, since we are a Bollywood driven society. Sometimes the celeb over powers the story. People only remember how pretty or good looking the celeb was who is paid crores for the ad and the quality of the ad suffers since no one remembers the brand!

A great trend that may happen in 2016 will be new digital series and ads that are integrated for stories on the internet. There will be entertainment for the internet generation. A generation that’s on the move. As we saw with the YRF series TVF Pitchers there will be many more shows that will have brands integrated as a part of their story telling but not take away from the fun. This trend will help brands since ads are now fast forwarded on recorded TV!

Directors will move from making films to producing digital series and actors will move from TV ads to featuring in films. The combination and amalgamation will be an exciting new trend for 2016 where we will get to see more of our favourite stars and directors and watch interesting stories.

A fantastic new trend of 2016 will be books being converted for the digital series and films. Books are stories that have already got the approval of a market and have connected with a section of society. Filmmakers would be wise to develop screenplays from already existing books. 

Also printed in the Pioneer Paper December 12, 2015 : http://www.dailypioneer.com/vivacity/a-new-beginning.html

5 Ways to Be Un-Lonely During the Holidays!

“What are you doing for the holidays?”

That can seem as the most annoying and pressurizing line of the season! It pushes us to be social. We feel the need to put those fun pics up on social media and share how cool we are for doing something interesting. So with all the pressure it’s no wonder that we get lonely. Here are 5 ways to beat the holiday blues.

1.     Throw a Party – If you’re not invited to any party, throw a party. It will keep you busy while preparing and will be something memorable for later. Even if a few people show up, you can play some songs and dance around with a close group. You can even host a party for friends who you’ve not met for a long time or complete strangers from office you wanted to know better.

2.     Join a Travel Group – If you have vacation time, join a group that likes to travel. Spend a little money on yourself going with a bunch of strangers to a place you’ve never been to.  It can be exhilarating to open up to strangers and completely unwind away from home.

3.     Start a Training Program – While everyone is eating and becoming fat you’re getting a head start on being fit. You won’t need to make those diet and exercise resolutions on 1^st January because you’re already achieving your goals from now. Read up on what you need to do to get fitter. Write your goals, feelings and achievements down. It’s a solo journey to the top. Understand it and appreciate why you’ve been chosen to be alone right now. Go conquer it!

4.     Attend Group Activities – Attend a seminar, lecture, film club, theatre workshop, a language session or just volunteering at the church, orphanage or old age home. Loneliness stems from feeling that you have no one in your life. But if you realise there are so many people who you have not let into your life, it could give you a new perspective to who else you could spend time!

5.     App it Up! – You may not meet your soul mate at this time of the year but it would help if you found someone who had similar tastes and was free during the holidays. Get on that app and go have a cup of coffee with someone interesting. You could find someone who just makes you laugh. Keep your expectations low and your positivity high. Who knows what you may find?!

Any holiday season forces us to believe we are alone and have no one in our life to share our good times with. But loneliness is a powerful emotion. If you have been chosen to be lonely, use it to understand yourself better. Your friends and family might not always be there for you and it doesn’t mean they don’t love you. It just means that this solitude you have is pushing you to think of what else you can do with your life and time, instead of giving in to the media pressure of doing things with people you meet every day anyway!

Maybe the best line to “What are you doing during the holidays” is replying back, “I’m going to surprise myself and do something I wouldn’t want to share with anyone!”

10 New Year Resolutions Every Woman Should Keep

Every woman repeat after me! 

I promise to…

1.     Read more of the Time magazine and less of the girly magazines. We women are so addicted to celebs, thin women and beautifully decorated houses that we forget there is a larger world out there. Our brains are pleading with us to read a financial paper and not the page 3 gossip! It is the year to expand your outlook and you can only accomplish that by subscribing to a magazine that doesn’t have a celeb telling you how she became thin or where she got ornaments for her house!

2.     Go On A Vacation That I Want – Women always go along with their husbands and families on vacations because it’s the only time they get and they feel it’s good enough. Plan a vacation with your girlfriends or solo and go on a short sojourn alone. Discover something new about yourself this year. Your family will manage without you.

3.     Earn Money – Start a business, join a job, make a hobby into a profession, or take tuitions. There are too many women in this country who are relying on other people to financially support them. It doesn’t matter if the idea is too small or too grand. Just do it! Your family will be fine. Do something that you truly love and earn something that you’ll save for yourself.

4.     Visit the Doctor – You’ve neglected your health and haven’t taken those blood tests and done a full gynaecologist check-up. This is the year where you do that medical check and show it to a doctor. If you’re low on Vitamin D, B12, iron, calcium, etc, consult a doctor and start looking after your health better!

5.     Stop Obsessing Over Every Little Thing That Is Wrong – We’re fat. We’re broke. Our husbands don’t pay attention to us. Our children are not doing well. Our bosses hate us. Our colleagues are doing better than us. Our parents are not supporting us. Stop! Take a deep breath and learn to exhale the worries out. Do your best. The rest won’t matter.

6.     Get off WhatsApp Groups that Don’t Matter – We are so worried that people won’t like us if we exit a group. We hold on to people, thinking that one day they will help us. We are polite with people who have helped us in the past and we waste too much energy in keeping up with appearances on WhatsApp groups. Politely excuse yourself. Remember that true friends and family will always be there when you need them even if you haven’t given them good morning messages every day!

7.     Find closure – Divorces, toxic relationships, bad jobs, misunderstandings, ego issues. Enough. 2016 is about finding closure. Either you make peace with these people or let them be. You need to release yourself from constantly fighting. Forgive and move on!

8.     Take the Plunge – There is no right or wrong reason to make a commitment to someone. Get married. Get engaged. Say I love you. You may be shot down but at least it’s off your head and you can figure out the next step!

9.     Stop Criticizing – We are jealous creatures. We think we’re well-meaning and play devil’s advocate by saying things like, “Oh you’ve put on weight.” Or “You shouldn’t have said that.” Or “I don’t know but I’m not like that at all!” Your words hurt others and they’ll hurt you too. Karma comes back. And if you don’t believe in that then believe that every positive thing you say or don’t say helps in cleaning your soul, your aura and your life. Smile more at others. Be genuine. Stop commenting on every little thing others do!

10.  Do Something More With Social Media – How many selfies are you going to post? Do people really care about our new haircut, or our new dress or where we went for a vacation? Are we just posting things to make people jealous or are we posting things to prove a point? Think about who you want to be, what you want to be remembered as, and start working on what defines you. That’s what you need to post!

Happy 2016. Stay healthy and happy always!

Also on my CNN-IBN blog:
http://www.ibnlive.com/news/buzz/10-new-year-resolutions-every-woman-should-make-this-year-1185073.html