Sunday, September 22, 2013

Bengali Matrimony: A misplaced email leads to a conversation on marriage!

Today I received my first mail from a matrimonial site. And not just any matrimonial site, the Bengali Matrimony dot com. I almost died of shock. I thought it was a prank my parents were playing on me. But when I asked them they firmly denied it.
It came from a woman who had mistaken me for someone else. So I decided to write back to the lady and let her know that the email had been sent to the wrong address because otherwise she would have felt that the Madhuri Banerjee she had written to had rejected her proposal. And I could never let my namesake get such a reputation!
Suddenly I found myself trying to explain what marriage was for me. It was a lovely experience discussing this with an elderly lady and a complete stranger. I’m sure the letters haven’t stopped with this exchange. I’m sure there is a bond that we are forming and I’m soon going to be travelling to attend a wedding! ;)
Here are the exchange of letters: (Names have been changed to protect the identity of the people involved)

Dear Mrs Banerjee,
By way of introduction, I am G. Chatterjee. A few days earlier, my sister had spoken to you from Kanpur with regards to marriage alliance for your daughter Kaveri and my son Projol.
Unfortunately, I am have not been well, and have not been able to connect with you. My sons is currently in Sydney Australia and would be coming to India during Durga Pujo. He is working as a Project Manager with ABCD.

My sons profile id is Bxxxx on Bengali Matrimony. Please do have a look and let me know if you would like to take this forward. If you could also share your contact number.


Smt G. Chatterjee

My reply:
Dear Ms. Chatterjee,
I hope you are feeling better now. Health is wealth and you must not worry and ruin it.

This mail has been confused with someone else. Your sister has not spoken to me and my daughter is not the person who she or you have in mind for your son. Please recheck the email Id and send the mail again.

However, on a separate note - Your son sounds quite the catch! Which girl wouldn't want to move to Sydney? After all it has The Sydney Opera House! What more could anyone want?!

Please do not worry if your son takes time to settle down. I'm sure he will find the perfect match and have lovely children one day. In the meantime, do know that marriage is perceived differently for youngsters. It is highly overrated. Pray that he finds love, happiness, success, and peace in his life rather than just a wife. Who might actually take away the other things!

Aapni bhalo theko.

All the best.
The Wrong Madhuri.

Her reply back:

Dear Madhuri,

Thank you for your lovely email. My apologies, it seems the new age technology and emails are indeed going to take some time for me to figure out.I am sure I might have got the email id wrong.

It was wonderful reading your email and you have rightly mentioned about how important it is to get the right girl for my son. I am having an interesting journey these days, as times have changed. Gone are the days when we were married and all it mattered was if the boy was well mannered, cultured and settled.

Unfortunately, it does seem times have changed and now girls and their families have a much more complex and stringent checklist for a boys family. Mix it with the modernization transition which our society is going through, it some times leaves me gaping at the kind of things sometimes I do come across. I have stayed in Australia, and trust me sometimes, I find things are simpler and better there than in India.

Anyways, thanks for your well wishes and hopefully we find a girl who brings happiness to our family and above all leads a peaceful and happy life with the family. 

Until next time
G Chatterjee

My reply:
Dear Maam,
Please do not worry. There are far more important things you should be doing than worrying about your son!

Revel in the journey you are in right now. The time won't come again. And you deserve time for yourself as well.

I'm surprised how we gauge each other in matters of love and relationships. Ultimately the man should just be well mannered, cultured and settled but even these three words have such deep connotations. Nowadays everyone wants someone who understands them, can communicate with them, support them, make them laugh and respect them. Their work is as important as the marriage. Individuality is placed higher than companionship. Sacrifice is underestimated. And compromise non negotiable.

Please also know that marriage as an institution seems to be fading away. A simple piece of paper that keeps two people together even if they are unhappy.

I hope you find a girl who realises the value of your son. And I hope your son puts her on a pedestal always. It's the only way a marriage will be about love and not about the piece of paper. Then it won't matter if she's Indian, Bengali, Brahmin, Dark, Fair, Short, fat, tall, loud, or otherwise. the couple will have found the one thing that will always keep them together and you will never need to worry about your son again.

 Yes, you're right. It is simpler abroad than here in India. Doesn't make us less Indian if we imbibe the traditions of something simpler if they are not from our land.

Take care.


Ron Sanyal said...

Intersting Conversation although by accidental cause, incorrect e-mail ID. some times God has a sense of Humor!

Ron Sanyal said...

Enjoyed reading!

SEO Moz said...

Thanks shearing this types of blog i realy appriceat this types of information about indian matatrimonial

Arjun Mittal said...

Interesting incident !! Usually when one is using bengali matrimonial websites, the usual way to communicate is through mail or message. These details are geneally quite secure and are provided by the profile owner himself/herself so that when someone sends an interest or a communication it goes at the details provided

Anil Kumar Maurya said...

Nice Conversation about bengali matrimonials. Thanks for sharing this type of post about matrimony.

Akash Pokuri said...

Good blog about Bengali marriages. Please go a head and write more blogs about Bengali matrimonials.

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