The Art of Dating

Dating in India is very different from dating in the West. In both cases, there is a 5 Step Process. The West is more; meet each other often, fall in love, live together, meet the parents, and then walk down the aisle.
In India it is more like; parents meet, grown children feel shy, a week of wedding celebrations, finally fall in love, and then go out for dinner.
However, things have been changing recently and the new generations have been pioneers in bringing about the new rules of dating.  Here's what they are!

Rules of Dating:
1.       How to Meet:  Now while in the west, there are many places where you can meet single people, in India if a man goes up to a woman in a bar, it is considered excessively `forward’. That is why there are wedding sites. Under the guise of looking for the correct person, wedding sites gives one the opportunity to meet several people while checking up on their profile and background. People also use Facebook, chat rooms, dot coms and friends of friends to hook up. Somehow, it is easier to type it out than talk in person for the new generation. And everyone loves it.

2.       Where to Meet: Everywhere. Earlier people were found in secluded corners of the park or in dingy little restaurants where they would not be caught. Nowadays couples not only hang out in restaurants, pubs, ice cream parlours and movie halls, they walk freely down public roads, hang out at each other’s houses and even have sleep over at friends’ places. The old clandestine meetings gives way to the new brazen, if you are in love, flaunt it in style.

3.       What to Do: Not many people have time anymore. With college, work, or parental pressure, couples find it difficult to pack in fun and meaningful activities when they meet. That is why all dates are now whirlwind affairs, a quick lunch, a movie, shopping for a few essentials, a quick stop over at a friend’s place that is out of town and back home for dinner and TV with parents. Sameness does not mean boring anymore. Because if it gets boring with one person, you move on to the next. You don’t need to change the pattern. You just need to change the person.

4.       What to Talk About: You know there are a few interests you have in common since you have seen his profile on that dot com site. Date conversations go from getting to know a person generally and then getting to know him deeper. The general questions can be about the “favourite” things in the person’s life, their school and work experiences. The deeper ones would be about love, marriage, kids, parents, fears, desires, and habits. Stories make a man. The more the saga, the more interesting the man.

5.       How to Break Up: It is not working out. You know and you really hope he will understand. Nevertheless, you do not want to hurt each other. Once you are sure about your decision you need to start maintaining your distance. Unreturned phone calls, random messages of “I’m busy” and “I’m looking for something else” might give the other person a hint. While people used to meet earlier to break up in person, changing your status to single on a popular website might have the same effect today, even though it is crueler. New age breaking up is all about texting saying it is over or blocking a person from their chat room. It might not be the best way to get closure, but it is the most effective for becoming thick skinned.

Happy Diwali!

It's Diwali already!
Can you believe the year is almost over? How quickly it has passed and I'm still wondering about my New Year Resolutions. The ones I made in the beginning of this year.
Have I done anything worthwhile? Have I made a change? Can I still start today?

As I see the houses lit up with diyas and lights, I wonder if we have all made an attempt to light up other people's lives as well. I'm not talking about the poor and charity and all that. That's all an individual take and I hope each one of us is doing something for it. I'm talking about if we've been nice to people. If we've become a little wiser, a little more patient, a little more tolerant and a little more caring. Do we smile more? Or do we brush people off.

Why do we wait for an occasion to celebrate people in our lives?

I hope this Diwali, we all do something more than just play cards and gorge on those sweets. I hope we find light in our hearts to love, forgive and give to people who have touched our lives in some small way.

Happy Diwali to all my friends and family all across the world. I'm not there in body with you but I love you with all my soul.

Are we all just Corrupt but don't know it?

“What do you do?”

We have all lauded Anna Hazare’s efforts, supported the movement through blogs, tweets, facebook updates and the more intrepid amongst us have attended rallies, candlelit marches and chanted slogans while wearing the “I am Anna” cap. We all want corruption to end and hope that India truly shines. Corruption is the bad word and we support all means possible to eradicate it.

But sometimes the choice to eradicate it is easier said than done. In the middle of the night, if we lie in bed can we truly say that we are not “corrupt”? Are we as pure as we think we are? And can we now stop being who we are and stop doing what we did for so long? Can any one of us say we have not done at least one of the things to get our way?

1.       Jumping Traffic Lights – You are in a terrible hurry. The bus moved ahead of you and you did not see the light changing. You will have endless excuses when the cop catches you. But both of you know the truth. The important question is “What do you do?” You can pay the fine, get your license confiscated, go to the court next day, and get it released right? Alternatively, you give him hundred rupees and are set free. After all, you do not have time the next day. Your life is already busy.

2.       School Admission: - Giving the best education to your child is something you feel you have to do. But the most prestigious schools will not let your child in if a certain fee is not paid. It could be called a deposit, a security, or a miscellaneous expenditure. The truth is you are not going to see it again and your kid won’t get in without it. “What do you do?” Yes, it is still a bribe. Is corruption then justified?

3.       Foreign Shores Beckon:- In a once in a lifetime opportunity, you need a passport. You immediately think “Tatkal”! But even the fastest process to get the passport renewed takes two weeks and you need to fly out in one week’s time. “What do you do?” Time to call the friendly neighbourhood tout? After all, it’s ok if it’s an all expense paid trip right?

4.       Rail Travel: - The “Great Indian Railways Family Vacation” with the family is a once in a year experience. But the seats are all over the place. It’s very easy to just stay put where you are. After all, you will be spending the remainder time of the vacation with everyone. Then, what is a little money to the TC for that window seat or the berths together right? What do you do?

5.       IT returns: - Run to the IT consultant, pay imaginary rent, claim rewards (drivers are such a help in every sense) avoid the Tax to the maximum possible extent. Hey, you are still paying tax, so why so serious? In other cases, spend a little on the people who will help clear the fake IT bills. Does a justification that it’s all going into the politician’s pockets make it still ok?

6.       Cooking Gas: - Arrey Bhai, just get hold of the friendly ‘Gaswalla’ give him a little “Bakshish.” Just get this done quickly, it is all right. After all, it’s not your fault that you did not know both your cylinders had finished. Right?

7.       The DVD Walla: - It’s absolutely all right to buy the pirated DVD, which you are dying to see, or to download from free U-torrents. What the heck, everyone does it? The movie guys make a lot of money anyways right?

8.       Buying Property: - Reason it out. As such, the property costs are so high, pay a little “black” money, and pay lesser in registration, stamp duty and all the other things that can save you just enough to buy that new stove you need in your kitchen. Your builder is actually doing you a favour, isn’t he? But “What do you do?”

9.       Commission Fees: - The hand that feeds can also be fed. If the situation is changed “what do you do?” You know you can get the work done as soon as possible and take your “cut.” After all, it is your contacts and all your networking that makes the company what it is. Hard work should be rewarded in commission right? No one will know and the missus is happier. A little reserve to dip into always helps with the luxuries of life.

10.    Add your own. You know what.

Morality is a choice we make every day. Can we still stand and say we are with Anna?

Traffic Woes (of Mumbai)

1.       Time = Distance x Potholes. No matter how fast you go, which short cut you take, and how much Power fuel you put in your car, you are always going to be stuck in a jam. It’s really not your fault. The 10,000 potholes on every road will make sure that you will take the same amount of time every day. Everyone in Mumbai has a game plan. They figure, if they leave at sharp 8, they will make it by sharp 9 to their destination. Or, if they beat the traffic by leaving from wherever they are at sharp 5, they will get home by sharp 6:15. It does not matter if it is AM or PM. And the best word they use is “max.” As in “Max, it will take an hour and a half.” Alternatively, “Max, I’ll be 15 minutes late.” However, be warned this is not the case. No matter what time you leave, no matter how much you pray, you will always take the same amount of time to reach from point A to point B as you did the day before, and you will tomorrow! You see that tempo to your right? It was there behind you two signals back.

2.       The Man With The Hand – No matter what speed you are going at, no matter if there is a signal or not, no matter if there are a million cars at different speeds on a highway, there will be a man who will cross the road right in front of you and show you “the hand”. Then several people will cross all together. As soon as you start moving, a few more random jaywalkers will cross the road all showing us the symbol for “Stop,” the hand. By the time, you reach home, you would have seen close to 4.6 million hands that day.

3.       Band Bajaa Protest – We all live in small houses but our hearts want to celebrate with many, many people of Mumbai. So the logical thing is to celebrate on the streets. From religious functions to weddings, Mumbaikars love to dance on the streets. So what if it causes a jam, how are they concerned if people are stuck in the car for 5 hours! Alternatively, if they are outraged and offended at something, they will again come on the road and stop traffic. It is the only way they can show their indignation. Traffic means the other person can feel for them as well. After all, the people in the car are not going anywhere anyway.

4.       Where Have You Reached – Only in Mumbai will you find people who will say “Not bad!” to someone reaching his destination in two hours. In fact, they’ll gloat about how “lucky” that man is to be actually reaching his destination at all! Mumbaikars have a completely different language when it comes to traffic that no other city does. When they are describing where they have reached they will probably say, “The KBC sign on the highway” and immediately the spouse back home will understand that it will take another 45 minutes before their entrance! Mumbaikars can also give directions in the same manner, “take a left at the red fruit wala, go straight till you hit KFC, then take another left, after 17 speed bumps, the house that is flooded on the left is mine.”

5.       Honking, Sulking, Steaming – It is a known fact that the urgency of a meeting or getting home is inversely proportional to the traffic. Still people will honk as if their life depended on it. It doesn’t make a difference. We all know that. It is only a way of showing aggression, frustration, and helplessness. When a person has completely given up hope, he will stop honking and sulk. Have you ever noticed the people’s faces in the jam next to you? I am sure these are the people who have taken the poll on the world’s happiest countries where India has emerged not so happy! When you’ve finally taken your mind off the road and reconciled to the fact that Final Destination wasn’t a movie but a reality, your bladder will want a leak. And right then the tempo, truck and donkey pulling the cart on a main road will break down right in front of you. Because it is such a natural thing that at peak hour, the slowest of all vehicles should be moving cross-country, right in front of you. It is known. It is given. This is Mumbai. We welcome all.

How To Keep The Mystery Alive in a Relationship

All women want to know everything about a man but the minute they reveal everything, the women find him boring. It is also vice versa. That is mainly the reason why so many marriages break up. Soon enough both partners crave the excitement of something new. The trick in every relationship is to keep the mystery going. Once the spouse has revealed everything, there is no mystery. The fascination dies. There is no point in flitting from one relationship to another to find mystery. The success of long and happy relationships is to find mystery in your relationship over and over again!

How To Keep the Mystery & Romance Alive:

1. Secret Rendezvous - You want to find another partner to date because you are bored of the current one. But why not just ignite the spark again? If you live in a joint family, pretend as if you are meeting a new person and you are very excited about it. Only you wife and you will know that you’re meeting each other. Let the rest of the family keep guessing. Even if you are a nuclear family, set yourself up for regular dates. Meet your partner in a beautiful, fancy place that has dim lighting and excellent wines. Wear clean attire and look crisp and fresh rather than just rushing there post a meeting and being harrowed through traffic. Arrive early and wait for your partner with some flowers. When you partner arrives, compliment him/her on how they’re looking. The conversation through the entire date should be casual and breezy. Do not talk about the repairs in the house or what your boss did that day. Staying away from conversation you can have at home gives you an opportunity to discuss new topics and explore a different side of your partner. Recollect when you first met and what was said. Ask questions as if it is your first date, no matter how cheesy they may sound. Bringing the romance back in your relationship every month will go a long way in securing the relationship with your partner.

2. Mystery Destinations – A long vacation oversees or to an exotic destination can definitely spark the romance. However, with time and money being a main problem nowadays mini breaks are also a good way to reconnect with each other. Make reservations before hand and whisk the missus away on a Saturday morning without her knowing where you are going. Drive somewhere close by and stay in your room the entire time talking, eating, and enjoying each other’s company. Do not put on the TV and couch out as if it is your second home. The idea is to get away from what you generally do. She will definitely be surprised and enjoy the break from the daily domesticity.

3. Sudden Brunch - Ask the secretary when the spouse shall be freer from important commitments and make them pencil you in for two hours. Make sure there are no important deadlines for him/her to meet. A nice leisurely lunch on a Friday can help bring in a far more cheerful weekend than one ridden with chores and spats. Both of you can even go to your favourite restaurant where you’ve made a prior booking or to the place where you had your first date. Statistics have proven that a good meal with the one you love will definitely increase the love between the couple.

4. Unexpected Gifts – Gifts are not something that should be reserved for birthdays and anniversaries. Gifts can be given at any time of the year. It is proven that parcels in the mail increase your heartbeat and release endorphins, the happy hormones. The best way is to pick up something small and nice and have the store courier it to your house instead of you taking it home to your spouse. Leave a small card with the gift and make sure it’s packaged in bright colours. When the spouse opens it, they will be most pleased to get a present in the middle of the week!

5. Surprising Spice – Learning about new things on the internet (not porn sites) or reading a little about how to please your partner, buying new toys, new lingerie, etc can spice up the activities in a bedroom. It keeps the spark alive and keeps the mystery going. You never know what your partner will do next and you look forward to sharing more time with them. Of course, conversation, much cuddling, and a lot of respect prior go towards a happy and healthy relationship in and out of the bedroom!

Do Successful Women Turn Off Men?

Grazia August issue quotes me and Ira Trivedi on our conflicting views.

Mediocrity Rules

Every day you try to do something great with your life. You try because you think you will become great if you could just do that one thing that gets you noticed. It might be a ppt that you made in office. Or that idea you thought was brilliant. Or whatever it was. And then you look around. And no one is applauding. Wtf. Wasn’t this supposed to be your moment? So you either shrug your shoulders and try better tomorrow or you convince people that it was a good thing in the first place. You go around thinking you ARE brilliant. Then you start doing the same thing again and again. Until people realize that wow – that is some cool shit. And the people who are opposed to you even though they might think differently will say, what the hell, let’s just say it is cool shit! And soon you’re known for it. Soon, people start recognizing you for it. Soon people start believing in it. And it is awesome. Because soon enough other people start doing the same thing. And it spreads. The same thing goes on and on until a new generation breaks it with something different. Not great, but new. And then an entire era is remembered for that one thing. Even if that thing was simply MEDIOCRE.

Stop.

Don't let mediocrity rule. Do better or give credit to someone who does. You don't always have to be the centre of attention. Your work might not always be the Best, even if you're the Boss.

Excel.

Or at least try to... in every single sphere of you life. Mendacity seeps through our bones. Don't let it rule your life.

Be better today. Otherwise we'll just be a generation of average, ordinary and unremarkable people patting each other on the back.