Time for Good Sex

There is nothing like time bound good sex. Everything lies in the state of you and your partner’s mind. A great orgasm can happen in a few minutes or it could take hours and sometimes great sex could happen without an orgasm. But to truly enjoy sex here are the time frames you can explore.

5 Minute Sex: If a couple has been sexting to each other the whole day, flirting casually over Whatsapp or sending each other pictures or scenes of what they want to do to each other, as soon as one partner or both get home, it would take five minutes to have great sex. If you’re already put your partner in the frame of mind, then they’re half ready. If you haven’t had time to do all this through the day but want to have a quickie, another way is to arouse your partner through gentle kissing and then use a vibrator for her. It won’t take her long to cum and then you can as well. A five minute Quickie can also happen when there is danger involved. Someone walking in on you in a public space, or you need to get to a party and are already late. The excitement that is built up and the urgency of the situation if both of you are ready and willing will give you the five minute orgasm.

15 Minutes Sex – This is when you’re slightly intoxicated and already horny. You’ve been eyeing a girl at a party. She gives you the come hither looks. You have a scintillating conversation. Sparks fly. You take her to a secluded place and you can have fifteen minutes sex. You will still need some foreplay of kissing or feeling each other before the act. The whole thing would probably last only fifteen minutes as there’s not much thinking going in. Do remember to ask her if she had a good time later. Thank her! Make sure she doesn’t have any STD and you should always wear a condom. If you’re doing this with a partner at home, (and are intoxicated already) it’s an act of faster foreplay before the act.  

30-45 Minutes – Every couple must have this kind of sex. It’s a longer version but must be indulged in once a week at least to keep the relationship alive. It starts slowly from cuddling and kissing to more deeper passionate kissing, necking, feeling, licking, sucking, touching, caressing. It can involve scented candles or ice cubes, depending on whether the woman likes it hot or cold. You can give each other an oil massage. (Please use a lavender scented oil and not mustard or coconut. This is not a maalish! It’s a gentle arousing of the senses.) Once the longer foreplay is over you can do the main act. Please remember that sex is not the actual penetration or pounding away. It’s also the arousal, the foreplay and the afterwards that counts as the time taken. It’s all in the state of mind. From the moment you get your partner to start thinking it, to moving on to the next activity.

1-5 hours – Many people think this is an absurd amount of time to have sex but remember this can only be done when you take frequent breaks. This also doesn’t mean that you need to pound away for 45 minutes. It’s a myth that women like penetration for anything longer than 5-10 minutes! So if a man is boasting about it, he’s definitely not given an orgasm to the woman who might be just trying to keep him happy. When a couple has gone on a romantic vacation, taken an entire day to just relax in the hotel room, then you can have this kind of tantric sex. But it needs a bit of concentration. No going off to watch TV or chat with friends on Whatsapp. Start with some oil treatment for each other. Then you can have a bit of sex. Then go off for a hot bath, again have some sex, indulge in some foreplay and again have some sex, caress her hair and have some conversation or a bit of light food before you again have sex. Stay in robes. Do not wear clothes! The purpose is to have a sex vacation that doesn’t need any other activity. Most hotels also have honeymoon packages so you can ask them if there is a special room with a hidden balcony or a special terrace that you can go to. Experiment there as well. It’s the idea of just having sex that can be exciting enough. You can always come back to your room if you’re not into outdoor sex. If you’re tired, use a finger vibrator or a clit simulator to have sex with your woman. You can even use different toys if you’re alone and planning to have sex for a few hours. Always be in the state of mind and it can last hours with multiple orgasms.

Cautionary Measures:

1. Always wear a condom if it’s with someone new or if you or your partner have an bacterial infection. The infection can go back and forth.

2. Don’t have any body odour or bad breath. Take a shower before you hit the party. Don’t have an overwhelming smell about you. Women DO NOT like a man who has sprayed too much cologne and perfume. They can’t breathe during sex then.

3. If you smoke, remember to carry gum so you don’t have smoker’s breath that can turn women off. If your partner smokes, then it’s fine.

4. Don’t use the vibrator with every encounter. Keep it for every third or fourth time you have sex with your woman. If she starts depending on it, it can get dangerous for you.

5. Ensure the woman has a good time and it’s not only you who has had an orgasm. She will curse you and feel terrible if you’ve only “used” her. So be considerate and a True Gentleman. That’s what makes for Great Sex. A mutual admiration of each other.

How to Get Rid of a Clingy Girlfriend

Disclaimer: I wrote this piece in the Feb issue of Maxim magazine in lieu of my latest book launch My Clingy Girlfriend. This blog and the book is not meant to offend anyone or provide unhappiness to any relationship. 

Most men have had a clingy girlfriend. They’re the ones who keep checking who you’re talking to on WhatsApp, they keep asking what you’re thinking, why you don’t give them your Facebook password, when will you get married and what your babies’ names shall be. All within the first month of knowing you. So if you know you need to break up, here are a few tips to do so.

1. Empty Threats – You can’t say we need to break up and the next night sleep with your girlfriend. You can’t give her mixed signals. Then they’re just empty threats that are not going to make her go away at all. You need to say you don’t think this relationship is working out and stick to it. Keep saying that you’ve broken up. Don’t show emotion, don’t care if she cries, don’t say we’ll figure it out. Clingy Girlfriends will use all their power to keep you in their life. Understand she’s first going to try to scare you, control you and then destroy you. You must stay strong!

2. Slob Attack – Women like changing and moulding men. They like to see a man well groomed. So you need to do the opposite. You must not bathe, shave, wear deo or clean any part of you living area. Do not let her “mould” you. When you do bathe, or shave use all of her expensive bath products and make sure she realises they’re over! Then leave your wet towel on the bed and leave the house.

3. Be Sickening! – You’ve been saving your sick leave for a sick day but here is a chance to actually stay at home and show what a pain in the house you can be. If you have a live in girlfriend, get in the way of what she does at home and thoroughly enjoy yourself in your house. Fire the maid. Ask her to clean the dishes. Watch TV the entire day. Play on your X-Box. Talk to your female friends loudly so she can hear. Do it for a few days till she kicks you out. You must have told her you’ve broken up with her before you do this and maintain that you’re single and she’s still staying with you while you do this. Or you’ll be in trouble!

4. Girlfriends Disapproval – Once a woman has told her girlfriends about you and they approve they will always keep pushing her to get back together with you. So you need to un-do this approval. You need to call her friends and start flirting with them. If you meet them you must try to ask them for a date saying now that you’re broken up with Ms. Clingy, you’re free to date her friends. If she is meeting her friends, you should go and barge in on their party and flirt with the friends, make lewd masochist remarks and pick up an order and leave. Let them pay your bill. Women hate that!

5. Family Circus – A clingy girlfriend is smart. She will use the help of your family to get your relationship back on track. If you don’t want your mother, cousin or well-wishing relative to call and say what a beautiful `jodi’ you two make, you need to let them in on it. Let your family know what she’s been doing and why you need to break up. Otherwise they’ll take her side. Ask them for their advice on how to break up. Once they feel they’re helping you no matter what she calls to tell them, they’ll not relent.

6. Off the Beaten Path – Sometimes you need to act strangely and pull away in different ways to make your girlfriend realise she’s not important. Become a “sadhu” for some time. Enrol in philosophical classes, take solo trips to ashrams, and wear loose fitting white clothing. Say phrases like there’s only God in this world and I renounce myself to Him. I shall not have a family life anymore. If she asks what happens to her, you can reply – You’ve found your true calling and it has nothing to do with this materialistic world. However you still need to work to pay the bills.

7. Keep Proof – Clingy girlfriends can use every psychotic trick in the book to keep you in their life. From telling you they’re pregnant with your child to cutting themselves and writing letter to you in their blood. Don’t freak out. Don’t feel guilty and never take the woman back. Instead send her the names of some well-known psychiatrists and take all this proof to a police station to get a restraining order. Keep the police and your family involved and aware of her so that later it won’t surprise you if she takes legal action.

8. Block, Delete – If you can’t move your city to get away from her because truly that’s the best way, you need to change your passwords on your computer, laptop and any social media sites that she may have had access to. For God’s sake don’t change it to her name or date of birth! Unfriend and remove the people common in your life if you have to. So they won’t spy on you. Stop going to the same parties and the same events both of you hung out at. She’ll be there hoping to rekindle the romance. Change the locks if she was a live in. Crash at a friend’s place. Avoid her. Then delete her.

9. Relapse, repeat – It’s ok if you’re single for some time. It’s ok if you’re lonely. You don’t want to go back to the same person again or the same type of person. You need to also do some introspection or actually speak to a counsellor on why this relationship happened and how you don’t make those choices again.

10. Stop Feeling Guilty – She might use phrases like what would your friends think, is this how you treat women? Is this how you’ve been brought up? She’ll use your core values and demean you. Don’t fall for it. You might be a great guy and it’s not your fault you fell in love with a clingy woman. Don’t doubt yourself. Focus on her as the problem and not you. 

If you think this is tongue in cheek, order the book here: http://goo.gl/cct76A   

10 Things You Didn't Know Women Liked About Sex

Disclaimer: This is graphic. If you’re not 18, turn the page! If you’re married, this is compulsory reading like your MBA exam!

Women aren’t always vocal about what they like in bed. They go along because they don’t want to hurt your ego. But they’re not always having an orgasm. No they might not be faking it, but you can tell they’re not happy in their daily behaviour. Crankiness, nagging, cribbing are all forms of them not having good sex. Give them what they like and you’ll never have a bad relationship in your life!

Toys R Fun – Dildos that help you find the g -spot should be a must buy in your life. You can find these online but if you’re traveling abroad make sure you Google a store in your location that can give you this.  It’s far more essential than that bottle of whiskey! Start with the vibrating ring on the condom. Don’t laugh. Sexual games are serious. The more you’re both into them the better will be her orgasm. Tip: A vibrator is different from a dildo or a vibrating dildo. Touch the vibrating tip over the clit and nature will do the rest. The vibrating cock ring is available in India.  Waterproof mini massager by Dr Laura Berman is a fun toy to give your mate.

Say My Name – Women like dirty talk. They may not like it in Hindi (you can get to that later) but they like you being a little rough and rowdy in bed sometimes. This is after you’ve been sweet and cuddly with them as well. They need to see that wild side too. Calling her a sexy little b**** and salivating for her and telling her you want to tear her clothes off does excite women. Tip: Establish a foundation first. You can’t do this on your first date. That’s just a bit scary for the girl.

Rub-Slap-Repeat – So you can try the doggy style and here’s when you can get a little kinky if you’re into it. You can easily rub her bum a little before you give her a little slap. It warms it up. Trying new things is important. Missionary will make you bored very easily. Tip: You need to ask her if she wants to play the submissive in a role and try different things. Tell her this has nothing to do with respect. It’s simply fun for her too.  

G-Whaaa? – There is a G Spot. It’s not a mythical creature from the Lord of the Rings. You should know where it is by now. The g-spot is stimulated when you do the doggy style as long as you know you’re supposed to hump upwards. The g- spot gets rubbed when the woman is on top. The g- spot can be found when you slip one/two fingers into her vagina and curve the fingers. Like you’re taking out ghee from a long jar. Tip: Cut your nails. Keep them clean. Also let her be on top as long as she wants.

Come to Bed Clooney – Role playing is important. Send her a naughty message from work asking her to meet you at a bar in a dress with no panties on. Have drinks with her and flirt a little. Pretend you’re George Clooney. Then take her home and let her take the lead if she wants. Get creative – do it in the balcony at night, buy her a French maid outfit and tell her to pretend to clean the house wearing that while you’re in your robe. Enact a scene from Dirty Dancing. Tell her to buy a stripper or naughty school girl outfit. Surprise you one day. Tip: Try, try again if things fail. Sometimes women need a little push into doing things because they’re shy.

Spill the Beans - Ask her whether she likes the touch you are giving or she wants it differently. Don’t be offended when she gives instructions. Learn from the woman. Wouldn’t you be taking notes in a class to pass a test? Wouldn’t you be making excel sheets when your boss gives you numbers? Same way learn and ask questions so you can become the CEO of the bedroom. Tip: Don’t say I know you’ll like my cock better and give up when she tells you what to do. No. She wants the fingers and the vibrator and the role play sometimes. Make the foreplay last.

Yeh Public Hai – While not many people are into PDA, all women are into Chinese whispers. That means in a public space you can lean in to whisper how you find her cleavage very sexy or how you’re dying to suck her nipples. Lean in and let your cheek rub against her face and neck, gently blowing into her ear after you whisper. Tease her senses. Look at her deeply from across the room before you go back to a conversation with other people. Make the anticipation worthwhile. Let her desire you. Gently touch her back as if you’re helping her when she walks in front of you. Tip : Don’t snap her bra. You’re not in 6^th grade.

Don’t Diss the Porn – Some women don’t like to watch porn so you need to build it up for them. Play a soft porn movie and start the action while you’re watching it. Tell her you can do better. Tell her she’s better than the pornstar. Gently get her into trying new positions. Order soya wax candles and use wax on her body. A gentle drop on her back, or cleavage and rub it lightly. Don’t use ordinary candles. Tip: Check the video before you watch it together. Don’t go for the XXX rated the first time you show her porn.

Treasure Hunts – You know she’s going to be home at a particular time so you can leave little clues and chits for her to follow. Kitchen – Go to the bathroom and find a box. Bathroom – Open box and wear perfume. Go to closet. Closet – Chit on a coat. Wear nothing but the coat. Go downstairs to parking lot. Parking lot – Cab. Get into cab and come to hotel. Hotel – At reception ask for room 121. So it’s a little chase for her and for you. Tip: The best erogenous zone in a woman’s body is her mind. Titillate that!

Don’t fall asleep after coitus – MOST IMPORTANT. Cuddle. Lie in bed. Chat. Women still love that. Unless she wants to get up, don’t hop off and order a pizza. She really doesn't care if the sheets are dirty. Not this time. Tip: Treat every time as your first with the woman and maybe the last time because you don’t know if she’ll give it to you again. That’s how important it should be.

How to Hook Up At a Party

Look like Ryan Gosling – You know why girls swoon over Ryan Gosling? Because he looks good. Now it doesn’t matter if you’re not as fit or as wealthy, you can still try to bathe, wear deo, trim your beard, gel your hair and put on some fresh ironed clothes. If you’re confused about what to wear, a woman always loves a crisp white shirt and well-fitted jeans on a man. If it’s a formal event, wear a jacket. Oh…a jacket would make you win half the battle.

Speak like Mark Zuckerberg – No not the guy who played him in the movie, the real man. He is intelligent, philanthropic and wears a nice smile. He is appealing. He speaks when spoken to. He’s not bragging about his work, money or life. He’s down to earth. Be cool, comfortable, easy going. Mingle with a group and speak to all women at the party. Thin you deserve to be there. Know that women are interested in you when you smile sincerely and not lecherously.

Think like James Bond – You’re charismatic, suave, sexy, mind blowing. Feel it. And then speak to a woman who you like, or the woman who has come over. Be intelligent. Don’t ogle at her breasts. Be interested in her. “If I had to take you on a date, which movie would you like to see?” Ask her what she likes to do. Give her the spotlight but don’t be creepy. Too many personal questions will make her think you’re stalking her. Smile and nod your head as if you really care. Be mysterious.

Charm like Shah Rukh Khan – Women love SRK. Not because he’s a great actor, but because when he looks at you, you’re the only one he’s thinking of. Give her undivided attention. Ask her for a dance if there’s a dance floor. Seclude her to another area where you can hear her better – the terrace, a corridor, etc. Ask her if she would like to smoke. This way you can spend some more time dazzling her. Talk about your hobbies and your work. Don’t be overconfident. Stay humble and shift focus back to her.

Friendly like Chandler – Before Monica and Chandler hooked up she always thought of him as a friend. At a party you don’t want a woman to think of you as someone she can confide in. As soon as she feels comfortable with you, she won’t sleep with you. If she mentions she has a boyfriend, say you’re not interested in breaking anything up and thank her and walk away. If she still chooses to spend time with you, then you’ve got her hooked. If she says you can become good friends, then you must immediately say you’re too enamoured to remain friends and again walk away. Let her make the choice to come to you. Or you can go the Chandler way and become friends until you confess you have feelings for her one fine day in the future.

Spend like Mr. Big – Women have watched Sex and the City, a TV show where the male protagonists had lots of money. A woman likes the fact that her man can afford her high maintenance life. If you can buy her a drink, offer to take her out for dinner and even say you will get her a new dress if you rip her current one off, it shows you can afford expensive things in life. Women are attracted to men who are doing well in life as compared to men who are still struggling.

Sing like Sinatra – Women love a man who can sing or/and play an instrument. It’s something about the lyrics or the melody in his voice that will make a woman instantly attracted to him. So at a party if there’s karaoke, do sing a song. And if there isn’t say that you would like to sing two lines of a song that you’re reminded of when she speaks. Practice any song at home before you get to the party. Always sing the same song that you’re most confident in. Don’t sing the whole song till you’re prompted by her.

Funny like Farhan Akhtar – This man has been called the thinking woman’s ideal man. He’s witty and sharp and he may not have the best body or greatest dress sense but he’s sincere, puns a lot, comes up with great stories and is the master of many trades. That could be you. You don’t always need to pretend to be someone you’re not. You can just laugh at yourself and tell her an anecdote about your past that was humiliating and yet here you are hoping that the most beautiful woman in the room might like you more than that cool man over there in the corner. Endearing men always score!

Aloof like Mr Darcy – Women like brooding, aloof, powerful, dominant men. They like a bad boy they can tame. First you must find a woman who is also eyeing you as much as you are eyeing her. Then walk over to her and pay her a compliment. “I couldn’t help but admire your eyes from all the way across the room and I just needed to get a closer look.” If she’s with friends say “Enjoy your evening” and walk away, a distance where she can still see you. Smile at her if she’s still sitting with friends. Don’t start chatting with other people. Sit separately with your drink. Let her come to you.

Be You – If you like a girl, tell her. Compliment her on her eyes, her smile and the way she carries her dress. Talk to her about yourself. If you had a Twitter bio what would it say? Ask her. Play twenty questions about the person she is. Does she like parties or quiet dinners at home? Tell her what your future plans her. “I’m planning to take a cooking class to make a quiet dinner for someone in the near future.” Make her laugh.

Some women might hook up and some women even after everything you do just won’t. They came to the party to have a good time and not hook up. Don’t take it personally. In the end, have a wonderful time at the party. The more you go out to just have fun, the more you’ll have a great holiday season. 

From my Maxim Column December 2014 issue. 

10 Sex Questions From Men - Uncensored

1) I have fantasized about making love in the kitchen but my girlfriend doesn’t believe in experimenting. How do I convince her?

I’m glad that you’re trying to spice things up. However, you must realise that most women have an orgasm in the missionary position on a bed rather than being tangled in strange postures in various rooms. Therefore, you must tell your girlfriend that maybe the sex in the kitchen or anywhere else is not just about an orgasm. It’s about the adventure and the memories you’re creating together.

Then there are two ways to do this correctly. One when you’re having foreplay, coax her into the kitchen and find a comfortable spot. You must have got the kitchen cleaned first. You can’t have dirty dishes lying around. Nothing distracts a woman more than wanting to scream at her maid for not clearing up!! Make sure the lights are dimmed or have a candle lit. Draw the curtains if your girlfriend is shy. She might not like voyeuristic sex.

The second way is to start experimenting in other areas like the drawing room on a sofa or the bathroom and then move to the kitchen. Maybe the cold marble slab is not appealing to her. As Ma Sarita, the tantric sex expert claims “Women's needs from sex revolve around love, companionship and intimacy whereas a man seeks excitation, orgasm and ejaculation.” Be sure to give her plenty of love before you initiate the excitement. All the best!

2) In all the relationships that I’ve had, it’s been a tough task to decode what turned her on. What are a major turn on for a woman?

The scent of a man is very important. If you smell good, you’ve already won half the battle. Then the usual qualities would work – how you treat a woman, making her feel important, giving undivided attention, being funny, be smart, not arrogant or too cool, and never jump to have sex. Don’t talk about past relationships or hope for her to meet your parents on the first date, support her dreams, and be interested in her ideas. When you’ve succeeded in winning her attention, be gentle and firm in bed. Know when to lead and when to let her take over. In a Cosmopolitan survey of what women wanted from men, how a man looked or what he earned was lower than how he made her feel. Always remember that. Good luck!

3) I am in my late 20s and been in a relationship for the last 4 years. But for the past 1 and a half years my girlfriend has been pressurizing me to be a “man”. We have an amazing sex life and a smooth relationship, so I don’t understand what she mean? Help!

It takes time for a man to open up to a woman about his life and his problems. And women are always pressurizing men to “share more.” But when they do, women don’t really want to hear it on a daily basis! Have you been unloading all your problems to her too often? Maybe she needs a little more listening from your side and less cribbing? Don’t hunt for a mother in her. Make sure the bathroom is clean and you put away your own ironed clothes if you’re living with her. Nurture her by taking her out on dates. She needs to feel protected. Drop her home if she’s working late. Take charge of both your goals and dreams and make decisions. If she has a wish, fulfil it. If she is upset, angry, or hurt, listen to her. Give advice only when she asks for it and stop whining in return about how you’re hurt or upset too. Wear a little less pink! Keep an unshaven look for a few days and try something new in bed.  You’ll be man enough for her to never look at another male species.

4) I have just got into a relationship with a lovely, funny woman. She doesn’t like the idea of going out and it is too soon to take her home. I really like her and want her. What should I do?

Indian women are sometimes shy and conservative. So start by taking her in a group of friends or a double date – her girl friend and another guy with both of you. Do something casual like watching a movie or going for coffee. Once you get to know her better then plan an outing doing what she likes – trekking, going to the bookstore, walk in the park, etc. Ask her if she would like to do it with just you. Remember the more conversation you have with her, the closer you will get. Making yourself vulnerable, open and staying honest will always go a long way in love.  

5) My girlfriend is on good terms with my best friend and she talks a lot about him. I recently spotted them together in a bar. They said it was a coincidence. Am I being too possessive or is it time to confront her?

It’s time to confront her. There are no coincidences.

6) My girlfriend complains that there isn’t enough foreplay. Tips?

Here are a few tips of foreplay:

• Don’t rush to undress.
• Kiss a little longer.
• Play with her hair, ears, neck.
• Whisper sweet nothings in her ear – you’re so beautiful, your hair is so luscious, you’re the best kisser ever...
• Gently rub your hands down her back with the tips of your fingers.
• Move hands slowly over breasts.
• Gently suck on nipples.
• Keep a surprise element when you go down on her. Don’t rush it.   
• Use props if you need to. Silk scarves, ties, blindfold...
• Take your time before actual coitus.

7) I have been in a relationship for 3 and half years and it feels like she is the boss in the bed. It was fun but I’m a little unsatisfied of late. Any moves I can use?

Maybe she takes charge in bed because she feels she needs to. If you show her how you can please her, she won’t be so dominating. Here are a few tips:

• Experiment with role play. Tell her to wear your office shirt and nothing underneath and come into the room where you’re in bed. Or something that fuels your imagination and hers with household props.
• Don’t ask too many questions. “Do you want me to turn off the lights? Is the ac ok? Are you comfortable? Do you want to eat something first?” Stop it!
• Tell her what you want. “I want you to take your clothes off.” “I want you to sit on that chair.” “I want you to loosen your hair.” Don’t take her opinion on it. Be firm.
• Speak dirty. Ask her how she’s feeling. “Tell me how much you like it.” “Moan for me.”
• Be bold in touching her, not aggressive and rough, but firm and confident.
• Spend time in all her erogenous zones instead of just going to only one or two.
• Change positions. You don’t need to have sex in just one way. It’s not just about the orgasm. It’s about having fun and experimenting in weird ways that makes you connect with each other better.
• Compliment her for her work, choices, managing home, etc. Some women feel they need to be aggressive in bed to prove a point that they are superwoman. You must converse with her enough to make her feel she’s great in whatever she does. 
• Remind yourself that you’re a powerful personality too. Not just in bed but every day. When that confidence shines through, you’ll conquer anything!

8) I am 30 but older woman of 50 really turn me on. I really want to get with one of them. Shall I?

Try your luck but older women always come with baggage. They’re not going to marry you, have your children or meet your parents. If it’s fun with no emotional attachment that you seek, go for it. Otherwise, stick to women your own age who can develop the relationship further if you fall in love.

9) My girlfriend gets randy while kissing, it’s almost like she is chewing me. It does turn me on but she needs to slow down a bit. How can I tell her without pissing her off?

First you need to appreciate the fact that the woman loves kissing you. Tell her that you would be even more turned on if it was done slower. Tell her there’s no hurry, you’re not going anywhere and you want to please her as well. Probably she’s seen this in movies and is displaying it in real life. Show her how to kiss better. Sometimes gentle criticism and soft encouragement to improve could help in keeping your lips intact.

10) I’ve been married for 10 years, tried all kinds of positions and places. It doesn’t feel as good in bed as it used to. Any tips on how I can spice things up?

The India Today Sex Survey of 2012 showed that 35 per cent woman admit to reading or watching pornography, as opposed to 13 per cent a decade ago. You can start with watching a great porn movie together! Then move on to planning a hotel night where she’s not worried about the household problems. If you have children keep a relative/ nanny at home while you’re away for the night. Plan a longer vacation without children that could spice up the relationship. You can also try to be romantic. Send her some negligee with a note that she would look wonderful wearing it. Plan a spa day for her so she’s relaxed.

Maybe even have some time away from each other so that when you meet, the craving and passion comes back. Passion always comes from the mind. The body only follows. If you believe that you’re with the most beautiful woman in the world like you did when you married her, feel it, accept it, prove it!

The Art of a Good Kiss

My first boyfriend didn’t know how to kiss. He would just open his mouth and slobber all over my lips. It was awful. No matter how nice and wonderful he was, I had to dump him because he never got the fact that kissing was the most sensuous thing for a woman.

Kissing keeps your relationship alive. Kissing is the first step to foreplay. Kissing is an art that require less saliva and more intention. Kissing is always followed by wise words! Here are the different types.  

1.     Getting to know you kiss – The first or second date kiss. After a lovely conversation you are dropping the girl home. You know a little about her and think she’s really hot. You don’t want to over step. So you walk her in front of her place and face her. Lean in slightly, close your eyes, open your mouth by only half an inch like a fish and kiss her softly. Don’t use your tongue and don’t suck around anything! If she likes it, she’ll ask you do it again. Repeat. Don’t try to grope, etc because she’s liked this! Say “Good night.”

2.     Stop the Car Kiss – You don’t know where your relationship is going. You’ve had a mad fight. You’re upset and she’s hurting. That’s when you need to take action. You need to salvage the situation. You stop the car, un--belt yourself and lean over, pull her head slightly towards you gently and kiss her with your mouth ( 1 inch open.) No tongue. No licking. No slobbering. Just a deep kiss like you’re taking in a gulp of fresh air, fresh love. Say “I love you.”

3.     Do you want to have sex kiss – You’re both alone in a room. You want to start a process. Stand facing each other or you can sit holding each other. Start by kissing her mouth slowly without using your tongue. Use your lips to kiss her lips, her cheeks, behind her ears, her neck. Go slow. Count to three before planting a kiss and doing another one. As if you’re drawing her out of her shell. Don’t be in a hurry. Come back to her mouth. Now begin to kiss a little more passionately. Slowly with each kiss open your mouth a little more till you can slip your tongue in. Now you’ve mastered the “French Kiss.” Don’t probe around like a spy. Don’t produce too much saliva. Drink in her sweetness. She’ll soon say yes. Say “I need you.”

4.     Long Time No See Kiss – Sometimes things need to become a little more aggressive and intense. You haven’t seen your spouse/ mate for a long time. The pent up feelings have been burning inside you. You need to show her how much you missed her. There is no time for the gentleness of it all. As soon as you are in a private place, hold her head with both your hands and draw her into you for a kiss. As soon as her head is close to you, wrap your arms around her waist and hold her closer. Kiss her with closed mouth at first going towards her neck and ears and quickly come back to her lips. Open your mouth and kiss as if you’re taking air from after drowning. After about five six kisses, use your tongue. Don’t start with your tongue. You’ll be surprised at how it puts women off even if they were in the mood for a while! (Yes women are strange creatures!) Close your eyes and kiss her. Then open and look at her, panting, making sure she is reading your signals and before she can start speaking again, (of course they will!) start the process of kissing her again repeating your steps of lips, cheeks, ear, neck on the other side. Use your tongue more now. Say “I missed you.”

5.     Thank You Kiss – You’ve had great sex, she’s got you a lovely present, you’ve had a nice dinner, whatever the occasion, you must thank her with a kiss. This kiss is soft and gentle, firm and affirmative. Like I know what you’ve given me and I really appreciate it. Put your thumb and forefinger together. That’s the amount you should open your mouth for this type of kiss. Don’t use tongue again, unless she gives you a look that says she would like to be thanked in a “better” manner. Then use step 3 or step 4 for it. Say “Thank you.”

6.     Let’s Be Friends Kiss – So a woman might be into you but you don’t really want to go down that road. A peck on the cheek, a peck on the forehead and a peck on the back of her hand means you still want to remain friends but you don’t think of her in “that way.” A peck means “Not now.” A quick peck can be given to your mate at any time on the cheek, hand or lips to say you’re grateful for them in your life. Say “You’re wonderful.”

7.     The Professional Hickey Kiss – Once you’ve mastered the art of how to use your mouth, your tongue and your lips, you can move on to biting. This is the slightly rough SnM type of kiss. When you can bit the corners of her mouth so that it pinches just a bit just for a moment. It’s pulling with your lips and a bit of your teeth her lips. During sex, this can cause a hickey. Use your mouth to cover a part of her skin on her body, the neck, or shoulders and hold your mouth and teeth over it for as long as you can and suck in. Only do this when she’s about to have an orgasm or she’ll be turned off. Say “God I want you!”

Always understand the mood of each kiss. When in doubt, begin with the first step. Never push it too much if she’s not comfortable. Have fun!

 

The Kung Fu of Foreplay

Foreplay seems like a land Far Far way, where no man has ever gone. And no man has ever understood.

Foreplay is that word, that phenomenon, that enigma that eludes the comprehension of every male in the world. Yes, there are a few who will say they can last “45 minutes.” Or even declare, “They can give the best orgasm to the woman.” But do not kid yourself when you say you are good at foreplay. No matter how many educational degrees you have acquired, or diploma courses you’ve taken in your life, foreplay is the one course that you’ve never been interested in. Foreplay is the degree, the idea, the intent that you need to master to keep your woman, any woman at your mercy always.

Now before you understand what foreplay is you must change three things about yourself.

1.      Patience – You will need patience to master this phenomenon.

2.      Softness – You will need delicate fingertips and be gentle when you have foreplay.

3.      Timing – If you move to an erogenous zone too fast, you’ve lost your woman. She will be thinking of her chores and immediately say she has a headache.

Men don’t need foreplay too much. They love a blow job. Need a little ear tickle. And presence of a woman. Not necessarily in that order. But women always need foreplay. Otherwise they’ll agree to have sex with you once or twice, but you can rest assure that it will not be fantastic, she may lie there like a corpse and/or if she is married she will figure out how to have an affair.

So the key of giving great foreplay is to go slowly. So remember to spend at least 4-5 minutes on each zone.  

The 9 Erogenous Zones to Great Foreplay:

1.      Mouth – You must be able to kiss her without your hands roaming all over her body. Hold her close. Stroke her hair. Kiss her lips, corners of her mouth, gently use your tongue to arouse her further. Do not use your tongue vigorously. You don’t always need to prove you’re passionate. Prove you are gentle and she’ll respect you more.

2.      Neck - Nibble at her ears, behind her neck, down the length of her neck and shoulders. Slowly blow air as you kiss and blow simultaneously across her neck and shoulders, crossing to the other side and repeating the action. Each side taking a few minutes.

3.      Arms – With the tips of your fingers you can stroke your woman’s. Remember counting is important here. While you run your three or four fingers alternatively down her arm, it should take you about ten – fifteen seconds per each length. Place them gently on her arm from shoulder to finger tips as if you’re a slow energy that is drumming against her and pulling away at her fingers.

4.      Back - Once she feels comfortable to remove her clothes, swivel her around slowly and use the tips of your fingers to make patterns on her back. Not your entire palm. Just your fingers. Raise your fingers and place them gently back again, giving her a bit of suspense where she will be touched next. Pretend to make waves with your fingertips across her back. Remember to finish one pattern of a wave down her back before you begin making concentric circles, or making waves her along the length of her sides timidly near her breasts.

5.      Knee – Here is a secret. Under the knee is one of the most erogenous zones of a woman and rarely explored. Put your fingers together, not in a fist, as if you’re making a flower bud, hold it under her knee and release the fingertips as if the flower is opening. Do this very gently for ten seconds till the entire fingertips open. Do this a few times even on one knee. You don’t need to do it on both sides. One knee is enough for arousal.

6.      Toes – Many women love getting their toes sucked. Gently run your fingers across her pedicured feet and take her one toe in your mouth at a time. You don’t need to spend too much time here.

7.      Breasts – Gently running your fingertips across both her breasts will arouse her more than you tugging at them. Flick her nipples with your tongue. Rub your tongue around the areola. Kiss her breasts. Sometimes you don’t need to suck or tug. Also you don’t need to head to the other side and do the same with the other breast unless she asks you. The purpose is to arouse her, not to find balance in life.

8.      Clitoris – Most men hate going down on women. But you can always use your fingers. Once she is aroused from all the other zones, put two fingers in and keep your thumb out. Gently move the two fingers in and out and move the thumb in circles around, outside the vagina. If you can kiss her, lick her, probe your tongue into her alternatively while using your fingers, you’ve pretty much mastered foreplay.

9.      Brain – Do not indulge in dirty talk while you are trying to arouse your woman. You can do that later during intercourse. Or you can do it on the phone when you can’t feel each other. But while you are being gentle, slow and sensitive, you must indulge in silence or simple questions like “Do you like this. Do you want more? Where do you want me to touch you?” Let her lie back and enjoy herself. Keep conversation about her.

Warning – Do not mention anything related to house, children, finances, in laws, body weight, your work, bosses, maids, etc. A woman’s mood is as delicate as china ware. No matter how much of the above zones you have aroused, one mention of the above topics will shatter her want and see her getting dressed and putting on her favourite TV show.

Having foreplay may be a slightly longer process to getting sex but it’s a sure shot process and it will leave the woman desiring you forever!

Published in Maxim magazine October issue:

 

How to Manage a One Night Stand

Sex in summer is hot. Literally! But who has the time to get into a new relationship? You need something quick and casual. A one night stand!

A one night stand is a spontaneous sexual encounter with a person without any strings attached. And with a hope that you won’t ever see them again. It’s about lust. A raw desire. A surrender to your primal instinct. A deep need for passion. But not everyone can get it right. Here’s how you can master the art.  

15 Rules to a One Night Stand:

1.     Clean Up – Just because it’s hot, doesn’t mean you can’t be well groomed. Trim that beard, take a shower, brush your teeth, splash on some cologne and wear a clean, crisp shirt when you head out. The better you look the more chances you have to finding a girl.

2.     Tidy Up – You will be bringing a woman home if you’re lucky. She doesn’t want to lie on top of a bed full of clothes, a sofa full of newspaper, a wet bathroom with used towels on the floor or any other mess you have in the apartment. Organise your space so that it doesn’t look as if a tornado hit it. Nothing turns a woman off more than an unkempt area. Leave a lamp on before you leave so you don’t have to turn on bright tube lights when you both enter. Set the mood before you go.

3.     Stock Up – Keep a condom ready. Doesn’t matter if it’s in the heat of the moment. You need to keep one with you at all times and a few spare in your house. Check the expiry date. Use it. You don’t want your one night stand to become standing all night with a baby.

4.     Smile Up – You’re in a bar and you see a pretty girl. She’s hanging out with others. Make eye contact and smile a lot. Understand a woman’s body language. If she’s not in to you, find someone else. Don’t just pursue one person. Don’t be eerie and stare at her. Look away and be engrossed with your own friends or talk to others around you. Let her be intrigued. Smile at her if she comes to you.

5.     Dance Up – Let the music move your body. If you can’t dance well, groove to the music near the bar and let yourself be free. Don’t go up to a girl and start grinding with her. You can ask a girl to show you some moves and when the song is over, thank her and go back to your drink. Unless she’s in to you and wants to dance some more, don’t push your luck.

6.     Speak Up – If the woman is still sitting in a corner, send her a note saying how you would like to buy her a drink, or how her eyes are truly beautiful and inviting. Go over to her table and speak to her friend about how you find the girl next to her (the one you were eyeing) truly mesmerizing but you can’t look her in the eye and say that since you’re shy, so she should pass on the message. Cheesy? Yes. Affective? Most definitely!

7.     Loosen Up – You don’t have to have alcohol to have a good time. Just have fun in a place grooving to the music and enjoying the ambience. If you do have alcohol, know your limits. You don’t want to come across as a leech or a stalker. Your final aim is not to get into the Limca book of records for holding your alcohol. 2 drinks should suffice for a good time.

8.     Laugh Up – When you go out with friends, you have a great time no matter whom you end up with that night. Remember a few jokes before you go out. Laughter always eases the situation wherever you are. When you can make a girl laugh, you’ve won her over. If she doesn’t want to come home with you, respect that. You’re not going to hit a home run every night that you’re out. So have a good time with who you meet and don’t let sex become the priority.

9.     Belt Up – Call a driver if you have your own car. Leave your bike behind and call for a cab if you’ve had a few drinks. Never drink and drive and put yourself or your date in jeopardy. You don’t want to end up in jail or worse the hospital because you couldn’t think straight.

10.  Offer Up – You’ve brought the woman home. Show her the bathroom. Offer her a glass of wine or another drink to put her in the mood. Do not offer any food. It will sober her up and she’ll soon realize that she made a mistake. It will also waste time.

11.  Kink Up – It’s a one night stand for God’s sake so you don’t have to be formal and ask her about her family and her ambitions. Bring out the silk scarves, handcuffs and whipped cream if you want to. Always take a woman’s permission to try anything. If it’s just plain passionate sex you’re both seeking, you don’t need to put romantic music to get in the mood. She’s come home with you. She’s already in the mood.

12.  Shut Up – You don’t need to use euphemisms about it being a one night stand. “I’m a rolling stone that gathers no moss.” “We’re like strangers in the night, passing each other.” Honestly the woman already knows. She doesn’t want to hear that before or after coitus. Neither does she want to hear. “I did it!” “Was it good for you?” “So how much do I owe you?” Let the conversation be about how beautiful she is and that you had a great time.

13.  Hang On – It’s okay to spend the night if you’ve gone to her place. And do let her sleep it off as much as she likes if she’s staying the night at yours. She’s just given you sex. At least be respectful about her time. If you have a maid or relative coming in the morning, call that person up and defer the time for them to enter. If you’re at a woman’s place, don’t leave immediately after sex, even if you’re sober. Spend a few more hours until dawn, even if you’re awake lying in bed or having a cup of coffee before you leave.

14.  Send Off – If the woman has come to your place, offer a cup of coffee but you don’t need to hang around to give her breakfast. Say you had a great time and it would be nice if you bump into her again sometime. Don’t exchange phone numbers so there’s no expectation for anyone to call. If you’re at her place, kiss her gently on the cheek and thank her for a lovely time and leave. You don’t need to spend the day with her cleaning up and getting to know her better.

15.  Sober Up – Take a few days off before you try the ritual again. You don’t want to jump into one continuous one night stand after another. It might leave you feeling hollow and depressed. One night stands are fun if you’re single. They’re great if you’re not looking for any commitment. They’re fantastic if you find great sex every time. But they’re also complicated and messy. Understand that with every session, there are feelings involved and memories attached. Give yourself time between each one night stand to evaluate yourself. Enjoy yourself and live a full life.