tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-53304034789876957442024-03-18T15:18:46.551+05:30Madhuri BanerjeeAuthor. Writer. Columnist. Mother. Philosopher.Madhuri Banerjeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505940970095486846noreply@blogger.comBlogger286125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5330403478987695744.post-8940832353804893962018-08-25T18:34:00.000+05:302018-08-25T18:34:17.814+05:30Reserved for One: A poem<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".sf ui display"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">We don't trust enough</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".sf ui display"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">We don't pour out our hearts </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">Telling all our secrets, our fears and surrendering to each other.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">Completely and wholly. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">We can't. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">We've been taught to be cautious. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">Learnt to be guarded. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">Only a legal commitment allows exposure of the heart. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">Because what if you walk away</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".sf ui display"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">With the treasure trove of my insides</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".sf ui display"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">What if you laugh, use it against me, judge me</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".sf ui display"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">Hate me. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".sf ui display"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">But what if you're the only one who gets it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">And even if you leave one day. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".sf ui display"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">You'll be the one who knows. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".sf ui display"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">And I won't care what you do with everything of me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">Because I was meant to love you anyway. </span><br />
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Madhuri Banerjeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505940970095486846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5330403478987695744.post-58307097747633028182018-07-07T21:49:00.005+05:302018-07-07T22:12:00.336+05:30Letter from a Hogwarts Teacher to Hermione<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">My daughter Ariaana is a big Harry Potter fan.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">For her summer holidays she's gone to spend time with her grandparents. So I thought I'd write her a letter. But not just as her mom, as a Hogwarts Teacher. And since her favorite character is Hermione- I addressed it to the character. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">Dear Hermione,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">This is the third time you've not attended my class! I know you think divination is completely useless but if you don't pass my class young lady, Dumbledore won't allow you to go to the next grade. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">But instead of insisting that you attend my class let me try to convince you my dear that what I know you can't learn anywhere else.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">Your birthday is on September 19, 1979. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">In Tarot your birth cards add up to 19, 10, 18, 9. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: ".sf ui display"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">They're the Sun, Wheel of Fortune, the Moon, and the Hermit. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">You will always have wonder in your life, innocence and high vibrancy. But sometimes you can hv mood swings and you must be aware of them and not let them bother you. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">And you obviously already know that you'll be very fortunate in whatever you undertake. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">However there will be times when you'll need solitude. You'll need to introspect. And when you reach out for friends, they won't be able to understand you as well as you understand them. I pray that you realise then that there is inner light,wisdom and guidance from the universe that will always help you and you will find success. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">As I look into my crystal ball I can see that you're loving the nature around you right now and are in no mood to study at all! You've also developed some new skill? Is that so? What is it? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">Are you liking this new skill? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">I can see several people listening to your words as you speak. You hold their attention. You'll be a good leader and commander. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">Oohhhh there's something else that's coming up. Beware of becoming too full of yourself. No one likes so much ego darling. So don't only talk about yourself. Ask questions about others. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">Harry seems to like you a lot. Ron is a bit of a scaredy cat. You don't need boys on your life right now anyway! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">I'm going to end this letter by saying that not everything needs to be practical logical and rational in life. While science is making progress, there are several unexplained mysteries of the universe. To understand people better we don't need science, we need divination. A divine power that comes from God. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">Not everything in life will have answers through logic. Some answers will come from seeking divine intervention, meditation and mindfulness. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">Stay true to your inner strength while I'm trying to stay strong and not lose my marbles in this class with all these hooligans. Where is Neville? He's not here either! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">Divinely yours,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: ".sf ui display"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuidisplay";">Professor Trelawney </span></div>
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<img alt="" id="id_73ee_fb7e_9839_dcab" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-3Q8A6Bsh3M4/W0DkjjnWqBI/AAAAAAAAwBA/EmoUgADlfy4clG9myCHSrrIy6Ar2HZVYwCHMYCw/s5000/%255BUNSET%255D" style="height: auto; width: 353px;" title="" tooltip="" /><br />
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Madhuri Banerjeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505940970095486846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5330403478987695744.post-11809737660417476672018-06-22T12:41:00.000+05:302018-06-22T12:41:12.179+05:30My World Cup Love Affair. <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-l46SCRRB8Gs/WyygXYFOg-I/AAAAAAAAvjs/GQo---96bVgbL-iLk1SBpOA9x1-OFI-2ACLcBGAs/s1600/eiffel-tower-paris-iconic-place-for-new-year-celebration.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="576" data-original-width="1024" height="180" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-l46SCRRB8Gs/WyygXYFOg-I/AAAAAAAAvjs/GQo---96bVgbL-iLk1SBpOA9x1-OFI-2ACLcBGAs/s320/eiffel-tower-paris-iconic-place-for-new-year-celebration.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">My father took me to Paris in 1998 for the first time. I had begged him because I wanted to see the art, history and culture. But every evening when we were sitting for dinner somewhere there were gigantic TVs and the entire restaurant becoming an animated audience for The World Cup. And soon art and history was left behind for football. </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">Until then I'd never seen football. I only knew about love for cricket and tennis. But after watching a few matches with the French, I was hooked. The euphoria when their team won, the disappointment when the others scored and the pride they felt for each player was magical. It was like this enormous, all encompassing, ecstatic group energy that I'd never experienced or felt with anything else in my life. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">But the best part was when France won the World Cup! My Dad and I were walking through the millions of people at Champs Elysees, singing and watching parade after motor car parade whizzing by, handing out flags, food, beer, hugs. The whole country was celebrating n it was pure, clean, unadulterated fun. </span><br />
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2KLIuA3ajpM/Wyyf-vDFYiI/AAAAAAAAvjg/ANrSmjQUbVYet3mARfs_YBcftQyDtL5vwCLcBGAs/s1600/56815690.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="223" data-original-width="340" height="208" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2KLIuA3ajpM/Wyyf-vDFYiI/AAAAAAAAvjg/ANrSmjQUbVYet3mARfs_YBcftQyDtL5vwCLcBGAs/s320/56815690.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">Since then I was hooked. I needed to see every match, cheer for my teams, and got to know the players a little bit better (very good looking, fit men add to the sports attraction!)</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">The next time I watched FIFA was when I was shooting for the film Boom with Kaizad Gustad. During breaks, a few of us would dive into restaurants to watch the game. I remember standing next to Mr. Amitabh Bachchan in a small restaurant in Dubai when Brazil was playing. And I was more interested in my team winning than taking a picture with him. When Brazil won the World Cup beating Germany 2-0 that year I kind of remembered that both Amitji and I had prayed for them n we made them win together! </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">In 2014 I was in New York City when the World Cup was happening. It was my solo trip to explore the city, life and myself but I found myself at bars cheering on my team with the rest of the people there. A really cute guy asked me out that day but Germany was beating Brazil 7-1 and I was far more interested in why my team was making so many mistakes than making a mistake with a white guy that night! </span><br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zX1iKVD5lU4/WyygHvmkAmI/AAAAAAAAvjk/VAnKoJ7nzQcGjWWEPwmIR_VrPETOiWNsgCLcBGAs/s1600/5a40bc8e85600a4e95559835.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="213" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zX1iKVD5lU4/WyygHvmkAmI/AAAAAAAAvjk/VAnKoJ7nzQcGjWWEPwmIR_VrPETOiWNsgCLcBGAs/s320/5a40bc8e85600a4e95559835.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">This FIFA I'm not in any fancy country but my own home in Mumbai and watching it. I still feel the thrill when a team almost scores. I can't believe that Coutinho did that kick. And for all the sleepless nights I'll be having, I'll always remain a FIFA WORLD CUP fan. </span></div>
Madhuri Banerjeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505940970095486846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5330403478987695744.post-20795322012179410132017-05-28T20:15:00.001+05:302017-05-28T21:10:20.799+05:30Palace of Assassins by Aditya Iyengar<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span class="m_4968647774269682362s1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Palace of Assassins by Aditya Iyengar begins with what happened post the Mahabharata war with the forgotten anti hero/villain Ashwatthama. He has been one of the most misunderstood characters of the Mahabharata and very little is known of his story after being cursed by Lord Krishna. What we know from the epic is that Ashwatthama who committed the heinous crime of killing the Pandava children in their sleep was cursed to roam the earth forever and his body would be covered by sores.<span class="m_4968647774269682362Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="m_4968647774269682362s1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">As per Hindu mythology there are eight immortals (chiranjeevis) who still live on earth for various reasons. Most of these are blessed. But only Ashwatthama is cursed with immorality. The tragic story is captured quite well in this book which portrays him neither as a hero or a villain but as a troubled soul trying to find ways and means to end his miserable existence. The story goes forward and he tries to exact revenge on the pandavas with the help of a band of warriors called the Samsaptakas. They have also been wronged by the Kuru race and they are also looking for revenge. The book deals with a lot of magic which exists in the form of nature in the world called as tatva and there are magicians called tatva karman who use magical stones to imbue fantastic powers. It's with these powers that Ashwatthama believes he'll kill the Pandavas and restore to being a mere mortal so he can die and be rid of his leprosy.<span class="m_4968647774269682362Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="m_4968647774269682362s1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The story is filled with fantastic sequences visually enriched with incredible narratives. It also has a love story in the form of Kasturi who takes care of him to regain strength. While the story progresses smoothly I found a certain lack of character arc of Ashwatthama. He remains bereft of strong emotions which is unusual given the trying circumstances that he finds himself in. </span></div>
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<span class="m_4968647774269682362s1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Ashwatthama was a Maharathi (A warrior who has mastery in all forms of weapons and combat. Capable of fighting numerous multiple warriors simultaneously.) This arc is never explored and he is constantly shown as a weakling. Though there are philosophical sayings in the book and it deals with mindfulness and breath Ashwatthama doesn't seem to use them wisely.<span class="m_4968647774269682362Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="m_4968647774269682362s1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I would have also loved to see a dialogue between Ashwatthama and Lord Krishna where he accuses the Lord of using deception and guile to kill all the heroes of the Kauravas from Duryodhan to Bhishma to Dronacharya to Karna. Ashwatthama's own father Dronacharya was killed by a lie uttered by Yudhisthir and Krishna engineered it. The book could have explored this disturbing duality of truth and lies, right and wrong. </span></div>
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<span class="m_4968647774269682362s1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Over all the book is interesting in parts and gets boring in certain places. Read it if you're a fan of the anti hero and the epics.<span class="m_4968647774269682362Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="m_4968647774269682362s1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="m_4968647774269682362Apple-converted-space"><a href="https://www.flipkart.com/the-palace-of-assassins/p/itmengcedzefymuz">https://www.flipkart.com/the-palace-of-assassins/p/itmengcedzefymuz</a> </span></span></div>
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Madhuri Banerjeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505940970095486846noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5330403478987695744.post-83115052256043305232016-07-23T11:32:00.000+05:302016-07-23T11:32:30.267+05:30Mills n Boons vs Real Life Romance<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-LX3shjh7zvs/V5MINzbOMCI/AAAAAAAApJU/SPvxrCSi0ZgAcZmWwjzJfopszgXQIQFpQCLcB/s1600/6441402.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-LX3shjh7zvs/V5MINzbOMCI/AAAAAAAApJU/SPvxrCSi0ZgAcZmWwjzJfopszgXQIQFpQCLcB/s400/6441402.jpg" width="251" /></a></div>
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<strong><span style="background: white; border: none windowtext 1.0pt; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode"; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0cm; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; padding: 0cm;">“He slid his
hand behind her head and brought his mouth down on hers in a hard, demanding
kiss that stirred up a raw hunger. A kaleidoscope of emotions ripped through
him but the prime one was need. It spread through him, not slowly, but like
wildfire burning everything in sight. Gripped by it, Sean powered her back
against the railing and trapped her there.” Suddenly Last Summer by Sarah
Morgan, a Mills n Boon romance novel. </span></strong><span style="background: white; border: none windowtext 1.0pt; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0cm; padding: 0cm;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;">It’s been over 100 years since Gerald Mills and Charles Boon teamed up
to publish books. Since then, they have been responsible for more than 30,000
fictional kisses.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;">Mills & Boon sells 130 million books each year in 109 countries and
26 languages. Someone buys a book every three seconds!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;">In India Harlequin, the publisher has published 26 titles in their
Indian collection with authors Milan Vohra and Aastha Atray being the first
authors to write a home grown Mills n Boons romance in English. Since then
there have been titles that have come out in regional languages as well. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";">The Hindi titles "Raaste Pyaar Ke" and
"Punar Milan" and Tamil titles "Bossin Kadhal" and
"Avargal Meendum Inainthaargal" are available with Marathi and Malayalam
editions as well.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;">It’s no wonder that almost every woman in the world has read at least
one Mills n Boons if not more. Hence our idea of a perfect man most often stems
from the heroes we’ve grown up reading. The list of qualities that he may need
to possess are tall, rich, good looking, sense of humour, roguish, talented,
sexy, intelligent, challenging who can sweep the woman off her feet and give
her a good time in life. Now that we’ve made the list, let’s find men who can
fit this role! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;">But alas, there’s no such thing as a perfect man or a real life Mills n
Boon hero. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;">While a man is dating, he is at his best and puts on the cloak of a
Mills n Boons hero to please his woman. He is dashing and articulate, funny and
intelligent, wild yet surprisingly reliable. As soon as the man has ensnared
the woman in a commitment, the cloak is kept in the back of a `routine’ closet
and the man goes back into the minutiae of his existence. Meanwhile the woman
is all swept up and has nowhere to go. She’s a tornado of expectation and
romantic energy that she had read and tasted with the man. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;">The man acknowledges that he’s not a Mills n Boon hero. He recognises
fact from fiction. But for a woman the realities are blurred. Her romantic
notions, her relationship ideas, her future plans have been derived from an
idea of a perfect romance she may have read eons ago that have stayed in her
memory.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";">The company Harlequin has also been
criticised for repeating plots, the inevitability of their happy endings, and a
simple writing style, whereas fans cite predictability as a key reason for
reading. While this may have boosted the sales of the books, it’s always a
repeat reading or watching of something that allows it to take shape in memory.
Kausar, Integrated Therapist at Sanctuary of Life mentions, “What we read or
watch repeatedly will also be accompanied by our repeated interpretation of
that message. Depending on our level of (un)awareness of the interpretation and
its consequences on us, it can have an impact on the choices we make.” When
this repeat reading of the perfect man takes shape, it is very hard for us to
shake it when we do start having relationships. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";">In 2011, psychologist<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Susan_Quilliam" title="Susan Quilliam"><span style="background: white; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";">Susan Quilliam</span></a><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";"> </span></span><span style="background: white; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";">blamed romantic fiction, and Mills
& Boon in particular, for poor sexual health and relationship breakdowns. </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";">Gauhar, had always believed that her
relationship would be like a Mills n Boons romance. In the beginning her
husband had taken her for bike rides and chatted with her under the stars on a
trek. Once they got married, the bike was traded for a cozy family car and the
stars in the sky were exchanged for the stars on TV at night. “How has he
changed so much?” She would ponder.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";">Bangalore based leading psychologist Dr
Geetha Appachu has seen many cases of women with unreal expectations. She says </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">that when a woman is stimulated by
the idea of romance she equates it to love and she will perceive her
relationships to have that same stimulation. Most of these women clients sit
and wonder why their life is not close to what they have read. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The women
are dissatisfied because they want their spouse or partner to pamper them the
way a Mills n Boon hero has pampered his heroine. Often the relationship for
the woman gets “boring.” Boredom then causes lack of enthusiasm in the home
front and interferes in other areas of her work and society life. If the man
and the relationship isn’t “exciting enough” for the woman she chooses to
either break the bond or find stimulation elsewhere. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">While we
love our romances and Mills n Boon it’s important for all women to have
realistic expectations from their relationships. When we start getting bored we
must question whether it is in relation to something we’ve read, seen or heard
and are comparing our life to it. A deep understanding of why you need the
pampering, what more you can do in the relationship and what else can you do
with life may help women in understanding themselves and their relationships
better. But keep reading romance novels because they can uplift you, move you
and make you smile. Just don’t make them your reality. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode"; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0cm; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN; padding: 0cm;"><br />
<u>Research from: <o:p></o:p></u></span></div>
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<a href="http://metro.co.uk/2008/06/04/its-hotter-under-the-covers-with-erotica-170001/#ixzz43np5GrcB"><span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; color: windowtext; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode"; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0cm; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN; padding: 0cm; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">http://metro.co.uk/2008/06/04/its-hotter-under-the-covers-with-erotica-170001/#ixzz43np5GrcB</span></a><span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode"; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0cm; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN; padding: 0cm;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://www.millsandboon.co.uk/np/suddenly-last-summer-a-sneaky-extract"><span style="background: white; border: none windowtext 1.0pt; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode"; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0cm; padding: 0cm;">https://www.millsandboon.co.uk/np/suddenly-last-summer-a-sneaky-extract</span></a><strong><span style="background: white; border: none windowtext 1.0pt; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode"; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0cm; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; padding: 0cm;"> </span></strong><strong><span style="background: white; border: none windowtext 1.0pt; font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; font-weight: normal; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0cm; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; padding: 0cm;"><o:p></o:p></span></strong></div>
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<a href="http://www.rediff.com/getahead/report/slide-show-1-specials-mills-and-boon-now-romances-in-hindi-tamil/20130621.htm"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";">http://www.rediff.com/getahead/report/slide-show-1-specials-mills-and-boon-now-romances-in-hindi-tamil/20130621.htm</span></a><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";">
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode";">Dr. Geetha Appachu: </span><span style="background: white; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">094486 17789 (Bangalore)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Energy Healer: Kausar: 09849152872</span></div>
</div>
Madhuri Banerjeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505940970095486846noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5330403478987695744.post-91694955030726840782016-07-09T10:44:00.001+05:302016-07-09T10:44:26.862+05:30Udta Bharat<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaY2x31VD0DvZnQHzHR8X_FOYhkM3eUjCgh7VDTggay4OQxMTBcsJNDlog1H8i85sYxBC2E1UxyKBz4NYceyl0Jg9HEmnFJ63d_5Gqbq-XpF6UBEDiuTNfOgzbICIrD6vClnajZTRpvp4/s1600/drinking%252Bteens%252Bbeer%252Bteenagers.jpe" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="203" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaY2x31VD0DvZnQHzHR8X_FOYhkM3eUjCgh7VDTggay4OQxMTBcsJNDlog1H8i85sYxBC2E1UxyKBz4NYceyl0Jg9HEmnFJ63d_5Gqbq-XpF6UBEDiuTNfOgzbICIrD6vClnajZTRpvp4/s320/drinking%252Bteens%252Bbeer%252Bteenagers.jpe" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Now that the Udta Punjab
hullabaloo has died down and everyone knows about the Punjab drug issue, let’s
talk about the rest of India where the drugs and alcohol problem is also
prevalent. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Recently I spoke to my niece Aiyana
in my old home town Lucknow. When I was living there it was quiet, conservative
and rather dull. None of us had access to drugs or alcohol and we spent our
days studying and gossiping. But all this has changed in 2016. As my niece
tells me that in a reputed college hostel in Lucknow, everyone has access to
marijuana and almost everyone consumes alcohol. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
In her words, “Even if we don’t
want to drink there’s so much pressure to fit in that we succumb to it.
Otherwise we’ll be called losers.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
She also says that there are some
who “smoke up” the entire day but are brilliant at studies. Their parents don’t
care as long as they get the marks at the end of the year. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
I just came back from an Under 25
Lit Fest in Bangalore. When I met the youngsters they were all brimming with
excitement and enthusiasm. The founders were 21 years old. The volunteers
ranged from 19 to 24. They were all bright, motivated and focussed. But when I
began speaking to one of them Tarun and began discussing the Udta Punjab issue
he said, “It’s not just in Punjab, it’s here in Bangalore too.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
When I probed a little further he
opened up to say that alcohol was at a reasonable price and weed was even
cheaper. Everyone had it. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
“But why?” I asked in confusion
and a concerned forty year old aunty tone.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
“To celebrate sometimes, to take
the pressure off most times, to get away from the depression largely…” Tarun
ruminated. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
“What would you be depressed
about? You have an entire future ahead of you. You don’t have a stale marriage,
responsibilities of kids, EMIs of a house or wrinkles to worry about,” I said.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
He laughed. “We have other
issues. Mainly relationship issues. Studies pressure. Lack of a future in this
country. Corruption. No money.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
When I told him to explain more
he said, “Mostly girls and guys cheat on each other and they become depressed.
Some get into a commitment too fast and then realise they don’t want it. So
they break up. By that time the other person has fallen for them and is heartbroken.
So alcohol becomes a way to get away from it and soon it becomes an addiction.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
“What about drugs?” I asked.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
“Everyone has it, knows where to
get it and uses it. It’s mild though. Some of us don’t use it at all. And we
rarely drink. But there is pressure to be part of a group and we all hang out
and drink or smoke. It’s easy.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
That night I went to sleep pondering
about why these youngsters were unable to move on in their relationships. After
all there were so many apps that could help you move on! After a full eight
hours of sleep, I awoke the next morning and spoke to one of the volunteers and
asked if they got enough sleep as well. (Yes I realise I’ve become an aunty)
She replied that everyone was working till one in the morning. To which I said,
“Oh so you got six –seven hours of rest. Good good!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
She laughed and replied, “We
finished working at one but went drinking till four (am). We’ve got two hours
of sleep. But we’re all very eager.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Later I looked for signs for who
went drinking and who slept and I couldn’t make out at all. All the volunteers
were on their toes, smiling and working through the day. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Then I figured that this
generation uses everything including alcohol as an escape. Apps that help you
get over a relationship by finding someone new to sleep with or alcohol that
takes away the pain of being alone. And they all feel alone. The fact is they
are a passionate lot of people. They are passionate about their relationships,
work, studies, commitments, ideas, etc. And when there are hurdles along the
way their passion dies as quickly as it was fuelled. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
But why is this generation
needing escape at all? And why do they need the drugs to focus when they have
fertile minds that will allow them to do so anyway?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Aiyana in Lucknow says, “There is
so much competition that just having a fertile mind isn’t enough. Sometimes the
pressure is so high that the only way to release it is through marijuana or
alcohol. It settles the over worked mind.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
There is a huge generation gap
that is also occurring between youngsters who are between 18-26 and their
parents. The demands of the parents to secure high percentages to get into
college and then get employment, the ire of the parents when the child is
having a relationship, the distrust, the judgements, the lack of communication
is distancing the bond between the children and the parents. So these
youngsters turn towards their friends and social media. Social media only has strangers
and in a competitive world, the friends they rely on and the relationships they
have become either too dependent or too toxic. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
“My girlfriend cheated on me with
my best friend,” revealed one youngster Shrey to me. “I lost not only the love
of my life but also the person who I could turn to.” Shrey fell into depression
and started drinking. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
A young reader of mine came to me
and asked, “Maam you give relationship advice. I want to be open with my
parents and tell them about all my relationships but they only scold me and
continuously tell me to stop seeing people and focus on my studies. How do I
get through to them?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
In my own aunty way I replied,
“You must understand their core issue as well. They’re scared that they you
will lose focus and not do well. Once you assure them of that they will be fine
with your relationships.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
To which she responded, “I have.
I study a lot but I also need a personal life and I read books too. So what’s
the harm of having a boyfriend? I want to be honest with them but they’re not
getting me.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Before I could respond my fellow
young author friend said, “Lie. Your parents aren’t going to understand. YOLO.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Reports show that “During
1992-2012, the per capita consumption of alcohol in India has increased by
whopping 55%, the third highest increase in the world.” In a country where
there is an increasing generation gap between the 60% of the population - the
youth and the ones who can influence them – the older 40%, alcohol takes over
as a counsellor. Another worrying trend from India is that the average age of
initiation of alcohol use has reduced from 28 years during the 1980s to 17
years in 2007. In India alcohol abuse also amounts to huge annual losses due to
alcohol-related problems in work places. Nearly 25% of the road accidents are
under the influence of alcohol and it is also a significant risk factor for
increased domestic violence. <span style="color: #3e3e3e;">(</span><a href="http://indianexpress.com/article/india/india-others/alcohol-consumption-rising-fast-in-india-oecd-report/">http://indianexpress.com/article/india/india-others/alcohol-consumption-rising-fast-in-india-oecd-report/</a><span style="color: #3e3e3e;">) </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
What is the solution to the
alcohol crisis in India? Banning it will only lead to spurious alcohol which
could be fatal for everyone. Lecturing about it could ostracise the people
involved. And making it more expensive could lead to more crime as youngsters
will find new ways of acquiring the money for it. Showing videos before films
will only make the youngsters laugh. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Even putting a disclaimer in Bollywood
movies when actors drink is not going to change the alarming statistic of the
youth who drink. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
The solution just may be simple. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
1. Parents need to be trained to communication better with their teenage
children, maybe through regular on campus workshops. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
2. Counsellors who are
non-judgmental and not too old in age on every campus who help the youngsters
deal with their relationship issues. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
3. Workshops on spirituality, healing and
meditation on a regular basis with the youngsters made compulsory. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
4. More
sports facilities so the youth can be occupied with physical activities and
good coaches to help them. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
5. Role models from different spheres of life who
can visit the campuses and speak about their own journey and influence them. 6.
Maybe even online apps that can advise the youngsters about relationships their
career opportunities and guide them.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Youngsters today need a guiding
light. They need to know that marks aren’t everything and they will succeed
even if they don’t get into a great college. They also need to know that it’s
alright to have different relationships and move on from there instead of
settling into depression because you were jilted or broke up. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
A week ago I lost my cousin who
was forty years old to alcoholism. She had been admitted to NIMHANS for rehab,
she had also gone to a retreat to detox for a month a few years ago. Most days
she was lucid. But alcoholism was a monster in her life which she could not
control. It began in her college when she needed “just one drink.” Soon she
needed more. When her boyfriend left her, she turned to alcohol even though she
had supportive parents who spoke to her about the relationship and guided her
in many ways to do various things in life. But alcoholism was a demon that
refused to let go of its clutches. She died of multiple organ failure starting
with her liver. Her parents are still heartbroken and wonder where they went
wrong and what the purpose of her being in this world was!<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
The youth of India must
understand that the problem and the solution lies within. You must believe in
yourself. You must understand that even if there is corruption today, the
country needs you to quell it out and make it better. You must know that dying
young and living dangerously is not cool. No one will care or remember. The
only way you can make a difference is to be proud of not fitting into this alcoholic
culture. It may be the most difficult thing you’ll ever do but you’ll have a
life that will be worth it. <o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Madhuri Banerjeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505940970095486846noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5330403478987695744.post-88983339504687235652016-07-04T15:26:00.000+05:302016-07-04T15:26:22.637+05:30What is a good enough percentage to get into college?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OV3QBvhBBNA/V3oyPWMGoII/AAAAAAAApBU/FrPLRiQZ8yQKC018lF1jSwQO59Fd-l91gCLcB/s1600/du-admission-off-line_2654e2ec-271f-11e6-a271-92fd27615944.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="226" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OV3QBvhBBNA/V3oyPWMGoII/AAAAAAAApBU/FrPLRiQZ8yQKC018lF1jSwQO59Fd-l91gCLcB/s400/du-admission-off-line_2654e2ec-271f-11e6-a271-92fd27615944.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Courtesy Hindustan Times.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Pallavi.
50%. Wants to be a doctor. Refuses to do a B.A. 10 lakh donation needed to get
into a medical college. Parents want her to get married off! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Seher. 92%.
Wants to do Business Studies. Not got in to the first cut off list. Didn’t do
well in the interview round. 7 lakh donation needed to get into college of
choice. Middle class parents don’t know how to get that kind of money!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Akash. 85%.
Wants to study History. Arts cut off is 87% first list. The college of choice
is full. Parents need to find another college out of the city they’re living
in.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Syed. 73%.
Wants to do medicine. Can get through quota in certain colleges. Still needs to
pay a donation. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">How much
does a pupil need to study in India to get into the college of his choice
without paying any money?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">College Admissions is every parent and student’s nightmare!
The second list for most colleges is out on Wednesday 29<sup>th</sup> June. For
most students their fates are sealed. Some are still hopeful for a third list
and some are already getting lectures from their parents for not doing well
enough. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The cut off percentage list for admission as per Times of
India 28<sup>th</sup> June 28, 2016 was 82% for Arts and 87% for Science in
only one college. The rest of the cut offs were higher than 90%. How much do
students need to study to get into a college? </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Is out system so flawed that a teenager’s life is
defined by studies? It is a number, a percentage and an admission that can make
a parent happy. And even if he or she gets that number they might not even get
admission because the education racket is corrupted with donations sky
rocketing every year. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">When I was
giving my 12<sup>th</sup> board exams, I studied every day only to receive
approximately 75%. And thankfully I got into the college of my choice without
giving any donations. But then again I didn’t want to do business studies or
medicine and was happy with English Honours. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Today’s
teenager is struggling with studies, pressure and distractions. To be extremely
focussed and get marks above 85-90% when the competition and syllabus is so
tough is an achievement. And as parents, a society and system we should be
praising them for their hard work and effort.
Except that we berate them for not doing well enough. They still need to
get into a college. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">So if a
teenager gets low marks they have two options. 1) To give the 12<sup>th</sup>
board exams again and hope for a higher percentage that will allow them to
pursue what they like. 2) Pay the donation and acquire your seat. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">But most
parents are scared that even after coughing up lakhs, will their child stick to
the subject and find employment later? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The system
is letting the students down. Many of them have got high percentages and don’t
have the money for donations. They believed that by studying and doing your best,
you can follow your dreams. But they are not able to get into the courses they
want even in the second cut off list. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Somewhere all students are learning to
make a compromise, either with their education choice or their college. So most
of them are becoming jaded and uninterested even before they begin the next
phase of their lives. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">If donations
are the only way to go then most rich students give up even before they take
the exams. They know they’ll get in any way. And colleges are reflecting a
pattern of rich average students and extremely intelligent middle class ones. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The pressure
builds up from class 8 itself. Most boards complete the 8<sup>th</sup> and 9<sup>th</sup>
standard syllabus in one year while still doing a sports and annual day. This
puts tremendous pressure on a young hormone filled 13-14 year old teenager who
begins to rebel against the education system and parents who put pressure for
marks. By 9<sup>th</sup> grade schools are teaching the 10<sup>th</sup> board
syllabus and if the student has not picked up the 8<sup>th</sup> and 9<sup>th</sup>
grade syllabus he would be lagging behind. And in 10<sup>th</sup> grade the
schools revise the entire syllabus that will be coming for the board exams. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Why is the
education system relying so heavily on marks? Arts students need to get 95% to
get into prestigious colleges. And science streams are looking at a full 100%.
Coaching institutes are thriving. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And childhood has died. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Parents
don’t encourage sports or music anymore unless the child is brilliant at it and
can get in to college through that quota. And every parent is working, saving
and struggling to keep their child happy if the donation is needed. </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As
a parent, we lose touch with reality because of the competition. We stop seeing
our children for who they are – intelligent, bright, talented individuals who
can be defined by more than just a number. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Unfortunately
when the system only depends on marks, all a student can do is work hard and
pray for good luck. And maybe accept that whatever happens will be for the best
and that their destiny will lead them to the correct path where there will be a
pot of gold. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</div>
Madhuri Banerjeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505940970095486846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5330403478987695744.post-87525132943386810112016-06-08T20:43:00.000+05:302016-06-08T20:43:00.930+05:30The Craze over Adult Colouring Books<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rhzwIDJQvKc/V1g1ne_t8oI/AAAAAAAAo_k/d1p_J58Yt3sE7zPkqZj9NORxE42xqSn5wCLcB/s1600/07-adult-coloring-book.w536.h357.2x.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rhzwIDJQvKc/V1g1ne_t8oI/AAAAAAAAo_k/d1p_J58Yt3sE7zPkqZj9NORxE42xqSn5wCLcB/s400/07-adult-coloring-book.w536.h357.2x.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.0pt; margin-bottom: 18.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15pt;">A few days ago my two best friends came over and
instead of chatting like we generally do, they started colouring in an adult
colouring book. The next day I gave two sheets to my 7 year old daughter and
her friend and they became obsessed as well. What is it about colouring that is
so fascinating and addictive?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 15.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;">Humans have understood the power of art since time
immemorial. Ancient history has been depicted through paintings on the walls.
Culture and traditions have been shown through art and sculptures through the
years. But art has always remained elusive to the common man. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 15.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 15.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;">Over the years painting, colouring and art was seen
as something only really talented people could do as a profession or children
would do to while away time. In this hectic world where achieving something is
necessary, art for adults took a back seat to learning and earning. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 15.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 15.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;">In recent times art has suddenly become invaluable
again with artists coming into prominence and art being sold for millions all
over the world. And a seed was planted of could we ordinary people become a
part of this great art world? But who had the time and energy to paint, or make
art? And even if we did, where could we start? Not all of us have great
imagination. And a blank piece of paper is daunting and overwhelming. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 15.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 15.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;">So when in 2015 Johanna Basford, Scottish
illustrator and “ink evangelist” released The Secret Garden, and Enchanted
Forest, colouring books with intricate patterns of birds, foliage and a
treasure hunt, suddenly people realised that maybe they could be a part of this
art as well. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 15.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 15.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;">It sold 1.4 million copies and replaced a fiction
novel as the number one best seller. Since then many more colouring books
emerged and flew off the book shelves as well. </span><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Sonal Gandhi Head of Merchandising and
Buying for Crossword book stores says, “Sales of these colouring books is
catching on in India as well, though a bit late for our market as any such trend
takes a while to catch on in our market. Publishers were not prepared for this
wild fire tend/ sales. We are seeing weekly growth of 20-25%. It is here to
stay.”<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 15.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 15.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;">Suddenly colouring has become a fad. Colouring in to
these intricate patterns not only resulted in a beautiful art form that one
could hang on walls and be proud of, but what emerged was that people wanted to
do it regularly and consistently because of how they felt while colouring.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 15.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 15.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;">Milu Chitrakar Gupta, photographer and housewife has
been addicted to the Mandala colouring book, reaching out for it whenever she
gets the time. “I find it calming and it takes my mind away from the stress of
dealing with maids, cooking, and general life.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 15.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 15.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;">Prerna Fogat, working woman and single mother said
she didn’t have time for colouring but when she sat down with a colouring sheet
she couldn’t stop. “It’s completely addictive.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 15.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">So why are hordes of people joining colouring groups and
buying dozens of books? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Vivek Tejuja, Manager Content for Flipkart says, “</span><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;">I think it is because it eases people. It doesn't
demand much like a novel would have. I think it helps relax people.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 15.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;">Sonal Gandhi of Crossword Bookstores says, “</span><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">The factors that are
driving the sales of Adult Colouring Books are Fun, Nostalgia, Relaxation and
Creativity. It’s a new way to relax one’s mind in their crazy schedules.
People are always scouting for new things to do and are rather bored of usual
suspects like movies and shopping. Or smart phones or tabs etc.” </span><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 15.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 15.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Joel Pearson senior lecturer at UNSW in the school of
psychology, USA</span><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"> says, “When
colouring-in you look at the colours and spaces occupying those parts of your
brain that might normally be involved in anxiety”.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.0pt; margin-bottom: 18.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 18.0pt;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">“There seems to be a greater
drop in self-reported anxiety for colouring-in mandalas and patterns compared
to just drawing colour on a blank page,” he asserts. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">But the American Psychological Association have no claims
that colouring helps in being mindful, meditative or spiritual. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Supriya Nair, Clinical Psychologist and Founder of
AscendPsychology says, “There is no evidence of catharsis, closure or
restructure from this colouring art therapy. Art therapy is not going to help
in long term effects of the person.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.0pt; margin-bottom: 18.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 18.0pt;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">She believes that even going
out to meet a friend, shopping or a spa for the time it is done can be calming
and fun. Art therapy needs to be guided by a therapist. The colouring books are
not lab tested. There is no validation for the claim that it is in any way
spiritual or meditative. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.0pt; margin-bottom: 18.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 18.0pt;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Therapy is defined as
something done by a professional to a person who is suffering to give them
better understanding, find closure, offer structure or relieve the core issues
that are affecting their daily life. Supriya believes that colouring cannot do
that. It actually might hinder the process or delay it. “You can be calmer
sitting next to a river as well,” She claims. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.0pt; margin-bottom: 18.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 18.0pt;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">“If someone is colouring and
thinks they’ve resolved their issues, it might actually delay them from seeking
help and might worsen cases of depression, anxiety, relationship issues, etc.
Colouring cannot help change the neuro pathways of abrasive personalities and
aggressive behaviour.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.0pt; margin-bottom: 18.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 18.0pt;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">However, people have shown
developing virtues such as patience, attentiveness to detail, and receptivity
to truth after they colour for long periods. But is it because of the colouring
or the fact that they’ve made up their mind this is what the result should be
and hence believe so when they’re done? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.0pt; margin-bottom: 18.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 18.0pt;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Vivek Tejuja says “</span><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">I honestly believe that
colouring books will not stay for long. It is a fad which might last for
another year or so.” Ultimately every fad wears off and people will return to
novels or find a new wave they would like to talk about and be a part of. <span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15.0pt; margin-bottom: 18.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 18.0pt;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">For now, colouring in these
books might be the common’s man’s cheap therapy and it is important to bring
mindfulness and spirituality into everyone’s life. If the colouring makes you
believe that’s how you will achieve it, then by all means please pick up those
colouring pencils. However if there are deep issues which unsettle you even
after you’ve finished colouring, see a professional about your problems without
delay. Colouring is a reasonable way of diverting your mind for some time but
the mind is powerful enough to bring you back to your problems that will need
to be dealt with at the core level. And that needs long term solutions.</span></div>
</div>
Madhuri Banerjeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505940970095486846noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5330403478987695744.post-10133545744038747292016-06-02T11:25:00.000+05:302016-06-02T11:25:10.735+05:3010 Things Every Woman Should Know By 30<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-a017O94TwZ4/V0_KBMKJENI/AAAAAAAAo-w/xR_DigFXZBsO3S_B5u9dzAQF9Z2bO1OfgCLcB/s1600/A-woman-who-creates-a-full-happy-life-on-her-own-is-a-lot-more-inviting-than-one-who-looks-to-a-man-to-create-it-for-her.-Mandy-Hale--e1400132378944.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-a017O94TwZ4/V0_KBMKJENI/AAAAAAAAo-w/xR_DigFXZBsO3S_B5u9dzAQF9Z2bO1OfgCLcB/s320/A-woman-who-creates-a-full-happy-life-on-her-own-is-a-lot-more-inviting-than-one-who-looks-to-a-man-to-create-it-for-her.-Mandy-Hale--e1400132378944.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]-->1.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--><b>Why You Don’t
Need To Please Everyone</b> - We’ve grown up hearing “Be nice to people.” We’ve
been taught to keep our tongues in check and be polite to elders. This has led many
women to be apologetic for their thoughts and a nature to please everyone, be
it friends, family or co-workers. We can’t say NO. And we never disagree,
thinking people won’t like us anymore. So what if they don’t like us? We don’t
need to be rude but we can say what we feel like and sometimes it’s important
to do things for ourselves. Realise what you want to do with your time and life
and stop pleasing everyone at the cost of it. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]-->2.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--><b>When to Walk
Away From Men Who Are Not into You - </b>Some men want you, then they don’t,
then they want you again. OMG. The constant back and forth of mind games that
you’ll play with men and analyse every little thing they say and how you feel
will leave you exhausted. We women over think relationships. Just because we
see “potential” in a man doesn’t mean we give away our months, years and life
to a relationship that isn’t giving us what we want. Walk away when you feel
you’ve given enough to the relationship or give it a deadline. Believe me,
there are plenty of good men in this world who will cherish you. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]-->3.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--><b>That You
Need to Speak to Your Family Often</b> - You think your parents, grandparents
and siblings may live forever but they won’t. The conflicts and
misunderstandings you have with them should be finally put to rest. Understand
that there are generation gaps, communication gaps, and cultural gaps that
every family has. Every one you love may not understand you. But you can make
an effort to love and understand them. When you start accepting them for who
they are, they’ll start doing the same too. This is an ongoing process you need
to do on a regular basis instead of thinking you tried once and it didn’t work.
Make more effort.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->4.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--><b>Have Your
Own Bank Account and Save 1/3<sup>rd</sup></b> – Most women will get a job and
start spending all their money or give it to their parents to handle. Start
having a grip about your own finances. Open an account and start putting money
in there. Speak to a chartered accountant or banker who can advise you about
savings and mutual funds for the long run. You might think you’ll earn enough
and can save later but with a volatile market and risky employment in today’s
times, you can find yourself out of a job at any time. That’s when you’ll need
savings. If you’re getting married, always remember to open your own account.
Set the precedent from the beginning or even if you’ve been married for some
time, open an account for yourself. Even if your husband asks “what is the need”
and you want to keep peace and please him, still open one. You’ll thank
yourself later.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]-->5.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--><b>Travel is
Important </b>– Book your tickets and dates well in advance so you can save
money and travel solo or with your partner or family wherever you can. Travel
is an important part of getting out of your comfort zone and experiencing new
cultures, food, and life. It brings perspective and makes you realise who you
are. You don’t always have to travel internationally. There are magnificent
places in India that are cheaper that you must have on your bucket list. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]-->6.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--><b>It’s
Better to Be Safe than Sorry with Fashion</b> – If you’re not comfortable
wearing something, don’t push your body into doing so because it’s in fashion
or from peer pressure. You’ll stand out for being yourself. Instead of having
malfunctioning wardrobes and shoe bites, you’ll have the time to think about
what you want from life, instead of what people think about you! One of the
richest men in the world Mark Zuckerberg only wears grey shirts and jeans
because he believes that he can’t waste his grey cells on deciding what to wear
since he has other important things to think about! <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->7.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--><b>Building
Yourself</b> – Make a CV. What all have you done with your life? What more do
you want to do? Where do you see yourself in 10 years? What are you doing today
to achieve that? Even if you just want to get married and have children, do
enough to tell those stories later! Learn something new. Take up a course.
Teach children. Help the elderly. Manage an event. Take up an adventure sport.
Read a book a week. Pick up the Time magazine and read about international
affairs. Friends will come and go in your life but what you do and who you
become lies solely in the time you invest in yourself now. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->8.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--><b>What Your
Body, Skin & Soul</b> <b>Needs</b>–
Always use sunblock before you leave the house and remove your make up after a
party no matter how tired you are. Maintain proper hygiene at all times. Get
proper gynaecologist check-ups done once a year. Your body is going through a
hormonal change and you need to understand and get treated regularly before it
becomes a major problem! Get a massage done once in a while to pamper yourself.
Spend time alone. Reflect. Introspect. Meditate. The balance you achieve now
will help you deal with many issues later. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->9.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--><b>How to
Eat Right & Work It Out </b>– Have a proper breakfast. Every day! Watch
what you’re eating through the day. Don’t starve yourself. And don’t over eat
because you’re ravenous. Choose your food and drinks wisely. It shows on your
skin and your body. No amount of makeup can hide it. Even if you have a great
metabolism and can burn everything, your internal organs will start
deteriorating with too much fat and alcohol. Drink enough water. Work out
regularly. Take the stairs if possible. Walk in the mornings for half an hour
if not more every day. Do yoga, Zumba, pilates, boxing, anything that keeps you
active. It’s not just to have a great body which you will, it will make your
mind stronger too. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->10.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--><b>Owning
Your Sex Life</b> – You don’t need to sleep with a man on the first date or
even the third. You don’t need to have sex because you’re lonely or depressed
or drunk. You don’t need to get back with your ex because he’s comfortable. You
don’t need to get on dating apps because you feel “re-virginised.” By 30 you
need to own your body and sex life. You can choose to say no or yes to a man as
long as it empowers you. <o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Madhuri Banerjeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505940970095486846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5330403478987695744.post-78233379710873972362016-05-30T18:51:00.002+05:302016-05-30T19:20:53.066+05:30Words to Live By <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.32px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-pDVEPXkHNgo/V0xFMXWpN7I/AAAAAAAAo-M/4gLidMg8xH4eDPaAZWkL_pPbN3SVJ9yogCLcB/s1600/clock-wide.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-pDVEPXkHNgo/V0xFMXWpN7I/AAAAAAAAo-M/4gLidMg8xH4eDPaAZWkL_pPbN3SVJ9yogCLcB/s320/clock-wide.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
“Be brave. Even if you’re not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.<br />
Don’t allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It’s there for your convenience, not the callers. Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb. That’s where the fruit is.<br />
Don’t burn bridges. You’ll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river.<br />
Don’t forget, a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.<br />
Don’t major in minor things.<br />
Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You h<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">ave exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Helen Keller, Leonardo Da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein. </span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">Don’t spread yourself too thin. Learn to say no politely and quickly. </span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">Don’t use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved. </span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">Don’t waste time grieving over past mistakes Learn from them and move on. </span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">Every person needs to have their moment in the sun, when they raise their arms in victory, knowing that on this day, at his hour, they were at their very best. </span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">Get your priorities straight. No one ever said on his death bed, ‘Gee, if I’d only spent more time at the office’. </span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">Give people a second chance, but not a third. </span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">Judge your success by the degree that you’re enjoying peace, health and love. </span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">Learn to listen. Opportunity sometimes knocks very softly. </span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">Leave everything a little better than you found it. </span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">Live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation. </span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life and death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems. </span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">Never cut what can be untied. </span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">Never overestimate your power to change others. </span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">Never underestimate your power to change yourself. </span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">Remember that overnight success usually takes about fifteen years. </span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">Remember that winners do what losers don’t want to do. </span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">Seek opportunity, not security. A boat in harbor is safe, but in time its bottom will rot out. </span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">Spend less time worrying who’s right, more time deciding what’s right. </span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life. </span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">Success is getting what you want. Happiness is liking what you get. </span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">The importance of winning is not what we get from it, but what we become because of it. </span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">When facing a difficult task, act as though it’s impossible to fail.”</span></div>
<div class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; display: inline; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.32px;">
<div style="font-family: inherit; letter-spacing: inherit; margin-bottom: 6px;">
— Jackson Brown Jr.</div>
</div>
</div>
Madhuri Banerjeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505940970095486846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5330403478987695744.post-50852436884840247072016-05-22T12:20:00.001+05:302016-05-22T12:20:15.927+05:30The Selfie Fame Craze: Are We Risking Too Much For "Likes"<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-QIg4r_zonmE/V0FWKOGtOdI/AAAAAAAAo9M/c4MDf30oB6Q9NpslSq1gVNXIfSsYMC91wCLcB/s1600/dangerous-selfie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="175" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-QIg4r_zonmE/V0FWKOGtOdI/AAAAAAAAo9M/c4MDf30oB6Q9NpslSq1gVNXIfSsYMC91wCLcB/s320/dangerous-selfie.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/--dEsqMuGt4Y/V0FWSd810eI/AAAAAAAAo9Q/WYoGzfj3XWIZWOutT_i0F0sD3d-zcusiQCLcB/s1600/selfie_2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/--dEsqMuGt4Y/V0FWSd810eI/AAAAAAAAo9Q/WYoGzfj3XWIZWOutT_i0F0sD3d-zcusiQCLcB/s320/selfie_2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">“I got a thousand likes for my DP!”
Squealed my 25 year old friend. She showed me a picture of her with a tiger who
was yawning. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I almost fell off my chair, “Wasn’t that
dangerous?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">She shrugged her shoulders and said, “Nah.
He was an old tiger. They said nothing could happen.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I was still appalled. Something could have
happened to her. A tiger is still ferocious and it only takes a moment for it
to react and harm a person. Why was it was so important to her to take that
picture and put it up on a social media site? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Recently an MLA visited a drought stricken
area and took a selfie. The picture was widely criticised but the MLA wanted to
get noticed, recognised and tell her seniors that she was actually there. In
her moment of self-obsession, she didn’t recognise the gravity of the
situation. She is not alone. There are many people who would say, “What’s the
harm? It’s just a photo!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">But the need for the perfect selfie and
the desire to be liked and appreciated can go to dangerous lengths. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">According to a<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/worldviews/wp/2016/01/14/more-people-die-taking-selfies-in-india-than-anywhere-else-in-the-world/" target="_hplink"><span style="background: white; border: none windowtext 1.0pt; color: windowtext; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0cm; padding: 0cm; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">report in the Washington Post</span></a><span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">, the most number of selfie deaths in the world occurred in
India. Of at least 27 “selfie related” deaths around the world last year, about
half occurred in India.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">In recent news, two youths were run over
by a train while taking selfies on the railway tracks at Purushottampur railway
crossing in Chunar area in Mirzapur district in UP state of India. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">In February
2016 a college student drowned after falling off of the<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waldevi_Dam" title="Waldevi Dam"><span style="background: white; color: windowtext; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Waldevi
Dam</span></a><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span></span><span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">in<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nashik" title="Nashik"><span style="background: white; color: windowtext; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Nashik</span></a><span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">, India, while taking a selfie. In March 2015 seven Indian
youths drowned while taking selfies on<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Mangrul_Lake&action=edit&redlink=1" title="Mangrul Lake (page does not exist)"><span style="background: white; color: windowtext; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Mangrul Lake</span></a><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span></span><span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">near<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kuhi" title="Kuhi"><span style="background: white; color: windowtext; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Kuhi</span></a><span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">, about 20 km from<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nagpur" title="Nagpur"><span style="background: white; color: windowtext; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Nagpur</span></a><span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">, India. Their boat had tipped over as they were standing up
to pose. (Wikipedia)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Our lives are now recorded in selfies. Who
we met, what we did, where we are, how we look needs to be documented and
appreciated. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">What is this need for fame that everyone
is seeking? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">There are more people who will go online
to Facebook to like a new DP than look for a blog to read. In a world which is
becoming more visual, the perfect photograph has gained importance. But it’s
not just a pretty picture. It’s you in it. It’s how shocking, dangerous,
thrilling and exciting it can be and how you look in that moment. It’s the
moment of envy of others. Can you make someone else jealous? If you can, that
moment is the perfect picture and hence the most amount of likes on Facebook,
Instagram, Twitter, and every social media that you put it up on. If you can
even “trend” because of it, or have people comment, share and discuss it,
you’re a hit. And if you aren’t noticed, you’re nobody.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">In this entire scenario no one really
cares if it’s hazardous to your life or if it’s actually ethical! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Our lives are now documented online. Even
if we take photos for ourselves, we have a desire to showcase it. To prove we
did it. We can’t just go somewhere and enjoy the place, live in the moment or
soak in the wonder. Why?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">It’s our need to be famous. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Famous people make more money, live better
lives, and have all the luxuries in the world. To be famous one need not be
moral. One needs to always be in the public eye. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Recently during a TV actress’ funeral,
there was much fainting, drama and sound bytes given to the media of how close
they were to her. The media played out their stories with their photos and
instantly these actors got noticed. In an industry where you need to be spotted,
remembered, praised, you don’t think of the right or decent thing to do. It’s
about fame after all. And fame that you can ride on someone else without
actually paying for your stories, images, and photos to appear in the papers . <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">According to a renowned Mumbai psychologist Gitali Banerji of MindfulSpring.com and Inner Space Therapy says,
“We have become a generation, an era of people who are so self-obsessed that we
don’t look at the harm it can cause us later. There will come a time when not
as many people will like your picture, or really care about what you do, where
you are or how you look. If you’ve built your life on that appreciation, it
will become difficult to adjust to normal living. That’s when you get
depressed, paranoid, and obsessive.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">In a market that is making better cameras
and people taking more photos of themselves and trying desperately to get
famous, are we just losing focus? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Hollywood actor Jim Carrey put it
succinctly when he said, “I think everybody should get rich and famous and do
everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer.”<span class="apple-converted-space"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The
only way we can find that answer is if we ask different questions. And none of
them have to do with being liked or getting fame. </span></span></div>
<br />
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<br /></div>
</div>
Madhuri Banerjeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505940970095486846noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5330403478987695744.post-9104950832775107312016-05-18T15:55:00.000+05:302016-05-18T15:55:04.767+05:30Write India Winners for my passage Love Jihad. <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Madhuri Banerjeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505940970095486846noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5330403478987695744.post-37775973854968783442016-05-18T15:49:00.002+05:302016-05-18T15:49:50.408+05:30The Rise and Rise of Priyanka Chopra<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">The
year is 2000. It’s the final round of Miss World. The emcee calls a young girl
from India, and asks her,<span style="background: #F9F9F9;"> "Who do
you think is the most successful woman living today and why?"</span><br />
<strong><span style="background: rgb(249, 249, 249); font-weight: normal;">Since all the Miss Indias’ are
prepared with one answer –dead or alive, a nervous Priyanka Chopra answers</span></strong><strong><span style="background: rgb(249, 249, 249);">, </span></strong><span style="background: #F9F9F9;">"There are a lot of people I admire, but one of
the most admirable people is Mother Teresa, who has been so compassionate,
considerate and kind."</span> And she goes on to win the title. Lady Luck
has been shining on her ever since. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Today,
she is the most popular heroine not only in India but spreading all across the
world. As she became the first South Asian to win the People’s Choice Awards
earlier in USA this year she claimed, “I feel like Miss World again.” And this
time she has all her answers well prepared. From being on the Jimmy Fallon show
for her American TV debut Quantico to commenting on Trump and the Miss Universe
fiasco, PC has a voice and people want to hear it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Priyanka
has come a long way in the last sixteen years. Her life has been coated with
controversies of affairs with leading actors to plastic surgeries that she
hides well to surrogate babies. Other Bollywood actresses never took a liking
to Priyanka, an outsider in an industry that was ruled by camps and contacts. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">Priyanka
however was always a focussed woman who knew fame and fortune only lay in front
of the camera. Coming from an army background Priyanka shone in her first year
in Bollywood in the film Andaaz that won her a Filmfare Award for Best Female
Debut in 2003. Instead of sticking to the traditional roles and typecasting
herself PC went on to do a gutsy, negative role in Aitraaz that won her a
Filmfare for Best Performance in a Negative Role. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">While
the industry was still gossiping about how she was so unconventional looking
and breaking rules Priyanka’s life was a roller coaster of covers of magazines and
winning hearts. Bollywood wives became insecure when she was working with their
husbands on a film, often coming to the set to strengthen their presence in the
hero’s life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">One
director says, “PC is the perfect actress. She becomes who you want her to be.
She can be desi eating rajma chawal and chatting in a Bihari accent with an extremely
`Indian’ kind of director and she can have an American accent on how she loves
Central Park when she’s talking to a director who loves shooting in New York.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">But
Priyanka has been unfazed by gossip around her. Even when she was linked to
Bollywood’s top married hero as his second wife, she continued to work hard and
prove she was more than a WAG. (Wife and Girlfriend) She stretched her talents
to spread into as many fields as possible. Unlike other actresses who stuck to
simply acting, Priyanka was a host on Indian television in Khatron ka Khiladi
and she made an international music video called In My City and Exotic. Quickly
learning that her music and hosting career was not going to get her too far,
she came back to choose films that would boost her acting ability further.
Fashion, Barfi, Mary Kom, Dil Dhadakne Do, Bajirao Mastani, Priyanka has always
selected films with great scripts, intelligent directors and meaty roles that
would be promoted well. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">She understood how the marketing system works. It’s not
just about the craft or the talent if no one sees it. Promotions were important
and PC hired enthusiastic PR representatives to push her image and quotes
wherever possible so people would see and hear from her continuously. She hash
tagged herself into the hearts of people and several ad agencies who would
start remembering only her when it came to endorsements – Bollywood, fashion,
music, etc.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">PC
became the girl everyone wanted to work with and her filmography expanded to
over 50 films and over 25 awards. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">In
2015 Priyanka started working on Quantico, an American TV show. Rumours
surrounded even this. Her rise in the last one year has been phenomenal. From
being recognised on a global TV platform to presenting at the Oscars, winning a
People’s Choice Award, being on the cover of Time magazine, having dinner with
the President of the United States Barack Obama to winning the Padma Shri,
Priyanka has left the controversies, and love stories behind. Her active PR
agency makes sure that she is continuously in the news in India while still
filming for Quantico and Baywatch abroad as she knows that out of sight is out
of mind for most viewers. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 150%;">Priyanka
balances all her work with extreme poise and grace. While most actors are
afraid of social media, she is the first actress to have crossed the 11 million
follower mark on Twitter (currently at 13.9 mil) and 3 million followers on
Instagram. This makes her imminently likeable and relatable to the ordinary
person who feels they can connect with her at any time. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 150%;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 150%;">She paves the way for
showing how to respond to trolls and having a thick skin which makes her even
more popular on social media. </span></span><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 150%;">Recently, talking
about Donald Trump’s call to ban Muslim immigrants in US, Priyanka Chopra had
said, “I just think you can’t put a ban on anyone. </span><span style="line-height: 25.5px;">Generalizing</span><span style="line-height: 150%;"> a type of
people is really primitive.” This did not go down well with one of her
followers, Adesh Gundecha, who Tweeted to her: “Priyanka, politics is not your
arena yet. Better just be actress for now. WAIT!!” And Priyanka has been
winning the Internet with her reply: “You’re right @adesh_1 why should an
actress stand for humanity... It’s not our place right?” (<a href="http://www.deccanchronicle.com/entertainment/bollywood/300416/taking-on-the-trolls.html" target="_blank">http://www.deccanchronicle.com/entertainment/bollywood/300416/taking-on-the-trolls.html</a></span></span></span><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">) </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">From
saying the wrong answer to being the most quoted celebrity in India, Priyanka
is motivational to many youngsters who are trying to find themselves and become
famous as well. “<span style="background: white;">I think it’s great to be
flawed. I am hugely flawed, and I like it that way. That’s the fun of life. You
fall, get up, make mistakes, learn from them, be human and be you.(2012)” (<a href="http://www.hindustantimes.com/bollywood/it-s-great-to-be-flawed-32-quotes-by-32-year-old-priyanka-chopra/story-0HK7j9BcPHDhWk3K6YoZRP.html" target="_blank">http://www.hindustantimes.com/bollywood/it-s-great-to-be-flawed-32-quotes-by-32-year-old-priyanka-chopra/story-0HK7j9BcPHDhWk3K6YoZRP.html</a></span></span><span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">While
there might be rumours about how she has used the popular black magician of
Bollywood who seems to be helping many a star and producer, Priyanka has proved
that her hard work and dedication to her craft and talent has made her globally
admired and respected. “She is unstoppable,” says one of her directors. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif;">But
her every moment from the time she was crowned Miss World has been used to
better her life. She now has a quote for everyone – magazines, newspapers,
press, movie premiers, talk shows, red carpets. She’s left her contemporaries
far behind and is ready to compete on the global scale. As she rightfully said
she’s on her way to “world domination.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
Madhuri Banerjeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505940970095486846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5330403478987695744.post-11344407230830451182016-05-14T12:08:00.002+05:302016-05-14T12:08:42.368+05:30Review: Before We Visit the Goddess by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_hOZAYSeC18/VzbHTUHwtXI/AAAAAAAAo8A/SxfVUIgkMyE2kdiJaMyCudP31oGjtL0cQCLcB/s1600/before-we-visit-the-goddess-400x400-imaegu9ppuahbdd2.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_hOZAYSeC18/VzbHTUHwtXI/AAAAAAAAo8A/SxfVUIgkMyE2kdiJaMyCudP31oGjtL0cQCLcB/s320/before-we-visit-the-goddess-400x400-imaegu9ppuahbdd2.jpeg" width="214" /></a></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><u><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Before We Visit The
Goddess<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><u><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">by Chitra Banerjee
Divakaruni<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Before We
Visit The Goddess is a beautiful tale of three generations of women who have
loved, lost, and misunderstood each other over a span of a lifetime. It’s a
bittersweet tale of motherhood of three women Sabitri, Bela and Tara woven
through a tapestry of different perspectives in first person and the people who
were important in their lives. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Before We Visit the Goddess is a story of
immense alienation felt in myriad ways and the deep need to connect to the ones
you love. Each mother has ambitions for her only child, only to be scorned and
rejected until the final twist when redemption suddenly comes but it might be
too late. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The novel
may seem linear in format but through the narrations we flicker back in time to
go more in depth with the characters’ thoughts and reasons. It’s a story of how
small incidents can alter relationships and how time can manipulate your ego to
hold on to grudges long after the memory has faded. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Sabitri’s
mother is a master at making sweets, a talent that leads to her daughter
getting favours from a rich household that allows Sabitri to go to school. Sabitri’s
story is a heart warming tale of a young girl who is tenacious enough to learn
everything her mother wanted, but falls into a trap, disappoints her surrogate
mother Leelamoyi and must start over again; a theme that is repeated in
different ways through Sabitri’s daughter Bela and her daughter Tara. Sabitri’s
encounter with a stranger and her choices set off a series of events that are
intricately related to the lives of her future generations. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Bela,
Sabitri’s daughter is passionate and fiery, exactly like her mother but makes
choices that break her mother’s heart. She lives a life full of love and loss
until she finds small happiness in the unlikeliest of places through a
stranger. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Tara’s story
is one of a typical American Born Confused Desi with a fantastic new angle. Her
desire to fit in, stand out and be accepted is told in a new way until again like
her mother, it’s an encounter with a stranger and not someone she loves that
sets her on a new path. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Each woman
grows through the years and changes to understand herself better and as readers
we see how similar they all are. Regrettably only we readers can understand how
deeply connected their choices are and the depth of their immeasurable need for
their mother who they reject until maybe it’s too late. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">This book
could have also been called Fortunate Lamps from the letter Sabitri starts
writing to Tara: “Good daughters are fortunate lamps, brightening the family’s
name. Wicked daughters are firebrands, blackening the family’s fame.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Whether they
are Fortunate Lamps or not, is left to the reader to decide. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Chitra
Banerjee Divakaruni is a master story teller and she has outdone herself in
this novel, weaving in narratives from a male and female viewpoint, leaping
through decades and pausing for the moments that we over look in life but the
ones that actually matter. This book is tender, sublime, beautiful and
evocative. You are sucked into the worlds that seem familiar but are always out
of reach. One is moved by the stories of each of the characters, not just the
three main women. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I truly loved Palace of Illusions and it was my favourite novel
for a long time until BEFORE WE VISIT THE GODDESS came along and has toppled
it. Kudos Chitra. Didn’t want this book to end though it has remained with me
long after I finished it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<a href="http://www.flipkart.com/before-visit-goddess-english/p/itmefsp6dsspdvg7?pid=9781471146930" target="_blank">http://www.flipkart.com/before-visit-goddess-english/p/itmefsp6dsspdvg7?pid=9781471146930</a></div>
Madhuri Banerjeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505940970095486846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5330403478987695744.post-49696134853015164612016-05-06T06:32:00.000+05:302016-05-18T15:50:26.991+05:30Why Women Judge Other Women <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2lDZXnN017Y/VyvscCsh7hI/AAAAAAAAo6U/BFsW_hLWaosxaRUekAnSd5lPv_iZD6I9ACLcB/s1600/360_mean_girls_1112.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="208" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2lDZXnN017Y/VyvscCsh7hI/AAAAAAAAo6U/BFsW_hLWaosxaRUekAnSd5lPv_iZD6I9ACLcB/s320/360_mean_girls_1112.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Recently an
ex boyfriend of a successful actress declared in an interview that she used
black magic and was violent. The post was put on social media. Surprisingly
many men supported her while women commentated that she was a “psycho.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Working mom
and a close friend of mine Soumya Shankar went to her school reunion and met
her old girl students there. Most of them were housewives and only one was
working but didn’t have any children. While the mothers judged the working
woman, my friend judged them all saying, “How can these women just sit at home
and look after their husbands and cater to their families all day? Don’t they
want to do something more with their life?” And when asked about the woman who
was truly successful at her work she said, “Haan but then she’s sacrificed
having children. She’ll never know the pleasure of being a mom.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">We are
constantly bombarded with images of perfect women in magazines, the film
industry, and various different sectors. These women have successfully managed
their careers and their home life perfectly while looking like a million bucks.
The media has planted the image of what a perfect woman should be in most of
our minds. This remains in our subconscious so that when we meet women, our
immediate reaction is to judge them according to that image. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">How do we judge women?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Even while
we don’t compare normal, ordinary women to the glamour industry, women most
often gossip about each other. Some of the things they might say could be:
She’s become so fat. She does nothing with her life even after studying so
much. She’s so aggressive. Her hair cut is terrible. She’s got such negative
energy. She doesn’t even know how to cook. What an awful attire she’s wearing.
She looks tired, she should do something about those dark circles. She keeps
blowing up her husband’s money. Obviously she slept her way to that position.
Of course her husband would leave her; who would stay with someone who doesn’t
want to give time to her husband? She works so hard that her children will
suffer and become these brats. Look at how she dresses, it’s shocking. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Housewife
Jyotsna Kirloskar says, “Sometimes I participate in judging women to fit in to
a group. If I don’t, I’ll be a loner because everyone talks about each other.” We
women have all known to say something about another woman deliberately and
sometimes involuntarily. It could also be that there is truly nothing else to
talk about. Sometimes it’s just a reaction to someone saying something about us
as well. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Where did it come from? <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">We have seen
our mothers, grandmothers, aunts sit around and gossip about family members and
other women. Sometimes we do it to build our own self esteem that we’re good
enough. Most times we compare ourselves to other women to judge where we stand
in life. And we tick mark the things in our invisible list of how to be
successful that we have been able to achieve. Loving family, respect,
appreciation, healthy body, good children, loyal husband, fat bank balance,
powerful designations, etc. If in our head we’ve achieved the things we believe
should define a woman or are at least trying to, then we judge other women for
not following in those footsteps. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">What is the harm anyway?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Gitali Chatterji,
Senior Psychologist at Inner Space Counselling believes that when you’re
judging somebody you get a temporary sense of happiness by comparing yourself.
“It’s actually survival of the fittest. Everyone else is competition, everyone
wants to be number one. Hence they judge to put the other person down and
themselves higher in this evolutionary perspective. Self-reflection is rare. If
you self-reflect and are absolutely honest you can take a step back and analyse
is there a personal need that is unmet? And then you can develop that rather
than judge.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Most
judgements of others are ego strategies to avoid uncomfortable feelings. (<a href="http://www.tinybuddha.com/">www.tinybuddha.com</a>) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Constant
judging could lead to a personality disorder that could lead to emotional
distress, anti-social behaviour or anxiety amongst other serious problems.
Judging other women will lead to unhappiness, comparison and self-deprecation. Your
behaviour, attitude and words will teach younger adults and children to
perpetuate stereotypes and continue with the judgements and negativity. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">It could
also lead to a false sense of pride, arrogance and inflated ego that could
crumble later in life leaving you with extreme depression. When we judge, we
also compare and subconsciously compete. This fills us with expectations about
ourselves and our lives, which when not actualised could lead to great
disappointment. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Bestselling
Author Chuck Palahniuk says, “We’ve spent so much time judging what other
people created that we’ve created very, very little on our own.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">What Can we Do About it?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">1.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><u><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Stop feeling envious or resentful</span></u><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> – Understand where it is coming from
– loneliness, being scared, anger, and insecurity. If you’re a shy person you
might look at a woman and say “She’s so loud!” Or if you see a person with a
happy marriage and you’re suffering you might say, “I’m sure he’s cheating on
her.” Acknowledge what they have and what you don’t and abstain from judging
either. Say to yourself, I refuse to comment. I let go of this thought. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">2.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><u><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Keep yourself occupied</span></u><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> – Most times an idle mind is a
devil’s workshop. When you are busy trying to learn something new, reading, or
have a goal in mind you will stop spending so much energy in judging people and
focus on yourself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">3.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><u><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Consciously Stay Away from Commenting</span></u><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> – Many women friends meet to gossip
and comment on others. Try to stay away from these connections since you get
sucked in to fitting in or speaking ill as well. Or you can try to change the
topic to something everyone enjoys and discuss new ideas. Find friends who will
inspire you, motivate you, teach you, listen, discuss and move you. Not just
those who may gossip when you have free time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">4.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><u><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Realise it may not be your own
thoughts</span></u><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> – Access
Consciousness states that 99% of the time our thoughts are not ours and they
belong to something in the Universe that we can neutralise and send back. Like
energy around us, we remove these thoughts, feelings and send them back to
where they came from without it settling into our subconscious and become free
of judgements. “Consciousness and Oneness includes everything and judges
nothing. It’s the ability to be present in your life in every moment without
judgement of you or anyone else.” (<a href="http://www.accessconsciousness.com/">www.accessconsciousness.com</a>
) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Gitali
concludes that “Every person’s path of self-discovery is different. There is a
need that is not fulfilled within. So even when you do compare and judge, find
the thing that’s lacking in you and be inspired rather than put down that
person.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
Madhuri Banerjeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505940970095486846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5330403478987695744.post-68897913161123717332016-04-27T15:46:00.000+05:302016-04-27T15:46:10.760+05:30Inauspicious<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-fY2oU-If3mc/VyCRRxWEyXI/AAAAAAAAo5k/fws22IOqCDgoKPP8AKextbS4XT9VaKsQACLcB/s1600/_88324019_gettyimages-181987881.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-fY2oU-If3mc/VyCRRxWEyXI/AAAAAAAAo5k/fws22IOqCDgoKPP8AKextbS4XT9VaKsQACLcB/s320/_88324019_gettyimages-181987881.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; text-align: left;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; text-align: left;">Women Not
Allowed.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">That’s the
slogan that most women have heard for centuries. Women Not Allowed. In voting,
dargahs, male clubs, temples, sports, in schools, the army, the list goes on.
But we’ve fought them all and recently with women entering the 400 year old
male bastion of Shani Shingnapur temple, we’ve finally been able to let the
world know that women cannot be banned from any place. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">But what
happens in our own society? Aren’t we banning women from certain auspicious
things in our own way? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Recently I
was part of a group that was discussing a sixteen day puja where every day the woman
following the puja had to give a certain amount of fruits to different women
every day. I mentioned a young mother’s name and immediately I was shot down by
a friend who said, “No! No she’s a widow. It doesn’t make sense to give to her.
It won’t count.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I was
shocked. She was a widow for no fault of hers. I asked why it was so
inauspicious to give fruits to her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">“Because a
puja is about culture and giving and receiving blessings. What blessings would
a widow be able to give?” Widows were meant to stick together and do pujas. Not
mingle freely with married women. They were a bit of a curse. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The
conversation went on to have a heated discussion where I vehemently opposed
this thought but no matter what I could not change the other person’s view
point. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Many weeks
later I was invited by a friend for a religious function. I was surrounded by
couples and their children and I was the only divorced woman there. This was
the first time I was invited for an auspicious occasion. I brought a big
present and greeted my friend happily. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">But I overheard,
“What is she doing here? Isn’t she divorced? What blessings is she going to
give the girl? To live her life independently and not think about the welfare
of her husband or family?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I finally
understood why I haven’t been invited for so many other occasions. It wasn’t
because I didn’t believe in the rituals of India (most of which I don’t) it was
because a divorced woman or a widow wasn’t really welcome in a group of happily
married couples. I was and the widow was – </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Inauspicious. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">In a country
where tradition, rituals, customs, sanskars hold such an important value that
they overtake logic, reasoning and feeling, how can women ever be allowed into
sacred territories. The Varanasi widows weren’t even allowed to play Holi. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">There is
something suspicious about divorced women and widows. It’s like in the olden
times when a woman wasn’t allowed in the kitchen because of her menstruation.
She was simply not holy then. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">We’ve chosen not to be holy today by not sticking
to a marriage or not remarrying after the death of a husband. But then if your
husband has died, you’re already besmirched with a tag that the woman is
unlucky! So for her to even date, find happiness, remarry and be invited to an
auspicious occasion would take a herculean task of overthrowing old patriarchy,
deep rooted chauvinist notions and already formulated stone clad judgements on
her character. God forbid she doesn’t wear white and actually dresses up, has a
drink and a smoke once in a while, it won’t be the men who will be shocked, it
will be other educated, liberated women!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">As a
divorced woman, in this evolving society there are a few people who understand
your choices. Just a few. But then to be a successful, independent, arrogant,
funny, woman who is living life on her own terms is frowned upon. She is kept
away from the husband at all costs. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Recently I
needed to call a man to help him with a business proposal that I thought would
be good for him. I stated to his wife, “Can you please ask him from my side? I
don’t have any husband’s numbers.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">She replied,
“Good good. Don’t keep only.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">So I
realised that until we divorced women and widows state it, women will not be
allowed anywhere. There are only 5 ways we can break the inauspicious curse:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">1.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">To all wives out there – no matter
how handsome and successful your man is, we don’t want him unless he wants us.
And we will never make the first move. We have too much self-respect to do so. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">2.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">All women are equal. Just because you
have a husband and family doesn’t mean that we’re lesser than you. Give, invite,
welcome, accept, understand and love each woman equally and you’ll get that
back from a dynamic woman as well. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">3.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Don’t look at women from your high
seated perspective. One day you might be one of them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">4.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">If you don’t want the blessings of
love, nurturing, experience, abundance, security, intelligence, dignity,
honour, and respect to your home, child or function, don’t invite a widow or
divorced woman. Because that’s what she will bless you with! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">5.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Please keep your views to yourself so
you don’t pass it onto your children who will be laughed at for being
regressive and old fashioned if they do the same tomorrow. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Hopefully we
won’t need to resort to high voltage activists to change the thinking of women
in our society. Hopefully the realisation shall come from within.</span></div>
</div>
Madhuri Banerjeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505940970095486846noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5330403478987695744.post-56546011411593418252016-04-10T16:40:00.000+05:302016-04-10T16:40:09.813+05:30The Effect of Divorce on Men<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uaUQkyrA_l8/Vwo0IiygLMI/AAAAAAAAo2A/5hSFfK00ecIVCtFnAV-XcyiMeTpB2uqCA/s1600/div.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uaUQkyrA_l8/Vwo0IiygLMI/AAAAAAAAo2A/5hSFfK00ecIVCtFnAV-XcyiMeTpB2uqCA/s320/div.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">It takes a
lot to make a commitment in the first place. You’ve found the person of your
dreams and you hope that you’ll grow old with them. So when the marriage
crumbles and the fabric of this dream of togetherness starts unravelling there
are two people who are left bruised and battered. We rarely see it from the
husband’s point of view. Here are a few things that are going through a man’s
mind when he’s getting a divorce: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">1.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">What do I do with my Children?</span></b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> - There are many men who are concerned about their children
and not being able to wake up in the same house as them. They want to provide
for their offspring but they also want time and love from their children.
Harish Mukherjee* is in a bitter court battle against his wife who walked out
on him with his two kids. She’s only allowing access to them if he hands over
the property in which he is living and a fat alimony to look after the
children. But Harish can’t give that because he’ll be out on the streets. So he
hasn’t seen his kids. He realises that this will affect the children at a
deeper level later in the future but he is helpless. For other men they feel
that their children will pick sides and before they can do that, the man has
moved away so that he doesn’t get hurt. For others they suddenly need to find
time for children because it’s not easy to meet them every day. This leaves a
sense of imbalance in their life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">2.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">What happens to my Finances and Property?</span></b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> – When the man was living with his
wife and children, he was looking after one house. But when a divorce happens,
he needs to look after two houses, his own where he has shifted if he’s not
gone back to staying with his parents and the one where his wife and children
are still staying. A wife may also demand property in the settlement and it
could cause a massive ego tussle since the man has worked hard to have savings
and buy property and he believes his wife wants to snatch that away from him.
There is a deep insecurity about how he will save again. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">3.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">How did I lose my authority?</span></b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> – Most boys grow up to believe that they’ll be the “man of
the house.” Hence they have a lot of power and authority at home, especially if
it’s a joint family. So when the woman leaves it’s a huge blow to their ego.
Divorce Lawyer Swaty Singh Malik says most men who come to her say, “How can
she leave me? I can leave her!” Suddenly when they’ve lost the power at home,
men find it difficult to concentrate on other aspects in their life and may try
to find that power and dominance over others in other spheres, says senior
psychologist Gitali Chatterji at Inner Space.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">4.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Who will love me again?</span></b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> – As soon as he’s got a divorce, a man may feel free and
liberated and date many women. But it isn’t easy for a man to be alone. After a
while he realises that his mind set has changed from what it was when he was in
his twenties. He is now so used to having a wife and a family that he begins to
crave it. Gautam Iyer refused to give his wife a divorce for many years believing
that she will get back to him. After he was convinced that she will never
return, he promptly signed the legal paper, got on a marriage website and
married the first girl he dated. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">5.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Why are people judging me?</span></b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> – Most divorces end in ugly battles with the woman filing a
498A or a Domestic Violence case against the husband. And most times it is
true. But in the rare cases when it’s not true, the man is automatically judged
by his friends, society and the children’s school where gossip flows freely and
he is condemned unless proven innocent. Lawyer Swaty Singh Malik says she has
handled many cases where the man has just given away crores to the wife to have
peace of mind. She said women can use children and the media to get back at the
husband and people will be sympathetic towards her. In not so extreme cases, a
couple does lose friends. During the course of a marriage, couples begin to
meet collectively. When a divorce happens friends choose sides and suddenly a
man’s social circle diminishes. For a man who is shy, reserved and has made
friends through his wife’s friends, he finds himself alone and friendless. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">It’s not
easy for men to get a divorce. And even though they may not show it, they are
heartbroken and insecure too. Most men should know that there are support
groups who can help them in this difficult time. You must also reach out to
your family and friends and talk to them, instead of bottling up your emotions.
A good lawyer can also advise you on the correct steps to take. And most
importantly don’t shy away from seeing a counsellor in your city who can help
you deal with the issues at a core level.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">*(names
changed to protect identity)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
Madhuri Banerjeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505940970095486846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5330403478987695744.post-43262314838288492862016-03-22T09:27:00.000+05:302016-03-22T09:27:30.641+05:305 Relationship Advice Therapists Will Tell You<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Ym_t1hHo6Ak/VvDB7KdUDuI/AAAAAAAAoxk/l3qcQ9LuzvsZaj6bH-iGpUeFe4pI7krhA/s1600/couples.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="195" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Ym_t1hHo6Ak/VvDB7KdUDuI/AAAAAAAAoxk/l3qcQ9LuzvsZaj6bH-iGpUeFe4pI7krhA/s320/couples.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">1.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Accept, Respect & Space</span></b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">– Your partner will have a difference
of opinion on some issues. He is not your clone. Let him have his ideas. You
don’t need to argue to prove you’re right and you don’t need to sulk because he
disagrees with you. If there are serious health issues you are arguing about,
find a way to convince him. Don’t try to change your partner but motivate them
to look at things differently if it’s really important to you. Respect the
choices he makes and give him space to deal with issues in his own way rather
than telling him how it should be done says Dr. Shefali Batra psychiatrist and
co-founder InnerHour. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">2.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">A Relationship Can’t Complete You</span></b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> - Don’t lose your identity in a
relationship. Who are you? What are your dreams? What are your goals? What if
your partner wasn’t there? What if he walks out on you tomorrow? According to
Dr. Amit Malik, founder at InnerHour, women need to define themselves outside
of a relationship. Only then will couples not take their partners and
relationship for granted. When you are happy with yourself you will be happy
within the relationship as well. And within the relationship women need to find
boundaries. Just because you are a strong working woman outside, you don’t need
to be submissive and apologetic for it within a relationship. A relationship he
adds should enhance your life, not deplete it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">3.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Communicate About Expectations</span></b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> – You want him to come home early.
You want to go for a drive. You want him to attend family functions with you.
Every couple has expectations from each other. It’s important to converse what
you want and then allow the person to do the things you want, or not when he’s
ready. Don’t badger him into doing things as per your time schedule says Dr.
Shefali Batra. Understand when he’s not willing to make certain changes. Let
those go. Also many times women keep their expectations to themselves hoping
the man she’s spent so much time with, to understand her. Men aren’t mind readers.
You don’t always need to fulfil his expectations and desires. You need to voice
yours as well and remind him occasionally if he forgets. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">4.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Boost & Market Yourself</span></b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> – For most women when they enter a
relationship, their entire life becomes the man and when married, the home.
Soon they start questioning what they have actually done in their life. There
get no validation in the house. Gitali Chatterji, Senior Psychologist at Inner
Space says it’s very important to build your self-esteem. Even if you don’t
have a job, understand what you’re doing at home is important. Recognise past
instances where you’ve solved tricky situations and appreciate yourself for it.
Sometimes it’s also important to remind your partner of all that you do for
him. Boost yourself up a little in his eyes. Market your capabilities by saying
something as innocent as, “I’m glad I could help you solve that situation
otherwise it would have been a complete disaster.” Or, “Imagine if I wasn’t
there to cook/ clean/ manage that for you. You would have taken much longer to
tackle/ complete it.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">5.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Pause Before Reacting</span></b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> – One of the most important things
anyone can do in a relationship, according to psychologist Gitali Chatterji is
to pause before reacting to their partner. It’s very easy for women to be
affronted by what the man says, or react to him in a negative way and then
analyse where the fight began and how it all became sour. Suppose the man has
said something that you weren’t expecting, instead of immediately snapping
back, just pause and think if it’s important to react in a negative way and
what else could he have meant. Maybe the man has behaved badly for some reason
and your instant reaction is to scold him, tell him off, have a fight and prove
how hurt you are. Pause. Is it the correct time to talk about it? Is it
something that is very important? Can you change your tone if you’re about to
speak? Gitali says that split second thought that have before reacting could
save a relationship and two people from a lot of angst. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
Madhuri Banerjeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505940970095486846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5330403478987695744.post-54154640376217685212016-03-18T18:09:00.001+05:302016-03-18T18:09:01.669+05:30My message to Write India participants<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/g9KEQeXpXeU" width="459"></iframe>Madhuri Banerjeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505940970095486846noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5330403478987695744.post-76908220466560488612016-03-05T20:05:00.001+05:302016-03-05T20:05:58.114+05:30The Child, The Adult, The Parent<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbCMRINqcr3QOYHVry9O9Y0OoSkd-Sm_MykrVhCvIFjdQAHtnR31X89Rx54bF1dxDSG89Wusw_G_SzVR9ZalvzQWT5qV-hkycPnwPLDd-Q1ofbmu66htVolRKdkiEHboyZh7qsdBM0oU0/s1600/child.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbCMRINqcr3QOYHVry9O9Y0OoSkd-Sm_MykrVhCvIFjdQAHtnR31X89Rx54bF1dxDSG89Wusw_G_SzVR9ZalvzQWT5qV-hkycPnwPLDd-Q1ofbmu66htVolRKdkiEHboyZh7qsdBM0oU0/s1600/child.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Have you ever felt that you’ve gone into a meeting and not
known what to say or floundered too much? Have you ever scolded your child and
felt bad about it? Have you felt that sometimes you’re not able to stand up for
yourself in relationships? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Erik Berne, a psychiatrist in the 1950s created the theory
of Transactional Analysis to explain human behaviour for situations that happen
in our daily life. He said that we all have 3 ego states of Parent, Adult and
Child that we constantly use. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A Parent state is: A response in which people think, feel
and act like their parents used to with them. A sheer mimicking rather than an
understanding. <span style="background: white;">For example, a person may shout
at someone out of frustration because they learned from an influential figure
in childhood the lesson that this seemed to be a way of relating that worked.
(Ref <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transactional_analysis#The_ego-state_.28or_Parent.E2.80.93Adult.E2.80.93Child_.28PAC.29.29_models" target="_blank">https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transactional_analysis#The_ego-state_.28or_Parent.E2.80.93Adult.E2.80.93Child_.28PAC.29.29_models</a></span></span><span style="background: white; font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">) </span><span style="font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Adult: “A<span style="background: white;"> state of the ego
which is most like an artificially intelligent system processing information
and making predictions about major emotions that could affect its operation.”
Used for relationships, work places and managerial duties. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Child: A state in which people behave,
feel, and think similarly to how they did in childhood. For example, if they
are praised, they will laugh and dance and if they are criticised they will
feel upset and may cry. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This is Berne’s theory of Transactional
Analysis for which he has written Games People Play and several other books. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So most of us would say, isn’t this
obvious? Don’t people behave like this in any case? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So I had a slightly different take on the
Child, Adult, Parent Theory. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Suppose the Child state in us is just a
free, natural person who wants to be loved and gives love freely. Our inner
child is someone who requires nurturing, pampering, adulation and is hesitant
about the outside world, of all those people in a groups and is trusting of
just a few who he really loves. The true 5 year old. Imagine if this person enters
a work place and has to deal with powerful bosses and cranky co-workers.
They’ll most likely throw fits at work, want special attention and may get
terribly upset if criticised. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">An Adult manages that. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Adult state is the one where the person
has power or control over their relationships, they’re able to balance their
duties and responsibilities at work and stand up for themselves because they
understand what it’s taken for them to be there. </span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">An Adult state of being is a
person who doesn’t let fear rule their decisions. An Adult ego is someone who
is more calculating, manipulative and figures out strategies that work best for
him. An over active Adult state without the Child or Parent state could lead to
someone who is selfish, narcissist, dominating and may not have balanced
relationships. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A Parent state for me, is very different
than what Erik Berne defined. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Parent state is one of the ego or soul
longing for more in life than wealth, fame and success. It’s the desire to just
be searching, questioning, grasping for a higher light, a deeper meaning, inner
truth, living in the moment, and extreme mindfulness. Most people who are just
in this state will have given up most of the worldly pleasures to focus on
doing something for humanity, or finding something deeper about themselves or
the world in general. </span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Parent person is also a very giving person. If you’re
in this state you’ll feel like giving advice, generally helping people,
nurturing someone, or just being alone to meditate, seek answers from within,
etc.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So how do we apply this in our daily lives?
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">First of all, we need an awareness that
these 3 states exist within us and they can switch in a moment or take an
extended period of time. Most people can behave in just a Child state in a work
environment or in their relationships their whole lives, unable to understand
why they are failing at both. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">If at work you are aware of these states
you’ll acknowledge if you’re behaving like the Child, Adult or spending too
much time as the Parent that is affecting your work. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Are your reactions immature (Child)? Are
you just wanting to give up everything and go to the hills (Parent)? Or are you
taking in the information and forming a strategy in your head before responding
(Adult)? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In relationships, are you over nurturing,
allowing your partner to make many faults while you cover up for them? (Parent)
Are you looking for attention, feeling insecure and fearful of what could
happen? (Child) Are you dominating and emotionally unavailable sometimes
because it’s a strategy to not be vulnerable? (Adult) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As a householder are you too aloof, into
your own thoughts, not caring about the world and what is needed to survive?
(Parent) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Transactional Analysis is then a way to
alter your ego state to the situation to solve your emotional problem. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This comes through an inner dialogue of the different
psyches. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Berne believed that these states are largely formed through
childhood. I believe that childhood has a part to play in the formation but
each moment that we have to choose the state plays in the development of which
state becomes stronger. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You will find many successful people who are just in the
Adult state. They have the Parent lacking in them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Many people who have a very developed Child aspect in them
but not the Adult state will not be able to fathom why they’re not taken
seriously.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">An over active Adult who doesn’t have a balanced Child ego
will feel jaded and bitter with life. A Child ego brings wonder, happiness,
hope and dreams and is the state that can tap into the subconscious level as
well. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So the next time you’re going for a meeting, know that you
need to be an Adult there. And when you’re in a relationship, maybe in that
moment you can be a child. And find moments in your life to truly be the Parent
and seek out a deeper truth and meaning of life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">And always be consciously aware of what you’re choosing and
why!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Georgia",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">(Inputs from Anuraadha Tewari, Writer & Director) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Madhuri Banerjeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505940970095486846noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5330403478987695744.post-85260973163081159602016-02-29T14:37:00.004+05:302016-02-29T14:42:38.926+05:30Book Review: In Other Words - Jhumpa Lahiri. <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I am reviewing this book under the Flipkart Book Review Program.<br />
<br />
It is my unbiased opinion.<br />
<br />
Jhumpa Lahiri’s new book <b>In Altre Parole</b> is a memoir written in Italian and translated into English
<b>In Other Words</b> about her journey to
find her identity through language. Born as a Bengali Nilanjana Sudeshna, Jhumpa
has recreated herself several times through her books bringing out the issues
of exile, alienation and identity. In her first nonfiction attempt she chooses
to give us a glimpse of the two years in her life when she moved from USA to
Italy where she stayed with her Spanish husband and two children (Octavio and
Noor, again breaking from the true form of identity through name for them.) <o:p></o:p></div>
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The book is beautifully written, full of angst of the author
to find a new voice and identity through language. In the world, there are Trans
Gender people who want to completely change themselves because they feel they
belong to the other gender. Jhumpa is “trans linguistic” because in her heart
she feels she is neither Bengali even though she was born to Bengali parents nor
English because she was raised in London and USA but feels more Italian because
she chooses it and intrinsically had felt so for many years. <o:p></o:p></div>
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While the book is interesting to read, after a point the
reader may feel “What’s the big deal? It’s only a third language she is
learning and we know Hindi, English, Marathi, Bengali and even French or
Spanish!” <o:p></o:p></div>
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The book is evocative, truthful and a slice of Jhumpa Lahiri’s
life and work. Not many authors have crossed over to new languages to write and
Jhumpa through “In Altre Parole” urges writers to go beyond their comfort zones
and to do more for their craft. But more than that it didn’t leave me as riveted
as The Lowland or The Namesake. I hope Jhumpa continues to write stories in
English, not just for the awards that she will gather no doubt, but because she
has the gift of storytelling that must not die in any language. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Buy the book here: <a href="http://www.flipkart.com/other-words-english/p/itmef7dxfkxrffag?pid=9780670088898&ref=L%3A-7970123107481992130&srno=p_1&query=in+other+words%2C+jhumpa+lahiri&otracker=from-search" target="_blank">http://www.flipkart.com/other-words-english/p/itmef7dxfkxrffag?pid=9780670088898&ref=L%3A-7970123107481992130&srno=p_1&query=in+other+words%2C+jhumpa+lahiri&otracker=from-search </a></div>
</div>
Madhuri Banerjeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505940970095486846noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5330403478987695744.post-75407857836431567132016-02-21T18:09:00.001+05:302016-02-21T18:09:14.859+05:30Forbidden Desires<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KeuXCcRHAug/VsmvxHBnz7I/AAAAAAAAorw/VXvYZ622Ztg/s1600/Forbidden%2BDesires.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KeuXCcRHAug/VsmvxHBnz7I/AAAAAAAAorw/VXvYZ622Ztg/s400/Forbidden%2BDesires.jpg" width="260" /></a></div>
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<b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12.0pt;">‘Why
do romantic relationships fade away? Does the magic slowly die? Or do lovers
simply wake up one morning realizing they are done? Is it a trick that time
plays on happy couples or is it something more profound, an evolution perhaps,
of our feelings and our needs?’<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Imagine if there was a person
you don’t know anything about, who was slowing destroying your marriage. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Imagine if there was a
stranger who entered your life and made you realize you were living a lie.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Imagine if there was a love
so deep that you needed to sacrifice everything you have to save it.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Imagine if you found out your
partner was cheating on you.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12.0pt;">What would you do?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Naina, Ayesha, Kavita and Kaajal
are four women who know nothing about each other’s lives and continue to live
in their own secure world. Until one day, they’re forced to reckon with their shocking
truths that they never imagined! <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Their desires will come to
haunt them, provoke them and make them fight to choose a new path in their
lives. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Will these women survive their
stories of passion, betrayal and pain? And is there a larger mystery that binds
them together? <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Best selling author and film
writer Madhuri Banerjee brings to you a new romance thriller that interweaves different
stories of women and their passions and how all relationships ultimately crash
into each other. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Available at leading book
stores and on Amazon: </span></i><span lang="EN-US"><a href="http://goo.gl/5vyF7Q"><span style="background: #FFFFD3; border: none windowtext 1.0pt; color: #1155cc; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0cm; padding: 0cm;">goo.gl/5vyF7Q</span></a> Flipkart: <span style="background: #FFFFD3; border: none windowtext 1.0pt; color: #1155cc; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0cm; padding: 0cm;"><a href="http://goo.gl/Y7eOIe">goo.gl/Y7eOIe</a></span></span></div>
</div>
Madhuri Banerjeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505940970095486846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5330403478987695744.post-49977961006758704792016-02-14T12:15:00.002+05:302016-02-14T12:15:58.032+05:30How To Judge a Man in Bed by the Coffee He Drinks! <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Rgcqk9VocaI/VsAiCe7DnJI/AAAAAAAAoqw/GvG03g1AK_I/s1600/muskarci_04.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Rgcqk9VocaI/VsAiCe7DnJI/AAAAAAAAoqw/GvG03g1AK_I/s400/muskarci_04.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Bookman Old Style', serif; line-height: 17.8pt; text-align: left;">The
type of coffee you order can reveal a lot about your personality and how you
are in bed!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Bookman Old Style",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">“<i>Clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula recently conducted an
observational study of 1,000 coffee drinkers. <span style="background: white;">As
Dr. Durvasula notes in her book entitled<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></i></span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/You-Are-WHY-Eat-Attitude/dp/0762782455/?tag=psychcentral" target="_blank"><i><span style="background: white; border: none windowtext 1.0pt; color: windowtext; font-family: "Bookman Old Style",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0cm; padding: 0cm; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">You Are
WHY You Eat: Change Your Food Attitude, Change Your Life</span></i></a><i><span style="background: white; font-family: "Bookman Old Style",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">, despite the interesting and impressive qualitative research
that was gathered “<b>we are no more
defined by our coffee orders than we are by our astrological signs</b></span></i><span style="background: white; font-family: "Bookman Old Style",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">.” (</span><a href="http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/09/11/what-does-your-coffee-reveal-about-you/"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Bookman Old Style",serif;">http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/09/11/what-does-your-coffee-reveal-about-you/</span></a><span style="font-family: "Bookman Old Style",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">
)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: 'Bookman Old Style', serif;">So I researched further and found out the correlation between
coffee and men. I could judge how a man is in bed by the coffee he ordered! The
following observations are based on what men would order in a café, not what
they have every day at home. (This is not an exact study and results may vary.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 17.8pt; margin-bottom: 19.5pt; margin-left: 36.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt; vertical-align: baseline;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Bookman Old Style",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Bookman Old Style"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Bookman Old Style";">1.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: 'Bookman Old Style', serif;">Men who drank black coffee were generally more traditional
minded, quiet in groups, efficient, no nonsense kind of people and didn’t like
to experiment in bed even though they were very passionate lovers. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 17.8pt; margin-bottom: 19.5pt; margin-left: 36.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt; vertical-align: baseline;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Bookman Old Style",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Bookman Old Style"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Bookman Old Style";">2.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: 'Bookman Old Style', serif;">Men who drank cappuccinos and lattes were kind of easy, laid
back people with a love of music, films and very giving in bed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 17.8pt; margin-bottom: 19.5pt; margin-left: 36.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt; vertical-align: baseline;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Bookman Old Style",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Bookman Old Style"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Bookman Old Style";">3.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: 'Bookman Old Style', serif;">Men who liked iced drinks are quite fun to be with, have a
great sense of humour, sharp, intelligent and love experimenting in bed though
they could be commitment phobic. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 17.8pt; margin-bottom: 19.5pt; margin-left: 36.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt; vertical-align: baseline;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Bookman Old Style",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Bookman Old Style"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Bookman Old Style";">4.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: 'Bookman Old Style', serif;">Men who like their coffee with a little bit of milk and sugar
might want to please too many people and be balancing too many things in life
and can feel overwhelmed sometimes in life and in bed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 17.8pt; margin-bottom: 19.5pt; margin-left: 36.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt; vertical-align: baseline;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Bookman Old Style",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Bookman Old Style"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Bookman Old Style";">5.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: 'Bookman Old Style', serif;">The men who had instant coffee were procrastinators, quite
absorbed in themselves and didn’t have fantastic relationships though they were
very creative and good looking! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 17.8pt; margin-bottom: 19.5pt; margin-left: 36.0pt; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt; vertical-align: baseline;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Bookman Old Style",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Bookman Old Style"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Bookman Old Style";">6.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: 'Bookman Old Style', serif;">The double decaf, soy, extra-foamy men tended to be more
obsessive, controlling, and detail-oriented. Their sex life could be very
“organised” and pencilled in. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 17.8pt; margin-bottom: 19.5pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: 'Bookman Old Style', serif;">It’s quite interesting to find the choices we make are
directly related to the coffee we have. And not surprisingly as we grow older,
our preferences for how we have coffee changes as well. If you observe this
phenomenon further you’ll notice how as your coffee inclinations change so will
your needs of your partner. Most often we start drinking the same type of
coffee our partners do and invariably we can see a change in our personalities
as well. When I was younger I had cappuccinos and dated a man who had
cappuccinos as well. We had a live in relationship and were quite care free
then. When I switched to black coffee with hazelnut I found a partner who was a
black coffee drinker as well. You can guess what my sex life was! And now I
have brewed coffee. Dark roasted. With sugar. And I can’t date a cappuccino man
anymore! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: 'Bookman Old Style', serif;">Too much coffee can have negative effects on the health.
Ideally two medium cups of coffee a day should suffice for your caffeine needs
and your sexual desires!</span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 17.8pt; margin-bottom: 19.5pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: 'Bookman Old Style', serif; line-height: 17.8pt;">So next time you want to date a man, don’t ask him his
astrological sign, ask him how he takes his cup of coffee!</span></div>
</div>
Madhuri Banerjeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505940970095486846noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5330403478987695744.post-78953247987438716612016-02-14T11:57:00.000+05:302016-02-14T11:57:05.533+05:30From Lovers to Brothers. Conscious Uncoupling.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QbhpwyiS_3I/VsAdgMTpEcI/AAAAAAAAoqg/oDy1q63KO7c/s1600/Conscious-Uncoupling_edited-1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="181" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QbhpwyiS_3I/VsAdgMTpEcI/AAAAAAAAoqg/oDy1q63KO7c/s320/Conscious-Uncoupling_edited-1.png" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Recently actress Gwyneth Paltrow said that her ex-husband
Coldplay singer Chris Martin was like a brother to her. While this brought out
a universal, global reaction of, “Ewww” it also got me thinking about my ex
relationships. Suddenly I realised that my ex and I were still friendly and
completely platonic. Did that make him my brother?! <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">How do lovers become brothers?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Let’s begin from love. We fall in love. We get married and we
hope that we will remain passionate and intensely connected to the person
forever. However over time we notice that the passion wanes, the understanding
fades and the needs differ. The relationship becomes bitter. This leads to
acrimony and most often to break up, separation or divorce. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">So why is the divorce rate rising?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">In 1900, average life expectancy
was only 46 for men, and 48 for women. Today, it’s 76 and 81 respectively. In
the last 116 years, it’s increased by 43 years for men, and 48 years for women.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">What this actually means is that
when humans lived relatively shorter lives, they could easily adapt to one
person for the entire period. Whereas today we’re actually living three
lifetimes as compared to early human race. Hence we may have three significant
relationships in our lifetime. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 7.5pt; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-IN;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Our biology
and psychology aren’t set up to be with one person for four, five, or six
decades. This is not to suggest that there aren’t couples who happily make
these milestones—we all hope that we’re one of them. Everyone enters into a
marriage with the good intention to go all the way, but this sort of longevity
is the exception, rather than the rule. Accomplishing that requires
occasionally redefining who we are separately within the relationship and
discovering new ways of being together as we change and grow. It’s important to
remember too, that just because someone is still married doesn’t mean they’re
happy or that the relationship is fulfilling. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 7.5pt; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">So when we separate/divorce we have feelings
of betrayal, angst, loss, and hurt that leads to much drama and distress with
couples and their children. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 7.5pt; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Katherine Woodward Thomas in her book
Conscious Uncoupling defines it as the path to end a relationship through
mutual respect, kindness and deep caring. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 15.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 7.5pt; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">What a wonderful way to end a relationship!
Without the mudslinging and crying. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So what has this to do with lovers becoming brothers?
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">At some point when the passion dies and the caring begins you
understand that you truly want your partner to be happy. That he/she gave you a
deep love when you needed it most. Their intention was to fulfill your purpose
at that time. And now the time is over. You will slowly realise that your
partner is not entirely at fault for the breakup of the relationship. You will
learn to forgive yourself and them. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">You will learn that your personal growth,
your journey and your needs are determined by a larger universe, a new
lifetime. And your partner doesn’t fit into it. When you consciously uncouple,
letting go of ownership, possessiveness, insecurity and anger, you will find a
way to converse freely about how to heal and maybe even how to love again. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">There are many people who ask, “Won’t you ever go back to
your ex? After all he’s safe, comfortable and a known devil is better than an
unknown one and we all have needs you know.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Those who left their relationships in a bitter manner with
deep regret and angst, will never be friends much less lovers with their ex.
For those who went through the break up amicably will realise after a few years
that they’ve lost all sense of attraction to the person they were once with.
Often we look at our exes and wonder, “What was I thinking?” We were thinking
differently because we were different people then. It was a lifetime ago. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">When the attraction dies and the love remains, when the
bitterness fades and the caring stays, when the sexual needs perish but the
conversations linger, that’s when you know that you’ve moved on from lovers to
friends. And when you realise that the bond is deeper than just friendship –
it’s an eternal bond you will cherish forever, that’s when you think your ex
could actually be like a sibling. Then there’s endless happiness, respect and
freedom! </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
Madhuri Banerjeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505940970095486846noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5330403478987695744.post-24822482188231242752016-02-08T11:12:00.000+05:302016-02-08T11:12:04.126+05:30Don't Cheat! Be in a Poly Amorous Relationship<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibGGhw_reBrhyphenhyphen2HDI5EYMrYSOEqHefZuNjp7SHlhYFOh1UCEPCrCZFNDDJRKClBapiXPgA3YtaCPhFjiME2ZbCfEMsu2I_zXrzXn2R9JiBVuhpGhQOUBgHAEOkLlaVGh8kY6GaOGwy370/s1600/can-men-and-women-really-just-be-friends-large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="166" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibGGhw_reBrhyphenhyphen2HDI5EYMrYSOEqHefZuNjp7SHlhYFOh1UCEPCrCZFNDDJRKClBapiXPgA3YtaCPhFjiME2ZbCfEMsu2I_zXrzXn2R9JiBVuhpGhQOUBgHAEOkLlaVGh8kY6GaOGwy370/s400/can-men-and-women-really-just-be-friends-large.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Wikipedia defines <b><span lang="EN-US" style="background: white; color: #252525; font-family: "Helvetica",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Polyamory</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="background: white; color: #252525; font-family: "Helvetica",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> as the practice
of, or desire for, intimate relationships involving more than two people, with
the knowledge and </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Consent" title="Consent"><span lang="EN-US" style="background: white; color: windowtext; font-family: "Helvetica",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">consent</span></a><span lang="EN-US" style="background: white; color: #252525; font-family: "Helvetica",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> of everyone
involved. It has been described as "consensual, ethical, and
responsible </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-monogamy" title="Non-monogamy"><span lang="EN-US" style="background: white; color: windowtext; font-family: "Helvetica",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">non-monogamy</span></a><span lang="EN-US" style="background: white; color: #252525; font-family: "Helvetica",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">"</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times",serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="background: white; color: #252525; font-family: "Helvetica",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
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There are essentially 5 rules to a poly-amorous
relationship. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->1.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->All partners consent to it and choose to be in
it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->2.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Take responsibility for your own emotions,
instead of projecting them on your partner. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->3.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->You can practice polyamory whether you are
single/in a relationship or married.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->4.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->You can have different kinds of relationships
with different people. You can have deep emotional relationships that are not
sexual. Or a sexual relationship with someone you share something with. The
essence is commitment to your partners.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->5.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Open, radically honest communication with all
parties.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Many people confuse Polyamory with Polygamy, the practice of
having multiple wives, and that is associated with traditional, patriarchal
cultures, where the women may be repressed and where they do not have the same
rights to take other partners themselves.<o:p></o:p></div>
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In Polyamory, women and men have the same rights and freedom
to have multiple relationships. The same rules apply to both.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Polyamory is also sometimes seen as being synonymous with
open relationships. But there is a deep diference between the two. Open
relationships are where a couple decide to open up their relationship and
marriage to sexual adventures outside the relationship. But it is purely
sexual. Generally, no emotional bonds are encouraged or allowed. <o:p></o:p></div>
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In polyamory, the basis is the emotional bond. People who choose
polyamory, do so because they believe in the ability to love multiple people,
and want to be in multiple committed relationships.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Reema (name changed) has been in a poly amorous relationship
for about five years now. It means that while she’s married, she’s been in relationships with two men over the
last few years with the full knowledge of her husband. One of them has not been sexual in nature. Her
husband too has two other relationships as well with the womenn coming over to
meet Reema. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Are relationships having a paradigm shift? <o:p></o:p></div>
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A lot of relationships run into trouble because we expect
our partners to be everything to us. </div>
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There are a lot of expectations,
disappointments, resentment and cheating is rife. With polyamory, there is the recognition that
you can give and get different things to and from various people. So the
pressure on your one partner to be your best friend, lover, husband, therapist,
who will also love theatre as much as you, who will get as excited and watch
every football match together, who will share your love of poetry and obscure
music, is removed. This allows a relationship the breathing space it needs. <o:p></o:p></div>
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For outsiders, their most common refrain against polyamory
is that the people who practice it do not really love their partner, otherwise
why would they go looking for something else? This is the biggest fallacy.
Polyamory is not intended to be the refuge for the committment-phobes or the
ones that are trying to escape an unhappy relationship. In fact, if it a
relationship is suffering, the true poly person would be working on it instead
of running away from it. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Another reason that polyamory is on the rise globally is
because many people are seeing monogamy is an option not a rule. While cheating has always existed within
relationships and marriages, many today
find the idea of lying to and betraying their partners distasteful, and
prefer to openly talk to each other about their desires instead. Emotional intelligence plays a large role and
this is why, by and large the people who practice polyamory tend to be highly
educated and self-aware. A certain exposure to the world and being well
traveled, having the time and opportunity to work on themselves, questioning
ideas that are no longer relevant to oneself and making their own rules are
some of the characteristics of polyamorists.<o:p></o:p></div>
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As the seminal book, Sex at Dawn points out human beings are
not built to be monogamous. It was conditioning. With the arrival of the
agricultural age, men needed to know who their heirs were in order to deal with
land rights, legacy etc, and that is when monogamy became the norm. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Meghna has been in a poly amorous relationship for over ten
years. She has a steady boyfriend and is deeply in love with a man, Karan. Her boyfriend
knows about Karan and is okay about him in her life. They all have had dinner
together on most nights. And Karan’s wife is close friends with Meghna. <o:p></o:p></div>
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As an independent woman one can choose who one wants to
spend time with instead of hoping to spend all your time with just one man. And
waiting for that man to be free or understand everything about you can get
lonely or frustrating. In a poly amorous relationship no such pressure exists
on partners though there is still an expectation to be loving, thoughtful and
just be yourself! It takes the edge off a relationship that can actually bond
it better.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Hence the relationship is defined by intention and
commitment. A poly amorous relationship is different from serial monogamy,
where you go from one partner to another being faithfully loyal to one at a
time. This can be exhausting because you’re trying to find the perfect partner
to fit into your life and it can be heart breaking when you move on rapidly
from one to another. </div>
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A poly amorous relationship allows you to have both and
still be honest with all of them.<o:p></o:p></div>
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In this complex interaction lies a simplicity of being
needed, of being alive, of feeling excited about the prospect of something new
and still having something stable always. It’s like having your cake and eating
it too. <o:p></o:p></div>
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But most couples are not ready for this in modern India. It
is a huge blow to the ego to realise that your partner also loves and desires
someone else. Doubt, suspicion and jealousy creep into relationships when you
know that the person may not come home to you that night. And the concept of
fidelity and honesty is held as the highest virtue in marriages all across the
world. <o:p></o:p></div>
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So how do poly amorous relationships survive? Through radically open, and sometimes painfull
honest conversations. You have to be
able to talk about the most uncomfortable, difficult things while managing your
emotions at the same time. You take responsibility for your jealousy and
insecurities instead of blaming it on your partner. You support each other in
their process, understanding that everyone is in a different stage. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Some people find that sharing your partner can have
unexpected advantages. Dhruv has a wife whom he loves intensely. She and he
have a lot of values in common, love going on holidays together and enjoying
growing with their kids. At the same time, he found himself falling in love
with a friend who shares his love of business and he can talk shop with. Dhruv spoke to his wife about opening their
relationship to polyamory. She was initially hesitant and had doubts but once
she observed how his relationship with other woman added a spark to their own marriage,
she began to open up to the idea. Dhruv also made sure she was secure and felt
loved. Later, she herself fell in love
with a man who loved art and brought out a side of her she had forgotten. <o:p></o:p></div>
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But a poly amorous relationship has its downsides and it’s
not for the large majority of people.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->1.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Jealousy can ruin all the relationships. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->2.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Initial love and trust can fade away. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->3.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->It can be exhausting to go from one to another. <o:p></o:p></div>
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So isn’t it easier to cheat?! <o:p></o:p></div>
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Samaira who is a poly amorous relationship says she doesn’t
want to cheat on her husband or boyfriend because it’s dishonest to herself.
She chooses to give trust to both. And when people understand that sex is not
the main element of a relationship, they can let the ownership of the person
go. In a poly amorous relationship you don’t need to lie to anyone. You don’t
need to hide, sneak around, and be afraid of getting caught and having
confrontational arguments. There is no betrayal! You have made your stance
clear and both of you have realised that your relationship is about love,
companionship, communication, and being there for each other when you need each
other. That’s far beyond a sexual act! An honest relationship actually makes
sex hotter!<o:p></o:p></div>
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So how do you find people who are willing to be in one once
you and your partner have decided to take this step? When you travel alone or
together you find like-minded people, or through dating sites, and speaking to
friends of friends. <o:p></o:p></div>
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All relationships are evolving. What you needed five years
or ten years ago is not something you need now. Sometimes you grow apart. And
even sexuality is not in the same continuum as it was a decade ago. Our minds,
our hearts and our souls make space for more people, more conversations, more
experimentation, and more adventure. Isn’t it better to be honest about it
rather than being deceitful to your partner and insincere to your heart?<o:p></o:p></div>
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Madhuri Banerjeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01505940970095486846noreply@blogger.com9