Saturday, June 14, 2014

How to Manage a One Night Stand

Sex in summer is hot. Literally! But who has the time to get into a new relationship? You need something quick and casual. A one night stand!
A one night stand is a spontaneous sexual encounter with a person without any strings attached. And with a hope that you won’t ever see them again. It’s about lust. A raw desire. A surrender to your primal instinct. A deep need for passion. But not everyone can get it right. Here’s how you can master the art.  

15 Rules to a One Night Stand:

1.     Clean Up – Just because it’s hot, doesn’t mean you can’t be well groomed. Trim that beard, take a shower, brush your teeth, splash on some cologne and wear a clean, crisp shirt when you head out. The better you look the more chances you have to finding a girl.

2.     Tidy Up – You will be bringing a woman home if you’re lucky. She doesn’t want to lie on top of a bed full of clothes, a sofa full of newspaper, a wet bathroom with used towels on the floor or any other mess you have in the apartment. Organise your space so that it doesn’t look as if a tornado hit it. Nothing turns a woman off more than an unkempt area. Leave a lamp on before you leave so you don’t have to turn on bright tube lights when you both enter. Set the mood before you go.

3.     Stock Up – Keep a condom ready. Doesn’t matter if it’s in the heat of the moment. You need to keep one with you at all times and a few spare in your house. Check the expiry date. Use it. You don’t want your one night stand to become standing all night with a baby.

4.     Smile Up – You’re in a bar and you see a pretty girl. She’s hanging out with others. Make eye contact and smile a lot. Understand a woman’s body language. If she’s not in to you, find someone else. Don’t just pursue one person. Don’t be eerie and stare at her. Look away and be engrossed with your own friends or talk to others around you. Let her be intrigued. Smile at her if she comes to you.

5.     Dance Up – Let the music move your body. If you can’t dance well, groove to the music near the bar and let yourself be free. Don’t go up to a girl and start grinding with her. You can ask a girl to show you some moves and when the song is over, thank her and go back to your drink. Unless she’s in to you and wants to dance some more, don’t push your luck.

6.     Speak Up – If the woman is still sitting in a corner, send her a note saying how you would like to buy her a drink, or how her eyes are truly beautiful and inviting. Go over to her table and speak to her friend about how you find the girl next to her (the one you were eyeing) truly mesmerizing but you can’t look her in the eye and say that since you’re shy, so she should pass on the message. Cheesy? Yes. Affective? Most definitely!

7.     Loosen Up – You don’t have to have alcohol to have a good time. Just have fun in a place grooving to the music and enjoying the ambience. If you do have alcohol, know your limits. You don’t want to come across as a leech or a stalker. Your final aim is not to get into the Limca book of records for holding your alcohol. 2 drinks should suffice for a good time.

8.     Laugh Up – When you go out with friends, you have a great time no matter whom you end up with that night. Remember a few jokes before you go out. Laughter always eases the situation wherever you are. When you can make a girl laugh, you’ve won her over. If she doesn’t want to come home with you, respect that. You’re not going to hit a home run every night that you’re out. So have a good time with who you meet and don’t let sex become the priority.

9.     Belt Up – Call a driver if you have your own car. Leave your bike behind and call for a cab if you’ve had a few drinks. Never drink and drive and put yourself or your date in jeopardy. You don’t want to end up in jail or worse the hospital because you couldn’t think straight.

10.  Offer Up – You’ve brought the woman home. Show her the bathroom. Offer her a glass of wine or another drink to put her in the mood. Do not offer any food. It will sober her up and she’ll soon realize that she made a mistake. It will also waste time.

11.  Kink Up – It’s a one night stand for God’s sake so you don’t have to be formal and ask her about her family and her ambitions. Bring out the silk scarves, handcuffs and whipped cream if you want to. Always take a woman’s permission to try anything. If it’s just plain passionate sex you’re both seeking, you don’t need to put romantic music to get in the mood. She’s come home with you. She’s already in the mood.

12.  Shut Up – You don’t need to use euphemisms about it being a one night stand. “I’m a rolling stone that gathers no moss.” “We’re like strangers in the night, passing each other.” Honestly the woman already knows. She doesn’t want to hear that before or after coitus. Neither does she want to hear. “I did it!” “Was it good for you?” “So how much do I owe you?” Let the conversation be about how beautiful she is and that you had a great time.

13.  Hang On – It’s okay to spend the night if you’ve gone to her place. And do let her sleep it off as much as she likes if she’s staying the night at yours. She’s just given you sex. At least be respectful about her time. If you have a maid or relative coming in the morning, call that person up and defer the time for them to enter. If you’re at a woman’s place, don’t leave immediately after sex, even if you’re sober. Spend a few more hours until dawn, even if you’re awake lying in bed or having a cup of coffee before you leave.

14.  Send Off – If the woman has come to your place, offer a cup of coffee but you don’t need to hang around to give her breakfast. Say you had a great time and it would be nice if you bump into her again sometime. Don’t exchange phone numbers so there’s no expectation for anyone to call. If you’re at her place, kiss her gently on the cheek and thank her for a lovely time and leave. You don’t need to spend the day with her cleaning up and getting to know her better.

15.  Sober Up – Take a few days off before you try the ritual again. You don’t want to jump into one continuous one night stand after another. It might leave you feeling hollow and depressed. One night stands are fun if you’re single. They’re great if you’re not looking for any commitment. They’re fantastic if you find great sex every time. But they’re also complicated and messy. Understand that with every session, there are feelings involved and memories attached. Give yourself time between each one night stand to evaluate yourself. Enjoy yourself and live a full life.

Reserved for One: A poem

We don't trust enough We don't pour out our hearts  Telling all our secrets, our fears and surrendering to each other. Comple...