Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Monday is Girlfriend Day!


Mondays is GIRLFRIEND day.
This has been proven beyond reasonable doubt.  
There are two kinds of men who are having an affair. The married type and the single ones.
The Married Man:
For the married type, the weekend is sacrosanct. They need to spend time with their family, their kids, and their parents. They attend to all the chores that the wife has given them; their society wants them to do and be good men for the sake of keeping their homes intact. By Monday they have spent 48 hours with their family and feel they truly need a break.
Mondays are rarely `client meeting days’ in the evening. Almost no client wants to go out “drinking” and talk about the future after a hard day at work. Nevertheless, all men need some fun. They do not really want to go back home and talk about household chores. That is when they turn to their girlfriends.
A married man has a very patient girlfriend.  She understands that this man has “issues” to sort out and needs time to figure out his home affairs before he can begin his personal affairs with her. She believes if she gives him space, he will love her more, and eventually they will have a home together. And Mondays are her days. She gets to choose where she wants to go, what she wants to eat, and she has her undivided attention for a few hours until he goes home. It couldn’t be a better arrangement for all even if the Gods had conspired with it.
Most restaurants with cozy little booths are packed to capacity on Mondays. The drive out towards the suburbs see even more couples seeking dimly lit, romantic restaurants that they will not be noticed in. And the more popular ones get packed since the girlfriend, patient as she might be also knows how to play her cards right when it comes to being pampered. She will eventually have her home with him one day, but till then, he will pay for her dry martini and smoke salmon with caviar in the most exclusive bistros.
Yes Mondays is when the excuse book comes out; Client meetings, travelling for work, new project, bad mood of the boss, late edits, computers crashing, doctor’s appointments and of course the classic traffic excuse. They will all hold good. No one in this three-way situation is oblivious to the truth but no one cares enough to confront it immediately. And the excuses, the delays, and the Mondays continue.
The Single Man:
A single man is defined as one that has a girlfriend but has not given her a commitment yet. He is the smartest of all creatures. He needs no excuse to live life on his terms and yet he has women eating from the palm of his hands.
For him Mondays are about reconnecting with the girlfriend. He is not desperate to meet her. He probably only wants to keep her happy by proving he is there to “listen” to her instead of just “pleasuring” her. He has probably taken her out on a Friday night and had a lovely time where she needs the entire Saturday to recover.
The single man needs space. He needs LOTS of space. He needs it because it makes him feel he is the king of his own world and no one can rule him. Hence, the entire weekend needs to be his. He needs to sit around and do nothing. He needs to be able to watch TV without having a bath, eat chicken at all times of the day, drink endless bottles of beer, and watch cricket as if the team’s win depends on him not moving from that chair.
Yes, the single man’s weekend is pathetic to a woman. If he gives a commitment, she will probably make plans for him to go grocery shopping, have a nice brunch, or even take a stroll down a park. But the single man does not want to do any of these things on the weekend. In fact, he would be most happy to sit in one place and try to open the front door with the sheer power of his mind.
By Monday, since he has already bathed, shaved, and worn presentable clothes to work, the single man presumes all that effort need not go to waste. He might as well make a good impression on his current girlfriend. Newton’s Law of Motion proves that if he is going to be up anyway, he should move towards the object of desire.
Mondays with girlfriends are not about amorous intimacy unlike with a married man who is craving physical contact. More often than not, a single man will use Mondays to demonstrate to the woman that he is a loving, gentle, intelligent creature who is witty, charming, and funny. All the things that the woman will go gaga over and then fall into bed with him on Friday. He establishes himself as a debonair and the woman has the whole week to remember this fabulous date on Monday.
There may be other men out there who are completely different from the two species I have described. I am sure most women know them too.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Twitter Contest - Free Give Aways of Madhuri's Wardrobe!

 I've recently crossed 1000 followers mark, as a gratitude I am going to give some gifts to my twitter followers.

All they have to do

a.Follow me on twitter http://twitter.com/#!/Madhuribanerjee

b. Go to LMVODI page on the facebook

b. Click like (this is required for tagging)

c. Click on 'tag this photo' link and type in your twitter id  - @yourname

Still confused check out the utube video to do it- http://bit.ly/jQpEcd
 If you're the winner, you will get the accessory or attire. And if you live in Mumbai, I might even give it to you in person!

This contest is only for my twitter followers. So get a twitter handle soon and you could become a lucky winner of designer stuff ;)
BEST OF LUCK!

5 Women Every Man Wants...But Should Never Have!

 A fun blog post to make us laugh. :)
 1.       The Celebrity – Whether it is an Angelina Jolie or a Katrina Kaif, every man wants to be with a hot, desirable celeb. If she has done an `item number’, even better. If she is unattainable and mysterious, it drives him wild. The ability of the celeb to be multi talented gives it an even greater edge. Not only is she hot, but she is powerful. Some men even have the `celebrity worship syndrome’ where they feel they need to “protect” the celeb from vicious talks about her. Men have a vivid imagination when it comes to celebs. They can immediately put themselves in the shoes of the man right alongside the celeb. They think that they are Brad Pitt in the bedroom, the Akshay Kumar in the rain song, or even a Transformer attacking Megan Fox in a movie. They can visualize her in front of them and better yet, if there is an mms scandal, they will download it and visualize themselves filming it. The celeb however loses her edge when she gets pregnant. This undesirable factor remains until she can be a yummy mummy again.
2.       The Colleague – At some stage there has been some colleague that a man has eyed. She might be his junior from the same department, or someone who works closely, or even his boss. This woman might have given him what he feels is a “vibe” at some point of time. This is enough to set the ball rolling. Even though there is a high level of danger attached to it, the “hunt” is what makes this woman most desirable. Here is an opportunity to prove that he is intelligent, charming, witty, rich, and powerful. If she is popular, it becomes even more of a challenge and fixture in a man’s mind. This fling however has a very high degree of becoming sour and the workplace becoming a battlefield.
3.       The College Queen – He was a nerd in school. His aim was to become an IAS officer or a doctor, professions that required dedication, and no time for socializing with the opposite sex. Moreover, the most admired woman on campus was someone he would never get. This woman was wooed by the `cool’ boys or the rich ones who had their father’s cars. She would never sit in a bus with a man who had taken Physics as a major. This woman has always been the regret of the man’s life. If he finds her, and even if she is married, he will yearn to be with her, even for a day. She is the one who got away from his wily charms. She is the one who never got to know what a good human being he was. Hence the need to be able to tell her finally. This desire however dies down if she has put on weight and is no longer the same vision she was, twenty years ago!
4.       The Waitress – Somewhere, sometime, in some travel of a man, there has come across a dainty, pretty, - little thing with hair that smells like honey and skin that is soft and supple. Her lips are rosy and her smile inviting. She has probably asked him something that the wife in all her years has never inquired, “What can I get for you today?” The simplicity of that sentence, the warmth of her hands, and the sweetness in her voice is just about enough to drive a man mad. It is probable that he might be in an inebriated state of affairs and unable to distinguish whether she is single or not. It is also probable that she could be much younger and in a coffee shop. The waitress is someone who does not need to be chased, `understood’, or loved. She is wanted. This relationship, however easy it may seem leads to complications since this woman might know many thugs who go to the gym regularly and are not afraid of proving their strength against the man.
5.       The Ex – This woman is someone the man knows very well. He has been with her for many months/years and is comfortable with her. Suddenly, she has moved on. She has found a new boyfriend and she has changed the way she looks. From being a dowdy, nagging girlfriend, she has become the super sexy yet unattainable lady. And now he wants her back. However, the man doesn’t want her back forever. He just wants her back for a time being so she realizes how much she needs him. The bond that never severs needs to cut somewhere since the next time the man decides to break up with her, he might find himself in a paternity suit.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

5 Ways To Ease Stress

5 WAYS TO EASE STRESS:
With high power jobs, demanding relationships and manic traffic, it is proven that high blood pressure, cholesterol, and anxiety attacks are common phenomenon amongst men in their 30s. Adding to this, bad eating habits, a lack of support and frustrated ambitions cause even the best man to succumb to health issues.
To combat this men need a different way of easing their life a little bit.
1.       Daily Exercise: Yes, you’ve heard it before. You even had that gym membership that you went to four times in the entire year, you hired a personal trainer and you even tried yoga with your wife but the daily exercise is something you just can’t do. It is boring and with all that work, you feel you need to finish off through the day; you would rather sleep an extra hour than exercise. But what if exercising was fun? List 5 things you love to do and would do every day. Then go ahead and try one for each of the week of the month. Join tennis classes for a week so you will not get bored with it. Play on your Nintendo Wii but make sure it’s not a sitting car game but rather a high-powered basketball lone that makes you jump, and run on the spot. Do it for a week. Change the 5 things you want to do every month until you get to a point where you don’t need to change it. You will automatically wake up and do it for 45 minutes 6 times a week. Yes You get Sunday off.
2.       Healthy Eating: Yes, your wife/girlfriend has noticed that paunch on you and you don’t really care. She does not know the pressures of the workplace and what it means to do what you need to do at your position. Therefore she should let you be if you indulge a little and feel you “deserve” to `at least’ eat what you want and when you want, Green leafy vegetables seem to be a curse even thought eating copious amounts of it will give you back your health. Food should be about flavor and fun. Here is what you need to do. Write down the 3 meals you must have this week. It can be a drinking session with the guys that allows you to have snacks with your drinks (it cannot be dinner post as well). There can also be a client lunch that you need to go to and can have tandoori chicken until there are no more chickens left. Alternatively, it can be a friends’ birthday party where there will be cake that you need because you have a sugar craving. You need to plan it. It takes only 2 minutes of your time. For the rest of the meals, you need to watch what you eat. Drink a glass or orange juice a day instead of the fatty cold coffee if you are meeting people in coffee shops. Have a breakfast of oatmeal or whole grain sandwich or egg whites every morning. Avoid red meat and sugar unless you have planned it for a meal. Be vigilant about what you eat. You deserve to live long. Not just eat well.
3.       Read: Switch off the TV and read a fiction novel that you have been putting off for so long. Tell the wife/ girlfriend to leave you for a few hours over the weekend and instead of spending it on watching reruns and films that can be avoided, read a book. Do not read something that is meant for your job or for a course you are taking or a magazine that finishes in 20 minutes. Read a book that you picked up or was presented to you as a good read. Absorbing your mind in something that is more than a home or office gives your mind something more to think about. It helps to lower your heart rate and increases the progesterone level that makes you a calmer man.
4.       Sing: There are two ways of benefitting from singing. One you can call all your friends over for a karaoke night where you get to enjoy other people’s company. Secondly, singing is proved to ease stress. It does not matter if you sing badly. If you don’t want to sing in front of friends, sing for the kids, sing for the pets, sing to woo your beloved, sing in you shower every morning. You get the idea. Sing your favourite songs or the new ones you have heard on the radio. Sing 5 in a row. And laugh at yourself when you don’t remember the lyrics or go off key. Because you can be happy, your profession is not as a Singer!
5.       Sex: Either with or without a partner. An orgasm releases beta-endorphins, which are like a shot of relief in a syringe. Moreover, it is loads of fun! Needs no further explanation. Have fun.
Can also be read at:
http://ibnlive.in.com/blogs/author/2956/madhuribanerjee.html

Monday, June 20, 2011

LMVODI's TELL A STORY IN 50 WORDS

http://on.fb.me/jufG9o

So we're having a contest for the best story told in 50 words or less.

Here's an opportunity for telling your story to the world: your own, a friend's, made-up, or a mixture of them all. Any kind of story that you were reminded of when reading the book.

You have a maximum of 50 words to express yourself with.

Post your story on the page's wall. Link above.

The story with the maximum number of 'likes' wins. So after you post your story, tell all your friends to 'like' the post to ensure your win!

The winning post will be specially featured on the Page, on my blog AND might get used with the writers name in other publications.

Last date for posting: 25th June.

What are you waiting for? Write on!!!

Friday, June 17, 2011

Mumbai Mirror & Ahmedabad Mirror carry Article on Relationships with my take on it!

Happily ever after?

A recent study suggests that reading too many romance novels could ruin your chances of developing a real relationship.Chicklit writers and experts debate the claim

By Namrata Bhawnani
Posted On Friday, June 17, 2011

On rainy days like these, it is a guilty pleasure for women to curl up with a good romance novel where the sex is as steamy and hot as the cuppa coffee they might be relishing. As the perfect, fabulously rich hero sets the heroine's loins on fire, the readers enjoy a vicarious thrill.

And when the hero and heroine climax simultaneously every time they unite in bliss, the female readers may heave a sigh or two themselves. The glamour and sheen of the fantasy world, unfortunately, rarely translates into real life. So much for Mr Darcy.

Dissatisfied?

So how do bonkbusters, chicklit and romance novels affect a woman's perception of a real romance? Recently, an article on
www.ksl.com stirred up a debate when Mormon life coach Kimberly Sayer-Giles suggested: Men are addicted to pornography as it produces a euphoric drug in the body.
While women are stimulated more by romance than sex, so when they read romantic stories they feel the same addictive chemical release that men do. According to psychologist Dr Juli Slattery, whom she has quoted, many women who read these novels show dissatisfaction with their marriages or relationships.

So do the expectations from a real relationship take a turn for the unreal? Psychologist Deepti Makhija agrees, "Romance novels affect the way you perceive relationships as there is no logical reasoning behind them. Women expect that 'He should love me, no matter what. The relationship must be perfect.' It's not functional or pragmatic. Both partners need to take equal responsibility and make adjustments in the relationship."


Emotional turbulence

"Given how conditioned we are to believe in '... and they lived happily after', women subconsciously think that everything must go according to a perfect script," explains Makhija. "And when your partner deviates from that perfect script, it creates an emotional disturbance in the relationship."

Since this problem is easy to dismiss by saying that no one takes chicklit seriously, think about the assault of influences on a daily basis whether it's Bollywood's love stories, or Danielle Steel's studs, the subliminal message about 'true love' can be damaging. Makhija says, "The key is to remember that there is no such person who is perfect, and to not catastrophise by thinking, 'How could this happen to me? It's the end of the world.' This can be seen as women who cling to the notion of Prince Charming and tend to ignore potentially great prospects that come their way.

Happy endings?

So can this damaging idea of perfection extend to a couple's sex life? Our sexpert Dr Watsa finds the notion amusing. He says, "Mainly women read it so that they can fantasise and be happy. A woman can share the fantasy with their partner and they can play it out together. Even if he's not that good, the fantasy gives her a better high. As it is, she's dreaming of the other guy while in bed."

If a woman can get past the tame Mills and Boons and enjoy erotica, Dr Watsa says that their fantasy maybe translated into reality.

Chickwit

The publishing boom has seen a rise in the number of desi chicklits churned out. So how do authors feel about the claim?

 Anuja Chauhan, Author of the Zoya Factor
I read a lot of romance novels. In fact, I think we should be more demanding. It's good to have healthy levels of hygiene and respect, and you should ask for that. Don't share a bathroom, there goes your romance. Instead of reading all those novels, prioritise your romance.

 Madhuri Banerjee, 
Author of Losing My Virginity and other dumb ideas
I don't think readers are looking for a perfect man. I've been married for eight years and my husband is no way close to that! You have to be happy with what you get. Women who are educated read because it simply gets them out their boring lives. I'd say it's the men who have unreal expectations!

 Meenakshi Reddy Madhavan, Author of You are Here

I think women have the sense to distinguish between fact and fiction. As Indians, we have grown up seeing our parents make arranged marriages work, we are willing to make compromises. 97 per cent of my friends talk about having a great sex life! Either they're incredibly lucky or maybe they feel it isn't right to talk about it openly.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Marie Claire Interview !!





 

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

The Murder of J Dey.

I did not know Jyotirmoy Dey. In fact, I didn’t recollect any of his stories until I re-read them in the papers a few days ago. Then I remembered. His stories were to the point, truthful and honest. Probably much like him. Your work reflects who you are. In addition, for the entire buzz around, all I can decipher is that he was one in a million. A man who will probably have thousands of eulogies and many posthumous awards. J. Dey. A Bengali living in Mumbai, a family man, a middle class person.
I cannot comprehend the loss that loved ones are feeling. All I can say is that I empathize and give my deepest condolences.
What is really bothering me about this murder is not only that a simple, hardworking journalist has been shot dead, but that there has been no uproar from the society yet. It is as if, the papers are read, a few clucking noises are made and then the cocktails are brought out. Where is the media and the people asking, neigh demanding an explanation and getting its entire police and CBI force out to find the killers? A popular TV show has a dialogue that says, “The first 48 hours are crucial to find the murderers. After that the evidence can be tampered with.” It has been 4 days. Where are the killers? Where is the Home Ministry sending out a message saying that the killers will be brought to justice? No matter how many people they will lock in Tihar Jail, the government needs to send out a stronger signal that terrorism, big or small will NOT be tolerated.
 J Dey stood for far more than one crore people against corruption. He stood for far more than swamis against contamination did. He stood for Freedom of Speech.
With Dey being shot, it shows that the Underworld can silence that freedom. It can be bought, it can be threatened, and it can be suppressed. When reporters investigate about stories, they are making people aware of the dangers that lie in our society. They are making people understand the evils that lie hidden. They give us an opportunity to protect and defend ourselves when we need to. We use our freedom to live because of the crime reporters who unflinchingly do their job with meticulous accuracy fearing no one.
With this murder, it has made the society a more fragile place. The reporters are scared. And we too... should be scared. We cannot open our mouths against people who have power; we cannot even show our faces to them. For God forbid, tomorrow it is our murder and our families who suffer.
We will glorify the Underworld in our films. We will even comment on the suaveness of the gangsters. We will pay to go watch something in reel life, and not even think subconsciously that it is taken from an incident in REAL life.
A man has lost his life. We as a society have lost our dignity. The clock is ticking. And there are no answers yet.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The First Time : a poem, a memory, a feeling.


The first time I saw you
You were wearing black.
You walked straight past me
Not knowing, not caring, not wanting.
You smiled as you got to the door
And just as you opened it
You looked back.

The first time we kissed
Was in your car
Under the flickering street lamp
Not planning, not understanding, not concerned.
And then you dropped me home
And left me alone.

The first time we made love
It lasted the entire night
Gripping. Hungry. And raw.
Not spoken, not comprehended, not defended.
And when the dawn broke
Our other life began.

The first time you said goodbye
I cried my heart out
Till I could feel nothing anymore.
Not realizing, not believing, not speaking.
The senses stood still for a long time
And then it didn’t matter anymore.

The first time I remembered you
Was when it rained today.
Soaking my clothes, touching my skin, caressing my face.
Not with consent. Not with concern. Not with consequence.
Just like, you had taken my heart.
The first time you saw me.





Saturday, June 11, 2011

All Voices Nina Rai writes about Losing My Virginity And Other Dumb Ideas!

Madhuri Banerjee – The gorgeous and hot new writer in town

Mumbai : India | Jun 09, 2011

Next
Beautiful Author Madhuri Banerjee
Report by: Nina Rai
Mumbai, 9th June 2011:
Madhuri Banerjee is as lovely as her name sake Indian actress Madhuri Dixit; the author of the best-selling book entitled 'Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas,' which is the fictional story of 30-year-old Kaveri an interpreter by profession whose goal is to 'figure out the language of love'.
The director of her own boutique, creative production house called Gray Matter Solution; Madhuri is a complete media professional. She has contributed her best efforts to all forms of the visual medium namely TV, advertisements, documentaries and even films.
Where Hindi films and Bollywood is concerned this multi-talented lady has worked as a senior assistant director for well-known film-makers like Subhash Ghai, Rohan Sippy, and Kaizad Gustad and even music director Anu Malik.
Having a Masters in Communication and Films from Jamia Millia Islamia, Madhuri’s thesis film, "Between Dualities", catapulted her to national fame. She won the National Award for her thesis film, in the best documentary catergory pertaining to women’s issues.
Other than media, the multi-faceted Madhuri is avid traveler and loves fashion, reading and food too. Currently her kitty is full, as she is working on a television show, a new novel and a film script. All this, even whilst she is busy globe trotting, being a good housewife and a mother.
http://www.allvoices.com/contributed-news/9346997/content/81581633-madhuri-banerjee-the-gorgeous-new-writer-in-town

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Monsoon Memories

 It’s raining again.
I just put the clothes away.
I’m sitting here in this corner of mine.
Close to nothing, and away from it all.
It’s so silent. Peaceful.
And yet there is something missing.
Something.
I can see the rain softly speaking to me.
It’s been so long since someone spoke to me.
No, not the regular stuff. They don’t matter.
Fake smiles. Artificial laughter. My life.
What is it now.
People talking. More promises.
The rain lashes down. Forcing me to remember.
And then there was you.
I tried to forget.
I moved on.
Time was supposed to heal me.
It never really does.
Do you remember?
Me…those times… that song..
The rain.
I run my fingers down my face…softly..
Just the way you used to.
My skin tingles.
It doesn’t go away you know.
The memories.
They don’t die.
I don’t know if I love you still.
I don’t know if I even want you back.
I just know that it’s this damn rain
It’s pulling my body to you.
Like we did that day.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

IBN LIVE CHAT on Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas...and lots of other ideas!!

Oh I'm going to be on IBN LIVE Webchat tomorrow. So post your questions on http://t.in.com/cemF  and from 4-6 pm (IST) on Wednesday 8th June I'll answer ANYTHING!

Interacting with people, talking about all sorts of things...Looking forward to it big time!

Be there!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Heartbreak

I.Already. Know
Yes I need to move on.
You don’t need to say it again and again.
I’m turning and leaving now.
You’ve seen enough of my tears.
Did it matter?
Did it move you at all?
One last glance.
I’ve stopped screaming.
You can turn now.
No I’m not ok.
Am I supposed to be?
Was that the end you imagined?
Silence doesn’t help. Not now.
 It was my fault.
Actually not.
 I told you what I wanted.
I told you.
What did you want?
 I know what you want now.
It took too long for you to decide.
You wasted my time.
Yes I’m ranting again.
But maybe this last bit of energy is worth it.
Maybe you need to hear it.
Will it matter?
 Will you come back?
 No. I don’t even want that.
It’s not easy.
It never is.
Yet we do it again and again and again.
Fall in love.
Yes this is what heartbreaks feel like.

Letter from a Hogwarts Teacher to Hermione

My daughter Ariaana is a big Harry Potter fan. For her summer holidays she's gone to spend time with her grandparents. So I thought I...