Madhuri Banerjee

Wonder Women

2012-02-29T11:22:00.002+05:30

Women are wondrous explosions of love. We must never keep them stifled in a box of stereotypes and institutions. Yet in our society, we continuously criticize women. We say things such as they’re not good mothers, wives, daughters, cooks, homemakers or workers. Then that is followed up with they’re too fat, thin, ugly, stupid, brash, docile and it continues. It goes on so that we feel better about ourselves and fail to realize we’re sending out negative energy. This affects how we behave in our daily lives. We fall prey to our own undoing. By saying harmful things about each other, we think we are superior to those women. However, it comes back in some manner. Women believe what people say. Insecurities set in. They try to remove them like a bad stain that doesn’t disappear. And then something else is mentioned in a casual remark and it affects us so deeply that we fall into depression. Suddenly we are trapped by our own psyche that thinks we’re not worthy, we’re not good enough, we don’t deserve love. That is not true. This is all because of the negative energy we have sent out. We have to first stop judging other women. It needs to start from you. Because when women judge other women, the men follow suit. Every woman deserves to be pampered, cherished, and worshiped. Every woman deserves the best that life can give. We need to become far more than the sum of what is expected from us. We need to be our own beacon of light and shine for each other and ourselves.

My new fav: Rolling in the Deep: Adele

2012-02-19T19:02:00.000+05:30

I'm obsessed with this song lately. Wanted to share it with everyone. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYEDA3JcQqw&ob=av2e

Rolling in the Deep
There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bring me out the dark
Finally I can see you crystal clear
Go ahead and sell me out and I'll lay your ship bare

See how I'll leave, with every piece of you
Don't underestimate the things that I will do
There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bring me out the dark

The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling

We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside your hand
And you played it to the beat

Baby, I have no story to be told
But I've heard one of you and I'm gonna make your head burn
Think of me in the depths of your despair
Making a home down there as mine sure won't be shared

The scars of your love remind you of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling

We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside your hand
And you played it to the beat
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/a/adele-lyrics/rolling-in-the-deep-lyrics.html ]

Could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside your hand
But you played it with a beating

Throw your soul through every open door
Count your blessings to find what you look for
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold
You pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow

(Now I'm gonna wish you never had met me)
We could have had it all
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
We could have had it all

(Now I'm gonna wish you never had met me)
It all, it all, it all, it all
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

(Now I'm gonna wish you never had met me)
We could have had it all
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
Rolling in the deep

(Now I'm gonna wish you never had met me)
You had my heart and soul
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
And you played it to the beat

(Now I'm gonna wish you never had met me)
Could have had it all
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
Rolling in the deep

(Now I'm gonna wish you never had met me)
You had my heart and soul in your hand
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
But you played it, you played it, you played it to the beat

Losing My Virginity And Other New Ideas in a brand new cover!!!

2012-02-07T21:48:00.000+05:30

BUY IT HERE: http://www.flipkart.com/books/0143415123?ref=69be0b5d-3b1a-4fd5-8ca8-b25e252faa44

Love Guru Advice: "My man cheated on me"

2012-02-06T11:56:00.000+05:30

Dear Love Guru,

I was with a man for two years and then he cheated on me. He said it was a one night stand and he was terribly sorry. But I broke up with him. Now all I can do is think about him. Should I take him back or not?

Yours,

Double Crossed

Dear Double Crossed,

I’ve always wondered where do all the memories go when the relationships die? Sometimes I feel they fester in the aura around us until we move on to something else. There are two ways of looking at this: 1) Forgive him. Then go to a counselor and try to make it work. See the problems both of you had. Do not play the blame game if you truly love each other and want to get back to a caring and respectful space. This will take tremendous effort but if you feel he’s been good to you in all other spheres then you should try and give it one more chance. 2) If you feel you deserve better it is time for you to move on. You need to do things that will keep your mind busy, your body tired, and your heart occupied. Plunge yourself in your job. Take up new assignments. Join a zumba class where you will dance until you are exhausted. Flirt with as many men as you come across, meet your girlfriends and socialize with family members. Enhance your life for the better with or without him! Forget the mistakes but don’t forget the lessons you learned from it.

http://www.deccanchronicle.com/channels/lifestyle/others/%E2%80%98where-do-all-memories-go%E2%80%99-246

A Mother’s Angst

2012-01-27T22:48:00.000+05:30

From My Personal Diary:

25^th January 2012

I've been leaving my child behind with the maid more often nowadays. I don't know if it’s a good thing or not. For the last 3 and a half years, I've been there for my child every single day of her life for most of her waking hours. Now I go home past her suppertime.
It’s killing me. I know I have no option bcos I need to work and I love what I do. And it makes me provide for her better. The logic is always there. But sometimes the heart is unwilling.
The problem is not really that I leave her so much as I leave her with a maid. There aren't grandparents around who can manage her growth or a sibling that she can play with or even fantastic friends for her to hang out with in the evening. She has no one except an old maid who doesn't know how to read, write, or put on a movie for her. So they play with bartans. Or watch cartoons. Or go down in the lawn where my child sits with the maid since they're no kids her age in the building.
I think of all this when I'm stuck in traffic. The long commute home when time is being wasted instead of me being with her.
So I try to do more with her when I'm at home. Play, sing, dance, colour, whatever. Anything to make her happy and take her away from the tv that's slowly becoming her best friend. I try and make breakfast for her and give her a bath every morning and drop her to school before I leave so I don’t miss out on her growing up.
And when she sleeps, I finish my work for the next day. And a whole day starts again. I hardly get time for movies, or tv or books, or spas or meeting friends. But I know there’ll be a day when she won’t need me anymore and there'll be plenty of time for all that. I fear the day is just around the corner.
So I make sure the first thing she hears in the morning and the last thing she sees at night is me holding her tight and saying I love you.

Because she's my world. And she completes me.

Love Guru Advice: Long Distance Relationships

2012-01-23T09:53:00.000+05:30

Dear Love Guru,I fell in love with a man and we had some amazing dates. Then he got a job abroad and left. Right now, we have a long-distance relationship and it’s becoming stressful. Both of us are middle-class people who can’t afford to travel up and down often. What should I do?
Yours,
Lost @ Sea

Dear Lost at Sea,
Long-distance relationships are extremely tough. You need to have so much more love, patience and trust than you do with a relationship where you meet often. So start by giving that instead of demanding it.
Use technology to the best of your advantage. Skype often to see what both of you are doing. Text
message each other whenever you think of him.
Make your conversation more about the other person, your common interests, something new you learned that day and how you’re both feeling. Keep the conversations light and fresh. Don’t get boring. If it starts dragging, take a break for a few days and then come back and talk to him.
Never blame the other person for not being there for you. Keep “distance” as a state of mind. Think that he lives at the other side of town and he cannot be with you right now.
Also, remember to keep it naughty and interesting. Let your imagination run wild. Work hard and earn enough to take a vacation once a year to see each other.
After all, love is worth the effort. Have a goal. Work towards it.
All the best!

http://www.deccanchronicle.com/channels/sci-tech/others/%E2%80%98long-distance-ties-are-tough%E2%80%99-933

Love Guru Advice: In Love With a Divorcee

2012-01-09T10:28:00.000+05:30

http://epaper.asianage.com/PUBLICATIONS/ASIAN/AAGE/2012/01/09/index.shtml

Dear Love Guru,

I am in love with a divorcee. My parents will never approve of the match, especially because he has two kids as well. But we do want to be together and I don’t know what to do.

Yours,
Second Chances

Dear Second Chances,

Did you know that Madhubala met Kishore Kumar when he was married to Ruma Guha? Shilpa Shetty met Raj Kundra when he was still married and Dharmendra met Hema Malini after he was married with two sons and Boney Kapoor married Sridevi, which was his second, and her first wedding. We all come with baggage, whether it is emotional or family. If a person loves you for who you are and is willing to spend the rest of his life with you, your parents should be happy that you have found someone who wants to accommodate his life to involve you. However, a second marriage for him will not be easy. You must respect his time with his family and never try to impose yourself on his children. Become their friend first and respect them as individuals. A marriage whether it is first for you or second for him is about compromise and love. Give each other plenty of time together as a couple to grow together. Before taking the plunge, talk through issues regarding more children, finances and parents’ time with the family. Convince your parents that if you have found your soul mate, how does it matter if he’s a divorcee? He is still a wonderful man! And after all, it’s still your life.

Authors Speak About Writing: A Chat With Preeti Shenoy and Madhuri Banerjee

2012-01-08T20:34:00.000+05:30

I was chatting with my friend Preeti Shenoy on BBM today and we felt that it was such a nice conversation that we should share it with more people. I loved how we could go from chatting about random things to talking about the writing process which we hope to do more often. I feel rejuvenated when I speak to fellow authors about work. It gives me a new perspective. This is the first part of our chat.

Preeti Shenoy

A Chat Between Two Female Authors:

Preeti Shenoy: I must tell u something interesting. I was googling to read ur blog.

Madhuri Banerjee: Ya

Preeti Shenoy: So I type in madhuri banerjee, and it suggests “madhuri banerjee husband”

Madhuri: Hahahaa

Preeti Shenoy: So many must be googling

Madhuri: Husband as in apply for husband?

Preeti Shenoy: People must be curious I guess!

Madhuri: Hahahah. That wd be nice tho… I always wanted a swayamvar...

Preeti Shenoy: I read that article on your blog…Abt three scenarios of extra marital affair. I really liked the piece. (called http://madhuribanerjee.blogspot.com/2011/05/like-virgin-my-article-printed-in-may.html?showComment=1314183776216#c810228338668822319)

Madhuri: Oh thank u

Preeti Shenoy: :)

Madhuri: Wanted to ask u a question

Preeti Shenoy: Do ask

Madhuri: When u were writing ur second book and third, where did u draw ur creativity from?

Preeti Shenoy: Second is based on true story

Preeti Shenoy: All people based on real life characters

Madhuri: Someone u knew?

Preeti Shenoy: Yes

Madhuri: Oh ok

Preeti Shenoy: Third also

Preeti Shenoy: Based on real life people

Madhuri: Ok

Preeti Shenoy: And real incidents

Madhuri: Wow

Preeti Shenoy: And some happened to me

Madhuri: I can imagine

Madhuri: Ok another one

Preeti Shenoy: Yes

Madhuri: How wd u structure ur book? Anything in mind or just write?

Preeti Shenoy: No I plan

Preeti Shenoy: How do u write?

Preeti Shenoy: I need an outline

Madhuri: 3 part? 4 part?

Preeti Shenoy: I need to know what happens in each chapter

Preeti Shenoy: I need some structure

Madhuri: Really?

Preeti Shenoy: Yes

Preeti Shenoy: Then as I write

Preeti Shenoy: I might juggle

Preeti Shenoy: Or make adjustments

Madhuri: I need a 4 part structure but don’t plan what’s happening in each chapter beforehand

Preeti Shenoy: Ok

Preeti Shenoy: I need details :)

Madhuri: 1^st part is to set up the story, 2^nd part is to give more definition to the characters, 3^rd part is the build up of conflict, and 4^th part is the resolution. Each part having a definite number of chapters so I know where to stop and begin the next part.

Madhuri: Ok tell me something, what’s the most difficult part? The beg or the end?

Preeti Shenoy: Beginning surely. And then deciding which POV to tell story from. Then pouring emotions into it. What’s yours?

Madhuri: For me both the books ending..

Preeti Shenoy: What is second book?

Madhuri: A sequel

Preeti Shenoy: Nice!!

Madhuri: Really tough. Most anxious. Apprehensive

Preeti Shenoy: Will surely read!!

Madhuri: Thanks (hug)

Preeti Shenoy: U finished writing?

Madhuri: Writing 4th part of book.

Preeti Shenoy: Ok

Madhuri: Another 25,000 words to go

Preeti Shenoy: Ok

Madhuri: Feel a little lost sometimes `cos don't want my character to come off wrong or clichéd. So taking my time. Didn't realize trilogies are so tough!

Preeti Shenoy: Ok--for me after sometime characters just do what they want to do!

Madhuri: Ya

Preeti Shenoy: I don't know if that makes sense

Madhuri: Ya it does

Preeti Shenoy: It’s like one loses control no? Crazy it sounds. But its true.

Madhuri: Ya and that character is its own person.

Preeti Shenoy: Yes!

Madhuri: Unlike me. That character is so not me.

Preeti Shenoy: Yes!

Madhuri: And sometimes I hv to not put MY thoughts into her or him

Preeti Shenoy: Oh yes

Madhuri: Cos that's not how they would react. You have to be careful how the character reacts to situations and how you would react to situations and not mix the two.

Preeti Shenoy: And sometimes something which affected me… it always finds its way..into the writing.

Madhuri: Oh always! That’s why my column in Asian Age/Deccan Chronicle is Kaveri Love Guru. It’s her viewpoint and not really mine. She’s the single one, you know..

Preeti Shenoy: Nice! :)

Madhuri: But I need to draw more though, become better, hv better language, deeper vocabulary...

Preeti Shenoy: Oh--that is always a constant quest for me :)

Madhuri: I read so much and wish I could write like that.

Preeti Shenoy: I admire Catherine Alliot. I read a LOT too. And totally admire sheer brilliance in writing

Madhuri: Ya me too

Preeti Shenoy: Who all u like to read?

Madhuri: David Davidar. I also like Siddharth Dhanvant Shangvi’s prose but his books really move me to tears. They’re beautiful and sad.

Madhuri: Ok look u go hv lunch

Preeti Shenoy: Yup

Madhuri: Ur not gonna get time later

Madhuri: We'll chat soon

Preeti Shenoy: Good talking to u abt writing--something I rarely do!!

Madhuri: Let's do that more often :)

This is where our conversation ended for now... I'm hoping to have more conversations with her. I'm also hoping I can rope in a few more authors for a full fledged discussion on the writing process. Looking forward to that soon. Will keep it posted here.

Below are the 2 books covers of our latest books:

http://preetishenoy.com/

https://www.facebook.com/#!/LMVODI

My Cover Letter.

2012-01-06T14:04:00.000+05:30

I was contacted by an HR consultant who wanted me to write a cover letter along with my CV. I groaned. Did I have to? Yes, she said, it's very important for employers to know a little bit more about you that goes beyond bullet points. Fine. So I sat and wrote out a cover letter. I don't know how it's supposed to be. But if it's about knowing a little bit more about me, then here goes:

Name of Cover Letter - Creativity:

After becoming a mother I realised how much balance is required if you want to succeed. From being inundated with daily domesticity to churning out a book I finally found myself challenged and fulfilled.
Within a span of two years I wrote a bestselling novel, started a production house, became a columnist for Asian Age, a Blogger for CNN-IBN online, opened a Twitter account, managed a facebook page for my book and created a website for myself. All the while bringing up my child with a minimum support system.
I began to finally understand that multitasking can be done if you know how.
Women are Chief Juggling Officers of the world. By keeping our professional organisation in the loop about our goals and our time while simultaneously demystifying what we do at work to our family, we women can achieve a balance.
That's who I am. A juggler, a balancer, a hard worker. Beyond that are ideas and positive energies.
I love my zumba class to keep me fit and yoga to keep me calm. I read books by the dozen to enlighten me and drink coffee endlessly to rejuvenate me. I travel to give clarity to my life and meditate to bring harmony to my soul.
Laughter fills my days and silence envelops my nights. And wherever there is a void, there is prayer.
I want to be part of creative thoughts, people who work for passion and an organisation who gives respect more than money.
My references shall be my worst critics who I can convince and my 3000 twitter followers who know enough about me and still want more.
I shall make my path and hope Destiny is on my side.

Love Guru Advice: Husband Ignores Me.

2011-12-20T15:10:00.001+05:30

Dear Love Guru

My husband refuses to pay attention to me. During the week, he's busy with work and on weekends, he either plays golf or sits and watches TV. Please tell me how to break out of this rut.

Deeply Disappointed

Dear Disappointed,

It seems your husband has not transitioned from bachelor life to married life. He still feels it’s his life and you need to adjust to it. What you can do is start getting involved with his life. Take the initiative to go out for dinners and movies. Pencil in sex every now and then. There are two types of men in the world, the silent ones who like doing things, and the talkative ones whom you can sort issues out with. If your man is more the silent type talking to him about your feelings is only going to piss him off. Plan vacations when you know its holiday time for you, drag him for the movie that you want to see, treat him to a nice hearty dinner without asking him to eat healthy. However, let him be some weekends to sit on his couch and watch TV or play golf while you do your own thing. Individually you need to grow as human beings as much as you need to as a couple. He might never take the initiative. It does not mean you need to give up on it. Think of yourself as the man in the relationship. Then what would you do? Now go ahead and do it!

http://dc-epaper.com/PUBLICATIONS/DC/DCC/2011/12/19/INDEX.SHTML

http://www.deccanchronicle.com/channels/lifestyle/relationship/%E2%80%98get-involved-his-life%E2%80%99-793

Love Guru Advice: Boyfriend dating best friend

2011-12-14T22:24:00.001+05:30

Dear Love Guru,

I broke up with my boyfriend and now he is dating my best friend! I just want to kill them both. How could they betray me like this?

Sincerely,

Double-Crossed

Dear Double-Crossed,

Anger is ok but revenge is sweeter. There are two ways of going about this. One you can give them your blessing and be thankful that you’re not with such a jerk. You know he will make the same mistakes with her as he did with you and soon enough she will come running back to you to ask for advice on his stupidity. Then you can gloat and maybe even giggle with her. ALTERNATIVELY, you take revenge on them and satisfy your evil streak immediately. Here’s what you do - you need to date your best friend’s brother or someone very, very close to her just for a brief enough time for her to be enraged. You are not allowed to fall in love with this person otherwise you’ll be stuck with an ex- best-friend- but- now- mean- step- sister- in- law forever! If she doesn’t have men in her family whom she is attached to, you need to sabotage another area in her life like at her workplace where you can bribe a co-worker to lose some of her important papers. The point is to give her stress! Be warned though, that you will feel guilty later. Then it might be too late! So it is safer to go with ignoring and moving on. SURELY, you will find a man who loves you and another best friend soon.

http://www.deccanchronicle.com/search/google?cx=partner-pub-0807768744011217%3Ansp3iv-vyie&cof=FORID%3A11&query=madhuri+banerjee&op=Go&form_build_id=form-4905e8c28cccb7db03d1201a0a398ba7&form_id=google_cse_searchbox_form

Love Guru Advice: Boyfriend Still in love with his Ex

2011-11-27T11:29:00.000+05:30

Dear Love Guru,

My boyfriend still hangs out with his ex. I am very jealous and don't know what to do. I don’t want to lose him. Please help!

Sincerely,

Annoyed Anita

Dear Annoyed Anita,

If only all of us become so understanding, the world will be a much better place! As I see it, you can do two things. One you can rave, rant, and tell him he can never see her again. This might result in him going behind your back and seeing her or anyone else. Alternatively, you can let him know that you know about it and leave it at that. Then you can go into a plan B where you rope him back to you. Start behaving less like a wife and more like a sex goddess. Go out partying with your best friends. Make calls in front of him to your male friends. Wear your best clothes and some amazing perfume. Let him walk in on you watching porn but walk away before doing anything. Show him new lingerie you plan to wear but don't wear it for him. Make plans and cancel dates. After a few days, you can show him the wild yet loving side to you. Then you ask him how his ex is doing in a very caustic manner. If he still insists on seeing her, I suggest you take a deep breath and pack your bags. He is the loser and you shall emerge stronger and better. The world is full of eligible sensible young men.

Kaveri Love Guru - Plump Vs Thin

2011-11-21T18:25:00.000+05:30

Dear Love Guru,

I’m a little on the plump side and my husband keeps telling me to lose weight. I have been trying but it’s getting harder with him insisting every day. What should I do?

Completely ,

Miss Piggy

Dear Miss Piggy,

Oho! Is your husband George Clooney? If he isn’t then he has no right to tell you how to look. Tell him to get to the People’s magazine of Sexiest Men and then you’ll really be on that diet. Men really need a long, hard look at themselves. WE give them too much importance and put them on a pedestal in every sphere of our lives. If we stop asking for opinions and ignoring their advice, they might treat us better. Tell him a few of his flaws. Actually, tell him ALL his flaws. Then tell him you’re with him despite all of them. If he still insists, tell him you won’t have sex until you finally get a word of praise in for how you look and who you are. Be confident. Men flock to women who are self-assured and have self-respect, with all their flaws. Oprah used to weigh 250 pounds and she was the most powerful women having topped the Forbes list many times! Never let your self-esteem suffer for the sake of a man. In the meantime, go for a walk every day for half an hour. It will clear your head and do wonders for your body too!

http://www.deccanchronicle.com/search/google?cx=partner-pub-0807768744011217%3Ansp3iv-vyie&cof=FORID%3A11&query=Madhuri+Banerjee&op=Go&form_build_id=form-141b7300df34efb998588007889830ff&form_id=google_cse_searchbox_form

Kaveri Love Guru Column: Leftover Presents

2011-11-20T08:47:00.000+05:30

Dear Kaveri Love Guru,

I’ve broken up with my boyfriend but I have all these presents that he’s given me in the last two years of our relationship. Should I return them or burn them? I just don’t know what to do with them!

Yours,

Baggage

Dear Baggage,

Have you lost your mind completely? You keep them! Especially if they are expensive and come in a nice velvet box. Returning gifts to a boy who doesn’t want them will only mean he will give it to another woman or throw them out. You might think that by giving them back you’ve let go completely and “cleaned” him out of your life. For him, it’s junk returned. If you have to remove all elements of him in your life, take the stuffed toys, cards and other cheapie stuff and donate it to an orphanage. If you are still feeling guilty, you are most welcome to send the expensive presents to my address. Just remember you have also invested your time, effort, and energy into a man for the last two years. That’s far more valuable than any present a man can give. You gave him love and understanding. That’s equivalent to the gifts as well. So if you choose to keep the things, let it just be a pretty thing you deserved. It need not be a reminder of a beautiful or sad time with him. By the way, all the stuff that you gave him? Yeah, he doesn’t even know where he kept it! Enjoy what you got. And next time, get more!

Printed in the Asian Age. And Deccan Chronicle.

Kaveri Love Guru - Advice Column : Mothers -in-law!

2011-11-07T10:21:00.000+05:30

http://epaper.asianage.com/login.shtml

Dear Love Guru,

I've been married for some time now but my problem is not new. My mother in law insists that I cook for the family. On top of managing a job, a child, a husband, and a house she wants me to cook! Pl tell me how I can kill her and make it look like an accident!

Yours,

Full Time Stress

Dear Miss Stressy,

I completely relate to your problem. My mil also wanted me to make hot, hot rotis for her son whenever he came back from work saying a cook can never do things with love as a wife can. But the husband hardly cared as long as he got food to eat. It was only the mil who bothered. I could never master the art of rotis but one thing I learnt was making breakfast. A few diff types of eggs, two or three chutney and cheese sandwiches, potato rolls, poha and upma. I topped it with lassi, cold coffee or a hot cup of tea and it was a new breakfast everyday or at least on the weekend when I was free and felt like making it! You could try that as well. That way you can tell your mil that you make the most important meal of the day for your family and your husband will vouch for the fact that you know how to cook! No bloodshed needed!

The Art of Dating

2011-11-02T21:00:00.000+05:30

Dating in India is very different from dating in the West. In both cases, there is a 5 Step Process. The West is more; meet each other often, fall in love, live together, meet the parents, and then walk down the aisle.
In India it is more like; parents meet, grown children feel shy, a week of wedding celebrations, finally fall in love, and then go out for dinner.
However, things have been changing recently and the new generations have been pioneers in bringing about the new rules of dating. Here's what they are!

Rules of Dating:
1.       How to Meet: Now while in the west, there are many places where you can meet single people, in India if a man goes up to a woman in a bar, it is considered excessively `forward’. That is why there are wedding sites. Under the guise of looking for the correct person, wedding sites gives one the opportunity to meet several people while checking up on their profile and background. People also use Facebook, chat rooms, dot coms and friends of friends to hook up. Somehow, it is easier to type it out than talk in person for the new generation. And everyone loves it.

2.       Where to Meet: Everywhere. Earlier people were found in secluded corners of the park or in dingy little restaurants where they would not be caught. Nowadays couples not only hang out in restaurants, pubs, ice cream parlours and movie halls, they walk freely down public roads, hang out at each other’s houses and even have sleep over at friends’ places. The old clandestine meetings gives way to the new brazen, if you are in love, flaunt it in style.

3.       What to Do: Not many people have time anymore. With college, work, or parental pressure, couples find it difficult to pack in fun and meaningful activities when they meet. That is why all dates are now whirlwind affairs, a quick lunch, a movie, shopping for a few essentials, a quick stop over at a friend’s place that is out of town and back home for dinner and TV with parents. Sameness does not mean boring anymore. Because if it gets boring with one person, you move on to the next. You don’t need to change the pattern. You just need to change the person.

4.       What to Talk About: You know there are a few interests you have in common since you have seen his profile on that dot com site. Date conversations go from getting to know a person generally and then getting to know him deeper. The general questions can be about the “favourite” things in the person’s life, their school and work experiences. The deeper ones would be about love, marriage, kids, parents, fears, desires, and habits. Stories make a man. The more the saga, the more interesting the man.

5.       How to Break Up: It is not working out. You know and you really hope he will understand. Nevertheless, you do not want to hurt each other. Once you are sure about your decision you need to start maintaining your distance. Unreturned phone calls, random messages of “I’m busy” and “I’m looking for something else” might give the other person a hint. While people used to meet earlier to break up in person, changing your status to single on a popular website might have the same effect today, even though it is crueler. New age breaking up is all about texting saying it is over or blocking a person from their chat room. It might not be the best way to get closure, but it is the most effective for becoming thick skinned.

Happy Diwali!

2011-10-25T19:46:00.000+05:30

It's Diwali already!
Can you believe the year is almost over? How quickly it has passed and I'm still wondering about my New Year Resolutions. The ones I made in the beginning of this year.
Have I done anything worthwhile? Have I made a change? Can I still start today?

As I see the houses lit up with diyas and lights, I wonder if we have all made an attempt to light up other people's lives as well. I'm not talking about the poor and charity and all that. That's all an individual take and I hope each one of us is doing something for it. I'm talking about if we've been nice to people. If we've become a little wiser, a little more patient, a little more tolerant and a little more caring. Do we smile more? Or do we brush people off.

Why do we wait for an occasion to celebrate people in our lives?

I hope this Diwali, we all do something more than just play cards and gorge on those sweets. I hope we find light in our hearts to love, forgive and give to people who have touched our lives in some small way.

Happy Diwali to all my friends and family all across the world. I'm not there in body with you but I love you with all my soul.

Are we all just Corrupt but don't know it?

2011-09-09T17:54:00.000+05:30

“What do you do?”

We have all lauded Anna Hazare’s efforts, supported the movement through blogs, tweets, facebook updates and the more intrepid amongst us have attended rallies, candlelit marches and chanted slogans while wearing the “I am Anna” cap. We all want corruption to end and hope that India truly shines. Corruption is the bad word and we support all means possible to eradicate it.

But sometimes the choice to eradicate it is easier said than done. In the middle of the night, if we lie in bed can we truly say that we are not “corrupt”? Are we as pure as we think we are? And can we now stop being who we are and stop doing what we did for so long? Can any one of us say we have not done at least one of the things to get our way?

1. Jumping Traffic Lights – You are in a terrible hurry. The bus moved ahead of you and you did not see the light changing. You will have endless excuses when the cop catches you. But both of you know the truth. The important question is “What do you do?” You can pay the fine, get your license confiscated, go to the court next day, and get it released right? Alternatively, you give him hundred rupees and are set free. After all, you do not have time the next day. Your life is already busy.

2. School Admission: - Giving the best education to your child is something you feel you have to do. But the most prestigious schools will not let your child in if a certain fee is not paid. It could be called a deposit, a security, or a miscellaneous expenditure. The truth is you are not going to see it again and your kid won’t get in without it. “What do you do?” Yes, it is still a bribe. Is corruption then justified?

3. Foreign Shores Beckon:- In a once in a lifetime opportunity, you need a passport. You immediately think “Tatkal”! But even the fastest process to get the passport renewed takes two weeks and you need to fly out in one week’s time. “What do you do?” Time to call the friendly neighbourhood tout? After all, it’s ok if it’s an all expense paid trip right?

4. Rail Travel: - The “Great Indian Railways Family Vacation” with the family is a once in a year experience. But the seats are all over the place. It’s very easy to just stay put where you are. After all, you will be spending the remainder time of the vacation with everyone. Then, what is a little money to the TC for that window seat or the berths together right? What do you do?

5. IT returns: - Run to the IT consultant, pay imaginary rent, claim rewards (drivers are such a help in every sense) avoid the Tax to the maximum possible extent. Hey, you are still paying tax, so why so serious? In other cases, spend a little on the people who will help clear the fake IT bills. Does a justification that it’s all going into the politician’s pockets make it still ok?

6. Cooking Gas: - Arrey Bhai, just get hold of the friendly ‘Gaswalla’ give him a little “Bakshish.” Just get this done quickly, it is all right. After all, it’s not your fault that you did not know both your cylinders had finished. Right?

7. The DVD Walla: - It’s absolutely all right to buy the pirated DVD, which you are dying to see, or to download from free U-torrents. What the heck, everyone does it? The movie guys make a lot of money anyways right?

8. Buying Property: - Reason it out. As such, the property costs are so high, pay a little “black” money, and pay lesser in registration, stamp duty and all the other things that can save you just enough to buy that new stove you need in your kitchen. Your builder is actually doing you a favour, isn’t he? But “What do you do?”

9. Commission Fees: - The hand that feeds can also be fed. If the situation is changed “what do you do?” You know you can get the work done as soon as possible and take your “cut.” After all, it is your contacts and all your networking that makes the company what it is. Hard work should be rewarded in commission right? No one will know and the missus is happier. A little reserve to dip into always helps with the luxuries of life.

10. Add your own. You know what.

Morality is a choice we make every day. Can we still stand and say we are with Anna?

Traffic Woes (of Mumbai)

2011-08-22T22:49:00.000+05:30

1. Time = Distance x Potholes. No matter how fast you go, which short cut you take, and how much Power fuel you put in your car, you are always going to be stuck in a jam. It’s really not your fault. The 10,000 potholes on every road will make sure that you will take the same amount of time every day. Everyone in Mumbai has a game plan. They figure, if they leave at sharp 8, they will make it by sharp 9 to their destination. Or, if they beat the traffic by leaving from wherever they are at sharp 5, they will get home by sharp 6:15. It does not matter if it is AM or PM. And the best word they use is “max.” As in “Max, it will take an hour and a half.” Alternatively, “Max, I’ll be 15 minutes late.” However, be warned this is not the case. No matter what time you leave, no matter how much you pray, you will always take the same amount of time to reach from point A to point B as you did the day before, and you will tomorrow! You see that tempo to your right? It was there behind you two signals back.

2. The Man With The Hand – No matter what speed you are going at, no matter if there is a signal or not, no matter if there are a million cars at different speeds on a highway, there will be a man who will cross the road right in front of you and show you “the hand”. Then several people will cross all together. As soon as you start moving, a few more random jaywalkers will cross the road all showing us the symbol for “Stop,” the hand. By the time, you reach home, you would have seen close to 4.6 million hands that day.

3. Band Bajaa Protest – We all live in small houses but our hearts want to celebrate with many, many people of Mumbai. So the logical thing is to celebrate on the streets. From religious functions to weddings, Mumbaikars love to dance on the streets. So what if it causes a jam, how are they concerned if people are stuck in the car for 5 hours! Alternatively, if they are outraged and offended at something, they will again come on the road and stop traffic. It is the only way they can show their indignation. Traffic means the other person can feel for them as well. After all, the people in the car are not going anywhere anyway.

4. Where Have You Reached – Only in Mumbai will you find people who will say “Not bad!” to someone reaching his destination in two hours. In fact, they’ll gloat about how “lucky” that man is to be actually reaching his destination at all! Mumbaikars have a completely different language when it comes to traffic that no other city does. When they are describing where they have reached they will probably say, “The KBC sign on the highway” and immediately the spouse back home will understand that it will take another 45 minutes before their entrance! Mumbaikars can also give directions in the same manner, “take a left at the red fruit wala, go straight till you hit KFC, then take another left, after 17 speed bumps, the house that is flooded on the left is mine.”

5. Honking, Sulking, Steaming – It is a known fact that the urgency of a meeting or getting home is inversely proportional to the traffic. Still people will honk as if their life depended on it. It doesn’t make a difference. We all know that. It is only a way of showing aggression, frustration, and helplessness. When a person has completely given up hope, he will stop honking and sulk. Have you ever noticed the people’s faces in the jam next to you? I am sure these are the people who have taken the poll on the world’s happiest countries where India has emerged not so happy! When you’ve finally taken your mind off the road and reconciled to the fact that Final Destination wasn’t a movie but a reality, your bladder will want a leak. And right then the tempo, truck and donkey pulling the cart on a main road will break down right in front of you. Because it is such a natural thing that at peak hour, the slowest of all vehicles should be moving cross-country, right in front of you. It is known. It is given. This is Mumbai. We welcome all.

How To Keep The Mystery Alive in a Relationship

2011-08-07T16:01:00.000+05:30

All women want to know everything about a man but the minute they reveal everything, the women find him boring. It is also vice versa. That is mainly the reason why so many marriages break up. Soon enough both partners crave the excitement of something new. The trick in every relationship is to keep the mystery going. Once the spouse has revealed everything, there is no mystery. The fascination dies. There is no point in flitting from one relationship to another to find mystery. The success of long and happy relationships is to find mystery in your relationship over and over again!

How To Keep the Mystery & Romance Alive:

1. Secret Rendezvous - You want to find another partner to date because you are bored of the current one. But why not just ignite the spark again? If you live in a joint family, pretend as if you are meeting a new person and you are very excited about it. Only you wife and you will know that you’re meeting each other. Let the rest of the family keep guessing. Even if you are a nuclear family, set yourself up for regular dates. Meet your partner in a beautiful, fancy place that has dim lighting and excellent wines. Wear clean attire and look crisp and fresh rather than just rushing there post a meeting and being harrowed through traffic. Arrive early and wait for your partner with some flowers. When you partner arrives, compliment him/her on how they’re looking. The conversation through the entire date should be casual and breezy. Do not talk about the repairs in the house or what your boss did that day. Staying away from conversation you can have at home gives you an opportunity to discuss new topics and explore a different side of your partner. Recollect when you first met and what was said. Ask questions as if it is your first date, no matter how cheesy they may sound. Bringing the romance back in your relationship every month will go a long way in securing the relationship with your partner.

2. Mystery Destinations – A long vacation oversees or to an exotic destination can definitely spark the romance. However, with time and money being a main problem nowadays mini breaks are also a good way to reconnect with each other. Make reservations before hand and whisk the missus away on a Saturday morning without her knowing where you are going. Drive somewhere close by and stay in your room the entire time talking, eating, and enjoying each other’s company. Do not put on the TV and couch out as if it is your second home. The idea is to get away from what you generally do. She will definitely be surprised and enjoy the break from the daily domesticity.

3. Sudden Brunch - Ask the secretary when the spouse shall be freer from important commitments and make them pencil you in for two hours. Make sure there are no important deadlines for him/her to meet. A nice leisurely lunch on a Friday can help bring in a far more cheerful weekend than one ridden with chores and spats. Both of you can even go to your favourite restaurant where you’ve made a prior booking or to the place where you had your first date. Statistics have proven that a good meal with the one you love will definitely increase the love between the couple.

4. Unexpected Gifts – Gifts are not something that should be reserved for birthdays and anniversaries. Gifts can be given at any time of the year. It is proven that parcels in the mail increase your heartbeat and release endorphins, the happy hormones. The best way is to pick up something small and nice and have the store courier it to your house instead of you taking it home to your spouse. Leave a small card with the gift and make sure it’s packaged in bright colours. When the spouse opens it, they will be most pleased to get a present in the middle of the week!

5. Surprising Spice – Learning about new things on the internet (not porn sites) or reading a little about how to please your partner, buying new toys, new lingerie, etc can spice up the activities in a bedroom. It keeps the spark alive and keeps the mystery going. You never know what your partner will do next and you look forward to sharing more time with them. Of course, conversation, much cuddling, and a lot of respect prior go towards a happy and healthy relationship in and out of the bedroom!

Do Successful Women Turn Off Men?

2011-08-07T15:37:00.000+05:30

Grazia August issue quotes me and Ira Trivedi on our conflicting views.

Mediocrity Rules

2011-08-03T00:35:00.002+05:30

Every day you try to do something great with your life. You try because you think you will become great if you could just do that one thing that gets you noticed. It might be a ppt that you made in office. Or that idea you thought was brilliant. Or whatever it was. And then you look around. And no one is applauding. Wtf. Wasn’t this supposed to be your moment? So you either shrug your shoulders and try better tomorrow or you convince people that it was a good thing in the first place. You go around thinking you ARE brilliant. Then you start doing the same thing again and again. Until people realize that wow – that is some cool shit. And the people who are opposed to you even though they might think differently will say, what the hell, let’s just say it is cool shit! And soon you’re known for it. Soon, people start recognizing you for it. Soon people start believing in it. And it is awesome. Because soon enough other people start doing the same thing. And it spreads. The same thing goes on and on until a new generation breaks it with something different. Not great, but new. And then an entire era is remembered for that one thing. Even if that thing was simply MEDIOCRE.

Stop.

Don't let mediocrity rule. Do better or give credit to someone who does. You don't always have to be the centre of attention. Your work might not always be the Best, even if you're the Boss.

Excel.

Or at least try to... in every single sphere of you life. Mendacity seeps through our bones. Don't let it rule your life.

Be better today. Otherwise we'll just be a generation of average, ordinary and unremarkable people patting each other on the back.

Money = Power in Relationships

2011-08-01T12:22:00.001+05:30

Relationships are not always about Love. Most times, they are about money. Whoever has the Money has the Power. It is the reason why mothers raised their sons to think that they need to earn to “provide” for their family while with their daughters they were more lenient as they assumed the daughters would be like them, homemakers. Subconsciously it is also the reason why mothers wanted their sons to have the power in a relationship rather than someone else who might take it away from them.

Money and power are also the reason why women work. Yes, it gives them satisfaction. Yes, it makes them more than a housewife or a mother or a daughter and whatever other labels that society chooses to force on them. But most importantly, when they work they feel powerful. Money gives them independence. Independence gives them an opportunity to be in or out of a relationship, if at all.

Times of India front page on July 27^th stated that divorce in Mumbai has risen to 86% in the last 10 years with a spike of over 13% in the last one year.

The lower rate of divorce in Indian societies ten years back as compared to Western societies was not because the Indian woman loved the man any more than the western woman loved her husband; it was only because they had no option to leave. When they had no money, they had no choice. Where would they go? How would they support themselves? Therefore, they stayed in marriages because their husbands looked them after monetarily.

However, today things have changed. Most women have a job. They can earn their own income and with it comes the power to choose. They can now choose whom to love.

Men need to be on board with this. It works for them at two levels.

One, if the woman if treated as an equal to work, earn and even go higher than him in her respective career; she will eventually give back to the man. He needs to respect her and communicate with her about her dreams and her life while simultaneously managing his career. Once she learns that she does not need to fight the system of proving herself and trying to be an equal in the relationship, her “nurture self” comes out to find a balance.

Two, it makes a relationship uniform since the burden of providing for a family need not only lie with a man. Having eased off the pressure of a “bread winner” the man is free to pursue other activities and devote more time to the home and hearth. If the woman is working and playing homemaker, it is only reasonable to assume the man does so as well. Subconsciously, it benefits the man tremendously to be able to do so.

Relationships are precarious but understanding them is easy. It is easy to say, “We have nothing in common anymore.” Or “He doesn’t understand me.” It is far more difficult to find the balance to stay in a marriage or a relationship. The play between love and money needs to be like the steering of a ship. It takes very slight movements to go in a particular direction otherwise the wrong equilibrium could sink it.

This does not mean that the man should not pressurize the woman to work. It only means he needs to respect the decision she chooses for her profession even if it is a stay at home mom, which is a full time job.

Money, power, love, and respect are the harmonious elements of a successful relationship. You need to give some, to get any.

Much Affair About Nothing

2011-07-28T00:16:00.003+05:30

When is it ok to have an affair? Now the majority here will say NEVER, but think about it for just one second. Do you think we have one life to live? Do you think that in this life it is important to strive for happiness? Do you think that if we are not happy, our souls will eventually rot, and we will need therapy? Do you think if we do our duty to society and our family, we still need happiness? So if you answered YES to any of the questions, here’s a last one: Do you think happiness to yourself is the most important thing we need to strive for? What if the “affair” was the only solution to happiness?

Scene 1:

Married at 18, Kaaya was bored with life by the time she was 30. She had two children and she ran a business from home making children’s clothes. Her husband worked in a bank. Late hours and many silent nights later, they had nothing left in common except the children. But the children had now grown. And there was barely any conversation left. She met a widowed father online. He had ordered some clothes from her business. He seemed interesting. She stayed away from him. She knew what it would do to her marriage. Soon enough she started following him through social media sites. He was fun. He seemed to share some interests she had forgotten in her. Soon they were on chats and then they started meeting. It wasn’t as if one thing led to another. It was consciously kept away. The affair didn’t start until much later when one night her husband came home drunk and smelt of another woman’s perfume. Having never questioned her husband, Kaaya felt it was the last straw on the rotting marriage’s back. After much struggle and depression, she left her husband and married the widowed father. All ended well that started a long time ago. But there was always a niggling feeling, was it right?

Scene 2:

25 years of marriage is a long time. After the silver anniversary was over and the kids went back to their respective continents, Ashok went back to being the art collector he was. But it bored him. He had everything - Cars, foreign trips, a yacht, expensive art, and a beautiful wife. Even the wife had everything - Diamonds, Louboutins, Birkins and houses all across the globe. They had earned it. Hard work and a little luck had given Ashok pretty things, early in life. Now in his mid 50s, he had no challenge left. He wasn’t even interested in the women who were throwing themselves at him in parties. But one day, it happened. He came across this beautiful, intelligent, and completely unattainable woman. She was almost like Holly Golightly from Truman’s book. She was single. That was good. She was young. That was not so good. But he didn’t care. He hadn’t felt like this in 25 years. After all, what can you discuss with your wife every single night for 25 years? How many more whims of hers could you fulfill? He did not intend to leave his wife and he told Holly so. His standing in society was far more important. She understood but she still fell in love. His wife eventually came to know but didn’t care. The sex between them had died long time back. The wife got her diamonds and he got a little affair. No one got hurt. And love grew between Holly and Ashok. She never wanted to get married. She just wanted nice things and some companionship. If no one got hurt, was it right?

Scene 3:

They were both married. They both had kids. They never planned to leave their families. It was all too messy. Besides that, they were both from different backgrounds. Who wanted new in laws, new responsibilities, and new kids in their lives? They only wanted some fun. It started in the office. They both knew it would be transient. Rules were that no weekends were allowed together. Weekends were family time. It suited them both perfectly. High-pressure jobs and the same boss brought them together. Spouses were kept at a distance. Of course, the affair was a secret. An open secret. Everyone in the office knew about it. The whispers behind their back eventually caught up. One day one of the spouses suspected something and confronted the other. It was the moment of truth. He could have either walked out and married “the other woman” or stayed and kept the balance. He chose to stay. Therefore, he denied it. The affair ended in a while when he moved his job. It became difficult to continue the life he had. She understood. It broke her heart for a very long time. At least she had a husband to go back to. Moreover, she was an adult. She knew what she had gotten herself into. Affairs were never easy. Was it supposed to be right as well?

Empty: A Poem.A Life.

2011-07-26T01:12:00.001+05:30

The sounds of the night are lonely

They creep in to the crevasses of life

Till nothing, nothing remains.

And makes you conclusively hollow.

You try desperately to connect to a world beyond the real

There is no one.

There never was.

There is no one left.

Where did they all go?

No don’t! Don’t hope.

Hope is a dangerous thing.

I dare not dream of a better tomorrow.

What if it’s like today?

Forgotten time

Lost souls

Heartbreaking memories

A maze, a race, a quest.

Let it stop

The energies have changed.

I refuse to be strong.

Let me cling to my loneliness.

In the death of night.

It is my comfort.

It resonates deep within me.

Even when the dawn breaks…

I am the Queen of Solitude.

LET IT BE

2011-07-25T15:41:00.001+05:30

I can see the wrinkles on my face now.

The laughter lines are more prominent.

The creases, the extra ness and the spots.

It’s not who I was just a year back.

How things have changed.

You made me change.

Less looking after myself.

And more attention to you.

The worry lines became more prominent.

The anger lines a little more defined.

Let it Be, someone murmured.

I couldn’t.

I wanted to be the BEST.

The competition killed me.

You didn’t make it easy.

We were all vying for your time.

You never had any.

It was a heavy burden.

It killed me.

It made me bitter. And sad.

And then you left.

And chose another.

But I was always “me”.

The one you said you loved.

How can I change now?

I’m still me.

The laughter has frozen.

And the lines have set in.

My face shows my burden.

The etches of a torn past.

If Only I had listened.

If only I could have…

Let it be…

RAGE AND FEAR

2011-07-16T19:59:00.001+05:30

Anger and Fear are the predominant emotions of our times today.

We are a nation of scared people. The generation above us was scared for economic and social reasons and our generation seems to be scared of change. Contrary to what we might say, many people do not want the system to change. They hold on to things and claim it in form of tradition.

I asked a Hindu friend of mine at a dinner party, “Would you be ok if your only daughter fell in love with a Muslim?” And she smiled and said, “I’m sure that won’t happen.”

I asked another friend of mine, “What if your only son told you he was a homosexual?” And the man turned to me and replied, “Why even think of such things?”

I asked family members who had attended Anna Hazare’s fast, “Have you ever given a bribe to get off a speeding ticket? Or to get your passport done early? Or to an `agent’ to process your license?” And they laughed and said, “Everyone does that.”

So why are we not changing? Why are we not progressing? Because it is easy and blissful to remain in a state of unawareness. Our parents were fearful that their kids would marry different caste or religions. Somewhere we’re still fearful of that. Otherwise why would there be so many matrimonial ads slotted into a person’s religion, caste and region? Let us stop doing that at least.

Our parents were fearful that they would not be able to save up enough to give their kids a secure life. We are fearful that there will be no security.

Lawlessness stems from fear. Fear stems from anger.

If we don’t get our way, we have no faith in the system to provide help. We help ourselves. That is what we are being taught now. A boyfriend murdering a girl’s ex lover, spouses shooting each other, bomb blasts, rapes, theft, and burnings. It stems from anger at not being able to get what they want and an impatience to want it right away. And it is not only in urban areas, the rural villages are imitating what they see and hear from the urban centers. There was a recent incident in Karwas village, 20 km from the Jaipur-Delhi highway that shocked the entire village. Two teenage girls watched as their lover slit their parents’ throat because they were not allowed to have sexual relations with him.

Where does this come from? People are asserting themselves but in the wrong way. Everyone has an attitude. Adolescents’ mottos are “I don’t care” and “I want it now!”

We fear “What will people think?”

We fear “What will our neighbours say?”

We fear “What if we make a mistake?

We fear “What if it doesn’t look nice?”

But it won’t be. Uncomfortable situations will arise. Delays will be imminent. And feathers will be ruffled. So what?

We need to do the right thing for our country. Not just for ourselves.

We need to stand up for the greater good and not just for economic benefit or cheap publicity.

We need to start believing that it is ok if Big Brother USA does not like what we do. Once we start believing that we will not take a single bribe or that we will not care if our kids marry Pakistanis, or that we will not fear the hand of the UN, we will rise above the pettiness of everyday and become a stronger nation.

And it needs to start today. With each and every one of us. We have to believe in the right things. We have to have an attitude of caring for a stronger future. We have to demand answers. And ask the right questions. We need to elect the right people. We need to work together.

We have to stop being angry. With religion, caste, creed, sex or a system. And channel the energy into being productive.

And we have to stop being afraid of the outcome.

How to be a celebrity…for cheap.

2011-07-09T16:13:00.002+05:30

Today I was at a coffee shop and I saw at least 4 people entering at different times, all looking like celebrities, but weren’t. So I figured that it doesn’t take much to be a celebrity nowadays. All you need to do is follow the pointers and even you can become one. Ok, not as big as SRK or Pa. But someone cool enough for laymen like me to turn around at a coffee shop and notice you. Here goes...

1. Always wear sunglasses. Even at night. Even if you’re indoor. If this is too hard, at least wear one on top of your head. Always.

2. Practice your walk. Shoulders back, stomach in, one foot ahead of another in a line. You may trip and fall at home while doing this, but NEVER trip in public.

3. Try and be slim. The thinner you are, the more fame you’ll get. Remember Kareena in Yaadein? No. Exactly. Now remember her in Tashan? Aahhh! You get my drift.

4. Never eat in public. Even if you’re invited to the most exotic parties with food flown in from Milan and Paris together, do not eat it. It will look as if you’ve never eaten before. If however you are caught eating, wave your hand and say, “I’ve had better stuff at the Rue de Rivoli in Milan last month.”

5. Read. Really. Not fat books if you can’t do that sort of thing, but a few internet sites that might be good in cocktail conversation. Like stuff on art if you’re breaking into a gala. Or stuff about the directors and producers’ works if you’re breaking into a Bollywood party. The news might also help but don’t be too involved with politics, sports or international debates. They may make you sound too intelligent and hence will give away the fact you’re not a celebrity.

6. When you don’t know what to say, smile and look pretty. And nod your head a lot.

7. Every 10 seconds look at your blackberry or an iphone. You do have one of course. Right? Right?

8. Never get into an argument. If things are heating up, suddenly become vacant and walk away as if you are going to greet a guest at the door.

9. Leave your hair open for girls and gelled for boys. Do not be caught with ponytails unless it’s been done professionally.

10. Get an enormously expensive bag that you can carry all over the place. Hire it online instead of buying it. It’s way cheaper and makes the same impact. Please don’t buy a fake from Bangkok. The real celebrities can spot a fake and then you’re in trouble.

11. Don’t be too happy or too sad. Be ambivalent about any relationship. Never commit that you’re in one.

12. Have a lackey. Sorry agent. Sorry manager. Sorry, whatever they call it these days. It makes you look good for you to order someone around and then be nice to them in front of someone else.

13. Have the lackey give out your card. Oh, get a few cards with your alternate mobile number so your lackey can pick it up if the offers do come pouring in.

14. Research exotic places online in thorough detail Talk about your vacations to these places so you sound as if you’re a world traveler and not someone who take the Virar fast home every night.

15. Wear black. Always. It never goes out of fashion. And match your sunglasses with it. You’re still wearing your sunglasses aren’t you? Aren’t you?????

16. Don’t worry too much about an expensive car. You can hire one if you think someone will see you get in and out of it. But otherwise not too many people at parties, events and meetings notice you getting out of a car.

17. Be seen everywhere. Do not be shy. Be bold. Go to all the functions you read about in the papers. The more you’re seen, the more people will remember you and recommend you to someone for something. Which then you can turn down.

18. Be hygienic. Have a shower, with soap, twice a day. Brush your teeth. Wear deodorant. But not an overpowering perfume. It scares off everyone. Wear freshly washed and ironed clothes. Oh they have to be ironed. All this nonsense of crushed linen never works. Think Italian Armani and not bedroom khadi.

19. And lastly, smile. But not before you have got your teeth whitened. Skip the pricey dentist’s chair and just buy a few whitening strips to use everyday. It’ll do the same trick.

20. Did I mention the sunglasses? Ya. Put them on.

And now that you know the tips to be a celebrity, go be one now!

Also printed in the July 2011 issue of MARIE CLAIRE magazine.

TOP (ABSURD) EXCUSES TO BREAK UP:

2011-07-08T15:17:00.001+05:30

In a fast track world, it is easy to be in and out of relationships. However, the excuses for breaking up are getting old. It is no longer “I need space,” or “It’s not you, it’s me” that are doled out anymore. The excuses need to be creative, modern, and semi believable! The top ways of breaking up are:

1. The Astrologer Told Me –In ancient times, parents checked horoscopes of the couple to see if they matched. If the `kundalis’ didn’t match, it could be ominous. In modern day scenario, men have learnt to use this to their advantage. Instead of waiting for the last minute to get their astrological charts checked, they claim to their girlfriends they have already got it checked! This they will announce after a few dates once they’ve realized that this girl is not working for them. The woman has no choice therefore. No woman would want to go through a relationship where if something went wrong, he would blame her by saying,”See, I told you! My horoscope said I need space!”

2. You Saw The Movie Without Me –Most couples love watching films together. It is a date that they enjoy while believing it is time well spent towards building a future. When there is a particular movie that is eagerly awaited for a long period, it is understood that the couple will go together. The plan has been made weeks in advance. At the time of release, a sudden incident in the life of a partner has left the plans in the lurch. One partner is at home. He is busy with work and will not be able to watch the film with you for another week or ten days. Your best friend buys an extra ticket. So you think, “I can see this film again when he’s free!” Wrong! The partner now has a fabulous excuse to break up with you. You have broken the pact! It was sacrosanct that you watch this film with him. He is hurt and angry. It was like a test God gave for your relationship in which you failed. The man now has the right to say, “We need to break up because you saw the movie without me!”

3. I’m Travelling – No one knows where this person is going or when he is coming. He seems to be “travelling” all the time. From day trips to Delhi to longer stays in Bangalore. Urgent meetings in Hyderabad to pacifying clients over weekends in Pune, the man is travelling. And when one’s boyfriend is travelling, the phone is off, the messages aren’t delivered, and there is a high chance that you will be hearing a prerecorded woman who becomes your best friend. It is the new way of saying “I need space.” The space needs to be the air 30,000 feet above the ground. Men are using this excuse perpetually but saying with their sweetest tone, “Baby, I would love to meet, but I’m not in town!”

4. I Have To Focus On My Career – Now this has been tried and tested and can never get old. The career trick in the book lets the man be in office until late, go out with clients, and even unwind with the boys because his job is getting stressful. Whether he is up for promotion or needs to prove himself, the man will use his career to avoid the woman in his life like the plague. This is a double-edged sword since the woman wants to support his career but would like more time with him. So instead of breaking up with her since it is too `delicate’ a matter to be done so bluntly, he leaves her with a choice. His parting words, “I really need to figure out where my career is going and I won’t have time for us. I’m just letting you know now!”

5. It’s in my Genes– Commitment phobia is not new to women. However, men have started using it differently. With parents who may or may not have separated, the man claims that he’s seen his parents fight and believes that it’s in his blood to do so as well. While most women are not daunted by this idea, it does leave a bit of a dent if after some time the man starts repeating it. He also starts speaking about how his idols are Hugh Grant and George Clooney. The act continues right up to the point when he walks out one night and does not call for a few days. When he does return, he says, “Darling, I didn’t mean to, but you see… it’s in my genes!”

SPIN - A poem

2011-07-06T09:33:00.002+05:30

I give too much.

Too much.

And you throw it all away

When will this stop?

When will you just understand?

It started long time back

And I gave you a chance

And another

And one more.

Till we stopped counting.

It seemed ok at first

The voices begged and pleaded

But how did it matter

I knew what I wanted

And ran back to you anyway.

It wasn't a big thing

I don't know why it felt that way

But those last words you said

I didn’t believe.

I never wanted to.

And all I wanted was for you to stop

And then I understood.

It wasn't you.

I was the one who needed to end

From spinning this way.

Monday is Girlfriend Day!

2011-06-29T16:25:00.003+05:30

Mondays is GIRLFRIEND day.

This has been proven beyond reasonable doubt.

There are two kinds of men who are having an affair. The married type and the single ones.

The Married Man:

For the married type, the weekend is sacrosanct. They need to spend time with their family, their kids, and their parents. They attend to all the chores that the wife has given them; their society wants them to do and be good men for the sake of keeping their homes intact. By Monday they have spent 48 hours with their family and feel they truly need a break.

Mondays are rarely `client meeting days’ in the evening. Almost no client wants to go out “drinking” and talk about the future after a hard day at work. Nevertheless, all men need some fun. They do not really want to go back home and talk about household chores. That is when they turn to their girlfriends.

A married man has a very patient girlfriend. She understands that this man has “issues” to sort out and needs time to figure out his home affairs before he can begin his personal affairs with her. She believes if she gives him space, he will love her more, and eventually they will have a home together. And Mondays are her days. She gets to choose where she wants to go, what she wants to eat, and she has her undivided attention for a few hours until he goes home. It couldn’t be a better arrangement for all even if the Gods had conspired with it.

Most restaurants with cozy little booths are packed to capacity on Mondays. The drive out towards the suburbs see even more couples seeking dimly lit, romantic restaurants that they will not be noticed in. And the more popular ones get packed since the girlfriend, patient as she might be also knows how to play her cards right when it comes to being pampered. She will eventually have her home with him one day, but till then, he will pay for her dry martini and smoke salmon with caviar in the most exclusive bistros.

Yes Mondays is when the excuse book comes out; Client meetings, travelling for work, new project, bad mood of the boss, late edits, computers crashing, doctor’s appointments and of course the classic traffic excuse. They will all hold good. No one in this three-way situation is oblivious to the truth but no one cares enough to confront it immediately. And the excuses, the delays, and the Mondays continue.

The Single Man:

A single man is defined as one that has a girlfriend but has not given her a commitment yet. He is the smartest of all creatures. He needs no excuse to live life on his terms and yet he has women eating from the palm of his hands.

For him Mondays are about reconnecting with the girlfriend. He is not desperate to meet her. He probably only wants to keep her happy by proving he is there to “listen” to her instead of just “pleasuring” her. He has probably taken her out on a Friday night and had a lovely time where she needs the entire Saturday to recover.

The single man needs space. He needs LOTS of space. He needs it because it makes him feel he is the king of his own world and no one can rule him. Hence, the entire weekend needs to be his. He needs to sit around and do nothing. He needs to be able to watch TV without having a bath, eat chicken at all times of the day, drink endless bottles of beer, and watch cricket as if the team’s win depends on him not moving from that chair.

Yes, the single man’s weekend is pathetic to a woman. If he gives a commitment, she will probably make plans for him to go grocery shopping, have a nice brunch, or even take a stroll down a park. But the single man does not want to do any of these things on the weekend. In fact, he would be most happy to sit in one place and try to open the front door with the sheer power of his mind.

By Monday, since he has already bathed, shaved, and worn presentable clothes to work, the single man presumes all that effort need not go to waste. He might as well make a good impression on his current girlfriend. Newton’s Law of Motion proves that if he is going to be up anyway, he should move towards the object of desire.

Mondays with girlfriends are not about amorous intimacy unlike with a married man who is craving physical contact. More often than not, a single man will use Mondays to demonstrate to the woman that he is a loving, gentle, intelligent creature who is witty, charming, and funny. All the things that the woman will go gaga over and then fall into bed with him on Friday. He establishes himself as a debonair and the woman has the whole week to remember this fabulous date on Monday.

There may be other men out there who are completely different from the two species I have described. I am sure most women know them too.

Twitter Contest - Free Give Aways of Madhuri's Wardrobe!

2011-06-26T17:20:00.001+05:30

I've recently crossed 1000 followers mark, as a gratitude I am going to give some gifts to my twitter followers.

All they have to do

a.Follow me on twitter http://twitter.com/#!/Madhuribanerjee

b. Go to LMVODI page on the facebook

http://on.fb.me/mGT2RP

b. Click like (this is required for tagging)

c. Click on 'tag this photo' link and type in your twitter id - @yourname

Still confused check out the utube video to do it- http://bit.ly/jQpEcd
If you're the winner, you will get the accessory or attire. And if you live in Mumbai, I might even give it to you in person!

This contest is only for my twitter followers. So get a twitter handle soon and you could become a lucky winner of designer stuff ;)
BEST OF LUCK!

5 Women Every Man Wants...But Should Never Have!

2011-06-26T13:50:00.001+05:30

A fun blog post to make us laugh. :)

1. The Celebrity – Whether it is an Angelina Jolie or a Katrina Kaif, every man wants to be with a hot, desirable celeb. If she has done an `item number’, even better. If she is unattainable and mysterious, it drives him wild. The ability of the celeb to be multi talented gives it an even greater edge. Not only is she hot, but she is powerful. Some men even have the `celebrity worship syndrome’ where they feel they need to “protect” the celeb from vicious talks about her. Men have a vivid imagination when it comes to celebs. They can immediately put themselves in the shoes of the man right alongside the celeb. They think that they are Brad Pitt in the bedroom, the Akshay Kumar in the rain song, or even a Transformer attacking Megan Fox in a movie. They can visualize her in front of them and better yet, if there is an mms scandal, they will download it and visualize themselves filming it. The celeb however loses her edge when she gets pregnant. This undesirable factor remains until she can be a yummy mummy again.

2. The Colleague – At some stage there has been some colleague that a man has eyed. She might be his junior from the same department, or someone who works closely, or even his boss. This woman might have given him what he feels is a “vibe” at some point of time. This is enough to set the ball rolling. Even though there is a high level of danger attached to it, the “hunt” is what makes this woman most desirable. Here is an opportunity to prove that he is intelligent, charming, witty, rich, and powerful. If she is popular, it becomes even more of a challenge and fixture in a man’s mind. This fling however has a very high degree of becoming sour and the workplace becoming a battlefield.

3. The College Queen – He was a nerd in school. His aim was to become an IAS officer or a doctor, professions that required dedication, and no time for socializing with the opposite sex. Moreover, the most admired woman on campus was someone he would never get. This woman was wooed by the `cool’ boys or the rich ones who had their father’s cars. She would never sit in a bus with a man who had taken Physics as a major. This woman has always been the regret of the man’s life. If he finds her, and even if she is married, he will yearn to be with her, even for a day. She is the one who got away from his wily charms. She is the one who never got to know what a good human being he was. Hence the need to be able to tell her finally. This desire however dies down if she has put on weight and is no longer the same vision she was, twenty years ago!

4. The Waitress – Somewhere, sometime, in some travel of a man, there has come across a dainty, pretty, - little thing with hair that smells like honey and skin that is soft and supple. Her lips are rosy and her smile inviting. She has probably asked him something that the wife in all her years has never inquired, “What can I get for you today?” The simplicity of that sentence, the warmth of her hands, and the sweetness in her voice is just about enough to drive a man mad. It is probable that he might be in an inebriated state of affairs and unable to distinguish whether she is single or not. It is also probable that she could be much younger and in a coffee shop. The waitress is someone who does not need to be chased, `understood’, or loved. She is wanted. This relationship, however easy it may seem leads to complications since this woman might know many thugs who go to the gym regularly and are not afraid of proving their strength against the man.

5. The Ex – This woman is someone the man knows very well. He has been with her for many months/years and is comfortable with her. Suddenly, she has moved on. She has found a new boyfriend and she has changed the way she looks. From being a dowdy, nagging girlfriend, she has become the super sexy yet unattainable lady. And now he wants her back. However, the man doesn’t want her back forever. He just wants her back for a time being so she realizes how much she needs him. The bond that never severs needs to cut somewhere since the next time the man decides to break up with her, he might find himself in a paternity suit.

5 Ways To Ease Stress

2011-06-22T19:36:00.001+05:30

5 WAYS TO EASE STRESS:

With high power jobs, demanding relationships and manic traffic, it is proven that high blood pressure, cholesterol, and anxiety attacks are common phenomenon amongst men in their 30s. Adding to this, bad eating habits, a lack of support and frustrated ambitions cause even the best man to succumb to health issues.

To combat this men need a different way of easing their life a little bit.

1. Daily Exercise: Yes, you’ve heard it before. You even had that gym membership that you went to four times in the entire year, you hired a personal trainer and you even tried yoga with your wife but the daily exercise is something you just can’t do. It is boring and with all that work, you feel you need to finish off through the day; you would rather sleep an extra hour than exercise. But what if exercising was fun? List 5 things you love to do and would do every day. Then go ahead and try one for each of the week of the month. Join tennis classes for a week so you will not get bored with it. Play on your Nintendo Wii but make sure it’s not a sitting car game but rather a high-powered basketball lone that makes you jump, and run on the spot. Do it for a week. Change the 5 things you want to do every month until you get to a point where you don’t need to change it. You will automatically wake up and do it for 45 minutes 6 times a week. Yes You get Sunday off.

2. Healthy Eating: Yes, your wife/girlfriend has noticed that paunch on you and you don’t really care. She does not know the pressures of the workplace and what it means to do what you need to do at your position. Therefore she should let you be if you indulge a little and feel you “deserve” to `at least’ eat what you want and when you want, Green leafy vegetables seem to be a curse even thought eating copious amounts of it will give you back your health. Food should be about flavor and fun. Here is what you need to do. Write down the 3 meals you must have this week. It can be a drinking session with the guys that allows you to have snacks with your drinks (it cannot be dinner post as well). There can also be a client lunch that you need to go to and can have tandoori chicken until there are no more chickens left. Alternatively, it can be a friends’ birthday party where there will be cake that you need because you have a sugar craving. You need to plan it. It takes only 2 minutes of your time. For the rest of the meals, you need to watch what you eat. Drink a glass or orange juice a day instead of the fatty cold coffee if you are meeting people in coffee shops. Have a breakfast of oatmeal or whole grain sandwich or egg whites every morning. Avoid red meat and sugar unless you have planned it for a meal. Be vigilant about what you eat. You deserve to live long. Not just eat well.

3. Read: Switch off the TV and read a fiction novel that you have been putting off for so long. Tell the wife/ girlfriend to leave you for a few hours over the weekend and instead of spending it on watching reruns and films that can be avoided, read a book. Do not read something that is meant for your job or for a course you are taking or a magazine that finishes in 20 minutes. Read a book that you picked up or was presented to you as a good read. Absorbing your mind in something that is more than a home or office gives your mind something more to think about. It helps to lower your heart rate and increases the progesterone level that makes you a calmer man.

4. Sing: There are two ways of benefitting from singing. One you can call all your friends over for a karaoke night where you get to enjoy other people’s company. Secondly, singing is proved to ease stress. It does not matter if you sing badly. If you don’t want to sing in front of friends, sing for the kids, sing for the pets, sing to woo your beloved, sing in you shower every morning. You get the idea. Sing your favourite songs or the new ones you have heard on the radio. Sing 5 in a row. And laugh at yourself when you don’t remember the lyrics or go off key. Because you can be happy, your profession is not as a Singer!

5. Sex: Either with or without a partner. An orgasm releases beta-endorphins, which are like a shot of relief in a syringe. Moreover, it is loads of fun! Needs no further explanation. Have fun.

Can also be read at:

http://ibnlive.in.com/blogs/author/2956/madhuribanerjee.html

LMVODI's TELL A STORY IN 50 WORDS

2011-06-20T20:00:00.000+05:30

http://on.fb.me/jufG9o

So we're having a contest for the best story told in 50 words or less.

Here's an opportunity for telling your story to the world: your own, a friend's, made-up, or a mixture of them all. Any kind of story that you were reminded of when reading the book.

You have a maximum of 50 words to express yourself with.

Post your story on the page's wall. Link above.

The story with the maximum number of 'likes' wins. So after you post your story, tell all your friends to 'like' the post to ensure your win!

The winning post will be specially featured on the Page, on my blog AND might get used with the writers name in other publications.

Last date for posting: 25th June.

What are you waiting for? Write on!!!

Mumbai Mirror & Ahmedabad Mirror carry Article on Relationships with my take on it!

2011-06-17T10:24:00.003+05:30

Happily ever after?

A recent study suggests that reading too many romance novels could ruin your chances of developing a real relationship.Chicklit writers and experts debate the claim

By Namrata Bhawnani

Posted On Friday, June 17, 2011

On rainy days like these, it is a guilty pleasure for women to curl up with a good romance novel where the sex is as steamy and hot as the cuppa coffee they might be relishing. As the perfect, fabulously rich hero sets the heroine's loins on fire, the readers enjoy a vicarious thrill.

And when the hero and heroine climax simultaneously every time they unite in bliss, the female readers may heave a sigh or two themselves. The glamour and sheen of the fantasy world, unfortunately, rarely translates into real life. So much for Mr Darcy.
Dissatisfied?

So how do bonkbusters, chicklit and romance novels affect a woman's perception of a real romance? Recently, an article on www.ksl.com stirred up a debate when Mormon life coach Kimberly Sayer-Giles suggested: Men are addicted to pornography as it produces a euphoric drug in the body.

While women are stimulated more by romance than sex, so when they read romantic stories they feel the same addictive chemical release that men do. According to psychologist Dr Juli Slattery, whom she has quoted, many women who read these novels show dissatisfaction with their marriages or relationships.

So do the expectations from a real relationship take a turn for the unreal? Psychologist Deepti Makhija agrees, "Romance novels affect the way you perceive relationships as there is no logical reasoning behind them. Women expect that 'He should love me, no matter what. The relationship must be perfect.' It's not functional or pragmatic. Both partners need to take equal responsibility and make adjustments in the relationship."

Emotional turbulence

"Given how conditioned we are to believe in '... and they lived happily after', women subconsciously think that everything must go according to a perfect script," explains Makhija. "And when your partner deviates from that perfect script, it creates an emotional disturbance in the relationship."

Since this problem is easy to dismiss by saying that no one takes chicklit seriously, think about the assault of influences on a daily basis whether it's Bollywood's love stories, or Danielle Steel's studs, the subliminal message about 'true love' can be damaging. Makhija says, "The key is to remember that there is no such person who is perfect, and to not catastrophise by thinking, 'How could this happen to me? It's the end of the world.' This can be seen as women who cling to the notion of Prince Charming and tend to ignore potentially great prospects that come their way.

Happy endings?

So can this damaging idea of perfection extend to a couple's sex life? Our sexpert Dr Watsa finds the notion amusing. He says, "Mainly women read it so that they can fantasise and be happy. A woman can share the fantasy with their partner and they can play it out together. Even if he's not that good, the fantasy gives her a better high. As it is, she's dreaming of the other guy while in bed."

If a woman can get past the tame Mills and Boons and enjoy erotica, Dr Watsa says that their fantasy maybe translated into reality.
Chickwit

The publishing boom has seen a rise in the number of desi chicklits churned out. So how do authors feel about the claim?

Anuja Chauhan, Author of the Zoya Factor
I read a lot of romance novels. In fact, I think we should be more demanding. It's good to have healthy levels of hygiene and respect, and you should ask for that. Don't share a bathroom, there goes your romance. Instead of reading all those novels, prioritise your romance.

Madhuri Banerjee,
Author of Losing My Virginity and other dumb ideas
I don't think readers are looking for a perfect man. I've been married for eight years and my husband is no way close to that! You have to be happy with what you get. Women who are educated read because it simply gets them out their boring lives. I'd say it's the men who have unreal expectations!

Meenakshi Reddy Madhavan, Author of You are Here

I think women have the sense to distinguish between fact and fiction. As Indians, we have grown up seeing our parents make arranged marriages work, we are willing to make compromises. 97 per cent of my friends talk about having a great sex life! Either they're incredibly lucky or maybe they feel it isn't right to talk about it openly.

Marie Claire Interview !!

2011-06-16T10:13:00.001+05:30

The Murder of J Dey.

2011-06-15T22:03:00.001+05:30

I did not know Jyotirmoy Dey. In fact, I didn’t recollect any of his stories until I re-read them in the papers a few days ago. Then I remembered. His stories were to the point, truthful and honest. Probably much like him. Your work reflects who you are. In addition, for the entire buzz around, all I can decipher is that he was one in a million. A man who will probably have thousands of eulogies and many posthumous awards. J. Dey. A Bengali living in Mumbai, a family man, a middle class person.

I cannot comprehend the loss that loved ones are feeling. All I can say is that I empathize and give my deepest condolences.

What is really bothering me about this murder is not only that a simple, hardworking journalist has been shot dead, but that there has been no uproar from the society yet. It is as if, the papers are read, a few clucking noises are made and then the cocktails are brought out. Where is the media and the people asking, neigh demanding an explanation and getting its entire police and CBI force out to find the killers? A popular TV show has a dialogue that says, “The first 48 hours are crucial to find the murderers. After that the evidence can be tampered with.” It has been 4 days. Where are the killers? Where is the Home Ministry sending out a message saying that the killers will be brought to justice? No matter how many people they will lock in Tihar Jail, the government needs to send out a stronger signal that terrorism, big or small will NOT be tolerated.

J Dey stood for far more than one crore people against corruption. He stood for far more than swamis against contamination did. He stood for Freedom of Speech.

With Dey being shot, it shows that the Underworld can silence that freedom. It can be bought, it can be threatened, and it can be suppressed. When reporters investigate about stories, they are making people aware of the dangers that lie in our society. They are making people understand the evils that lie hidden. They give us an opportunity to protect and defend ourselves when we need to. We use our freedom to live because of the crime reporters who unflinchingly do their job with meticulous accuracy fearing no one.

With this murder, it has made the society a more fragile place. The reporters are scared. And we too... should be scared. We cannot open our mouths against people who have power; we cannot even show our faces to them. For God forbid, tomorrow it is our murder and our families who suffer.

We will glorify the Underworld in our films. We will even comment on the suaveness of the gangsters. We will pay to go watch something in reel life, and not even think subconsciously that it is taken from an incident in REAL life.

A man has lost his life. We as a society have lost our dignity. The clock is ticking. And there are no answers yet.

The First Time : a poem, a memory, a feeling.

2011-06-14T14:56:00.001+05:30

The first time I saw you

You were wearing black.

You walked straight past me

Not knowing, not caring, not wanting.

You smiled as you got to the door

And just as you opened it

You looked back.

The first time we kissed

Was in your car

Under the flickering street lamp

Not planning, not understanding, not concerned.

And then you dropped me home

And left me alone.

The first time we made love

It lasted the entire night

Gripping. Hungry. And raw.

Not spoken, not comprehended, not defended.

And when the dawn broke

Our other life began.

The first time you said goodbye

I cried my heart out

Till I could feel nothing anymore.

Not realizing, not believing, not speaking.

The senses stood still for a long time

And then it didn’t matter anymore.

The first time I remembered you

Was when it rained today.

Soaking my clothes, touching my skin, caressing my face.

Not with consent. Not with concern. Not with consequence.

Just like, you had taken my heart.

The first time you saw me.

All Voices Nina Rai writes about Losing My Virginity And Other Dumb Ideas!

2011-06-11T11:08:00.001+05:30

Madhuri Banerjee – The gorgeous and hot new writer in town

Mumbai : India | Jun 09, 2011

By Nina Rai

Report by: Nina Rai
Mumbai, 9th June 2011:
Madhuri Banerjee is as lovely as her name sake Indian actress Madhuri Dixit; the author of the best-selling book entitled 'Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas,' which is the fictional story of 30-year-old Kaveri an interpreter by profession whose goal is to 'figure out the language of love'.
The director of her own boutique, creative production house called Gray Matter Solution; Madhuri is a complete media professional. She has contributed her best efforts to all forms of the visual medium namely TV, advertisements, documentaries and even films.
Where Hindi films and Bollywood is concerned this multi-talented lady has worked as a senior assistant director for well-known film-makers like Subhash Ghai, Rohan Sippy, and Kaizad Gustad and even music director Anu Malik.
Having a Masters in Communication and Films from Jamia Millia Islamia, Madhuri’s thesis film, "Between Dualities", catapulted her to national fame. She won the National Award for her thesis film, in the best documentary catergory pertaining to women’s issues.
Other than media, the multi-faceted Madhuri is avid traveler and loves fashion, reading and food too. Currently her kitty is full, as she is working on a television show, a new novel and a film script. All this, even whilst she is busy globe trotting, being a good housewife and a mother.
http://www.allvoices.com/contributed-news/9346997/content/81581633-madhuri-banerjee-the-gorgeous-new-writer-in-town

Monsoon Memories

2011-06-09T15:39:00.004+05:30

It’s raining again.

I just put the clothes away.

I’m sitting here in this corner of mine.

Close to nothing, and away from it all.

It’s so silent. Peaceful.

And yet there is something missing.

Something.

I can see the rain softly speaking to me.

It’s been so long since someone spoke to me.

No, not the regular stuff. They don’t matter.

Fake smiles. Artificial laughter. My life.

What is it now.

People talking. More promises.

The rain lashes down. Forcing me to remember.

And then there was you.

I tried to forget.

I moved on.

Time was supposed to heal me.

It never really does.

Do you remember?

Me…those times… that song..

The rain.

I run my fingers down my face…softly..

Just the way you used to.

My skin tingles.

It doesn’t go away you know.

The memories.

They don’t die.

I don’t know if I love you still.

I don’t know if I even want you back.

I just know that it’s this damn rain

It’s pulling my body to you.

Like we did that day.

IBN LIVE CHAT on Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas...and lots of other ideas!!

2011-06-07T09:48:00.000+05:30

Oh I'm going to be on IBN LIVE Webchat tomorrow. So post your questions on http://t.in.com/cemF and from 4-6 pm (IST) on Wednesday 8th June I'll answer ANYTHING!

Interacting with people, talking about all sorts of things...Looking forward to it big time!

Be there!

Heartbreak

2011-06-01T01:01:00.002+05:30

I.Already. Know

Yes I need to move on.

You don’t need to say it again and again.

I’m turning and leaving now.

You’ve seen enough of my tears.

Did it matter?

Did it move you at all?

One last glance.

I’ve stopped screaming.

You can turn now.

No I’m not ok.

Am I supposed to be?

Was that the end you imagined?

Silence doesn’t help. Not now.

It was my fault.

Actually not.

I told you what I wanted.

I told you.

What did you want?

I know what you want now.

It took too long for you to decide.

You wasted my time.

Yes I’m ranting again.

But maybe this last bit of energy is worth it.

Maybe you need to hear it.

Will it matter?

Will you come back?

No. I don’t even want that.

It’s not easy.

It never is.

Yet we do it again and again and again.

Fall in love.

Yes this is what heartbreaks feel like.

BUSINESS NETWORK Library recommends Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas!!

2011-05-24T10:18:00.001+05:30

Books are best buddies

Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas

Written by Madhuri Banerjee, this book belongs to the popular chick lit genre which has seen a remarkable growth in India in recent times. The book tells the tale of 30-year-old and single Kaveri who has been eluded by love and who is desperate to join the ranks of non-virgins. A funny yet engaging account, it makes for a perfect light and candy floss read. So, for those of you who are not exactly bookworms but are looking for a few laughs, this book should be a great pick.

http://findarticles.com/p/news-articles/dna-daily-news-analysis-mumbai/mi_8111/is_20110511/books-buddies/ai_n57462982/

Mumbai Mirror : STRICTLY FOR SINGLES - My article.

2011-05-24T09:09:00.002+05:30

http://www.mumbaimirror.com/article/9/201105242011052404180843476f43960/Strictly-for-Singles--.html

Strictly for Singles

Madhuri Banerjee, author of the book Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas, lists the top 10 things a girl should do before she finds a man

Date Blindly

Go on an online dating site and register yourself. Blind dates are fun. They are a great reminder to why you waited. You don't need to lose your virginity to any of those men. Ask your friends to fix you up with people.

The more you're out there with different folks, the more your confidence increases. When the time comes to lose your virginity, you will know it is for the right reason with the right man. Invest in variety and choose wisely.Travel wisely

Be it alone or with your girlfriends, travel to a place you’ve never been to, but always desired to visit. Let the place be tourist friendly, safe, and filled with men who can speak your language and find you `exotic’.

There’s nothing like a foreign man who has a crush on you to make you feel divine. A good book or the photos, which you’ve taken, will make for good conversation starters.Fall Madly

Try an adventure sport like bungee jumping or river rafting. The scare and the confidence later will help when it’s time to lose your virginity. Nothing could be that bad, that exhilarating, or that memorable. The big moment becomes a piece of cake!

Shop Profusely

Don’t go off and buy things that you "need" and things that are "useful" like towels and soap dispensers. You need to go shopping for that sexy lingerie, satin nighties, plunging dresses, and high heels.

To get into the correct mood, you need to feel it. Every day. Wear the lingerie at night, even if you have no one in your life. Strut around in your dresses and heels in the day. You need to feel sexy. Once you know you’re in the groove, things will be effortless.House Sensibly

You need to stay with a roommate or alone. You need to come home to a painting you bought and hung up, to a cook who has made food that you craved for and not to a mother who asks how your day was.

While parents are perfectly fine as caregivers, they’re not going to approve of you losing your virginity. Moreover, if you plan to do it in their house, it becomes even shadier. Is that what you really want to remember, because you will remember it! Advice: If you build it, it will happen.

Converse Sexily

Memorising the morning papers, surfing the net for quantum physics and speaking the language of the geek is not going to help. While you might love to be an intellectual person, understand the nuances of the superficial topics as well.

Conversation might not always be about nano technology and you need to be prepared for a lighter question like "Were you scared while watching Ragini MMS?" Instead of "Is Apple finlly ending the dominance of Microsoft ?"

Be hygeinic regularly

Get your teeth done. Check for fresh breath. Most of the time, people forget basic things in life. If you smoke, or do not floss regularly, it is best to get your teeth a makeover. Shiny white teeth are a turn on. Bathing regularly and wearing fresh clothes are ‘bare’ necessities.

Turn on body language

Stand up straight, tummy in, feel taller. If you’re going to slouch and run around looking sweaty, you’re not going to get laid anytime soon. Learn how to make eye contact, toss your hair, twirl the curls, perfect the softest smile, and cross your legs demurely.

Now not all this will probably lead to the exact moment, but if you’re interested in a person, it might help in the future.

Gaze besottedly

Learn to switch off from alternative lives (read: social networks) and have meaningful conversations with the person in front of you. If you don’t know how to laugh at another person’s joke without looking at your mobile, or secretly pray the evening will end so you can upload the photo of yourself on Facebook, you are in serious trouble.

It is the age of technology but a human being in front of you who is interested in you is a rare find. That person has taken time out to spend it with you and if both of you are on a mobile, it would be better if you went home and “bbm’d” him.

Harvard psychologist Zick Rubin began recording the amount of time lovers spent staring at each other and discovered that those deeply in love look at each other 75 percent of the time when talking and are slower to look away when someone else intrudes.

Larning to look at someone instead of being distracted helps in connecting with another person. Tweet another day!

Speak positively
You need to be a positive person first. Look at life with rose-tinted glasses instead of those sharp, horn- rimmed, sceptical ones. Stop being critical, gossipy and cantankerous. Instead, be more bright, bubbly and cheerful.

Being a whiner about your stress issues is not going to help bring in the man or get him turned on. People like being around happy people. Positive is sexy.

LIKE A VIRGIN : My article printed in the May issue of Marie Claire

2011-05-23T22:53:00.001+05:30

In an era of sexual prowess, promiscuity and pomp, to find women who have chosen to remain virgins well after their third decade is a rarity. But in India, there are many women who still believe that virginity is a non-issue. They mock the land of the Kamasutra, and the sexual urban jungle of the metros where people are discovering themselves and new positions. They scoff at the idea of having fun for the sake of it. They are even immune to the pressures of their peers who have told them the wonderful stories, the great revelation of finding the big “O” or even the perfect man and time for losing their virginity. These women are unfazed. Sex is a no show. And even if they are 30 and above, they do not care.

Vasudha’s Story:

Vasudha was a walking paradox. She earned a 5 figure salary, had lived in New York, London and Honk Kong, owned her own luxury car and had bought her mother a house in Delhi. She was slim, pretty and uber successful. Yet she was a virgin. I had never met a woman like that. She didn’t care what people thought about. She lived on her own terms and was extremely corporate. None of her friends discussed their sex lives with her and she never mentioned her love life to them.

But I always wondered why she would be so rigid about her sexuality at the ripe old age of 33.

She told me the reason one day when we had a few glasses of wine and were listening to Harry Belafonte. She said it very quietly, “I think it’s cheap.”

“What is?” I asked.

“Sex.” She said softly. She couldn’t even say it clearly. We had never spoken about it. But I prodded with the opportunity, “But don’t you feel the urge sometimes?”

“No.” she answered adamantly, “ I have never felt the urge. There was a boy once when I was 17…we kissed and all but then, I thought I was too young and wanted to be the legal age before doing anything. Then there was Bharat when I was 24 but as soon as I said I’m not ready to sleep with him, he left me. As if that was the only thing, he wanted from me. I figured all men were the same.”

I could see now where Vasudha came from. She was scared of being rejected. But that wasn’t the only problem. There was more. A lot more.

She continued, “No there is no urge. If you’ve never tasted caviar, how do you know if you want it?” She asked hypothetically. I remained quiet. “I’m conservative. Very conservative. I think I’m the only one in this country who believes in morals and traditions.” She said emphatically. “What is it with all these women who want to go sleeping around? I think even holding hands is abominable. Public display of affection has taken on a completely new meaning. It never used to happen earlier. And now you see people kissing at airports, making out in movie halls, having sex before marriage. Doesn’t anyone have any self respect anymore?”

I could not argue. She was old fashioned I thought. She told her mother everything about her relationships and her feelings. Everything! And her mother believed she was doing the right thing. Her mother thought she should wait.

Vasudha was very judgmental. Here I was judging her for being this weird woman in the 21^st century who was 33 and still a virgin and she was judging me on being the opposite. According to me, a modern woman was supposed to be completely sexually evolved by the time she hit her third decade. She could take on men and the world because she knew everything. But Vasudha was a successful modern woman who held on to her values, and her conviction and decided she would wait until she got married to lose her virginity. And no amount of cajoling would change her mind. I could see that this was not a good thing though. She was getting frustrated, angry, and cynical. She needed some emotional support. And she was scared. She was frightened into giving her heart to a man who might ask for something she wasn’t ready to give to him. Vasudha’s morality had become her biggest dilemma.

Adya’s Story:

“I’ve never had a boyfriend.” said Adya most languorously. She sat with her elbow on the table munching on a muffin. Adya was 31 and a Virgin. She was intelligent and successful but she had one slight problem. She was 20 kilos overweight. And no matter how many people said it wasn’t a problem to find a man, she thought it was a problem.

Besides the weight issue, Adya had been stuck in the same bank job since she graduated from an MBA school. She had moved up the ranks and had achieved almost the highest degree at her international bank job. But since she went to the same place for the last ten years, she never met anyone apart from work. And she never found anyone at work to have a romance with. She could not move her job since at such a high position there was a dearth of good jobs available and there were no “good” men in her office.

“Why don’t you join yoga,” I suggested lightly.

She looked at me as if I was an alien, “Who has the time? I leave at eight in the morning and come back at ten at night. I work most weekends and travel every alternate week. There’s no time for yoga or anything else.” We remained quiet until she spoke again, “Look I know about my weight. I know that I have body issues. I can’t strip in front of a man. So even if I’ve gone out in groups with people, I can’t make myself to get any further. I don’t know if a man really likes me.”

“Why wouldn’t any man like you Adya?” I implored at her illogical self.

“Because I don’t know if he wants me as pity thing or if he really likes me.” I was going to say that’s absurd but I didn’t. Adya was fixed in her thinking. She was not going to lose weight so easily and she wasn’t going to sleep with a man until she did. She was stuck in a predicament that she had made for herself. Until she lost either her weight or her issues with being fat, I didn’t think that Adya would be losing her virginity any time soon.

Zara’s Tale:

Zara was not successful. She didn’t come from a conservative background. And she wasn’t fat. She was just scared. Zara was an ordinary looking woman who had many male admirers since she presented herself well. She wore bright clothes that went with her exuberant personality and she had a beautiful smile. She was not overly witty or intelligent. She was a secretary at a television channel that meant that most days she had a ten to seven job. Unlike Vasudha who lived in Delhi with her mother, and Adya who lived alone, Zara lived with her best friend in a one-room apartment in Mumbai and had plenty of opportunity to lose her virginity. But at 30, she was still a virgin.

Zara had an older sister who was married and lived in USA. She however had lost her virginity at a very young age and it was this experience that had scarred Zara. Zara would have been thirteen when her elder sister came back home and told her all about it. The pain, the blood, and the hype that was called sex. Zara was sworn to silence. But over the next few days the sensitive girl realized that if her sister who had been so excited about it once upon a time could not really care so much about sex, why should she? And this thought remained. It remained for the next seventeen years.

Over the years whenever Zara asked her friends to describe their “first time” it was always with words that said “pain” or “blood” or “no big deal” and Zara soon got to thinking that she need not lose her virginity unless it was absolutely imperative to do so. She was not prudish. She had no qualms about her friends making love over the countryside. She just did not believe that she had that much courage to do so herself.

She was attracted to men and vice versa but she kept her distance,

One day I asked her, “Wouldn’t you have to lose it once you get married? Don’t you want to have kids?”

She said very rationally, “Yes I have no problems with that. But I’m in no hurry to get married or have kids. I can wait it out a few more years.”

Zara was so frightened about the act itself that she hid behind the excuse of not finding the right man. And no matter how much I tried to show her the beautiful side of losing one’s virginity she was convinced that when it would happen, she would think it was no big deal anyway.

I realized that losing virginity was not just an Indian phenomenon. Women across the globe were having the same issues. Age didn’t matter anymore. The search for the true love, a perfect man or the correct time was most important to the women. And even if they were lonely at the end of the day, they would rather hold on to their belief than be impulsive with their principles.

Dial a Book did an interview with me on Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas..and other probing stuff!!

2011-05-23T22:46:00.002+05:30

Let’s Talk About Virginity Baby: An Interview with Madhuri Banerjee

Posted on May 20, 2011 by mayank

Hi Guys,
It’s been some time since we updated our blog but we’ll try to make up for it in the next few days. For today we have for you a candid interview with Madhuri Banerjee the author of Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas by our in house book geek Arundati. Hope you’ll enjoy it.

Dial-a-Book: What do you think is the perfect age to lose one’s virginity?
Madhuri: 30. Like my character Kaveri.

Dial-a-Book: What happens after virgins lose their virginity? Do they transform into completely different beings?
Madhuri: YES. Have you seen The Lord of the Rings when Frodo wears the ring? It’s like that!

Dial-a-Book: According to you, is sex the only difference between man and woman?
Madhuri:NO. Women’s brains are more evolved.

Dial-a-Book: Do you believe in certain sex etiquette. Or even a gender etiquette? Explain…
Madhuri: Yes. Etiquette: Please ask before you want to have sex.

Dial-a-Book: What aspect of sex is most exciting? What aspect most dumbing?
Madhuri:
Exciting: The better half going and getting you a glass of wine post coitus!
Dumbing: When people confuse porn for real life.

Dial-a-Book: Growing up into your twenties, who was your role model, a woman whose sexuality you admired and respected?
Madhuri: Madonna. But I was 9.

Dial-a-Book: What’s the most amazing sex literature you’ve read?
Madhuri: Penthouse letters.

Dial-a-Book: When did you first fall in true-love? Describe?
Madhuri: When I was 2. Since then we’ve understood each other till date. My true love is a Ferrero Rocher chocolate.

Dial-a-Book: It’s remarkable, the many roles you juggle at home and outside it, mother, wife, professional, writer, etc. But what if you were a spinster?
Madhuri: It would be harder.

Dial-a-Book:How do you think spinsters will take to your book?
Madhuri: I hope they like it. Especially since I’m not calling them spinsters

Dial-a-Book: When did you first start writing seriously? How easy/difficult was it to write a book and finding a publisher for it?
Madhuri: I wrote my first book at age 9. Many poems, songs, articles and decades later I wrote another book. Thank God for Penguin who picked it up immediately

Dial-a-Book: What according to you is the future of Indian TV soap heroine?
Has her journey been a cause of excitement or concern for you? Enlighten us?
Madhuri: Indian TV Soap heroine should now be the single woman enjoying life, traveling and experiencing life for all its myriad ways. It’s been a concern since the repressive serials are making a wrong statement if we want to become a progressive society.

Dial-a-Book: Do you recommend erotica?
Madhuri:Yes. Reading enlightens.

Dial-a-Book: Does sex have anything to do with feminism?
Madhuri: All feminists still love sex.

This entry was posted in Author Interview, Books and tagged interview, losingmyvirginity, madhuri, penguin, virginity. Bookmark the permalink.

http://dialabook.in/2011/05/20/lets-talk-about-virginity-baby-an-interview-with-madhuri-banerjee/

India Today Kaveree Bamzai reviews Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas

2011-05-20T16:09:00.001+05:30

International Chick Lit of the Month. May is hot!

2011-05-20T16:03:00.001+05:30

http://internationalchicklitmonth.com/2011/05/16/class-of-11-madhuri-banerjee/

CLASS OF 11 Madhuri Banerjee

Posted on May 16, 2011 by Chicklit Club

My First Time
by Madhuri Banerjee, the Mumbai-based author of Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas
I was talking to a friend of mine a few months after my child was born. I asked her how her love life was and she said very sarcastically, “What love life! I’m still a virgin!” And that became the germ of an idea for the book Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas. Here was a woman who was successful and pretty and she was still a virgin. So I wrote a story about a woman who had been waiting for her True Love to come so she could lose her virginity to him and maybe marry him.
I see that women all over the world are becoming more and more like my protagonist Kaveri who waits to lose her virginity to the right guy. Even though women are aware of their sexuality, they still believe that they want to lose their virginity only to the correct man. My book explains the quest for true love, the pitfalls of losing oneself to a bad relationship, the man’s point of view of being commitment phobic and the search for one’s identity. It’s a fun and breezy read that has layers if you want to read it again. I learnt a lot about myself while writing it. I hope people will learn something when they read it.

I’m hoping to make this book into a film and a play. And I’m optimistic that people will see me as a writer who can write screenplays, books, columns in magazines, agony aunt advice in newspapers and give me a chance to touch people’s lives in any way I can. I’m working on my second novel as well as short stories and the spin-off of Kaveri’s adventures in the sequel as well.

Verve magazine reviews Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas!!

2011-05-20T10:50:00.001+05:30

Losing My Virginity And Other Dumb Ideas
Madhuri BanerjeePenguin India
Laugh your wits off with this rollercoaster ride of sorts. It’s the story of an interpreter who after several attempts, gives up on love and, on her 30th birthday, decides to take matters in her hand. Love or no love, she resolves to lose her virginity. Life, however, has other plans! Packed with ideas and ethics, each new day competes with the last one to make her re-evaluate life, and love.

http://www.verveonline.com/97/life/nerve_books.shtml

BookChums reviews Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas

2011-05-17T11:09:00.001+05:30

Losing My Virginity And Other Dumb Ideas >> Reviews Details

Losing My Virginity And Other Dumb Ideas

Madhuri Banerjee

0143415123

SoniaS

Posted on: May 10th 2011,7:45 AM Tue

This, I won’t call a chick-lit but more of a, mirror of our society today is worth a read.
The story is about a 30-year old, single, intelligent, smart, urban girl – Kaveri, who unable to hitch with the “right guy” till now decides to go ahead and lose her virginity (with or without love). She is a freelance interpreter who knows seven languages (!!!) but the language of love. *sigh*
In her desperation to “do it” she is assisted/guided by her friend – Aditi.

Kaveri makes a resolution on her 30th birthday to lose her virginity at least, if she can’t find her “love”. Enter Arjun – a smart, intelligent, art lover, well travelled, hot guy. Oh and married! But Kaveri believes that this is “true love” and she pursues it in the hope that Arjun will divorce his wife to be with her. But yes, the twist falls right in place and Arjun announces that his wife is pregnant and cannot leave her. Heartbroken Kaveri realizes her folly and tries to regain control of her life.

Following Aditi’s advice that to get over a man, she needs to get going with another man, in a systematic manner effortlessly, Kaveri ends up “doing it” in a hot air balloon with a younger guy; followed by another “no-strings-attached” adventure; and yet another “quickie” in a café; to finally stumble upon the possibility of a romance on the streets of Barcelona.

In her journey with a lot of highs and lows, Kaveri discovers her sensuality; gets her heart broken; becomes a minor celebrity of sorts after participating in a reality-based contest; and gets caught in the middle of the tough war of love vs. sex.

The story resonates with the lives of quite a few modern Indian women – who in the quest to make it big in their careers give no space to “love” as such and end up satisfying their mere sexual needs with different partners, only to realize sooner or later that “love” cannot be ruled out of life.

Kaveri’s principles and ideas are revamped and molded to suit her needs and desires.
This is no chick-lit with a deep, profound message. It just shows a part of life in the metros. But certain questions do pop up in my mind. Given the fact that Kaveri is living a good life in a metropolitan city with many male friends, why is that she hasn’t found a single guy to settle down with till now? Yes, I’m sure there is dearth of nice/good guys but come on…not one!?!
The premise of the plot sure is good, but the consistency wasn’t maintained. Some parts of the book felt lose while some were absolutely gripping.

The subject is a brave and a bold one and the author has done a fine work portraying the life of a 30-year old virgin in today’s time, who gives in to her needs/desires, though rampantly.
Overall a very enjoyable and entertaining read, given the freshness and the simplistic approach by the author.

This, I won’t call a chick-lit but more of a, mirror of our society today is worth a read. The story is about a 30-year old, single, intelligent, smart, urban girl – Kaveri, who unable to hitch with the “right guy” till now decides to go ahead and lose her virginity (with or without love). She is a freelance interpreter who knows seven languages (!!!) but the language of love. *sigh*  In her desperation to “do it” she is assisted/guided by her friend – Aditi.   Kaveri makes a resolution on her 30th birthday to lose her virginity at least, if she can’t find her “love”. Enter Arjun – a smart, intelligent, art lover, well travelled, hot guy. Oh and married! But Kaveri believes that this is “true love” and she pursues it in the hope that Arjun will divorce his wife to be with her. But yes, the twist falls right in place and Arjun announces that his wife is pregnant and cannot leave her.  Heartbroken Kaveri realizes her folly and tries to regain control of her life.   Following Aditi’s advice that to get over a man, she needs to get going with another man, in a systematic manner effortlessly, Kaveri ends up “doing it” in a hot air balloon with a younger guy; followed by another “no-strings-attached” adventure; and yet another “quickie” in a café; to finally stumble upon the possibility of a romance on the streets of Barcelona.  In her journey with a lot of highs and lows, Kaveri discovers her sensuality; gets her heart broken; becomes a minor celebrity of sorts after participating in a reality-based contest; and gets caught in the middle of the tough war of love vs. sex.  The story resonates with the lives of quite a few modern Indian women – who in the quest to make it big in their careers give no space to “love” as such and end up satisfying their mere sexual needs with different partners, only to realize sooner or later that “love” cannot be ruled out of life.  Kaveri’s principles and ideas are revamped and molded to suit her needs and desires.  This is no chick-lit with a deep, profound message. It just shows a part of life in the metros. But certain questions do pop up in my mind. Given the fact that Kaveri is living a good life in a metropolitan city with many male friends, why is that she hasn’t found a single guy to settle down with till now? Yes, I’m sure there is dearth of nice/good guys but come on…not one!?! The premise of the plot sure is good, but the consistency wasn’t maintained. Some parts of the book felt lose while some were absolutely gripping.   The subject is a brave and a bold one and the author has done a fine work portraying the life of a 30-year old virgin in today’s time, who gives in to her needs/desires, though rampantly. Overall a very enjoyable and entertaining read, given the freshness and the simplistic approach by the author.

Review Rating: Average Rating Votes( 6

http://www.bookchums.com/Losing-My-Virginity-And-Other-Dumb-Ideas/2424

Interview in Helter Skelter Magazine: Probing Questions, Wisely Answered :)

2011-05-17T00:34:00.002+05:30

Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice?

16/05/2011
By Jiya Jaisingh

Madhuri Banerjee’s bestselling debut novel Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas traces the journey of Kaveri—a 30-year-old virgin—as she struggles to find her calling in a land where love holds no value and where lust reigns supreme. The author took some time out to talk to us in an exclusive interview about her book, love, lust, and what losing one’s virginity might mean to people in India. Read on for excerpts—

Author Madhuri Bannerjee.

Would you like to tell our readers more about yourself?
I’ve done English Literature Honours from Lady Shri Ram College for Women, New Delhi, and a Master’s in Mass Communication from Jamia Millia Islamia, where I stood first in the university and my thesis film won a National Award for the best documentary for women’s issues. It was then [that] I realised that I wanted to get into directing films and headed to Mumbai where I worked as an Assistant Director on Subhash Ghai’s Yaadein and Rohan Sippy’s Kuch Na Kaho. A few films later, [after] a stint with an ad film company and making documentaries, I decided to start my own production house. I have a penchant for writing, reading, and travelling. I live in Mumbai with my husband and daughter. Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas is my first novel. I am working on my second book and a screenplay for a film.

What inspired you to write this book?
The search for love seems to be an eternal quest by all. Whether one loses their virginity early or late, everyone wants a special someone in their life. After many discussions with my friends about this topic, I had a vision of a woman in search for her True Love who was still a virgin. I wrote my first chapter on a notebook and read it to a friend of mine who bears resemblance to Kaveri. She said she wanted to hear more. I continued until I could read out my last chapter to her.

“Adolescents today are aware of the meaning of virginity as well as the consequences that comes with losing it.”

“There comes a time in one’s life when you really wonder what you were thinking because when you look back in life you realize that you obviously weren’t thinking straight”—this excerpt from your book talks about bad decisions. Are there any decisions that you regret making?
Love does not make people think straight. However, a decision to be in a relationship or out of it always makes you learn from it. I do not regret any decision in my life. I have learnt from all my mistakes!

“The ideal Indian woman is a strong, confident woman who knows what she wants and how to get it.”

What do you think losing one’s virginity means to youngsters today in India?
I think it’s overrated by an older generation who want to inflict their values on the younger one. Adolescents today are aware of the meaning of virginity as well as the consequences that comes with losing it. They are a far more informed and perceptive lot than people were even a decade ago. They know about the diseases that go hand in hand and understand far more than we ever did. So it’s no big deal for the youngsters today but they won’t do it so easily either.

Love or lust?
Love. Always. Lust dies. Love remains.

Do you really think that girls who sign up for reality T.V. shows end up meeting their soul mates?
Not in the first meeting. Nevertheless, I believe that new platforms are being explored to find your soul mate like social media platforms of Facebook and Twitter and even through internet chats. So maybe a reality show is not such a far-fetched idea.

Who do you think is the ideal Indian woman?
The ideal Indian woman is a strong, confident woman who knows what she wants and how to get it. There is no one person who defines it all. There are so many women in villages, towns, and cities that are the Ideal Indian Woman.

“It’s high time men grow up and realise that women are far superior and that they need to keep up.”

In the book, the character Aditi talks about how there is no perfect husband, no perfect marriage, and no perfect wife, and the only thing she can do is keep her parents happy even if she is not. According to you, should a woman stay in a loveless marriage just to keep the society at large happy?
Most of the time if women are not financially independent and they do not have the support of their family; they stay in a loveless marriage. However, divorce rates have increased and both parties are aware of their rights nowadays. I think one needs to realise the consequences of staying alone before one walks out of a marriage, but definitely do so if you’ve been unhappy for too long. You only have one life to live.

Do you think a woman is appreciated enough in today’s Indian society, whose attitude tends to turn hypocritical when it comes to a woman’s actions?
Indian society is extremely hypocritical about many things, most of all women. Women have never been appreciated enough as home makers or in the office scenario. If a woman is career driven and rises to the top, there is slander behind her growth, and if she chooses to stay at home and look after children, she is judged as non-ambitious. It’s high time men grow up and realise that women are far superior and that they need to keep up.

Is there any message you would like to pass on to women all over who are still searching for their true calling?
One’s true calling can vary. Just as you change as a person, your heart, your desires, and your career can change. Never limit yourself to something because you are comfortable with the idea. Let the unsettledness of your heart lead you in a direction that you need to grow.

Jiya is unassuming, subtle, and only looks naïve. She's a die hard romantic who enjoys gripping murder mysteries. Once you get her talking, it's really hard to get her to stop. She's a little mad, fiercely loyal, and often tends to break out into song and dance, wherever she might be.

http://helterskelter.in/

TOP 10 BOOK LIST: Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas

2011-05-09T16:16:00.001+05:30

My book made it to the TOP 10 List!!!
And I didn't even have to pay anyone or rig it! Honestly! There IS a GOD!

I had been working like a mad person trying to achieve something for so long; Trying to find a footing onto something that would give me happiness from the inside even if it didn't gave me any money..not that I was making any with any other job..but it was time I did something for myself and something for my daughter to be proud of me for. I wanted to leave a legacy for her. I didn't know what.

Sunday Hindustan Times paper found it for me. The legacy I could leave my daughter.

I know my 15 mins of fame will die out and people will forget me. I know I don't need to harp on this achievement and drag it out. I know there will be brickbats from so many..most of them friends...
But I also know that this gives me an incentive to do better, write better, be better. It makes me realise that I don't have to go to an ac office to work 20 hours a day to earn for my child. It makes me realise that the path not taken might be a better one....The dreams that took so long to be fulfilled will come true...And belief and patience are the virtues of a strong soul.

I'm happy for that little bit that I've got for now...

FROM FLING TO RING : A true story

2011-05-05T17:03:00.001+05:30

A break up is never easy. But when you’ve broken up with a billionaire it feels even worse. When Sumit left me, I was shattered. Not only had I lost out on the empire that was rightfully mine after dating him for four years, I was left man less at an age when I should have been planning a wedding and babies. It had not been easy to catch the billionaire. He came from a billionaire family and I came from a middle class background. So I nurtured him, and groomed him and made him chase me just enough for him to want me for a long time. I was so sure that he was wrapped around my little finger. So it came as a shock when he showed me another one and went with what his mother said and got married to another billionaire girl.

I was left in the lurch. Heartbroken and humiliated. It was then that I met another man. Kanishk was his name. He had just graduated from an MBA and had been placed in the same MNC I was working in. Now obviously having a romance with him was wrong on both counts. First, you never have an office fling and secondly you never date on the rebound. One is only supposed to have multiple flings on the rebound. Therefore, that is what I thought I would do. I would have a fling with this man and then move on to someone else.

But Kanishk was a persistent person. He would get us movie tickets even before I could make plans to go with anyone else and reserve seats at the newest bars even before I wanted to go. He was smitten by me and vice versa. We started having a wonderful time together and I could see that the fling that I had wanted was turning into a romance that would last a long time.

So I did what I thought was the only practical solution. “I think we should break up.”I said to him matter of factly one morning.

He was flummoxed, not knowing what he had done wrong. I clarified it for him in the nicest way I could. “It’s not you. It’s me.” I knew it sounded clichéd as soon as I said it so I explained further, “I just got over a breakup. I was trying to find my bearings and I don’t know if I want to commit again so soon.”

He nodded his head in a very understanding manner and said, “Well do you want to see other people?”He asked.

“Yes!” I said too eagerly.

“Alright.” He replied with some patience, “But are there `other’ people you know you want to see?” he asked.

And I thought about it. How could there have been when he was breathing down my neck every minute of every day? We worked together, we travelled together, and we partied together. Where was the room for anyone else to come into my life?

“Not really Kanishk but maybe I need to explore a little more to know if this is what I want.” I said hesitantly.

He nodded and said he would give me two months to figure out what I wanted. Moreover, if he found someone else in the time period, he would have the choice to break up as well. I thought this was only fair.

So I called my girlfriends and asked them to fix me up with whomever they knew. Alankrita told me flat out, “Are you mad? You’ve got a nice, decent boy who loves you and you want to go find other jerks?”

“So does this mean you’re not going to help me?” I asked. I could only hear the dead receiver at the end of the line.

“Ya my cousin is available,” said Samantha, “But he’s a vegetarian and doesn’t drink and goes to Church every Sunday and expects his wife, if you choose to be her, to do the same.”

“Wife?” I asked incredulously, “Whoever said anything about a wife?” I had just wanted a few more flings.

“You obviously wouldn’t date someone if you didn’t want it to `go somewhere’ eventually would you Megs? And you wouldn’t play with my brother’s feeling now would you?” demanded Sam who’s tone went into a high pitch.

I finally went on a blind date. As soon as the man picked me up, he asked me a hundred times where I wanted to go. When I suggested something, he didn’t want to eat the cuisine. He was a Gemini who couldn’t make up his mind. All through the evening there seemed to be something wrong with him though I couldn’t put my finger on it. It wasn’t as if he wasn’t a nice guy but his jokes didn’t impress me, nor did his intelligence. It was as if I was playing a twenty- question game to get to know him better. By the end of the evening, I realized that maybe for all my gusto in having many flings, deep down I didn’t want them. I wanted just one man.

And to find the “Perfect Man” I would be flitting from one bar to another, a hobby class to another and pleading with girlfriends to find me a man who loved me and made me laugh when I already had one who was devoted to me. Just because I had a good relationship immediately after a break up didn’t mean it was only a fling.

So I went back to Kanishk well before the separation time was over in the hope that he had not found anyone. I met him for coffee after work. He seemed nonchalant and quiet so I started speaking, “Kanishk, I’m sorry. I have been a fool. Do you want to go out again?” I requested bluntly and earnestly.

He was quiet for a long time. Then he replied, “No Megs. I don’t want to go out again.”

I was crestfallen. My eyes welled up with tears. I knew my stupid, spontaneous behavior would make me do something that I would regret forever and that day had come.

Kanishk started smiling slowly and said with a twinkle in his eye, “I don’t want to go out with you…I want to marry you! I wanted you to have the space to realize what you wanted. However, I always knew what I wanted. And I know now that you’ve tried to find the different men and failed. So you won’t do it after we’re married!” he said cockily.

Kanishk and I have been married for over 8 years. I learnt later that my friends plotted not to find other men for me. And today I am so glad that they didn’t. Sometimes rebound relationships are the ones that give you the greatest happiness.

The day I was more than a Mom: Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas in India Today

2011-04-16T11:46:00.001+05:30

http://indiatoday.intoday.in/site/story/perfect-prose/1/134638.html

I loved my India Today article.

It was well researched, well written, and well shot.

I had the time of my life with that one piece.

Bhaskar Paul the photographer spoke Bengali to me the whole day as if I was from Calcutta and I kept reminding him I'm a Delhi Bengali and a Mumbaikar at heart. But he insisted that I could do with a little improvement.

We didn't eat through the day. There was just so much to do. So many changes I needed to have. I wanted them all. I wanted all 5 changes. I had a makeup artist for the first time since my wedding to put make up on me. And immediately Bhaskar wanted me to remove it all. He said I was way too pretty to be so pancaked. I laughed. A photographer who had shot top Bollywood actors didn't want ME to have make up?! I was on a high. That energy remained until dusk. We shot through 5 different changes; a casual but form fitting lovely black shirt and my favourite Diesel jeans, a Desigual dress I had picked up at the last minute from Dubai in January (thank God!), a red and black sari with reception jewellery which my husband and I posed in and it looked like we were married again, albeit much fatter, a casual work look that is ethnic and still very me and my absolute favourite Maneka Harisinghani dress with black swarovski and a pink trimmings that go perfectly well with the cover of my book (Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas)

Bhaskar made me pose in each outfit. First sitting, then standing, then leaning, all the while trying to figure different smiles, different moods, different styles. I loved it all.

However, in between I got a little tired. He could see that. I didn't have a maid. So my child wanted to cling to me. I had to look after her in between shots, redoing make up, changing outfits and feeding her. The husband was at home to look after but with a cricket match going on, he was too consumed to really care. However, when the pics got out he was extremely proud of me. I knew he wd be. I just needed to give him time.

By the evening once we had finished, Bhaskar and I had some upma and coffee and went through the photos. I pointed out how fat I was looking and threatened to never talk to him if he didn't photoshop my belly and thick arms. He turned to me and with a naughty smile said. "Didimoni, how about I just leave it and see what the people really think? If you're fat, or not!" I pleaded. But the photos have come out with not a trace of adjustment. I know. I could have looked thinner! But I prefer it this way.

This is who I am.

I am all those moods. I am playful and most comfortable in a lovely dress that highlights my complexion. I am sexy in a low cut blouse and jeans. I feel traditional in a sari and wear fusion kurtis when I have fat days. And I love wearing glam dresses that make me feel special. A black cocktail dress any day!

When Bhaskar had entered and I had shown him my clothes, he had turned to me and said, “This is a very high class magazine. Are you sure you don’t want to wear anything better?” And I had told him, “You know, this is probably the best I’ve got. Cos I’ve never had the money to blow on a Dolce and Gabbana. I’m middle class. And proud of it and that’s what I want to project….how a mother and a woman can really be pretty just by smiling!”

And we shot. And at the end of the day, he turned to me and said, “You know what, I’ve seen prettier clothes. However, the most ordinary clothes and the most glamorous clothes only look good if the person wearing it has inner beauty. And my dear girl, you do.”

Olina was another wonder. She made this happen for me. I thought that she would not put more than two photos in small boxes and let it be. She called, she wrote, she made me feel larger than life. When the 4 full-page photos came out, I was ecstatic. I was jumping for the whole day at her beautiful words and the photos. Not even a model ever had the kind of coverage I had. Moreover in a magazine that is circulated all across India and the world. A magazine that is known for “substance.”

I pray this is the beginning of a new journey for me. I hope everyone wishes it for me too.

10 STEPS TO LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY : For men ;)

2011-04-14T12:00:00.001+05:30

It’s time. You know it. You’ve waited long enough. The grown beard and the manly chest fur only proves that you’ve become a man. You’ve matured. You’ve seen `it’ happening on your dvds. You feel you’re ready.

It’s time that you finally lose your virginity. But you just don’t know how. The internet doesn’t help and neither do your friends who are making fun of you. You need a simple guide to help you with this basic but complicated act. Here are the ten steps that will lead to you having a great time.

10. The Girl – you have to have a girl to have sex. It is basic I know but it’s still a fact. Now sit quietly and give up on the notions of what you want. If she’s tall, intelligent, makes good chapattis and looks after your mother, chance are she’s not going to sleep with you in your current state. Also, no one intelligent, drop dead gorgeous and sober is going to give you a look either. So change your standards. Look for anyone. You will not find girls at bars. It’s a myth. Girls who come to the bars to hang out with other girls are there to have fun and checkout the men. They need not necessarily be wanton sex goddesses. The best way to get that girl is that friend who you never had any sexual feeling towards. Yup, that’s the one. She’s adored you for many years and tolerated your stupidity. It’s highly likely she doesn’t find you repulsive enough to throw a glass on you if you pop the question. Target. Found.

9. The Preparation: Honestly, if you haven’t been laid yet, you need to do a little bit of preparation on yourself. You need to either get thin or get bulky. Preferably both. No woman is attracted to a fat man. Oh, come on, if it was vice versa, would you be? A little bulge is ok. No one expects you to be Hrithik Roshan. But unless you’re tremendously rich or powerful, you have to get rid of that paunch that will hamper the act. And women know. Hit the gym. Go for a jog. And stay off those aloo parathas your mom is making for you in the morning otherwise she will be the only woman in your life for a long time. Use a good deodorant and smell good. Don’t bathe in the deo, splash it lightly. Check for bad breath, oral hygiene is essential. It invariably begins with a kiss.

8. The Conversation: This is something that not many men think about but is crucial to the act. While you may think that, “what conversation?” here is where you can go horribly wrong. One wrong word, and her “mood” is off and you’ve lost the opportunity. Conversation needs to be correct, before, during and after. It is vital that you get her in the proper state of mind, continue until you’ve had a good time, and then sustain it so you can have round two. And the only way you can do that is to Read, Read, Read. Read poems, read sonnets, read a few books on topics she would be interested in. And then you’re finally ready to approach her, in the way you never did before. You have to praise her just enough so she is interested in what more you have to say about her. Women are suckers for flattery. Once you quote Shakespeare, or remind her that the color of her dress goes beautifully with her eyes, she might want to have a little more to do with you. DO NOT compare her to your mother. It kills it. You must continue the praise in bed, continuously giving her encouragement instead of correcting and afterwards letting her know that she makes your life complete. She knows it’s corny, but she still loves to hear it.

7. The Ignore: This is the most difficult bit. You’ve buffed up your body, you’ve read the books, and you’re ready. But there is a little change in the plan. You have to now ignore her. But this has to be done very surely. You have to know she is interested in you. If she calls you instead of you calling her, or she has taken an interest in you instead of you following her around, you know she’s hooked. But then you have to, just for a little bit, become indifferent. Suddenly you have a project that doesn’t take you away from work for a few days, you don’t return her call for a few hours, you send vague smses, and you don’t have time for her. Now you can’t be rude. At no point should you ever snap, be angry or be blunt. You need to be apologetic for your time being taken away from her but you “just can’t help it.” You should not do this for too long as she will get bored and find someone else. It needs to be for just a week or so once you know she is hooked and waiting. The trap is set.

6. The Present: Oh yes, there needs to be a present. It has to show you’ve apologized for your bad behavior of not meeting her for a week and it acts as something that you’re grateful she’s in your life. You need to floor her. While diamonds may be the ideal thing a woman wants and loves, maybe some flowers and a gift package from Body Shop would be a better deal on the first date. But don’t forget to get her something otherwise she’ll think you’re a cheap, pompous man who has ignored her and doesn’t deserve her royal being.

5. The Date: A perfect date is a combination of two things, the right place, and the right mood. If your woman is an adventurous variety, a bike ride to a secluded spot with a picnic basket of wine, and light snacks might be appropriate. If she is the high maintenance kind, she might prefer a fancy new restaurant that has been in the news for the last month or so where she can be seen and a place where you can compliment her even more. If she is the romantic but down to earth kind, a drive to the furthest place from town while you chat in the car and take her to her favourite restaurant for her favourite meal might be just the thing that hits the spot. Research into this would be a good idea for you. Do not ask her. Observe her for a few months and read up about her sun sign!

4. The Location: There are exciting stories out there, of how men have had wild sex in cars, in the jungles, in bathrooms of a mall and other such absurd locations. But rest assured, these are only urban legends. Public places might happen later in life, but they are never the places where you lose your virginity. The good old bedroom, with a stable bed in an empty house has been proved by a staggering 85% of the population to be the ideal place. You need to find one. While you still live with your parents, it’s not ideal to tell the woman to keep quiet while you sneak her in hoping your father doesn’t see your eagerness in the middle of the night. It is not ideal either for you to suggest that you go back to her place. That could kill the mood as well if she thinks you’re cheap. Ask a friend who lives by himself to go to a hotel room for a night. You can pay. You cannot take the girl to a hotel room since she will think you had it planned and subsequently an idea that you think she’s “sleazy.” It’s better to have your friend’s place cleaned up and say casually, “I was planning to stay with a friend tonight so maybe you can come and have a cup of coffee so I can have the pleasure of your conversation a little more.” Or something to that effect!

3. The Setting: On a date, you need to be able to give her just enough alcohol that she’s in her senses and mildly intoxicated. A little too much and she will go to sleep and you will be dragging her to your friends place over your shoulder and taking care of her nausea instead of her horniness. The alcohol should continue once you’re back. Even if she insists on coffee, pour a lot of alcohol into it and make it an “Irish” one. Make sure there are only a few table lamps on instead of the top tube light. The lighting could take away from the mood, the intoxication, and the conversation. So be careful that it is soft, dim, and just right.

2. The Foreplay: All right. Here we go. The moment has come. You have to start taking things a little slow. Preferably, don’t make the first move. If you’ve done all the correct things, she will make a move first. But if she doesn’t and is still felling shy, you move in close and look into her eyes. That’s when you have to figure out if she is into you or not. Do not grab her hair and kiss her. The first time is not about being rough or violent. It’s about the sensuality of the feeling. If she kisses you back, you’re on track and you can continue with the act of foreplay, gently touching and kissing all the spots around her neck, her back, her fingertips. She will tell you where and how. Keep complimenting her.

1. Losing Your Virginity: Be “careful.” For all your imagination and great prowess, this will probably take only up to two minutes. But enjoy it. Do not be tentative. Take charge. Do not call out any dirty words. Behave normally. Listen to her and listen to her body. And you will remember it. You will remember it because you took the effort that made this moment so special. You will remember her. And after it’s over, be sure to compliment her and hold her close and talk about how special it was for you. Because you know in your heart, it will be. Best of luck!

http://www.gqindia.com/content/how-lose-your-virginity

Easy Delivery of Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas

2011-04-13T20:59:00.000+05:30

My book "Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas" can be available at your door step within 72 hours by dialing 09650-457-457.

Payment on delivery.

Now everyone should have a copy!

Times of India interview on Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas

2011-04-11T13:26:00.002+05:30

I wrote when my newborn slept: Madhuri Banerjee

One day, a friend confessed to Madhuri Banerjee that she was 30 and still a virgin... that sparked off the author's first book.

A media professional, Madhuri runs a creative production house. She is currently working on commercial film scripts and her next book. In the past, she has assisted filmmakers such as Subhash Ghai, Kaizad Gustad and Rohan Sippy.

Was it easy to get a publisher for your book?
It was easy for me to get a publisher as a friend recommended that I send my entire manuscript to someone she knew in Penguin. She happened to love my book and passed it on to The Metro Reads editor who called me to discuss a contract. I had simultaneously sent it to Harper Collins but I never heard from them. I guess luck was on my side with Penguin!

What prompted the book?
A friend of mine accidentally told me one day that she was 30 and still a virgin. And it got me thinking. Here was this beautiful, intelligent, independent woman and she was still a virgin. That was the germ of the idea that made me do further research about love, relationships, virginity and women who are conflicted between traditions and morals on one side and with peer pressure and modernity on the other. I was 33 when I started writing the book. It took a few months to write it. I wrote mostly at night after the birth of my daughter who kept me awake most of the times.

In what category do you put your book? Who is the target reader?
My book is a fiction novel in the chick lit genre. My target readers are women from the ages of 18 – 45 and men of any age who want to understand women better! My inspirations are Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni whose book The Palace of Illusions kept me thinking for a long time, Elif Shafaq who wrote this wonderful novel called The Forty Rules of Love and of course Jaishree Misra, and Jhumpa Lahiri.

Are you writing any more books?
Yes, of course. My second book is on short quirky love stories and my third book is about the modern day Sita. I'm also planning a series on my protagonist Kaveri from Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas. The sequel is called Marriage and Other Dumb Ideas where she gets married and realizes it is not a bed of roses. And the third one being Tolerating Motherhood and Other Dumb Ideas where she has twins and tries to grapple with her work and being a mother in modern day society. The book has got a phenomenal response. People on my personal twitter account as well as on Kaveri Love Guru are raving about how I have dealt with issues that have not been discussed before and how steamy some of the scenes are! I've also got a lot of followers on Facebook. I'm planning to make it into an agony aunt page.

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/people/I-wrote-when-my-newborn-slept-Madhuri-Banerjee/articleshow/7942546.cms

What is True Love?

2011-04-11T00:06:00.004+05:30

Ever since my book came out, I have met so many people who want to talk about something that is at the heart of the book. True Love. You see my protagonist Kaveri, believes that there is something called a True love and she wants to wait for it/ him to lose her virginity to. So the discussion starts because people wonder, is there such a thing at all?

I really didn’t think so. Being a skeptic in this department, I often felt that life is a series of compromises and love is a situational hazard. One gets married for companionship, has sex to gratify the body, reads books to gratify the soul. Where did True Love fit into any of this? Dharma, Arth, Kam, Moksh. I was taught it. I believed it.

Then I met Adya. She confused me even more. She was 38. She had found a man she wanted to marry. It wasn’t pure love. It was a feeling that of all the men she had, he was the nicest. Moreover, her parents could not put up with her coming home to an empty apartment every night. Even though as a single child, she looked after her parents and they needed her, they wanted her to be married more than anything in the world. She decided that maybe it was high time that she give in to her parents even though she was completely happy in herself. In addition, there was that feeling of loneliness. She had felt lonely some days when she really wanted to celebrate something or really wanted to cry and there was no one there to hold her either ways.

Then she got married. She was still lonely in her marriage. He loved her and she loved him but somewhere they didn’t “get” each other perfectly. She is still married. But she said something that made sense, “Maybe for this lifetime, he is my true love.”

WE always think that there is “a better person” out there. We believe that there is someone who understands us perfectly, loves us deeply, wants us dearly, and needs us immensely. And we fool ourselves and let go of something we have or wait eternally for that something. It is all in the hope of that phantasm called True Love. And it’s not that only women think this way. It’s a men as well. Men go through heartbreak. They might not profess it so loudly, not weep so emphatically, and not talk about it so openly but they also go through heartbreak. Because they too wished that, the woman they chose was their True Love. They don’t know any better either.

Then there’s Zara. She has just turned 33. And she’s still a virgin. She lives in New York. And I realized it’s not just an “Indian” thing. This waiting to lose your virginity to your true love. It’s a global phenomenon. More and more people believe that it is out there. It will touch them and they will marry that person. Zara is a beautiful, successful woman who has had plenty of opportunity to sleep with men. But she’s chosen not to. Because until her heart falls in love with someone she cannot make herself do so.

But Zara is lonely too. Even though she wants her True Love to come to her, she has built so many walls that I wonder if it will happen. She believes that her true love is like a knight in shining armour who will break those walls and capture her heart. I try to tell her life is not that way. But she knows that unless that happens, she can’t give in. And so she waits.

I’ve started thinking why do people have so many hang ups? Why are we constantly after something we cannot have? Unrequited love is the most painful and dangerous and hence most addictive. But if we know it’s an addiction ,why can’t we break the bad habit? The more we make lists of things we want, the narrower our search becomes.

The truth is that the Universe does give you what you want. Not exactly the same way, but it does happen, eventually. True Love is not the person who you might marry or the person who got away. It’s not something that only you can complete with yourself. It is a person. Or persons. And that’s where the mystery lies. We all think that it is just one person. But we don’t realize that it could be many.

There is no one soul mate in a person’s life. Soul mates come and go as the heart desires. In this lifetime or the next.

That doesn’t mean we don’t try and make it work with the now and here. It only means that it’s ok if we have to let go.

And even with a True Love, there are compromises. There are bitter fights. There are ugly tears. And there are heartbreaks. Because that’s what it does. That is what it is meant to do. True Love is meant to toughen your soul, strengthen your resolve, and increase your courage to be able to do it again. It opens your heart, and makes you vulnerable to show you what you can be capable of. It changes the strongest of skeptics to believe once again.

True Love is the cycle of rebirth. Where one ends, another has to begin. Just wait for it.

Asian Age & Deccan Chronicle discuss my choice of books

2011-04-10T22:30:00.001+05:30

Writer's block

April 10, 2011 http://www.deccanchronicle.com/channels/lifestyle/books/writers-block-054

Madhuri Banerjee is a media professional, writer and film director. Her debut book, Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas, was published recently.
Q Your favourite reading spot?
Crossword bookstore that has a cafe attached.

Q Which books are you reading at present?
Rana Dasgupta’s Solo, Elif Shafak’s Flea Palace and Mahabharat (yet another version).

QWho are your favourite Indian writers?
Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni, Jaishree Misra, Jhumpa Lahiri and Amitav Ghosh.

QWho are your favourite novelists?
Elif Shafak, Ayn Rand, John Grisham and Agatha Christie.

QWhich are your favourite children’s books?
Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling, Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll, Enid Blyton books and Calvin and Hobbes.

QWhich is the most over-rated book?
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.

QWhich is the most under-rated book?
Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates, The Hungry Tide by Amitav Ghosh and The House of Blue Mangoes by David Davidar.

QWhich classics do you want to read?
The works of Rabindranath Tagore.

QWho is your favourite literary character?
Draupadi in the novel The Palace of Illusions by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni.

Q Which book changed your life?
The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran.

Q Which is the funniest book you have read?
Erma Bombeck’s I Lost Everything in the Post-Natal Depression.

QWhich is the most erotic book you have read?
Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho.

QWhich book did you want never to end?
The Forty Rules of Love by Elif Shafak.

QWhich book would you make compulsory reading?
The Upanishads.

QWhich school/college text did you enjoy the most?
Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar and Much Ado About Nothing.

MAIDS AND OTHER AILMENTS

2011-04-07T19:40:00.001+05:30

“My mother has been very unwell.” There’s always a very. “I never told you because I didn’t want you to worry.” Of course not I thought. “I have to go back to the village to settle her property before she dies.” Aah so she’s found a better job with more pay. With a false tear in her eye and a hope in her head, my maid Kajal stood forlornly at the kitchen door. This was the eighth maid that had made an excuse and left. And I could not do a thing about it.

I thought I was the epitome of the modern day woman. I was educated well. I had worked hard for a career. I was a mother, a perfect wife, a loyal friend and I even had a few hobbies thrown in like painting, writing and being a sommelier that would categorize me as someone who could hold my own. But the thought of not having a maid, yet again left me weak in the knees and a fear in my heart.

Therefore, I did what I only knew I could do. I called the husband and blasted him. “Kajal’s mother is sick,” I sobbed, “What am I supposed to do? I cannot get any more leave! My boss thinks my maid situation is the excuse I give for bunking work. She’s going to fire me.”

“Call the agency. Ask them to send a replacement.” He said calmly as usual. See it was not his problem, he thought. His problem was to become the CEO of whatever he was doing. A maid or no maid was not going to stop him.

I took a deep breath before I began, “They do not pick up my phone!” I screeched, “We have paid 3 agencies already. I don’t have money to keep giving out to new agencies every month to find a replacement. Do something! Call the consumer court. Go to the police station! Come back home! Look after your own child!”

He said he had to go back to his meeting and would discuss it when he got home. Typical! Therefore, I was stuck once again without a maid and a deadline that had to be submitted in the next few hours. My two-year-old daughter needed to be picked up from school, fed, changed, and kept busy while I had to find an excuse in office, call the agency, and find a replacement. It’s only one of these days that the washing machine would break, the geyser would bust, and there would be no milk or food in the house with the cook on vacation.

I remembered the list of maids I had.

Anandhi – A cock eyes south Indian who lived in Dharavi, or Chembur, or Ghatkopar. We never knew where because every time she had to leave early she came up with a place far away that she had rented, bought, or moved to. One day, after she had taken her full salary she called frantically and said she had to leave for the village. “Why?” I asked. “My first husband who left me for another woman has got an electric shock and might be dying and wants to see his kids for the last time so I have to take them there.”She said in one breath. So I thought about it and replied, “Well, by the time you reach, won’t he be dead anyway?” All right, it was an insensitive thing to say. But I was grasping in thin air. I reasoned with her that I would let her go by the end of the week once I had figured out who could look after the children and I would give her money to go as well. She left nevertheless. And was never heard from again.

Maya – She was a plump Assamese woman who I thought would be great since she could teach my daughter some Bengali. She stayed with us for two months. Just when my daughter was easing up to her and I was taking on more responsibility at work, she said her sister in law had cancer and needed to go back to Assam for treatment. “Are you sure it’s not just because Durga Puja is in three days?” I asked sarcastically. But she insisted that she would return. Next thing I know, she can’t find a ticket to come back for another two months. Oh yes, she took her full salary and all the clothes I had bought for her as a thank you for looking after my child.

Priyanka – By the time Priyanka entered our lives some three more people had come and gone for less than two weeks. Why? Because a 40 year old woman can’t play with a three year old child and she get’s “bored and needs entertainment” as Shaila once cribbed. A 20 year old woman “can’t live without her boyfriend” and ran away with him as Renuka did and a friend of the cook’s who lived close by and could come for a few hours was berated by her husband for leaving her own children to look after another as Mangala alleged. Priyanka stayed a whole ten days. When I left for Delhi with my child, I gave her a few days off to enjoy herself and come back. But she never did. Apparently, her brother found a husband for her took her to the village and got her married off. Oh yes, even she took her full salary and left.

Maids are the Modern Woman’s ailment. We can cope with aches and pains, we can manage four inch cysts to 36 hour deliveries, we can handle bad bosses and painful in laws. We can even survive poverty, bloatedness, and moving houses a hundred times. What we cannot deal with is how to endure bad maids, or lack of them.

My foreign friends make fun of me. They say I have the benefit of having “help” in my life and they do not have any. I wonder if we are better off as Indians to have that much of “help.” Abroad, you cannot hire anyone unless you have background checks, social security numbers, and reference calls. Here we ask, “When will you start?” As much as I do not like my child being brought up by a maid, I don’t have an option of a large joint family who can look after her. She refuses to stay in crèches and day cares even though I have tried to leave her. Moreover, asking friends to look after my child while I go make a career for myself is neither ethical on them nor me as a mother. The guilt for mothers will remain. A successful career or time with your child. The eternal conflict.

A good friend once told me, “The Perfect Maid doesn’t exist. It’s like the Perfect Man. They’re both urban legends!”

I envy the people who have great maids. Farah Khan would not have been able to direct two movies if she did not have three people looking after her three children. Angelina Jolie would not be able to save the world in her Lara Croft outfit if she didn’t have 5 maids looking after her 5 children.

There will be a constant problem with the maids. Therefore, I have figured out a few solutions:

· Find a neighbour who’s reliable who can babysit the child for a few hours while you do urgent work in office.

· Figure out flexi timings with your office so you can work around your husband’s schedule and child’s school. Alternatively, can work at night once she sleeps and you can go back to office/ send out things from home.

· Ask the husband/ family to look after her 2 days in the week while you tell your office that you will work weekends if given 2 days off in the week.

· Find a good crèche or day care close by where you can settle your child for the whole day.

· Move closer to people whom you can leave your child with – friends or family. Pay them well. Deposit money into their accounts or buy them expensive presents every month as a thank you.

· Keep a battery of maids. If one goes, at least you have another to back up without jeopardizing your work.

· Tell your husband you need time off for yourself every week to replenish your resources to manage a house and child.

After watching the back of nine maids in the last two years, I have learnt the most important thing is to breathe correctly and not panic. I know that it is not my fault that they are leaving since I make all attempts to make them feel at home. Nevertheless, I know that my child and my career are equally important. Sometimes the house need not be perfectly clean. And sometimes it’s ok if the child doesn’t eat healthy food or watches too much television. I know that I have the strength to become the best at what I do even though it may take time. But I know I don’t have to pressurize myself in doing so immediately. In the meantime, I pray every night to the God of Maids for rewarding my patience and finding me that Ideal House Help.

Bombay Times Reviews Losing My Virginity And Other Dumb Ideas!!!

2011-04-01T14:47:00.003+05:30

http://epaper.timesofindia.com/Repository/ml.asp?Ref=VE9JTS8yMDExLzA0LzAxI0FyMDQ2MDI%3D

Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas by Madhuri Banerjee Kaveri is thirty, single, knows seven languages, is an interpreter by profession, has read all the books about men and how to get a date. Yet all her bookish knowledge cannot get her a real date. Since ‘The One Great Love’ of her life has eluded her for thirty years, she decides she has waited enough and that it is high time she had some ‘action’— love or no love. On her thirtieth birthday, she makes a resolution to lose her virginity. But the path of love or lust is as twisted as it comes as her resolution takes her on a roller coaster ride and life will never be the same. Ideas, ideals about love and life will undergo a complete rehash, compelling her to rethink about all the benchmark that she has set for all the neatly compartmentalised sections of her life like love, family, friends, etc. The book starts off as a chicklit, goes on to become one of those M&B romantic tales and finally ends in Kaveri’s spiritual contentment very Paulo Coelho-esque. You have to be fond of all three genres to be able to enjoy Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas as it encompasses every womans’ journey of accepting herself and her life’s adversities.

Penguin Books, Rs 150

Rediff Review and Hot New Excerpt from Losing My Virginity & Other Dumb Ideas

2011-04-01T14:42:00.001+05:30

Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas by media professional Madhuri Banerjee is the fictional story of Kaveri, a 30-year-old interpreter by profession whose aim is to 'figure out the language of love'.

By way of an excerpt, we bring you Chapter 21:

I was wrong. Her life wasn't about to change. Mine was.

He didn't SMS till the next afternoon. I had seriously started thinking the worst. But the worst was yet to come, when we met that night. He took me to a lounge where we could see the sea and listen to some nice jazz music, and the atmosphere was lovely. But the tension between us was unsettling.

I was wearing my Fendi jeans again, and a nice sleeveless white top with some long beads. My diamond studs in place, I felt I looked fresh enough for him not to even think about his wife anymore and cool enough for me not to be bothered even if he did mention her.

He looked great too with his two-day-old stubble and his casual chic grey pants and a striped black shirt.

As soon as we ordered drinks and starters, he started, 'Babe, I am so sorry about yesterday.'

'Don't worry about it,' I said, trying to act cool and mature. 'I'm perfectly okay, so let's plan another night. I mean, we should, na?'

He paused for a second. 'Of course, we can. I want to. I want to actually plan a holiday with you.' This came out of the blue. I would have thought he would have the courage to explain why he had dumped me yesterday and why he hadn't called all morning. But instead of sounding like a colossal crib-oid, I just went all giggly and teenager on him. 'A holiday? Really? That would be great. Where should we go?' I said straying from the topic.

'Anywhere you want.' The bearer came and gave us our drinks and we toasted to 'Greece in the summer!' The wife matter was like an elephant under the table that neither of us was willing to notice.

I was dying to ask the question, but since I didn't want to bring up the 'wife' topic I said instead, 'For how long should we go?' I know our conversation was veering towards the absurd, but I didn't care what we spoke about as long as it wasn't his marriage.

'We can go for four-five days. I mean, with both our work and all, I don't think we'll get more time than a few days off including the weekend, and with Maria at home in...' he trailed off.

I stopped drinking. There it was. A slip of the tongue or intentional I would not know, but finally it was out. Something was not right. He seemed unsure and yet eager to please. This was not like him. The man I knew was supremely confident, took charge, and would tell me if we were going on a holiday, where we were going, when and for how long. He would have made bookings and paid up and let me just pack my clothes. He wouldn't be hesitating and pausing. So I kept quiet. The waiter brought our order of food. I picked it up and offered it to him. He picked up a fork and a knife and gently cut it into four pieces and then offered the fork back to me. His manners were impeccable. Something that proved that he was nervous since he was generally a klutz. It was also a sign that he was playing for time. I waited for him to say something while I sipped my drink.

He had said her name. It was only right that I waited for him to elaborate or apologise. We had made a pact that we wouldn't say her name. We would only use 'her', 'she' or 'Mrs'. So it had slipped out.

'Kaveri, I need to tell you something.' I kept chewing. 'I want you to know that I love you,' he said with great conviction, though I could see he was holding his breath.

I felt better. Marginally. That was a nice thought. He loved me. I loved him. Whatever it was then, could be fixed.
'Maria is pregnant,' he blurted out.

At first I thought I hadn't heard right, so I wanted to say 'what?', but then I knew I had and didn't want to hear the name or that forbidden word in a sentence again, so I kept quiet.

I stopped eating. I couldn't swallow. I couldn't move. I wanted to scream. I wanted to hit him. But what I really felt was a wave of sadness pouring over me. I still wanted to act cool.

'I need a cigarette,' I said finally looking around. 'People in such situations feel better when they smoke.'

'But you don't smoke,' he interjected.

'So?' I retorted. I knew he was against smoking and secretly felt happy that I was going against his ideology. A rebellious act which seemed absurd compared to his. Yes. That's what I thought, I'll make him cringe like he had just made me cringe with his announcement. The comparison was stupid but it felt right at the time.

He remained quiet for some time till the bearer brought us a pack of cigarettes. I took one and the bearer lit it and left.

Arjun started speaking all at once, as if he was in a debate and was given only two minutes, after which the bell would go off ending his turn.

'This happened five months ago. She didn't tell me and she herself didn't know. It was on our trip to Paris, our last trip together where we decided that our relationship was not working -- our last night together, for old times' sake. And I promise you I haven't slept with her since then. I have been faithful to you for these last four and a half months. When we came back, she left for her parents' place and I thought she would come back to take her things and say it's finally over. She never once mentioned this even on the phone...' He trailed off.

I didn't know what to say so I kept quiet.

He looked at me and took my hand. I recoiled immediately. I didn't want to be touched. I just wanted a plan, now that my dreams had been shattered.

'Baby,' he started, 'I love you...'

'I don't see how,' I interrupted softly.

'Don't say that. I didn't know.'

'Is that why you cancelled on me yesterday?' I asked trying to make sense of this new development.

'Well, she came back early and I realised she was pregnant...'

'Obviously,' I said sarcastically. My maid's words came back to me. She had warned me that he was talking to his wife. Obviously he must have known or suspected something but didn't say anything to me.

He continued in the background while my mind was racing towards where my life would be headed now. 'Then when I was leaving, she tripped and cut her lip on the kitchen counter. I took her to the hospital and while the doc was asking her some questions as to what meds to give, she confirmed that she was pregnant for about five...' he trailed off again.

'Please stop saying it,' I said quietly. I wish I could have raved and ranted. Or at least thrown the drink on his face and walked out. That would have been what Aditi would have done. But I wasn't her. And I didn't know how to react. All I wanted was the pounding in my head to stop and for him to take back his words.

'Okay, I'm sorry.' He stopped talking for a while and we sat there in silence. Then he cleared his throat and learned over to speak, 'But I have a plan. So please hear me out.'

I started stuffing my mouth with food so I wouldn't start sobbing.

'I didn't know about this. She tricked me. I have been completely yours since we've met. I want to have you in my life because I can't see myself without you. So please tell me what you want after hearing me out okay?'

I desperately wanted to say okay and hear him out, but I couldn't. 'I don't know,' I heard myself saying. I could have just left. This man was going to have a child with another woman, his wife, in fact. Where did I fit into any of this anyway? Wasn't having a family a deal breaker in relationships?

The little voice in my head started again: who made these rules anyway? What does your heart say?

Should I ask him to leave her and be with me? A moral voice in my head said it was wrong. He was the Father. He had to do the Right Thing. Would his parents help her? Maybe, maybe not. How could I do this to her? What kind of an unscrupulous human being would I be?

But I knew I could not be with him either. Well, that's what I thought for now. 'I think we should break up,' I said. Though my heart was breaking just saying it.

'Please Kaveri. Please don't do that. We can work this out together.'

'How?' I said, almost in tears now.

'Please give me some time before I can be with you. Right now, I suppose I'll be around when she needs me and once the baby is three or four months and she is more settled I'll find her a place of her own, get her a good maid who can look after the baby, set the infrastructure up, and then I can be with you.'

It was logical. And less heartless.

'But wouldn't you want to be part of the baby's life? Her life?' I asked trying to blink away my tears and my shattered dreams.

'I don't feel a part of this baby. It was one night in Paris where she tricked me to save this marriage. I had specifically told her that it was the last time, as a goodbye and thank you for spending so many years together. I didn't know this was going to happen. Hell, she even said it was the "safe" time.'

He began to make sense in some odd way. Or had I completely lost my sense of self worth?

'And since five months are already up, it's only a matter of a few more. I'll be free of her and be yours completely. Kaveri, you have to believe me, I've never felt this way about anyone. After all, it has only been four months since we've known each other and I'm already "committed" to you. I was with her for twelve years and there was never anyone after her. Until I met you.' He pleaded. He was almost begging me not to leave. I had never seen a guy like this before.

I did love him. He was the first man I had slept with. The only man I ever wanted to be with. If he was genuine about what he was saying, I could have a future with him.

He saw a ray of hope in my eyes and continued, 'Please trust me. I want to do the right thing for all of us.'

He was a good man. Maybe I could wait. After all, what were a few more months? It was just a little more than half a year. And half a year slips by so quickly that even gym memberships would get over before you could actually attend the gym. My head was swimming in a sea of confusion and pain.

'I don't know, Arjun. I really don't know. I need time to think. I need to be alone right now,' saying that, I got up and left the place. He tried to run after me. But I was too far gone. I had got into a cab and left. I needed to breathe. I needed to cry. I needed to call Aditi and tell her that she had been right.

And I had been so wrong.

Has the line between sex and love ever blurred in your experience? What was your first time like -- did it work out, or were you taken for a ride? Share your relationship stories with us. Write in to getahead@rediff.co.in (subject line: 'My First Time') and we'll publish the best entries right here on rediff.com

Excerpted from Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas (Rs 150) by Madhuri Banerjee, with the permission of publishers Penguin Books India [ Images ].http://inwww.rediff.com/getahead/2011/apr/01excerpt-losing-my-virginity-and-other-dumb-ideas.htm

An article in Spanish online/paper abt me & my book

2011-04-01T10:04:00.002+05:30

Igor G. Igor G. Barbero Barber

Nueva Delhi New Delhi

A new generation of young artists want to talk openly about sex in India, the land of Kamasutra, where this type of literature slowly begins to carve a niche among the more liberal a society still very conservative.

In "Losing my Virginity" (Penguin, 2011), author and screenwriter Madhuri Banerjee says the adventures and misadventures of a girl who, after staying a virgin until age 30 without having found "true love", decides to radically change her life.

"In my book, basically I mean a woman has the right to explore their sexuality whenever and wherever you want, should not be restricted by the pressure of society," said Banerjee in an interview with Efe in Bombay.

The author deals with in its pages issues like infidelity, premarital sex or multiple relationships, and adds to a generation of writers and artists who do not blush when you delve into areas still held by many guardians of morality.

Raj Rao, considered the author of India's first gay novel ("The Boyfriend", 2003), or Dhanvat Siddarth Shanghvi, who in his short but prolific life has written of love, karma, or sexuality.

Many of these pens are based on the most liberal Mumbai, a metropolis in constant turmoil and sharp contrasts, which in turn is the seat of the powerful film industry Bollywood.

According to Banerjee, the situation has begun to change, especially in the last five years, in line with the emergence of social communication virtual networks or more movies that revolve around women, but admitted that the youth still has ideas "very wrong "and are misinformed.

Annual surveys like the India Today weekly magazine show that nearly 70 percent of Indians are virgins at marriage and only 18 percent confessed infidelity, according to a study last year.

In a more recent issue of Outlook, released in January, 46.4 percent of young respondents said that having sex is just physical need for culture negative.

"There is hypocrisy. On the one hand, we are the land of Kamasutra and secondly we have a society that is telling you that sex is bad, we are the country of religiosity. For many, the Kamasutra happened long ago and did not come today in depth unless it is done in jest, "said Banerjee.

A twist occurred in 2008 when a British-Indian entrepreneur Puneet Agarwal caused great controversy when it launched the first online pornographic comic Asian giant, which, as the operator said in several interviews, was used to facilitate the sexual revolution in the country.

"Savita bhabhi, housewife india is embroiled in all sorts of games and sexual fantasies, soon became a mass success and thousands of web sites to reproduce the cartoons, until the summer of 2009 the government of India-where pornography is illegal, closed the page.

According to the sociologist Sudhir and Katharina Kakar, authors of "The Indians" (2007), although ironically the Kamasutra is one of the few books in Sanskrit that many people are able to mention, among the country that coined this work and contemporary India "many centuries in which the company managed to enter the dark times of sexuality."

According to Kakar marriage, some blame it to the Muslim invasions, others Victorian morality in the British Empire, but if there is a major cause must look at Indian culture in itself and its commitment to the ascetic ideal and the virtues of celibacy preached by Gandhi.

For Banerjee, who in her novel, the protagonist Kaveri is unike her more promiscuous friend, Aditi. Women in India might have gone to bed with 40 men but will never proclaim it. "Some will (a link) say that they are still virgins," she said.

http://translate.google.com/translate?js=n&prev=_t&hl=en&ie=UTF-8&layout=2&eotf=1&sl=es&tl=en&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.listindiario.com.do%2F%2Fla-vida%2F2011%2F3%2F25%2F182380%2FLa-literatura-abre-un-espacio-para-hablar-de-sexo-en-la-India

An article in The Hindu abt my book Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas

2011-04-01T09:41:00.001+05:30

Made for the metros

The latest novels from Penguin's Metro Reads keep up their date with breezy, fast-paced tales

LIGHT, NOT FRIVOLOUS With these books, publishers say the thrust is on “honest literature”
A series that smacks of the times. Metro Reads from Penguin, launched early last year, spins out quick, breezy reads tailor-made for the fast-paced lives in metros and towns. After the first three books of the series created enough flutter, the publishing house has brought out its second and third part over the past few months.
The five books, “With or Without You”, “The Premier Murder League” and “Close Call in Kashmir” along with the two launched in March, “Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas” and “Love on the Rocks”, keep abreast the underlying idea of the series. From chic-lits to whodunit to cricket and corporate boardrooms, they embrace genres while keeping the mood light, though the content would hardly spur an invigorating thought process. A walk down a less trodden path for Penguin.

“It was an untapped market,” says senior commissioning editor, Penguin India, Vaishali Mathur. The idea bounced from observing contemporary lives, especially in the cities — friends and family who have moved in from towns and the ensuing change in their lifestyles. “The first thing we lose is the reading habit. It becomes too difficult to sustain with the Internet, iPad, all making it too much to handle,” she adds. It is the need of the times these books pay heed to, according to the publishers. Page-turners for the quick-paced, the books are all a little over 200 pages long and uniformly priced at Rs.150.
With the series, Penguin also seems to be walking a fine line. Though never literary, the books are meant to boast a formidable story. “Fast, breezy with a strong storyline. It should not be frivolous or repetitive. It should have a great storyline and is not about being literary or non-literary,” asserts Vaishali.
With the series, the accent is on “honest literature”, she says, and it is merely a matter of coincidence that most authors are first-timers. For debutante author and media professional Madhuri Banerjee, her novel “Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas” may fall in the chic-lit slot, but its virtue is superior editing. “I feel a lot of chic-lit is not good writing and that gives a bad name to the genre. At Penguin, there were many editing sessions and of high standards,” says the Mumbai-based writer.

Madhuri's protagonist, a la Bridget Jones, is 30 and still a virgin. “I wanted to look at how hypocritical our society is when it comes to matters of sex and virginity and how a modern woman grapples with them. I wanted it to be a breezy, fun read and not a research-based, non-fiction account tracing it from the ‘Kamasutra.'”
Corporate guy Partha Sarathi Basu with his debut novel “With Or Without You” gives a ringside view of the world he is familiar with — of cutthroat competition, blind ambition and yardsticks of success in the corporate world. In the novel he wrote across nine months in his spare time and during travel, the author plucks out dialogues and conversations from everyday life. “I wanted to use simple language, the one we use daily. I also wanted it to be an easy read,” says the Gurgaon-based writer. According to him, the idea was to get those to read, who never had the habit.

P. ANIMA

An Article in Times Life abt my book Losing My VIrginity and Other Dumb Ideas

2011-04-01T09:36:00.001+05:30

The tale goes short!

Young India has a lot of stories to tell and has created a space with short fiction, Anuradha Varma reports

TIMES NEWS NETWORK

    STUCK in a doctor’s waiting room, the metro or awaiting a delayed flight? How about picking up Fish In Paneer Soup… no, that’s not a meal takeaway, but a book for your mind to snack on. There’s more where that comes from, with titles like Mom Says No Girlfriend, Can’t Die for Size Zero, Losing My Virginity & Other Dumb Ideas and Chocolate, Guitar, Momos gracing bookshelves.

    From office politics to teen chick-lit and urban angst, these books are often less than 200 pages between the covers, priced between Rs 95 and Rs 250 and written by authors drawn from the very readers they aim at — college students and those starting their careers. Interestingly, they are brought out by leading publishing houses that have caught on to the market savvy of catering to the young and restless with attention spans to match.

    Author Shobhaa De is supportive of the trend, “The shorter, snappier, more affordable book fits in perfectly with the shorter, snappier attention spans of today’s young readers. It is hard enough to get youngsters to pick up books in today’s ‘virtual’ times... publishers have to seduce them with material that reflects their lives, their concerns.”

    Adds Vaishali Mathur, senior commissioning editor, Penguin Books India, which has launched Metro Reads, “For the reader who travels around, has a shortage of time and doesn’t have the pa tience to lug around heavy books, we have these books that have a good, gripping storyline and accessible stories that they can read in their everyday lives.”

    While Penguin aims at publishing six to seven such books a year, Rupa has pushed their figure to 50 annually. For Kapish Mehra, MD, Rupa & Co, it was the phenomenal success of Chetan Bhagat’s Five-Point Someone that changed the rules of the game. “We began with campus fiction and went on to chick-lit (such as Pink or Black by 18-year-old author Tishaa) and corporate fiction.”

    While Kapish terms originality of an idea, continuity of thought and a target audience as the hallmark of a good book, most do not make the literary cut, barring a few such as Paritosh Uttam’s Dreams in Prussian Blue (Penguin) and Rajorshi Chakraborti’s The Balloonists (Tranquebar), where the protagonist ups and leaves his girlfriend when she announces her pregnancy, to contact another ex-girlfriend, accompanied along the way by her exboyfriend.

    A Pune-based software engineer, Paritosh was 26 years old when he wrote the short story in 2003 that Penguin asked him to expand into a novel in 2009. He says, “The theme is relationships among the urban youth, of love, loss, longing and ambition. The target reader is the young urban reader, probably in college or just out of it.” Paritosh has also edited and contributed 10 stories to Urban Shots, published by Grey Oak.

    For filmmaker Madhuri Banerjee, author of Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas, the epiphany happened when a friend accidentally told her that she was 30 and still a virgin. Madhuri recalls, “That was the germ of the idea. I was 33 when I started writing the book. It took a few months to write it. I wrote mostly at night after the birth of my daughter who kept me awake most of the time.”

    Communications professional Deep Ghatak, author of Fish In Paneer Soup, finds that publishing houses are more receptive to new age writing and m ove q u i c k ly from acc e p - tance to the proofing stage, although there remain some “that don’t even follow guidelines specified on their own we b s i t e s ” . Blogger and mom Parul Sharma made the transition to writing a book with Bringing up Vasu and followed it up with By The Water Cooler.

Ismita Tandon Dhankher, author of romantic thriller Love on the Rocks, recalls when the writing bug bit her, “I began sailing with my husband in 2006 and discovered that sailors are colourful company. I was 26 years old when I just started doing poetry on the deck one evening, and that one poem changed it all!”

    Before landing a publisher, Ismita says she faced at least a dozen rejections in the mail box every month, sometimes more.

    When freelance writer Sonali Ghosh Sen decided to write a book, it was as the outpourings of a fan for Bollywood star Shah Rukh Khan in Kkkrazy About Khan. She says, “I’ve aimed it at what I like to call the ‘Shah Rukh generation’ — people who’ve grown up with his movies and who’ll relive those years with fondness when they read the book.”

    So, can just about anyone be a writer… and is that necessarily a bad thing? Shobhaa De doesn’t think so. She says, “Of course, anybody can be an author! Isn’t that wonderful? I have always said, ‘There is a book in everyone’. The only question is whether or not the person wants to write it!”

    She admits, “Well... some books are terrific, some are plain bad. It’s a whole new language out there, a different ball game, a fresh market. Why sniff at innovation?”

    Why, indeed? So, if you were toying with that idea for a book, this is the time to go for it. Who knows, a publisher may be waiting for just that manuscript to pop into their inbox!

anuradha.varma@timesgroup.com

Bitten by the writing bug: Madhuri Banerjee (left), Rajorshi Chakraborti (centre) and Parul Gupta